Merry Christmas!
The holidays are a poignant time, a time upon which to reflect upon where we have traveled through life, our various journeys, our hopes, our dreams, and perhaps, the distance between where we maybe are and where in fact we would like to be...
I've been watching some Patrick Teahan videos on YouTube. Especially the dialogues. They are helping me to heal and recover from the way I was raised, in my particular family.
But this one video by Anna a famous actress in Mexico, rocked me to my very core. It was when she was talking about how it was this person who came into her life and took away all her confidence, and how hard she's had to work to regain some of it back...
This is the beauty of healing, even in its pain...you can't heal what you don't know is there, can you?
But once you do, you know who the greatest healer of all is, right?
So, I've been having conversations with Jesus.
Honest conversations from the heart.
Jesus? I have no self-esteem, no self-confidence. I'm a mess, Jesus. I'm just like that lady Anna.
I hurt, Jesus. I hurt like Anna.
I had self-esteem when I was three, Lord. Then one thing after another after another and now I don't feel like I'm worth anything, not deep deep inside. And it makes me act the way I do...
(the last or next to last blog post, Jesus was letting me just be held. That's what I've wanted my whole life, to be held, to be cherished. And my heart was soaking up all of the Good Stuff I've felt had been 'withheld' from me...)
Patrick Teahan has helped me to understand that I take a job where I'm not really appreciated, and made to work on Christmas...because of how I learned to cope with my family of origin. He has taught me that I'm an adult now, and I can see the situation in a detached way, now, and take steps to protect myself. It's not 'forever' and 'doom and gloom' patterns perpetuating themselves again and again...it's just how my childhood looked from the inside, that's all. And it happened to lots and lots of people. There's ways to get help and to be happier. Much happier...
I've also been using these issues coming up, to apply the wisdom of Hope Johnson: we are all making this stuff up. Separation from Source is a form of Insanity. We can wake up from it any time, and remember that all there is, is LOVE.
I would caution along the line of Jeff Brown, that to blindly do what Hope says, is a form of a Spiritual Bypass--you gloss over the not-so-great stuff, which might in fact be your honest emotions--and just go to the 'happy-happy'. Jeff talks a lot about Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground. And I tend to agree, if Earth is a school, you need to learn your lessons, and master them. There's no looking to the teacher edition and copying those answers.
Even Hope says when you have a feeling, it's a GIFT, and you can learn from it. Sad, hurtful things, will DISSOLVE on their own once you acknowledge and feel them.
A lot of times people shun the holidays because it makes them feel bad. My mother missed the point entirely of the holidays because she had money issues, we were poor, and her 'gap' was she wanted to be rich. Those were her 'beer goggles' for the holidays. She'd call it CommerceDay and make fun of the way Americans celebrated Christmas. She would long for the days when people would just visit and bring food, back in Italy, very low-key.
Other people, experience the 'gap' when it comes to relationship. You are alone. You wish you had everything they show like in the Hallmark Family Movie. So you are uncomfortable with the holidays because you can't really cope with the pain, and you compare yourself to others.
You don't know if there's true happiness in the family, or not. Or maybe there was something horrible in the past the family healed from. My friend Kathy, a nurse, showed me that her son got married in May. The couple was very much in love. He was thirty-nine, the bride is going into medical school. What she disclosed, because we are close, was that her son almost died when he was fifteen months old. He had inhaled a dried flower, or the petals of it, and even though the mom knew there was something wrong, the pediatrician couldn't figure it out. Then the boy developed lung abscesses and sepsis. She and her first husband were at the hospital, and she told him they needed to pray because it looks like God is calling to take their son home. And they prayed then and there, they prayed hard. There were code blues going on with the boy. But somehow, the child made it. He was a delightful child, and ended up joining the Coast Guard. His only reaction from being little, and so sick, was he hated hospital gowns, and he would never ever experiment with drugs because he had too many in the hospital when he was in there for so long.
What saved him, the mom said, she figured out when she was going over the bill, which was pages and pages long. She had to ask the hospital what one item was and why it was there?
It was intracardiac epinephrine.
That's how they had gotten her son back during the code blue...
I think sometimes, in this world of Spirit and Manifesting and Soul and such, as this blog talks about, we tend to either look outside ourselves, or go so deeply within, looking for 'Soulutions' as Jeff Brown or Cathy O'Brien would say.
Sometimes the greatest gift is that yucky feeling that is welling up in the pit of your stomach.
There is a lot of room for personal growth as a soul and as an individual in taking ownership of that feeling.
A first step is to be humble, and tell your guides (mine is Jesus)--I failed at this...horribly...I don't know how it happened, and I'm so sad about it. Look at the situation. I don't know what to do...
Sometimes answers don't come at once. Sometimes it's more of a hint, or a nudge, a little later. I know for me, I had a lot of loving spirit hugs sent to me when I talked with Jesus about how I really feel, and how I acknowledge what a mess inside I am, and how it affects me.
I know He is going to lead me to better things, and to healing.
I know He can heal anything.
Our message for you today, is to focus on the blessings. The people who are with you, right here and right now. The people who show an interest in you. The times you have warmth and you can laugh and enjoy one another. For example, yesterday, in the GI lab, as I was giving anesthesia, I was 'pimped' on who was playing that song on the radio. I didn't know. They told me it was 'Thirty Seconds To Mars' but in that room they call them, 'Thirty Seconds to The Cecum'. and it was HILARIOUS, absolutely hilarious moment shared by all of us. Of course the patient slept through the whole thing, and missed out, but, the camaraderie was there.
Remember sometimes, feeling yucky, is a blessing in disguise. Why? It will make you want to feel better. Sometimes, Spirit will guide you to fix your circumstances. Other times, Spirit will help you adjust the way you look at the situation.
My mom would have benefited to realize that we were just dumb kids and we had no desire for expensive things, we were happy with what we got. When we got bicycles it was so amazing and incredible to us! We felt RICH. Maybe she wanted the expensive things. But we didn't.
I'm grateful to know my son. And to look for his talents and support him in them. Even now he thanks me for the PS5 I got him last year, or whenever it was I got it. They are still super hard to get. I don't understand video games, but I knew with the lockdowns he needed something to help him get through, and I did what mothers do...not sure how I managed but I did.
So, remember God loves you.
The only thing that is real, is LOVE.
Everything else is layers upon layers of perception.
Being alive is a gift, an opportunity to explore and adjust these layers of perception, which comprise of the way we look at our world.
There's lots going on around us, every possible distraction, including Fear Porn blared at us through propaganda machines...but we are stronger, and when we wish, we can focus on our Perceptions and learn our lessons just the same.
Ross
It's been a long time since I have written. I have been working hard behind the scenes to help Carla stand on her own two feet as a teacher. This was my original goal in our lifetime together, the last one, was to help people listen to us both, both the views of the masculine and the feminine.
Together we have made incredible progress in this regard, culminating with this blog post here, which, in my opinion, is the best one of the year.
This is our gift to you--to take the yucky feeling and apprehension, and to turn it into a blessing you may have for your whole life, and the hereafter too.
We encourage you to meet your challenges of the coming year Head On! Directly confront them. Both within yourselves and others.
Do not go back to the old comforts and ways you already know.
Seek fresher pastures in which you can heal.
And God wishes all of us a Merry Christmas!
clap'! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Two Teachers Who Always Put you First.
