I grew up in a bad part of town. I was born at St. Mary's hospital in Long Beach, and grew up in the LBC. My zip code was 90805--North Long Beach.
I read an article posted to the group, Born and Raised in Long Beach, from someone who grew up in the projects, the Carmelitos housing projects, many years before I was born. Even then it was a place that had its benefits and its drawbacks. The benefits were affordable housing and it being close to a junior high school. The drawbacks were roaches, bullies, and lowlife who would steal your lunch money if you took the bridge from the neighborhood to the junior high school.
People kept their breakfast cereal in coffee cans to keep the roaches out. The nests of roaches were in the walls. You simply couldn't get rid of them.
The author had a paper route, and also, rode his bicycle to school that was two miles away, a private school. His single mother worked very hard to raise him and his sister. Eventually they moved out of the projects. But the friendships remain. They are strong friendships formed through trial and struggle.
This theme was reiterated in the comments...
We used to drive past these projects on the way to my grandmother's house. It was about halfway there.
I used to say a little prayer for the people who had to live there when I would go by. The windows would be boarded up on some units. Drug dealers would be sitting outside on the cars or the front porch. It was scary to drive by.
I felt people deserved better than this.
Where I lived, it wasn't a whole lot safer, but it was.
Every night I went to sleep with the following prayer: Dear God please don't let there be any fire, theft, robbery, fire, burglary, or earthquake. I said fire twice because the safety film they showed us in the second grade made it look like a dog was dying in the fire and they couldn't go get him out. Even though at the end the firefighters DID save the dog, I was thoroughly freaked out over the whole situation.
What do I miss about growing up there? The back yard. The wonderful honeysuckle on one fence, the blackberries on the other, and the passionfruit/sweet peas (depending on the season) on the fence outside my window.
I have very strong friendships with the people who were on the block, we are still friends today. And also, with the people from elementary school. Anita lived near my mom's rehab center, and she kindly came to visit mom many times, even they watched the super bowl together!
We moved because we had an extra kid--my youngest sister was born when I was fourteen. But also, I think, it was because of the high school and my parents wanted to give me a better future.
My first boyfriend was a doctor's son. That wouldn't have happened at the old neighborhood.
I kind of felt funny in the new neighborhood. I didn't have a new car when I turned sixteen. I didn't get a car until I was a lot older actually, and it was a hand-me-down from my uncle. We were the poor ones in the nice neighborhood. But the neighborhood has been nice, and even now, neighbors help look after my mom. They visit. And when mom doesn't put the phone back on the hook, and it just rings and rings, we call them to check to make sure she's okay.
I worked hard my whole life just wanting to be able to have a home and family. But in my years growing up, houses changed. The little bungalows that were affordable that all my family and friends had, changed to larger two-story houses, and the back yards kept shrinking and shrinking until today homes are connected to the neighbors, the garage is underneath, and there's no yard whatsoever!
When I came into the current house I'm in, I was getting a divorce and I needed something to live in fast. Something I could afford by myself.
I actually had a dream where I saw a window as I was waking up, and I sensed it was a sign for the new bedroom because the window was on the other side. It was!
So a lot of this house has been the comfort and the feeling that it was meant to be, that my neighbors were hand-picked, and it would be SAFE.
Sure I got the messages from Tim--who also talks to Spirit--that I'd essentially outgrown the house, that it wasn't supporting me energetically any more.
Given the choice, what do I listen to? The old dream? Or the new message? Especially when the new message takes a lot of work?
Well...what I am learning is like with roses, in Heaven, the Divine does not count them by the dozen and then stop. Not like here on Earth where the florist expects money.
The Divine, just like the Universe, is unlimited.
The reason I mention this is that it's difficult to wrap your mind around that concept of unlimited. It is for me. I have been conditioned into paying for each scoop of ice cream, for each gallon of gas (or liter of petrol if I'm in the E.U.)...for everything!
As I go through the steps for the move ahead for our family, I see it's history repeating itself. I'd like a better life for our family. Yes there are some things we will be giving up. And yes there will be some improvements.
I won't have a bathtub. The house doesn't have one. Only showers. A bathtub is very important to me, because it helps me to soothe my aura when I soak in salt water. I've actually looked up inflatable ones, folding ones, just so I can continue to take a bath in the new home. I've looked up standing tubs, Japanese onsen, everything! (I don't like hot tubs and jacuzzis, not at all). Could it be possible? Would it be possible?
I don't know. The ocean isn't far. Perhaps I can go to the beach more.
Another huge life change is our finances. It's going to be very tight. Especially at the beginning.
My goals are to be a homebody, not to travel, and to just read and cook and garden and make puzzles. To get a dog too. To enjoy that lifestyle. The new school won't let us travel except on school breaks, and my work is very competitive with the travel leave during those times because everyone wants to go.
I'm looking forward to it.
Ironically, it's the skills I learned growing up in North Long Beach, and putting myself through college, that are making this move possible.
We are drinking skim milk made from powder. It's the cheapest way to go. It doesn't go bad in the powder form. And Anthony got sick of it, I got him Costco milk and some is in the freezer. But I'm going through the reserves in this house.
Every meal is coming from our kitchen, and it's been about one month now. I'm going through all of the extra food in the pantry. I stopped the fresh produce box, and we are just starting to catch up with the old produce.
I stopped the cleaning people, and you know what? I'm more happy. I honestly am. The stress of knowing they were coming, the having to clean up a little, everything. And yesterday, the deal was sealed for good--I lifted the lid of the stove, and underneath was all kinds of crap that nobody every bothered to clean! So in our new home, we are going to have a little independence, and self-esteem from keeping our own house shiny and clean.
One of the good points from the minimalist I shared about, is that belongings take time. They take space. So we actually pay rent for our belongings. It's true with laundry. The more clothes you have, the more laundry you have to do. I set aside for donation many pajamas and nightgowns I didn't realize how much I disliked! Today I'm going to the donation center with a huge drop off.
And from what Beat The Bush on YouTube says, only buy if it's a need. You NEED food, clothing, transportation, shelter, and internet. I suppose insurance too. I've enjoyed greater clarity and more confidence when not letting myself get sucked into the trap of needing to go to a restaurant or to celebrate or to reward myself...
Last night my mom called to remind us about the Academy Awards. We used to get very excited to watch them when we were growing up. I live streamed it on my cell phone. After a while, I called her, and asked her what she thought?
She said, 'It's not the same, it's not the ones I used to enjoy. I was thinking of switching to Sixty Minutes actually'. We didn't know anyone. There was no relevance any more. And the way the speeches were rushed, there was no authenticity. I told her I felt it looked like everyone knew who was going to win, and she said of course, that's how it always has been. (secretly, I looked at the auditorium and wondered how they could get so many of that religion together into one room--packed!, and had been watching for signs of sellout as in selling their soul, and beta kitten programming, as well as reinforcement of the narrative, which was blatant).
Even the die-hard people who think that TWDNHOBIAH are starting to get tired of it. Mom LOVES Queen Elizabeth. She hated Diana. She loves lifestyles of the rich and famous. But...even still...she'd rather turn the Oscars off and Sixty Minutes on these days. The awakening really is happening.
It's crunch time for us over here.
Our posts might be a little spotty as we adjust to this new phase in our lives.
Once things are settled down again, we will get back to our routines.
Until then, Ross is gently and persistently guiding me through my lessons, with me whining the whole time because I can't make him a cup of tea and have him sit at the table--so what's the whole point in being incarnate if it's just one lesson after the next?
I whine a LOT.
And Ross does his best to stay cheerful and upbeat and to put me through my paces.
Things are going to improve in about one hundred twelve days, if you are counting down with us.
I know inside, I'm growing stronger and more resilient and able to forge my way through absolutely miserable chores and things I need to get done.
Until then, Ross smiles and waves--he's so very tall and handsome--and he's not going to say anything so as 'not to spoil the surprise' at the moment.
He wants you to look at your resources, your inner strengths, and to remember that God has unlimited potential. There is no stopping at one dozen and expecting cash in return when you work with the Divine Energy of co-creation. The stopping at one dozen is because that's how much you want to put into your vase.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
