Hypersthene is what is getting me through right now. I found some beads of it while making bracelets, and if I could wrap my whole body into it, all would be fine!
It's an ugly stone, doesn't look like much of anything, a blue green black.
But the vibration it emits?
Somehow, I've gotten a little depressed in the Lightworker role of my life.
I am awake enough to see the chaos of the Illusion. I know that it is Illusion. But to be aware of the duplicity of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, and to see the cacophony of 'channeled messages' and otherwise...it makes me sad.
It's because I long for the Realm where everything is smooth and harmonious and tied in with the Will of the Divine.
I don't want to 'fall in love'.
To me there is nothing beautiful about it, the memories of Tom my first love.
I only see a lamb being led to the emotional slaughter of pain and abandonment in the end; the moments of joy in no way compare to the anguish of the breakup. So to me, it's not 'worth it'. It's not worth the lessons.
Daddy? My Father in Heaven?
I just don't want to play the game any more.
I want to go home and clean up and have dinner.
I don't want to manifest.
Manifesting puts all of the responsibility for what happens in my life on ME.
I'm not very good at it. It's like I've been learning to roller skate so long I have scabs on top of bruises on top of cuts on my knees.
I hurt. And I feel stupid. I don't want to try.
I just want to be Home, where everything has a gentle harmony, like in Nature--where there is Peace, and a nice slow pace...and very High Energy.
This one here: http://ronahead.com/2016/04/10/complete-honesty-disarms-assailant/ doesn't make any sense to me at all. The promise of the 'reward' is 'everybody wins'.
It doesn't say all the problems will stop. It doesn't say I get a nice vacation and a rest. It doesn't say someone is going to do the work for us.
It just means the Insanity of the cacophony will go down one notch or two, but STILL everyone is going to have their own ideas, their own agenda, their own whatever...and in the big picture we will be no more than an energetic tank full of fish called 'Gaia', with everyone 'doing their own thing'--but this time making sure 'no one gets hurt'.
Here is is again: https://thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com/2016/04/10/thought-to-action/
Which reads, 'Carla it is your OWN DAMN FAULT that you are unhappy/discontent/whatever. And get up off your ASS and FIX IT'.
The honesty is, I don't even know HOW. I don't even know where to begin. I am overwhelmed with my day to day and the bills to pay (I almost let the Earthquake policy cancel--it's due tomorrow--I have to drive to a post office and pray they send it out early so it's only one day late).
The time keeps going faster.
I am having trouble keeping up.
The only thing that helps is conserving my spiritual energy, and not engaging in situations where people want 'some of me' and I know their vibration is not compatible with mine. And I made the right call on one recently. I'm so glad I referred out. And even then, the person didn't give a 'love donation' to the person I referred to--they just 'took' and didn't offer to pay. Creator loves all the children, and gently looks the other way for actions like this.
I love my parents very much. And it deeply saddens me to see the free for all in the community of those in various stages of awakening...doing crazy things like this...taking advantage of someone and not ordering a reading or offering anything in return.
For me, for my healings Ross and I give away, it is our duty, our calling, and we joyously give forth from that.
When it's my own time, or my handiwork, I like to mind the energy balance. I used to give more of myself online, in the message boxes. But they add up. I am making some jewelry now with two guides--and I'm excited both for the order, and for the chance to serve with my hands and my heart to the people who are going to wear them. I did one last night. The other is today. I am happy to be able to help the guides and the people connect through the creation of these bracelets.
I wish everyone would be a little more mindful in their awakening process.
And I wish those who reside 'on spirit side' would make things a little more clear on what to expect. And on the timing of when to expect it.
I sense the Ark of 'energy' has been loaded up. And the doors are fixing to close. I can't explain it, but deep in my sub conscious there are people who will stay and who will go; it's been decided. Those who go will wake up in a 3D 'safe' zone where the lessons will be learned without the downfall we experienced here on Gaia. I think the new place is another planet. And those who 'stay' will be here. The storylines will be seamless (holograms? walk-ins? I don't know). I don't have much emotion at this point.
I only have to go and get Anthony ready to his drum lessons!
Tomorrow is another day. I enjoy meditation, working in the garden, being in the kitchen. These are my joys--including spending time with Anthony--that I treasure and accept as the blessings they are.
In the physical, I am okay. I'm healthier now, and more accepting of my work and life situation.
Spiritually, it's a lull. As to my part in the big picture, and if anyone is really listening to anything I have to say. Those in my immediate reach--my pages and blog--I treasure when they figure things out and learn.
It's the others, the ones who have never heard of me...who keep being off in whatever they are doing...or who think they are someone they are not...that make me sad.
Carla is going through growing pains. She is just conscious enough to see the discrepancies in the big picture, and not enough to feel the JOY of being united with everyone and the Higher Purpose of God's Plan.
This is a temporary phase that we all go through, even myself, while I was learning and incarnate on Earth.
Do not fret.
This too shall pass.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla