It's not over until it's over. But today, in a way, it's 'over enough'.
The last four years have been incredibly painful for me. Years of joy and enjoyment were taken from me by circumstances outside of my control.
Yesterday I reached a juncture. Officially, now, I can put the pain behind me. There is resolution, agreement, and closure for the first time in four years. Oh! But what damage it has caused!
I am numb. I can't feel. All of the dread and anger and anguish that have been shoved deep down into my subconscious in favor of being able to fight for survival...they need to come out. It is safe for them to come out. But I have no idea when, or how, it is going to happen.
I wanted to cry, to get release, but the tears wouldn't come.
So I slept.
I had the afternoon free and I slept it all away. Emotions can be exhausting.
I wish I could give details, but I can't. Those of you who know me well, might have an idea of what I am alluding to. Perhaps if I rephrased it as 'a nightmare from work that just would not end' would be enough?
Fortunately, I have the weekend off with no commitments.
And this article with forty two ways to let out rage and despair is available.
Ross wanted me to write this, so I am. First thing in the morning.
I don't know where to go from here, so I will pause. And just stay in the moment.
Ross doesn't have anything to share. He knows I am utterly exhausted and tired of my lessons, and completely numb inside.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Two
