Meh

When I agreed to incarnate as a human, I thought taking the Veil of the Illusion would be like this--fluff. No big deal.

There's a wonderful ocean of experiences and opportunities out there, and besides, I would have my man by my side as my guardian angel and guide.

How could I lose, right?

I think many of us made these choices based on our knowledge of our skills (which due to the veil we don't know) and the need on Earth (due to the veil we also don't know), and the eventual outcome (saving the earth from disaster)...

Part of me is angry and resentful for ever having bought the Veil.

I'm upset with myself for having said 'yes' to it.

I'm also cranky and annoyed at the persons, 'my support' such as 'The Council' who said, 'You got this!' and 'You can DO IT!' to me and made it seem like it's no big deal.

Everyone does it! (right? Peer pressure from your guides?! lol)

It's like trading my eyes and walking around with a big white cane, it's not the same, my soul is aware of this but I just can't understand...

The Veil is choking me.

Being incarnate isn't all butterflies and rainbows and grassy meadows riding bareback on the horse in an eternal summer.

It's paying the bills, going to work, raising the family, and overcoming obstacles everywhere you turn.

At one work, they run out of toilet paper in the bathroom, and luckily, I was able to get another worker in the other stall to 'share a square'.

It's notorious for running out of both the paper and the toilet covers, and one high-ranking nurse had to use her cell phone to call the recovery room to get her a roll of toilet paper!

In the main O.R. my cables tangle with the cords, and my monitors don't always work, and the i.v. poles which belong at either side of the head of the bed 'wander' after I leave the room between patients.

And now that they took away our drug boxes, when my patients wake up and shiver I can't do a damn thing about it--because I didn't think to pull demerol for the case (you don't want to have to go back and return it to the computer boxes on the pharmacy machine, you only want to take the minimum).

I was pretty upset yesterday.

I told The Council NO ONE HUMAN LIKES A SURPRISE! Duh! Come on guys! Get with it.

I also felt meaningless and worthless because instead of being comfortable and UP on a cloud ship I'm down here, one of many channelers and nobody knows who I am, or who Ross is.

Why should I bother?  Aren't my efforts duplicated? Why ME?  Who needs me? Anyone?

(If you know who my soul is, and who Ross is, you will see why I sound like a Jewish mother in law saying, 'what am I, chopped liver?' and 'at least you could just pick up the phone and call')

Anyways, I love to write and I am describing my FEELINGS which are 'taken for granted' and 'tired of the wait'...

I am also irate.

Why?

Because these things rule society here:

Wicked, evil brides and grooms of Satan.

I see their hidden symbols.

I've learned of their ways.

They brainwash the hell out of people.

And nobody wants to wake up.

They successfully brainwash almost everyone on earth, they are good at it, and that makes me really, really mad.

I can't wake people up even if I turn blue in the face from talking and the skin on my fingers wears off from typing.

If I'm lucky my 'putting the pieces together' will help a handful of people who are marginally interested in saving the planet to 'learn' and 'put some together too'.

There is one group I know online that gives me great joy in the ability of those who have been sent to 'find stuff' on those horrible, awful oppressors, DO find things and share. Every post I see with your name on it gives me great joy in my heart, and I feel like all my years of talking to a wall are actually getting a little forward movement in the awakening of humanity.

I also have a little control issues with 'managing upwards'. I don't know if it's for security of what, but I feel like I have ZERO say in the pace and the manner which the 'firepower' of our 'friends in the rafters' are making this awakening thing 'go'.

I don't like it.

For all I know they could be laughing at us and eating a box of chocolates.

That's what the Satanic Illuminati for whom I use the euphemism 'Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart'--do every single day.  Heck, not only do they laugh, they even skip the chocolates and eat humans and drink their blood too! It's disgusting and humiliating.

Everyone knows what's going on in this spiritual war except me.

I feel dumb, stupid, and sad.

There are different kinds of veils.

I feel like I got stuck with the worst one.

I know in my heart that's not true, I have psychic gifts. I'm probably more on the left as far as veils go, compared to the general public.

Yet compared to my gifts being at home, I felt like I'm on the right, in a burka.

I feel like I am in a barrel about to go over Niagara falls. I can't get out of the barrel, I can't stop it, and I don't know if I am going to hit the rocks or survive.

I feel powerless to forces that are much greater than me.

If I wasn't sad I might look at it as an adventure.

Most days I suppose I would.

I don't like people who are not having the human experience to comment on it as if it is no big deal, something so 'kindergarten' or so 'last week' because it really is a struggle, to get up every day, to find food, to keep yourself clean and your surroundings clean, and to find meaningful relationships.

That's just square one.

And for all this spiritual stuff on top?!

It exponentially raises the complexity and the opportunity for obstacles.

That's all.

Yesterday I was sent a Marine. A chronic pain patient who didn't like opioids or drugs.  I've never seen anyone take it like that, the procedure to reduce pain by frying the nerve roots with radio frequency ablation.

I actually gave drugs for that part, only the minimum, because I couldn't bear to watch the suffering.

'Pain is just only fear of leaving the body' he said.

I felt like Ross said it to my face.

It's true.

He hit the nail on the head, I have LOTS of fear of leaving my body, and just as much fear of staying in it as it decays and grows old. And of watching everyone I know leave theirs too, to old age and disease.

After all, I'm an anesthesiologist.

I wage a war on pain every single day. I seek it out and eliminate it for my patients.

I also got a surprise.

The obstructed bowel case wasn't from adhesions. Something was 'there', inside, something swallowed.

I can't tell you more but it was completely unexpected and something I've never seen in my career.

I do have to say I'm a little disappointed in humanity, how people will go to great lengths to 'beat the system' and 'cheat others' and they would have made four times more money if they had done the actual work int he first place.

But at least, due to my many experiences of being incarnate, I was able to make the whole team laugh when I told the surgeon, 'finders keepers!' and everyone knew what that meant.


New message from John Smallman--at least someone listened.

I know that we are in the active phase of the awakening, and just like sharks teeth, more and more that was hidden is going to keep coming up until no one can deny the truth.  It's at the right pace humanity needs.

I just wish it was over sooner.

And also, I want to mention, vigilante stories sound cool, and it's a good way to really screw up your own karma if you go out and be a vigilante to the Illuminati. I heard of a pedophile priest who was 'protected' by the church, and then after going to some 'camp' for sex offenders (who could 'consent' as a kid to being raped, twenty six of them?!)--he came home and had his genitals whacked off and a machete up his ass.  Justice is justice, right?

Well, and I say this very gently, it's not OUR place to mete out the justice. They--including the Illuminati and the pedophiles--are children of Divine Creator too. I consider them 'mistakes' or 'misfits' and I don't like what they do, EVER, and I still give leeway to Creator of All That Is to take care of the problem. Only Creator can judge.  I would like to! But I'm not in that 'job description' and I don't think many of us are.

So, read the story in the paper or online when it comes your way, enjoy your cup of coffee while you read it or watch the video, and let it go.

Otherwise we will awaken just enough to raise the dark energies once more, and we all know who is going to benefit from that.





clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla
(Ross will talk to you on the weekend)