What are you going to do with it?
Only YOU can design a day that is truly right for you.
Today is day three out of four days off. The scheduler invited me to work for him today, only one case. But, the surgeon is one who makes me cry. I've been sneezing and feeling weepy since Monday. Mom and Dad's wedding anniversary was yesterday. So I felt vulnerable.
I said no and I said why. This wave of grief is strong, I'm going to ride it through.
So what have I done?
Not a whole lot.
Right now, I'm working on a project. I got some devices for composting using earthworms. I'm assembling them. Anthony is at school, I'll pick him up later.
You see, I've been feeling like there's no time to do what I want. I've had to do things Anthony needs--forms for athletic clearance, buying tickets for AP tests (Advanced Placement), and also things for work--so much that I've given up on my own dreams. I've felt overwhelmed by the mess in the house. It's made me sad too. I can't have anyone over. I need time to do Marie Kondo. I need time to find places for things.
But you know what, that's okay.
I also received my box from Nazareth. It made me smile. I didn't have my glasses on. But I smelled things like soap and spices, and read labels.
Rolled up was a thing you hang on the wall. It's a house blessing.
That's exactly what this home needed!
I asked Ross to bless it, and the home, and he showed me where to hang it, and I did.
Things are going to be okay.
Do the best you can, with what you have, and stay engaged in your day, even if you are absorbing healing and Yin energy. That takes time but it's important too. I woke up feeling rested for the first time in a long time.
How it's going to work now are light weeks alternating with 'heavier weeks', but even my 'heavy weeks' don't have the same workload I used to carry. It's nice. I'm really, really glad for it. My health is more important at this time.
At work, the one who left, broke her contract, she won't be able to come help and cover. Our boss sent out a memo this morning. And the other woman who was supposed to join us chose not to join. So perhaps this 'part time' will be temporary, and more work will come.
A night nurse asked me when I will do OB again? I explained that Anthony is old enough to require supervision, so no overnights outside the home. Perhaps once he's in college I can 'reconsider'. She was sincere and kind, and said, 'I look forward to that'. I realized if push comes to shove, I can do twelve hour shifts. But not the twenty-fours. They were brutal. I'd rather not do any, but if I must I will negotiate for that.
Our inability to recruit new hires shows that the old way of doing anesthesia is falling by the wayside, and new graduates value lifestyle. They want shorter shifts and a known time to go home, just like in residency. Perhaps this will help in the long run for all of us?
Ross is with me. He's quietly offering support. He's doing likewise for you. Sometimes he doesn't have to talk for you to sense him and his energy and his love.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
p.S. I enjoyed this article very much https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/01/how-do-people-communicate-before-death/580303/?fbclid=IwAR2eSxYLLoigx4-IufxX3U1XN-mzGeoEqu5wPYiBVEA4X3zZtxm4vOvDvuk
