Yesterday was an amazing day. I'll tell you what happened. But first, let me begin the story of yesterday by letting you know who I am, and what I once was...I was like this.
When I would walk into a Salsa Bar for a night of dancing, people would comment, and my friend Digna would tell me, they said, 'did you SEE those LEGS?!'
I was all about the short skirt and the most beautiful shoes I could possibly find on my feet.
I was a dancer for a long time. That's why I had the 'fashion statement' on my feet.
Unfortunately, due to incorrect sizing and my not knowing, I danced en pointe in shoes that didn't support my right big toe properly. All my weight would go on it. At the time I said, 'I'll enjoy now and let whatever happens happen'. I thought perhaps in my sixties I would notice it.
I walk with a limp. It started about eight years ago, the arthritis. I haven't seen a foot doctor since the one I stopped in the hall said they could fuse the toe for me. OUCH! Then it wouldn't move at all!
Heels are out of the picture. Even my work shoes have lots of padding in them and they are special to support the feet. My clogs--Dansko's--have lots of gel in them for my toe.
The last time I bought beautiful shoes, really nice designer ones, was in 2004. The feet get bigger with pregnancy.
Ever since it's been some variation of shoes like this. 'Sensible shoes' with 'support' and no heel. I bought a pair of Vionics for my sister's wedding two years ago, super expensive, supposedly fashionable, but I got rid of them because I never enjoyed wearing them.
From early on, I had a wide foot. Getting shoes for me wasn't easy. We had to go to Stride Rite (where they have 'support' shoes for kids). I wore oxfords a lot, something called Earth Shoes, and Vans tennis shoes. Dress shoes back then were platforms from Kinney of Thom McCann. Cheap ones.
When I started working, I found a miracle! Shoes from Italy fit my feet better than shoes from here. Shoes from China or Brazil were torture to wear, they were so narrow. But the Italian Made somehow seemed to understand my wider foot.
I also found a pair of Swiss made Bally loafers that were like walking on a cloud, and I wore them for twenty years until there wasn't anything left. I had them re-soled twice.
The funeral/burial service/internment is in three days. In my Marie Kondo frenzy, I threw out my old dark black dresses. They didn't fit. I didn't like them. And my shoes? They are Dansko velcro sandals that are five years old.
If you've seen photos of my mom, fashion was her thing.
So Ross sent me to a local Nordstrom Rack. It's the discount outlet for Nordstrom, a nicer, high-end store. He told me to get one in size sixteen.
There it was.
I tried on many, just to be sure, but it was the first one I saw. It is plain, simple with embellishments on the half-sleeves at the elbow.
I bought all kinds of shapers to wear under it.
I also realized my size just keeps going up. I hardly ever eat. Twenty years ago I was a size two! I'll get the exercise going. I'll eat more whole foods and vegetables.
But the miracle was the shoes.
Ross, in his infinite kindness and wisdom, guided me to Italian designer shoes at super discounts. None of them hurt.
I even had two low heel pumps--I haven't worn proper pumps in ages--and one is in a leopard print!
I have low boots, lace up dress shoes, a sandal with velcro that's cute and pretty, and even a slip-on sock pale pink tennis shoe.
The shame over my feet went away. I can dress properly now for our area. I don't have to look like a grandma in the foot department.
Yesterday was a fog. I couldn't get anything done around the house. It felt good to leave it. When Anthony is with his dad it's super quiet, too quiet. I repotted the grapefruit and the kumquat trees.
While I was just sitting in the porch swing after watering the yard, I saw a rat. It came strolling through all of my garden at the edge of the fence. It climbed up the metal pole of the shepard's hook I use to hang the hummingbird feeder, climbing up like a gymnast, seeing the feeder was gone (I'm refilling it), turning around on the pole and climbing down nose first. It stopped to drink in a puddle by my strawberry plants.
I was so angry I started to throw dirt clods at it! I hissed like I would to get a cat out of my yard. It ran into the neighbor's yard through a hole in the bottom of the fence I didn't know was there. Then I set all the traps.
There are so many rats in my town that people in the neighborhood can't keep their garage door open during the day, the rats will run in.
There are flies, too, crazy amounts of flies. We even have them in the house. I went hunting for them. With a big black leather Amish flyswatter.
The rat poison bait stations were refilled on Thursday. I was able to find two fresh figs that were uneaten yesterday.
When I was little, we had in our community Vector Control. It's part of the government that watches for mosquitoes and rats and things. These days it's like those departments don't exist. They tell you what to do to solve the problem but they don't solve it for the community.
In the house, I've noticed we have spiders. I don't mind them. I have one a daddy longlegs in the corner to my right now. I've bought the Raid brand sticky towers that are like yellow paper towel rolls, and they have caught many. I've also bought their clear patches to put on the windows and catch the flies. But even more effective are the spiders in the little windows on the front door, and in the side windows. Thank goodness for the house spiders!
These are trying times.
Sometimes it seems like there is two steps forward and one step back.
Don't worry about this.
Help is coming.
I know I could talk to Ross about the flies and the rats, and he will advise me. In this way, two heads are better than one.
Am I nervous to wear what I'm going to wear to the funeral? Yes. It's like my first 'tent dress' and I feel huge but at least it's not tight. And my feet will be beautiful. (All the women in my family, except my Aunt Edna who was very active--get big when they hit their fifties. It goes away when you get older. Both on the Italian side and the French one. I feel good. And I can exercise and watch what I eat. I tried the Weight Watchers and even though they say you can eat what you want, you can't, and it gets very depressing eating like that. I never lost weight on it and I was on it for over a year too.)
When you get to a point where you are working with Spirit, and you have a loving guide like I have Ross, it's easier. Even the unthinkable is possible. I can go to my mother's funeral. I can wear cute clothes in my size. And I can recommit to my health in so many ways. Together we are unstoppable. I'm so grateful and thankful for the shoes! I really am. And for the savings too. Everything was at least fifty percent off, some were seventy percent off, and I cashed in two hundred dollars worth of coupons at the discount store.
Ross is just glowing with pride. He's content with himself for doing such an excellent job helping me. It brings him joy to help his family, it really does, and to provide solutions and support.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Happy Couple
