Today is a day of restoration. I just stepped out of the shower and got dressed. I don't have any makeup on. I need to recover from what was a very busy week, mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychically...as well as begin to catch up from what has piled up around the house from my being at work so much last week.
It is my fate to walk around with the information I know...information that few if any would be open to receiving although it is true. I compartmentalize it, and I do this very well.
That is why today, I lay down, and I made effort now that I had a little freedom from demands of work and home and motherhood--to connect with Home. I let it be known in general to those who keep watch over me, how I was feeling, how I was unhappy and upset, and why. I invited discussion and input from my teams. I was crying.
Merlin was the first to come through. He took me to our home, back Home, and I saw my way through several rooms. He took me by the arm to a garden in the back. It felt good to be able to lean on him, in so many ways, and to confide what was burdening my heart. He took me to a small clearing by a pool of water which was alive, alive, alive with earthly, plant, animal, and otherworldly life. I could see a small waterfall pouring into the pond across it. He gave me a drink of a liquid, kind of like a cold tea but a little bit sweet, and it was very sparkling like diamonds.
Instantly it killed the soul pain and lightened my heart, without changing the degree I was upset. I spoke with him, about things pertaining to us. I shared some things I do not like, too, and how it concerns me because from what I understand our relationship ('marriage', i.e. my live-in apprenticeship) is exclusive. He took care to explain that the part of him that is with me is ONLY for me, and that technically it's okay...
I didn't like that answer. So, he lifted me up, and next I knew, I was in the presence of Ross in a completely different, cloud-like environment. This isn't the best time of year for us as a couple. I know a lot of people would think it's the cat's meow (super duper great!) but it isn't. There are things I know and were on me that others don't know, and it's difficult. Our conversation didn't go far when Ross lifted me up...and next thing I knew I was in the office of Divine Father.
I tearfully explained everything to Him, the things Merlin and Ross had kicked 'upstairs'. And Divine Father sent me to Divine Mother, who washed my face, combed my hair, put ribbons in it, and sent me back to Divine Father. Remember, I am a young soul and when I am with them I'm like a kid, literally.
Back in Divine Father's office, he handed me a cup with dice in it. He was playing Parcheesi. He took the cup from me and showed me how to shake it and roll the dice, and handed it back. I understood how Life is just One Big Game, and nothing more, and not to put so much emotional stake into it.
Once I understood, I was returned to the presence of Merlin. He worked to soothe me, with gentle quiet words and even gentler hugs, and showing me beautiful things to enjoy in the garden. Then I fell asleep in his arms out there in the garden, for a very short nap. I felt that my Divine Feminine was safe and could rest and bloom and flow on its own because he was safeguarding it and me.
I remember part of my concern was that I don't know what I am doing with myself, with my life, with my gift, and how this waiting and waiting (That's what made Ross kick me 'upstairs', the 'waiting' part when I brought that up)...well, all of it is affecting me. I was told to take care of my needs--mental, physical, emotional, spiritual--the best I can--and to know things are being prepared for me to Receive. Plans are being made. And to ready myself for them.
It has been said, time and again, that this blog represents Truth a little more than others, because I am willing to share the down sides of Spiritual life, as much as I am willing to share the more uplifting, 'positive' ones. It is balanced.
I had made two giant steps forward in 'appreciating who I am' and embodying it. But with Easter, and with knowing how asleep so many people are right now, and just the heaviness of it on my shoulders--combined with a full moon and a tough weekend at work, I stepped back perhaps one step.
Now I am going to share with you the ugly, dark side of Medicine, at least, what I've seen. I believe all in all, the good outweighs the bad by a long shot. But there's stuff going on that isn't right. A lot of it has to do with money.
On weekends, we are available for emergencies. True surgical emergencies. But many of the cases that take place in the off hours, are not technically 'emergencies'. Putting in a port for chemotherapy. Fixing a bone that has been broken for weeks. Looking into someone's stomach with a camera. So this on it's own is difficult because everyone looks the other way because the surgeon and hospital and team want to make money.
Where there's a conflict in scheduling, then surgeons holler to 'bring in the backup team!' ...this is counter-productive because backup is either the night team or tomorrow's team. It makes them tired and overworked. The hospital OR staff makes time and a half. But anesthesia makes the same and there's no stipend to take call.
On top of that, many hospital workers are denied food, water, bathroom privileges, as well as sleep and breaks. For someone whose job is vigilance, like mine, you NEED time away to just let that vigilance muscle rest and replenish. I walked to the restaurant across the street for lunch and that made a world of difference to be outside of the O.R. environment. For a job like mine, I need a full week away from everything about every six weeks, to stay fresh and ready to maintain that level of focus and concentration.
I learned yesterday that an ESWL set up (extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy ) costs eight hundred thousand dollars for an older, middle of the road table and c-arm. The technician doesn't make that much money off it, the company does, because they charge well enough to pay for that equipment and then some!
In our area, there's been a little trouble with Oncologists. They are a little different because chemotherapy drugs come from their office, not the pharmacy, and are very expensive. One in the area told people they had cancer when they didn't, and they took the chemo. They would do anything to heal and stay alive! Another watered down the chemo to make it able to be sold to more people than one, and those patients didn't do well at all. They were paying for the full dose and got less! And another oncologist, who doesn't work there any more, thankfully, was angry and upset because the ER sent a patient in extremis (in process of actively dying) up to ICU to finish dying and they were not notified to give the patient a chemotherapy dose!
Then there's the shortages. I couldn't give blood, well, I could but couldn't warm it up (it's frozen and thawed) because the blood warmer tubing has been on backorder for months and months.
I know because I had to do my own anesthesia tech work on the weekend because there were none working. I made my own arterial lines and restocked the laryngoscopes and other things. Nobody had changed out the drug trays from Saturday overnight. And even last night my sheets were dirty in the call room, no one had cleaned it, so military-style (at military hospitals like Navy Hospital in San Diego) you change your own sheets in the call room.
We are experiencing a shortage of anesthesia staff in our group, and also the two sister hospitals are having that too. Same is going on with nursing and scrub techs.
Long story short, be thankful for the medical care you receive. Be nice to the workers. And know that there's a slow implosion going on in the field, and make sure you know the basics like how to change a dressing and do first aid just in case the whole thing gradually falls a little more apart before it comes back together.
Everything is changing. We have our times of closeness to Spirit, then our times of anguish and loneliness and homesickness. The world around us is changing too. Remember when the changes get to you, to go within, go into your heart, and to contact Home and Your Teams. They will answer. They will help. It's the only thing that's REAL. The heart and Home. Remember to take the time you need to replenish yourself. Do things you enjoy. And when you have trouble coming up with hopes and dreams, or even, what direction to turn, ask for Divine Guidance. Feel your self receiving all of this with Divine Loving Protection. Let the other jobs go to the other people, and just focus on your own. It's all we can control anyway, ourselves and our reactions.
Ross
I want to share that Carla is handling herself with much greater maturity of Spirit than she has in ages. Remember when she used to cuss at us and flip the whole team off back about ten years ago?
Her anger has become more focused, like a knife or a laser, and she understands the things that upset her these days truly aren't 'right' when compared to 'Home' and "Family" back in the Higher Realms. She understands that what is on Earth is both Temporary and Transient. She has become a better 'surfer' of the waves and energies which bathe her and surround her.
But every once in a while, when she gets 'stuck', Carla reaches out to us, who can truly help. And I do.
I am willing to help anyone and everyone who dares to ask. And that applies to everyone else here in the Higher Realms too--who are more than willing to assist anyone who is incarnate! I'm talked angels, guides and deceased loved ones.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins of Soul and The One Heart
