Today we are going to talk about living on adrenaline and cortisol, the neurotransmitters that are released when we are in survival mode.
It's not good.
It's linked to weight gain.
It causes a terrible toll on the body.
I got into anesthesia twenty years ago, and I was in my thirties. The lifestyle was tough but I was able to keep up, or so I thought. Then I added single motherhood. I needed to provide for my family. Therefore I put myself last.
It was nine months ago that I switched to business hours only, and stopped taking call. I sleep in my own bed every night. And I'm still affected from all the career of stress! As physicians, we know that after age fifty sleep interruptions cause more sleep lag. And as anesthesiologists, our society says it's okay for older anesthesiologists to opt to take no call for less pay. But in the day-to-day politics of an anesthesia group, call duties must be met. Your options are to talk other people into taking them, or to just bear it yourself.
On top of that was the last for years of additional stress. A whole never dimension of 'survival mode'. And once it was released? That's when the impact hits.
I can't eat.
I want to sleep all the time.
I have no energy.
You'd think I'd be dancing for joy and just letting bygones be bygones and moving forward, right?
Well, actually, the body keeps the score. And my body is really adapting, slowly, to the mode of processing the stress and letting it go.
What did I do?
I wrote my feelings. Writing in ink on paper is highly therapeutic and rewires new circuits in the brain.
Naming feelings helps us get 'distance' between our observer self and the part of us that's feeling the feelings. We can feel and process but also not get 'carried away'.
I did something for someone, a little thing, a nice thing, that was thoughtful.
I ate as best as I could. My breakfast was donuts (Anthony bought two boxes on Friday because it was buy one box get the other for eighty six cents). Then I wasn't hungry. I did three big errands. Not hungry in the least. I ate one meal in the afternoon. I went to the ballgame. And I didn't eat any of their food. I just had kettle corn I had brought with me. And water I had brought too.
I lightened up on expectations of chores. I did one load of towels, and hung them out to dry, because I enjoy being outside instead of near the dryer.
Ross had me rest, and then take a tour of the garden, which brought me joy.
I went to the ballgame, it was good. We won.
When I came home I reconnected with Anthony and asked about his day. He had family commitments on his father's side. Someone (Aunt Fran ) turned one hundred.
I get intrusive thoughts still about the hell I've been through. I push them aside. Perhaps one day later I will learn the lesson. At the moment I have zero interest in this particular lesson.
And I pray. A lot. All the time.
Here's a message you might enjoy https://johnsmallman2.wordpress.com/2023/07/15/trust-in-the-wonder-power-and-fruitfulness-of-gods-love-for-you/
Ross wants me to go do something before it's late. I'm heading to the back yard.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
the Couple who are very much in Love and have rekindled their relationship <3
