I stumbled across this as if by accident.
If you've been walking the path to Ascension, you will know -- nothing is by accident! Everything is by design, Divine Plan, so to speak...and always, for the highest good.
We are entering a final stage of healing, and I will keep it short.
My journey on this 'hill' or 'bump' as Ross prefers to call it, began unexpectedly while at work on Tuesday. My friend's deceased brother came through while I was giving anesthesia.
I am an experienced medium. I can talk to anyone, any time, and still pay attention to the task at hand.
Messages from Spirit also come through a lot faster than they do here incarnate on Earth too. A lot can be said in a very short time.
Nancy had just been telling me how when her brother Joe recently died, the only one in the family who could see him was her young niece. This was the daughter of the sister who had the most strained relationship with Joe. This is because her husband was a police officer, and Joe was a drug addict in life.
Joe kept touching his heart.
And when the daughter told her mother Joe was present and touching his heart, the mom started to cry. She knew it was true. Then Joe came to be near her.
The husband and wife believed what the daughter said was true, and they spoke out loud, 'Joe, we LOVE you, we wish we had this all sorted out with you and resolved before you died. We love you UNCONDITIONALLY and we hope you find Peace.'
Then Joe started talking to me a few minutes later.
Not about him.
I was seeing how it was back in the day when I was alive and Ross was too, and he used to cheat on me. A lot.
It's one of those things I don't like to think about, except perhaps that I've 'moved beyond that'.
Joe--who has just finished the lesson of addiction and isn't bound to it any more--but is very humble and more 'human' than my guides as he has recently died, and let me tell you this quality brings added trust in an interaction like we were having--Joe asked me how it felt to be the wife of Ross when his actions were like that.
In misery, and total honesty, I said, 'Joe? It hurt.'
Then Joe went away.
Later than night, Anthony asked me to lie in bed with him as he was falling asleep. We have a tough time right now. Dad's night is before first call, and his usual babysitter can't come to the house. So he will be under the care of another, and will miss sports practice. He wanted extra 'mom' time.
As he fell asleep, I just lay and enjoyed the warmth. I was grateful for his warmth in my life.
Then, the little memories from two thousand years ago started to pop up.
I remembered Ross being unnaturally cold while I was doing the burial preparations. How Ross had been my hero (he was five years older than me), so sweet and pure while we were growing up. Naturally charismatic, honest to a fault, and kind. Ross could fix anything!
But he couldn't fix THIS.
Some spirit nudged me at that moment, who wasn't Ross, and asked me how it felt, back then, after he died.
Then I remembered.
I was hungry. And I was cold. I had to escape, to survive by my own wits, and to suffer for a very long time to avoid persecution myself. And I had a mother-in-law and a daughter to take care of with me.
I couldn't focus on the pain at the time, in order to survive.
I am taking a course in helping to heal others from shame.
It is online through NICABM. Ruth Burcyzinski (sp?) is in charge of it. I watched one hour of world-class counselors and behavioral therapists talk about how to heal this wound.
Both the male and the female counselors were very good at it.
The wound of shame is often begun in the family when we are pre-verbal. We can read facial expressions and also behavioral cues in our caretakers when we are young.
We are a helping, social, species, and the treatment we receive by our parents and caregivers matters to us.
One man, a former military soldier, was compensating for something that happened when he was three or four. He had a drawing from school he brought home to his mother.
She said it was just a scribble.
And he's been trying to prove her wrong ever since.
The counselors in this group feel that such memories are trapped in the body and need to be released. The woman who was counseling him had him go back to that time, to that event. There was that little boy 'present', through time, who needed to be healed, and the adult client was watching.
She asked him for permission to talk to the boy about the drawing.
It was given.
She said, 'I can feel it hurt you, I can sense your pain.'
The little boy started talking. The man's demeanor softened in his chair. His chest wasn't all strong and puffed out to challenge the world any more. She noticed this.
She said, 'I can see how your mother's reaction hurt you and caused you unpleasant surprise, which you did not deserve to be treated like this by anyone.'
'And the drawing? Well, I think it's okay, it's pretty good for a child your age, I don't have a problem with it.'
And the man started to sob great tears, his shoulders shaking, as a very important healing was taking place.
In the future sessions, he was able to recognize was 'him, the true him' motivating his behaviors and choices, and when the wounded child/ego came up, he was able to address it with loving kindness and not have to do things to 'face the world and SHOW THEM!' any more.
The experts say that the part of the brain affected is in the reward system and also the prefrontal cortex in the front part of the brain just above the eyes where the personality is.
If you exercise, you improve connections between your reward system and this other part of the brain.
You build self-worth feelings. You create validation.
Inflammation takes away these vastly important connections to your own well-being.
So anything that reverses inflammation: exercise, sleep, good nutrition, meditation, sunshine and fresh air, creating things you enjoy, positive social experiences...will help your brain remodel to help you feel better about yourself.
This is science!
Yesterday I was a little slow and stunned. I was washing a huge pile of dishes.
Ross had me sit on the couch.
We did the exercise the counselors recommended. They take the hand as to say, 'this high?' and start from adult height and slowly move it down. They ask the client, 'how tall were you when you first started to feel you were not good enough?'
For me I was quite little, I was four. My mom brought Christi home from the hospital and spoke harshly to me about my choice of clothes, and that 'how could you have RUINED this special day for all of us by wearing THAT?!'
My life changed forever as I recoiled in absolute horror from her unkind words, and furthermore, she made it clear the new baby was her favorite, and I was no longer a relationship of interest in her 'world'.
She had never once spoken harshly to me in my life before that. Always patient and kind, and loving.
Plus, I had never dressed myself before. This was the first time.
My interest in fashion and makeup went out the window for the rest of my life. And comfort took precedence over 'looks'...
Ross asked me how it felt?
I started to cry, uncontrollably, from the horror of not being loved. From her anger. And I said, simply, 'it hurt.'
This is what the angels of counseling do, at this golden moment, and exactly what Ross did with me. They find evidence. How you feel, your emotion, isn't evidence enough. When you feel shame you have to look for facts.
Did you fail the test? Did you do something that in your society would bring you shame? If so, that's one path of healing.
If it's a perception but evidence of competence and innocence is present, then, recheck your facts on the situation. Then you can heal from the wound.
Ross asked me how my nana Angelina treated me in life?
Always kind. Always gentle. I never had to question her or my grandfather's love. It just WAS.
Ross asked me why if mother would treat me unkindly, and nana would treat me kindly, and all my other relatives would treat me kindly, was there reason for anyone to treat me without kindness?
No. As a little girl who was good, there was no reason for anyone to treat me unkind.
Ross asked about my father.
This is where it got sticky.
For the most part, we were close, not super emotionally close, but close in the sense of doing things together and enjoying one another's company.
Ross brought me back to the time where I was under two, and my father would throw away my toys I left out before going to bed. He would throw them out while I was sleeping.
To 'teach me responsibility'.
I saw myself as a child, again and again, totally freaking out, trying to come to terms with the sudden realization of my lost toys! Again and again and again.
I couldn't understand it.
I could see by my father's misguided intentions, he was 'teaching' me something that was beyond my stage of development.
It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, and I didn't want to talk to my father's soul about it, even if he wanted to come.
I could see the damage that he caused without his realizing how damaging it was; I could see how I was totally innocent in that situation.
I told Ross through my tears I was overwhelmed, I didn't know how to heal it, and could somebody please help?
Sometimes I get so stressed I can't eat. I don't want to. My appetite goes completely away.
So Ross let me decide between 'the plan'--salad and a frozen quiche heated up in the oven...and a can of chili warmed up on the stove.
I chose the plan, and also, he had me drink wine.
Sometimes, when he has very deep work to do, he wants me to go to sleep a little tipsy. Then he gets more honest and raw information from my incarnate self. He does this maybe once or twice a year.
I woke up feeling much better.
This last stage of Ascension is to clear the deeply buried wounds which lead us to feeling lack of love, and furthermore, that lack of love is 'normal' and 'unavoidable' way to experience being.
Ross told me whenever the old feeling pop up, from my family of origin, to replace these feelings with the memory of being with my nana Angelina who loved me unconditionally through every interaction we had.
He said this is why I was at her bedside while she passed. This is why I had such a strong soul connection to her. And this is why I protected her by using my medical knowledge to keep others who didn't have it, away, in time for her to pass along and in peace. This is why I sang to her, comforted her, rubbed lotion on her, and helped her in spirit to go home to her husband and Divine Mother Mary and all her family who were waiting for her on the Other Side.
I want you to recall that this is your natural state.
There are powerful forces out there to instill in you the feeling of 'not being good enough'. They are what makes the machinery of your society 'go'. Most often this sense of inadequacy is dealt by a hard blow to the psyche in the family of origin.
This is very common.
If this were not true your system of societal control would not function.
And in your hearts, you would experience freedom from the darkness.
You would be like babies, fresh from over here with me, filled with wonder, joy, and beautiful delight!
Society stacks the cards against you.
And you have overcome it to the point to heal from this wound!
Your natural state is of the essence of Love in every fiber of your being!!!
Carla is not a counselor, and for those of you who would like to explore further healing than what Carla has shared (she has not completed her class yet, and intends to)...why not explore healing with a counselor who is affiliated with NICABM? Dr. Peter Levine is an expert in healing trauma and sexual trauma using the body as a source of strength instead of weakness--he helps you to tap, not 'tapping' as in EFT--but to reassure yourself that nothing is going to happen to your healthy body TODAY while you perhaps are experiencing intrusive memories of the assault.
Ruth Bucrynzsyki (or a name something like that) is a wonderful resource for us all.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
P.S. Please note--I had selected images from every culture and skin tone. However, the ones not depicted are by the photographer with the little royalty crown. They aren't available to my subscription and cost about forty to two hundred dollars an image. I'm sorry if this wasn't inclusive for everyone today.