Making A Difference
Last night I wrote about the contentment we feel when we are making a difference, through our efforts--towards a common cause, towards another, towards someone who depends on us.
This is a difficult concept, and at some moments, we fail miserably.
It is the balance of the two that makes us human, and in a word, REAL.
The concept of REAL as mentioned in one of my favorite books, the Velveteen Rabbit...if you haven't read that book in a long time, you might want to take a look at it.
Just for today, I am going to 'mix it all up'--my thoughts, both the good and the falling short--and be as open and honest and real as I can about all that is here in my heart. The state of making a difference, and sometimes not--the balance, I call a state of being 'In-Difference'...enjoy:
- Work was hard today. I could barely wake up, I was exhausted. Even though I didn't have to take Anthony to school (he was with his father), and I had a late start, I had a terrible time getting out of the house this morning. The master bath faucet broke, it wouldn't turn on. I took a shower (fortunately there is another bathroom) and called to report the breaking to the cleaning service. They break things--many things--I have had my prize Tiffany mermaid stained glass from the museum break, my angel's hand broke and was taped on with double sided tape (I don't have any in the house), my elliptical (the vacuum broke the plug and I have no idea how to replace it--where it goes into the machine), the shelves for the movie DVD, every stopper in every sink in the house, my beloved press pot, and now this...so for those of you dreaming about having a cleaning service, it has its 'real' too. All in all, the workers are excellent, and frankly, I couldn't clean my home as nice as them...
- Although I was at work all day, I made very little money for my time. I had one lump and bump, a long gap, a small case, and half a large one. There is so much stress at work you could cut the air with a knife--the hospital is being inspected. Tomorrow is the third day. My nerves are shot.
- I met a reader of DWR today, who is visiting here for a conference. Thanks to my sitter, I was able to spend three hours just relaxing and having fun. We went to the beach and walked on the pier. We went to a crystal shop. We went to my favorite asian mini-mall. The whole time, I sensed Ross' presence--he was just as delighted to watch me and Diane shop together as he was the times he used to watch me in the kitchen. He loves seeing my feminine side, and he said many sweet things to me about how much I mean to him. He was indulgent, and I'm not used to that. I'm GETTING used to that. I have no doubt in my mind at some point Diane and I will remember how we knew each other in a past life, but judging on Ross' enjoyment, it must have been a close relationship in the life when Ross and I were both incarnate. I am content.
- Sometimes I feel like I have no control and the Universe calls all the shots when it comes to these messages I see online: http://mensajesfedgalacticayashtarcommand.blogspot.com/2015/10/fran-zepeda-repost-mary-magdalene-and.html. I saw that picture and my heart sank! There she goes. (apparently this is from Paulina, and not Fran, the repost). I have asked, commanded, merged and talked to the highest council about making it be consistent--just ONE--because I didn't want to be embarrassed when people say, 'you are this but SHE says that!' I've done a lot of thinking about it. I have come to the conclusion that whatever entity is writing THIS channeling, has never felt pain, or worked a hard day in her life. She just doesn't 'get it'. I do. I have the trauma to heal from how Ross died. I have felt the betrayals time and again from those close to me, in that incarnation--the loss of Benjamin, Ross' extramarital affairs, the stealing of the church from me by the apostles. I have worked through each loss, again and again. And I am humble about it. Ross, the one I know and love, he remembers pain too, and is deeply sorry for how it affected me. What do I think when I read one of these channeled messages? I think it's what most people want to hear, when they think of Mary Magdalen and Jeshua: perfect, all-loving, excellent teachers, totally patient, never a hair out of place...That SELLS! You can buy a mug with a saying on it--a bumper sticker--or a little night light for your bathroom--all with the same, 'everything is going to be okay' GLOW. Perhaps it's true. Perhaps it's possible. But for me? And for Ross? We are REAL, we are human, we know what it is like to be incarnate, and we take the good with the not so great, together...and we share our growth with you, in this blog 'home'. This is not for sale! Nor will it ever be for sale! All these years and not even a 'donate' button! : )
- I'm not sure if Fran or Paulina knows how much pain it gives me to see these channeled messages after I asked for it to stop. I do know, that if they know it, and post it, BIG karma is being racked up by them. It is what it is. Everyone has free will, you know?
- My sister, who is an incarnate archangel, asked me to double-check a reading she had from somebody. I saw red. In the first sentence of it was 'you ask this question but I won't answer because what you paid for is the three card reading and that is all you are going to get'. It got worse from there. Although the information was true, it was not presented in love, or in a constructive way to help my sister grow to be independent on her own in sorting out her own spiritual growth; instead it sought to create dependency on the reader. In 3D we are blind! All of us--more or less. And some who are more gifted at 'the sight' can help those who can't see, working with the public isn't easy, I know. People like this one--who was listed as an 'Angel' referral on the web page of a well respected incarnate Ascended Master--are wolves in sheep's clothing! And if this woman was REALLY gifted, immediately she would have realized that my sister, an Archangel, outranks HER an 'angel'--and furthermore this 'reader' is not fit to tie my sister's shoelaces!!! My advice to you, is to avoid all 'angel$' and 'p$ychic$' like the plague. Buy yourself some nice--no negative--divination cards like Doreen Virtue's, and get a book of Shadows (a plain journal just for your spiritual growth and work). Pick a card every day. Think about it. Write it down. And later, at the end of the day, see if it came to pass. Once in a while, do a bigger spread for yourself. It is LATER, like months or years--when you go back and read it you will notice just how accurate you have become! There was no teacher for me except Blessed Mother--in Spirit--and this is how I learned. Don't pay people money to read for you unless they are of the highest vibration...and you will KNOW that they are because they won't try to keep you coming back for more--you will feel loved and supported at all times--and be treated with respect. My sister's reader had a 'Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am' energy to it, and it made me sick. I'm so glad my sister reached out to me, and I could show I care so very much more for her. We had a heart to heart. And we both feel better.
My Trip To Zadkiel's Temple
I went tonight, and I took Anthony with me. Ross greeted us after St. Germain, and took Anthony with him.
Next I knew I was in a room with some lady, very drab. She held in her hand a ball of light bigger than me. It was blue and green and she wanted me to go in it.
First we played twenty questions as to who she was. I couldn't figure it out.
She asked me about the ball of light, what was it, what was it for?
I was not happy.
I called for Ross in my heart, and he showed up.
He asked me why I didn't trust her?
I said that she might try to get to you. Everyone tries to get to you. I don't like it. I don't know her. I can't feel her energy (I tried--I scanned all of her). I didn't know what dimension she was from. She wasn't pretty. She was all dressed in drab grey with a hood.
Ross clarified, and asked, 'But this is a HEALING Temple! Why wouldn't you trust?'
He was with me, and I touched the ball of light with my hand. It came out with more colors to my hand than before.
I went in.
I didn't feel much.
I came out.
I was told it cleansed me down to my cellular structures and removed things that were holding me back.
I still didn't like it.
Next I knew, I was called in to Management. With Metatron. I asked, 'Why you? Isn't this Zadkiel's Temple?'
Metatron is the Administrator. Her works for Zadkiel in this capacity.
Metatron acted as if he was concerned I would give a bad review on Yelp. He wasn't happy with me or my actions either.
I said, 'Metatron, I didn't ASK to go to her. I didn't get introduced. And at spa places like this, the goal is to make you feel BETTER. How was I supposed to just jump into that thing when I had to play Twenty Questions and I still don't even know who she is? (I guessed like EVERYBODY I knew!)'
He agreed I had a point, and he thanked me for giving feedback because it is new to 3D people like us (those who are currently incarnate) and he saw how it is a 'stretch' to not explain how things will work. He is going to fix that part to make people feel more comfortable.
My gift was a special gold tie that connected Anthony and my hearts--it's not like the fire wire with Ross. This one has a parental guidance filter, so only certain things will communicate both direction but not all. It is designed for the parent-child connection. We will always be close, me and Anthony, no matter where we are.
I liked that.
I didn't read the link from Mary Magdalen and Jeshua until after I went to the temple. I have a sinking feeling it was my Higher Self with that big ball of Light, and seeing how I react to her the way I always do, even with her in grey and cloaked, we still didn't hit it off.
I just can't and won't warm up to Her. I never feel her cuddles or caring like I do with Ross. He was so indulgent for me today, and called me his bride and also his queen for the first times ever...I don't like this coldness that comes between us, my HS and me, but I don't know what to do. I don't think anyone knows what to do. I know it took a whole lot of very smart Ascended Masters and Guides to get me and Ross back together. It took a very long time, many incarnations. I ran as far as I could from Ross, one incarnation after the next.
And now Ross and I are good.
How I got to be so messed up, at a soul, or a planet, whatever I am, as Lady Gaia-Sophia, I'll never know. But I OWN it, all of it, and work through my lessons always doing my best, always showing up.
One day my eyes shall be opened, and I will understand.
(smile) Ross says that one day my HS will scratch her head over the whole thing, and I will forget all of this too. He told me that once a while ago...I remember.
Carla is treading water.
She is rising in her spirit, and taking a swim in the new energies. There are things she wants to look at. Carla feels she could get a better look at them if she could only touch the bottom with her feet, or hold on to the edge as if she were in a pool--but she can't.
Energetically, Carla is in a giant rip current. It is taking her out to the ocean.
Anyone who swims in the ocean on a regular basis, learns to recognize them, and what to do if by accident one gets caught up in it. You know the pull is overpowering, but thin--only a few yards or feet--and by swimming parallel to the shore, you will find your way out of the riptide's pull, and be able to safely swim towards the shore.
Carla ISN'T all Love and Happiness 24/7. Carla is incarnate! And this is how the most virtuous of souls--not to say Carla is or Carla isn't--but the most purest holy Light--when put in a canister of flesh and bones that gets sick and has aches and pains and gets hungry and all the rest--FEELS!
This is how you and I (when I was incarnate) always felt! The feeling on not getting it right--and wanting to KNOW more about 'who I am and why I am here?'
I tell you, all of these things will be answered!
Carla will find her peace. And so will YOU.
Unlike the death of the body, where the soul comes alive in a flash of total understanding--Ascension is more gradual, a coming to 'see', and having eyes. It might come on 'sudden' but I assure you, it has been building up to the tipping point much like one of these--slowly, gradually, and the 'tip!'...
You won't know it while it is happening, any more than the bird knows when it is going to take a drink and put it's beak into the glass.
Everything is happening for the best.
I am here for you.
Carla is loving and fighting and being true to her heart--and also to you. She opens it for all to see--warts and all!
I love her for it, her bravery and courage--to go online and share her innermost feelings to those who have 'similar interest'...of 'like minds'...you get what I am trying to say.
I want Carla to say goodnight. She only has a few hours sleep until she is back to work early again.
It has been a long week, a happy one, and Carla needs a little rest.
I had her drink a hot toddy last night, much to her delight. She had to look that one up to find a recipe. Carla tell what you made it with.
(two ounces Irish whiskey, juice of one Meyer lemon, one LARGE teaspoon Manuka honey, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, and lavender--I boiled it all together and drank it slowly steaming hot--ed)
(Ross' energy is very warm and loving right now, I feel it in my heart--ed)
Carla works hard, and I am very proud of her accomplishment--not only at her 'day job', but for what she does here with me too...and everything.
Aloha and Mahalos,
And Good night! It's bo-bo time (he smiles--ed)
Ross and Carla
You know who we are <3