Today, it is with great joy that I have been given permission to write.
I come to you with open arms, open heart, and peace that is beyond all understanding.
My worst nightmare, has suddenly turned around...through the help of Spirit I am able to understand myself on a deeper level, change, and grow.
I had a test with Anthony's father, who wanted to change things with the custody, something that normally would crush me and put me into a tailspin for weeks...and I sailed through this test not only communicating effectively but with the support of my support network--picked up on a warning and made sure my actions were legally correct. Jared was a completely different person in return, the highest possible vibration I've seen from him. I was able for the first time to command respect--in a strong and firm Feminine way--and speak openly and freely for the sake of our child--and not get enmeshed in any of our past hurts, power struggles, or distress. I cheated a little, using the tools at my disposal. I knew everything I had tried in the past hadn't worked (using my wits, my ego) and I just said, 'Spirit, I don't know what to do, I need your help with this!' and the next morning the answer came.
I am different.
I am happy and content.
I see the joy in Anthony's face when I tell him how I am feeling, and how he relaxes because he doesn't have to guess.
So you could say that I started with something like this trauma I wasn't able to verbalize. It affected me and finally I was able to see clearly the damage it had caused. It was like a rock thrown into a lake and all the ripples touched everything in my life.
Even the jealousy.
If you have to struggle to make a human connection, especially a vital one such as a close partner and friend, and the relationship ends--it's like being thrown out to the wolves because you lack the skills of creating a new bond to replace the old one. And you would never in a million years, by extension, put someone else into that situation--because you are using yourself as a yardstick, you see?
But not everyone is like you.
That was the realization.
I feel blessed and joyful to know I have all the benefits of my past lives, all the knowledge and experiences, and at the same time I am free of the terrible isolation that had once terrified my heart.
I needed time to disconnect from old patterns.
I did my activities I enjoy and set very little expectations on myself.
I had no idea where this was going to take me, or how long it was going to take.
I only had pen and my notebook, and stopped myself often throughout the day to ask, 'how am I feeling' and 'what do I need?'
The surprise was how fast the healing was able to progress on its own without my trying to control it or watch it or understand it.
All I can say is now I feel whole.
I am energized to try new things. Yesterday was International Pilates day, I took a free class online! Pilates is the secret to being an excellent ballet dancer because it strengthens the core, and I adore ballet exactly like I adore writing. I have a barre and I'm going to put it up in my room. There is space, and I wish to stretch and warm up as much as I can, before I write. Even thinking about being able to dance every day makes me smile.
I also did a test and the measurement is exceeding the charts, and if I'm lucky, and with a 7/7 birthday, luck a given!...then one more feedback has made my world complete. I would never assume or expect anything, that is not my nature. Even if I am making a flying mistake with a wrong guess, I am happy for my Twin, as happiness knows no bounds in the Higher Realms, and the job that needed to be done is complete.
This is enough for today.
I would like to take you on another journey. This one is to my Heaven on Earth. It doesn't exist at the moment, it did years ago, Steve Jobs used to go vacation there. It is very exclusive. The Fukushima Tsunami took the whole place out. I've gone to the Four Seasons beach next door to take a look at it, you can drive because there's open access to all beaches in Hawaii. You just take a wrong turn on purpose and walk through a little forest to get to the closed resort. It will be rebuilt in 2022. I didn't take these photos. But this is the place I saw the photos of the torches at night and cried my eyes out in the OB call room and planned the trip because it called so strongly for my soul!
Ashtar takes me here in Spirit. When we go we get the cabin right on the water in the front. (When I went with Anthony we were on the lava in Maori 6. )
We play in the water and we, um, reacquaint ourselves together.
I can even hear the crunch of the gravel on the paths as we walk. When we are together it is as real as it gets and the healing is incredible, far beyond anything I have experienced on Earth.
I haven't been there yet with all of the growth, I'm due, and you might as well get a taste of Heaven as I know it.
Enjoy!
Let's start with the water. Any vacation for me has one requirement, time in the water. There is a shack with all of the equipment. Kayaks are fun, I enjoy stand up paddle a little better, and snorkeling is my favorite of all.
Each family has their own grass shack, or 'Hale'. Inside there are very nice features and modern plumbing. What is absent is also a delight--no TV, no loud air conditioning units, no telephone. You can't even take your cell phone out of your hale except for photos. It is very strict to get us back to Nature. And to enjoy yourself and each other. The food is included and the very best local, organic, etc. At breakfast the tropical fruit is like a work of art on the plate!
You don't even have to lock your door. They don't have locks on them!
To communicate with the housekeepers, you simply write a note and put it in a box on your door. The staff and the service is excellent, and they often check.
You can barely see the many huts in the trees. I wish everywhere on Earth was as harmonious with nature as this.
And yes, that's lava on the beach, old lava. There are two kinds of lava, this is pahoe'hoe -- thick, ropy lava that flows slowly. The other kind is a'a (AH ah)...it flows fast and dries to be very sharp. Anthony has a scar on his leg from walking to close to it, and I had to take him to the E.R. that night for the wound to be stitched. It was being M-6 in the lava fields where we were trying to open a coconut on the rocks. He got bored and wandered and that's how it happened. It's a good story to share now!
The white is old dead coral. And in one part of Big Island, many years ago, the road from the airport to this area, people would write messages on the black lava by placing the coral to form letters you could see from the road. A couple would declare their love for one another, for example, and put the year that they wrote their names. Someone didn't like it, there was a law, and all the rocks messages and coral were removed...but when I go in Spirit, everything is like it was...
Isn't it beautiful?
The land itself is very ancient, it was once an old fishing village. These are petroglyphs from the ancient Hawaiians. The heart/winged shape is a sail they used back in old times, and it's the logo for the resort.
You can hear the waves from your hale, even ours back by the lava, all you could hear was the surf and the birds and the wind. It picks up in the evenings at a pretty good clip, and I find is so very comforting to hear it.
At the end of the day, they play music from a live band, Hawaiian music, it's absolutely beautiful and enhances the moment.
If you like, once a week you can see an authentic luau. This was the only one on any of the islands where you actually eat what was cooked in the ground. The others bake it in the oven, like, lots of pork shoulder and tenderloin, and the one they take out of the ground in front of you isn't the one you eat.
We met the chef, and he explained how he's responsible for the temperatures, he explained it.
When Anthony, little four-year old, saw the pig come out, I was afraid it might traumatize him. He stared at it intently. Paused. Then exclaimed, 'WHERE ARE THE TEETH I WANT TO SEE THE TEETH!'...it's been his favorite even since. I've learned how to make it in the crock pot, and even take a banana leaf from the back yard to wrap the meat and give it lots of flavor as it cooks...I suppose I should learn to make the malasadas too (Portuguese donuts). That's his other favorite.
But back to the journey today...
This is an old ad, but it captures the essence and I believe this is the special hale on the corner, right on the water, in the front...
This is where my deepest healing takes place, and my soul is free.
I have a lot of healing to do, now that I have reached full understanding. I feel confident and hopeful, and a little thrilled, because now, when it comes to relationship, I am like a blank slate. What is going to happen when all the past--the best of the past--and the present come together to create my future?
It's going to be fun.
Here's something to make you smile. Mr. Perfect. LOL.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
Thank you so much for taking our journey with us, from start to finish! : )))
