I got a thank you.
Sometimes I wonder if people think that I can't see the forest for the trees with this blog.
I get many thank you's, kind ones. But today I got the 'oh my gosh I NEEDED this post NOW. Thank you.' kind of Spirit-being-useful for someone in a big way kind of thanks.
I was wondering what some people I know, the kind I work with, who ask about my blog, think when they look it up? I thought of it while I'm making dinner. The past lives. The Ross being on the Other Side. Everything.
Why do I spill my guts, every single day?
For the same reason I do mediumship.
The pain to remain silent is worse than the humiliation/embarrassment of sharing the message from the deceased loved one who asked me to tell something to someone who can't listen to them here for them.
Can you imagine how much pain I would suffer if I kept all of this going on to myself?!
So I talk.
I have heard that one of my spiritual gifts is to sift through the events of the day and find the lesson.
And THIS one, although it is personal, and private, I share because it brings two topics which affect us as we Ascend.
Both have to do with the subconscious and its mysterious ways.
Projection is when there is something about you so awful you cannot recognize it in yourself, yet you hate it.
So you 'see' it in those around you.
Typically you 'see' it in those who you feel 'safe' with to criticize them for what you 'see'.
Projection is just something that happens when we are human.
For example, many a patient has 'projected' their unresolved issues with their primary caregivers--their parents--on their doctors because doctors are in a somewhat parental professional role. It's the perception that's just a bit 'off'.
The other is that working with the subconscious is very delicate work. I would never recommend 'digging around' to find 'stuff' in order to heal.
But I do, on the other hand, recommend 'dealing with' whatever comes up spontaneously on its own as soon as possible, and freeing up your schedule to give proper respect and care to yourself as your subconscious is 'spitting something out' that you might not have anticipated.
Don't stuff it back into the subconscious and ignore it!
It's much better 'out' than 'in' so to speak. For so many reasons.
Today was one of those days.
I got Anthony breakfast and to school. I had the day off and plans for Reiki books and certificates and bracelets and care packages...
Once I was home, I sensed Ross.
And I lay down in my bed, nice and warm.
I needed 'skin to skin' time with him.
The healing from yesterday so thoroughly freaked me out--I thought I was done, I thought I had moved on, I thought I had forgiven him.
I needed to be as close as can be to his heart with no distractions, to remind myself the nightmare is over, and to experience the warmth of his love and my trust in him again.
He asked me when I started to do the child prostitution in my immediate past life? At what age?
I was relaxed, and answered honestly. I didn't know when it started because I had been that way my whole life.
I never saw rituals. I wanted to do my job well. And I lived in a little room where everything happened. Food was given to me every day, not much, and it looked like red jello. I had toys and stuffed animals. I went to the bathroom in a little chamber pot. I didn't have running water or a bathroom. I never once remembered taking a bath or a shower. That's all I knew. I don't think I had a name, to be honest.
Ross said, ''that's what I thought".
I realized that my memories of this abuse were in fact so painful --that there was a whole layer under my 'it happened and that's how it was' attitude. It was the same pain I saw Ross collapse under when he first was allowed to see me as a child servicing some dude. He was overwhelmed with it.
I understood that I was much, much worse than his misdeeds, and in fact, blew his out of proportion in THIS incarnation, while sweeping it 'under the carpet as NORMAL' what I did in my immediate past life.
The pain from our mutual past was real, and it did hurt and cause much suffering.
But as far as doing major mistakes--Ross wasn't the only one in the relationship in that 'department'.
I looked at Ross as if for the first time, through my child's eyes.
He offered me his hand.
He led me up from that place, through the tunnels.
And he led me out to the open.
I had never seen outside before. Or nature. Or for that matter, even the sun, in that incarnation.
As I blinked at the light, Ross told me that everything 'down there' that had ever been connected to me in any way, is going to be destroyed (he says it's completed now). All the people have been taken into the authorities on his level for justice. And everything of any kind SRA from that site--is collapsed and no more.
I could hear it closing behind us.
He was dressed and I had a blanket around me, because I never wore any clothes in that life.
He took me by the hand to a stream.
I put my feet in it.
I was puzzled.
I asked him, 'what is this stuff?'
He gestured and explained, 'it is the water that you drink, it's the same stuff.'
I asked, 'why is it out here like this?'
He said, 'this is Nature'.
I couldn't believe my delight!
I LIKED Nature.
We sat next to a tree by a stream.
Ross had food.
He put something red and round into my mouth--he says it's a strawberry but I'd never had anything like it. To me it looked like a giant red bubblegum ball.
I ate it.
Instantly I transformed to a woman.
I looked with amazement under the blanket at a woman's body! How could I be this and not be dead? (this soul/incarnation died around age nine or ten I think).
Ross said 'this is how it is when you grow up'.
And he held me.
I spent a long time with him, just sobbing, and letting go all of the misery that had been bottled up inside me for so long.
Was this a soul fragment? I don't know. I don't understand it.
What I do sense is that my vibration is ramping up, getting rid of all blocks, so that I may become more and more compatible with the vibration of the Galactics.
I never in a million years would have expected any of it.
But Spirit is wise, it's almost the full moon, I had time free, and I needed to grow and heal.
When we were in Yosemite, Anthony and I helped a lot of souls cross over, to The Other Side. We are trained in this skill. We know what to do. I sense that today, that piece of me that was 'stuck' was guided home through the loving expertise of my partner and Twin.
There is a sense of closure now with Carla, in her heart. I helped to facilitate it.
Was it a projection of Carla own subconscious on me that I was untrue? Or was it not?
I played for her this:
Does it matter?
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla