Ever have that feeling that you are just 'screwed'?
I had that feeling yesterday, many a time. I call it 'Unhappies'.
Today we are going to put that in perspective, and hopefully, this new way of looking at it is going to help empower you next time you find yourself in that type of situation.
I love this photo because it captures it all--the institutional atmosphere, the feeling alone, the unknowing, even not having a place to put your hands, and the waiting, waiting, waiting for what is next to happen.
Before I continue I want to share with you something that took me a while to figure out.
I pulled some weeds last weekend, I think on Saturday. Then I had back pain. Normally I don't. On Sunday I was very uncomfortable at the hotel room while I was on call. The mattress was too soft, and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't find the right position. I was so tired and miserable.
And I couldn't shake the thought because back pain isn't 'like' me.
David my friend and patient with the back pain had passed.
Perhaps this was letting me know it what him?
The reason I think so is the minute I found out about his passing, the back pain went away.
Spirit is always trying to get our attention! Sometimes its in ways we might not understand.
Back to the 'Unhappies'...yesterday I was on call. In so many ways it was awful! Yet in others, it was fortunate, too. Let me give the top three 'unhappies':
- I went home in the fog, with an 'all clear' from the house supervisor at nine p.m. after the last case was done.. All the O.R. teams went home. Only we were woken up an hour later to come in for an 'emergency' which--I won't tell you the case--but very few actually go in the middle of the night, they wait until the next day. Once I arrived to the O.R., I was told no nurse on call was picking up the phone, not even the manager of the O.R.! So the case might cancel. (I knew that the nursing staff is angry at administration because they randomly assign people on call, even on days they say not to, and an RN confided this in me. She also is on call today at another hospital. So she did two hours and then another nurse was supposed to cover for her. The other nurse clearly forgot. And the other wouldn't answer her phone.)
- I had to call in backup. It was an open joint and our cases were booked all day through eleven at night. It had to go in six hours. Backup didn't want to come in. Backup had been there in the morning, did the GI cases, and never said 'boo' to me in the O.R. This person is a Christian, an LDS, who reads scripture during cases!!! Again, after the cases were over, and he went to go home, there was no offer to break me or help, even though the rooms had been running nonstop all day. I was glad at least he came in to check in with me before he left.
- I was asked to come in one hour early for a life-threatening emergency in the ER. I knew the way to manage it is to cut the neck then and there. But the surgeon wanted the O.R. So I had to scramble, eat breakfast in the car, and rush, only to be told on the way that the surgeon cut the neck in the E.R. and I could go back home.
And the blessings?
- I had the best RN during the day--most skills and most able to do the job well.
- Two cases cancelled
- One case could have taken two hours, but the patient was old and unstable, so the surgeon--THANK GOD--only did a closed reduction of the fracture.
What are you 'Unhappies'?
For me, I was in the car, driving back to the hospital, pouring out my heart to Ross. Everything in my soul said, 'NO!' Yet for some reason I don't understand, Spirit was saying 'YES!'
I even saw a bumper sticker that said, 'submit'.
I was like, 'huh?!' and I said, 'Ross, I can't take this any more! It has to stop. I can't go on like this.'
Then I saw why I am so overweight and unhappy. Anthony too. When I worked at the University, it was part time, guaranteed hours, and much less calls. During calls, the residents were doing the cases and I was the attending. It was work, not as 'intense' and I had a sense of freedom. I also had excellent health insurance. I didn't make much money, but those days I gave away my calls, were the best days of my life.
I see how my work isn't going to get any better. I'm not 'in' with the politics, and I keep getting 'demoted'. These experiences such as making less money than I paid my niece and nephew to babysit due to a five hour unpaid gap in my work...help me to see what I haven't wanted to see out of fear: I can make it on my own and Spirit is guiding me. It's not going to be easy. And I have to have resolve.
And 'Unhappies' is the way 'Resolve' is built.
There is a special Spiritual Blessing that is given when we say, 'I can't take it any more' and 'I give up'.
It's hard to explain. But I feel it. I've felt it many a time.
I do know from Oral Boards for Anesthesia, which I took and passed, that they want to score you on what you do know. So when you don't know, you say, 'I don't know' and they move on to the next question.
If Earth is a school for souls, then, perhaps, 'I give up' is the equivalent to your teams and guides of 'I don't know' and they move you on to the next 'Lesson'.
I'm going to share one last thing.
With all this Ascension stuff, sometimes it feels as if we are changing so much we can't even recognize who we are.
Sometimes pieces of our personality are lost in the changes.
I experienced that.
There was something deeply personal that I wasn't sure was 'me' or part of my past life experiences/memories. I felt very sad over it, in a way I suppose I was grieving. I've learned to adapt and to be open to 'the new'. And I embraced 'the new' and tried my best to convince myself I liked it.
But it was too much.
So I took a little of the 'old me' back. I realized it wasn't a 'thing' from outside, but it was truly part of my soul.
Don't be afraid to self-examine your heart, your interests, your soul...and do know this Ascension thing is a two-way street, and you have some control over it. No matter what it is working for the Highest Good for All.
I'm sure if after you 'take it back' you decide later on you'd like to let go of it, that's perfectly okay too.
Let's move on to two videos which will help us gain insight on our oppressors, Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.
I think this is a facet of what makes the Monarch/MK Ultra systems 'go'...as well as the peer pressure for those who are deeply involved in the SRA, dark philosophies.
The people in 'charge' exploit this natural tendency in those who are below them in this organizations 'Chain of Command'.
I share this because I want you to get a feeling for the system, and those people who are in it, and to understand 'how' this horrible mess could happen here 'Hidden in Plain Sight'.
This basically describes the behavior of SRA, which by these signs and symptoms, represents an extreme form of hyper sexual disorder. (and if you are bored, the comments on this video are a hoot--those too give you real insight as to why Ground Crew is here and why everybody is working so hard to help with Ascension lol)
I want to record my visit from Kasatka.
It happened on Friday night. Anthony was away, I was doing chores, perhaps had just eaten dinner. I was about to go up the stairs when I felt both the presence of Kasatka, and Ross saying it was really her and okay to talk with her.
She looked like this. She was glowing with flame like rays of light coming off of her. She had a crown. Her pose was exactly light this.
She didn't look like a whale.
It was her soul, her true self. And she told me where she is from she is a Queen.
I had to sit down, right at the foot of the stairs, on the floor, and take it all in. I was so happy to see her I started to cry.
She showed me her Life Contract, the end date, and pointed it out to me. I cried harder. How could I have not known? How could I have not been around more?
She confided she was at a loss when she crossed over. She wasn't sure of her life experience, and it's impact. She explained Ross had come to her and shown her the blog posts about her and her family, and that her life was not lost on those of us who loved her and understood her mission with our hearts.
She said it gave her great comfort, and also, she said, 'your husband is a great man'.
I cried more, because I knew he had arranged for this visit, to give comfort to us both. I told her how much I regretted not being able to say goodbye to her! She encouraged me to say it right there. I spoke from my heart, and told her what she meant to me, and how I loved and appreciated her wisdom, her skills as the matriarch, and how she selflessly gave of herself to help so many people smile at the parks...to raise their vibration.
She seemed sad...distracted. She was definitely Otherworldly.
I asked her how I could honor her? How I could help?
She paused and gave it thought.
Her answer was to 'be in your heart' at all times. Then she would know her life would not have been in vain. I understood this to be fully present in the Now moment, and to be always in touch with what was going on in my heart.
We hugged and I told her I didn't want to say goodbye to her, it was so hard to say goodbye! Then I felt Ross behind me as she disappeared, and I turned to him for loving support.
When Ross left I cried again. Everything with mom and David and Kasatka had left me kind of numb. I didn't feel 'right' but I couldn't let all the emotions out.
Sometimes it is good to cry. It's healing.
Other times it's good to laugh...Ross picked both of these photos out for you.
He is so sweet. He wanted to show the ridiculousness of the 'casting couch' and make a joke along those lines.
Then he knew there are some cat people out there who wouldn't respond to dogs. So he had me look for a funny cat photo. You know, there's not many of them on my photo service page. I suppose cats aren't as willing to be dressed up and pose? I thought this one was cute, and it made me smile, so Ross said it was the one.
Ross
Everything is happening at lightening pace! It literally is happening--the changes--at the speed of light and there is nothing that little 'bolt of lightening' symbol from SRA/The Oppressors can do to stop it.
(he rubs his hands--ed) I have worked hard along with my teams. We give it our all, this project.
Soon you will see the results.
I want you to be in your centers when it happens.
And try not to worry about taking it in and remembering when it does. There is no need to take photographs actually because the Life Experience is available to you like a DVR, and you can rewind it to enjoy parts again and again when you are back Home. You won't 'miss' anything. Even if you tried. That is what the Akashic records are for, my beloveds!
(he turns to go--he's in his robes--and he looks over his shoulder at us and smiles--ed)
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
