Satan tells you that you can't.
God tells you that you CAN.
If you've read recent blog posts from me, thank you, and know that this is very deep work I have been doing. It's wrestling with my subconscious and my ego to make things right again.
Am I better? Not exactly. I feel like the little hermit crab who is between shells. And from what I understand, after my old shell (believing the lies of not being lovable, which is in no way true, I'm just a person who was born to some pretty messed up people psychologically, from a long line of similar people..) I can be myself and that's enough no protection required!
I need to rest, to regroup, to start again...
Isn't this the lesson of all lessons we ever learn, in one nuance here, one slight modification there...we can always start again.
Do I feel lovable?
Yes.
I feel that even with my wounds and scars, I am worth loving, and even if I make mistakes, I'm going to be okay.
For those of you who are into astrology, the Leo-Aquarius Full Moon with Venus in retrograde actually is in pretty good synchronicity with what I've been going through. Yes, whether or not we are aware of the planetary alignments in the Universe, all of us are collectively surfing the energies which are constantly changing.
I am okay. I've always been okay. There was a cool Instagram (not sure how to share those links here, sorry) where someone who is a licensed therapist said there's five reasons why trauma survivors don't talk about it. They range from things like it's been used against you, the need to be strong, wanting to spare others, it's too painful to relive, not having the emotional capacity...I'd add to it that in general most people who are asleep don't really care to hear your story. It makes them feel bad and threatens to wake them up.
I actually had a disagreement with my son last night. I have a friend who just rescued a dog that was out on a road. And we had just seen an animal on the road too while we were driving. And I complained how in general people are so willing to rescue animals in need, and yet they are not willing to rescue children! Anthony said, 'mom, they don't know about the children'. I said, 'oh yeah? well the Sound of Freedom is out there.' Anthony said, 'mom not some hokey online thing for conspiracy theorists' and I countered with 'it's in THEATERS and is grossing lots of money!' He was surprised.
I'll never forget mom telling me tales of women taking the family dog to the vet and ignoring the three children of her own, clearly loving the dog more.
I guess you could say I've been guilty of that too, I loved my bird more than my husband when I was married the last time. The husband had issues with money and had lied to me over his debts when we got married so I no longer respected or trusted him. But it's not that way with my kid and my animals, not at all.
I told Anthony we have cognitive dissonance, in the masses, and that it's promoted/thickened/encouraged by the predators who 'build the system'.
There was no resolution, we just got home and moved on to other things. Perhaps it's the unconditional love that pets give, when rescued, compared to the shitloads of therapy needed by actual children who have survived abuse, and people not willing to deal with 'the mess'?
I have more to write, perhaps, in another blog post, one I was invited to write. Ross says not here.
I laugh because ten years ago, blogging was 'the thing'. Now I'm shadow-banned, can't promote my own work, and people basically prefer TikTok format to Facebook or even Blogs. If I ever worried about not being under the radar my 'reach' is antiquating day by day! Which is a good thing for you who stay with me. I can trust you more, open up, and teach freely like I did back in the day.
Ross is good, he's helping me. He's filling that horrible ache I've had inside me for as long as I can remember. I couldn't have been able to do my work I was sent to do if I thought humans were loving, kind and trustworthy. I couldn't. I had to experience the worst to be able to NOT have 'cognitive dissonance' and really get in there and study the opposition!
Now it's studied, though, it feels good to spend time on me, and my healing. I know it would heal in an instant once I went to Heaven, but I would much rather work now, and enjoy the freedom while incarnate as best as I can.
Ross smiles and waves hello. He just sent me a sign outside the window so I'd know it's time to end this post.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
the Echoes
