I have to apologize for not writing. I just have needed my sleep. We have been short at work, and even though we have been expected all summer to work post-call as a matter of course, sleep has been most healing and renewing...
But mom did pass.
On the one hand, I made contact with her on the other side. It was a much needed hug. She was hesitant to find me--but I was in the hammock very despondent and blue. Ross encouraged her to see me. She apologized for her many perceived shortcomings. And we hugged. I said, after the hug, that I have to be more like Ross and I'm not making that much progress over my incarnations too, it's all relative, so don't worry!
Last night I dreamed mom was dead and needed plastic surgery. But her skin was spread out like the edges of a property around a house. There was careful stitching. But then her best friend Jack W. stood and made the stitches on the last part, like sewing the hem on a blanket. I was concerned because nobody had finished the one edge before that, it was just cut! But she was deceased, there was no bleeding, and somehow they wrapped her and lay her in the coffin.
But she wasn't looking at you. She had her head turned and was looking to the side, very young, and I was shocked! From that angle, her face was just like mine! Only with lots of eyeliner on it, and no smiling expression (I usually smile a lot).
I understood how people say I look like her. I never saw it, until that angle.
Then she started to move. They had sat her up. I thought for a second she was coming back to life!
But she slumped and fell over.
Then I woke up.
I've been reaching out to old friends, who have been helpful. There are changes at work. More changes I didn't ask for. And Ross says to trust in him, so I am.
Lately we did the Italian Store to remember mom. It's a drive but not totally far. But Anthony and I got food poisoning from the pizza ingredients. We were up all night two nights ago.
Last night we did In and Out Burgers. People do crazy things for their food. They will drive all across the country, just to try it. Anthony and I hadn't eaten there in two years, not a burger burger, only the cheese and everything else, because we don't eat beef. But I was feeling down, Ross didn't want me to cook, and somehow both Anthony and I thought of In and Out. He remembered the unused gift cards. I had two partial ones, and all I owed was seven cents. We had that in the car and ran to get it.
The line for drive through was snaked all around their parking lot and that of a neighboring restaurant, all the way up the hill and down!
We saw people putting folding chairs in the bed of their truck, so they could eat their takeout like a tailgater party.
We took our takeout to a patio table, and ate there.
It was very good.
There are hidden messages on the food packaging. Not symbols. Verses. All of them we looked up and studied, by taking the packaging home after our meal.
Isn't it surprising that the two most popular fast food chains are In and Out, and Chick Fil A?
What do they have in common?
Hmmmm.
Anyhow, I trust Ross. He said not to leave my work, not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, not to make a big fuss.
One of my friends isn't happy where they are. I learned the secrets inside that work. How naive I was when I started my career!
And I'm not too proud to go back to my old job, and ask for a per diem too.
I'm right where Ross wants me.
Every time I've had trouble with work, it's gotten better, I've moved to something better for me.
All yesterday, before I heard the news, my palm was itching. That's a good sign that fortune is coming.
It's itching again!
Ross wants to write...
Ross
When Carla was little, she would have nightmares. Lots and lots and lots of them.
She would go in between her parents in their bed until she got too hot then she would ask to leave.
The worst of all were the night terrors, where even being beside her parents didn't make the nightmare go away. (He asks me to describe it, it was like being in a one dimensional plane between worlds, with nothing but a sound like a continuous hum, and a spreading thin of my consciousness, and I couldn't escape. I would get big, big bigger out of control, or small, small, smaller as I overcorrected. It was horrible and happened when I had fevers.)
What kind of nightmare are you walking around in? (He circles his fingers pointing like, 'around here')
When are you going to awaken, you may ask yourself?
Remember the exercise.
Carla is still doing it with me, every day--today is the even form of the exercise. You may also sprinkle the dust of Truth (it's sparkly like fine glitter, and white) on both sides as you meditate and permit them to drink up the unconditional love they are thirsting for. You'll feel them soak it in. Carla is choosing friends of hers who are quite 'vocal' on their political party as the 'targets' so she can imagine them. You don't have to imagine the leaders--only the followers of these beliefs--when you allow the Unconditional Loving Energy to flow to their person/their hearts.
For those of you who are doing this, you are doing a terrific job, and I am very proud of you!
Up here we can definitely notice.
For those of you who didn't start, or have quit, get back on the bicycle. And you can't just pick only the odd days! You have to do both of them, or it won't work.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
the couple
