It's been a long week. I've worked very hard at the hospital. I've had some very long days. I've learned much as the week has passed. Here is a distillation of what I have been able to learn just by being observant from my position 'in the trenches'...
First off, I want you to know, realize, understand, that my life is so hectic that I am forced to choose between eating and sleeping, and when I find the time to exercise or take care of other things is really really difficult to find. The anesthesia itself is better, my blocks are improving, and my patient care is growing by leaps and bounds. I am more confident and efficient in my delivery of care. A new colleague was written up for her inability to use the new Omnicell medicine dispensary cabinet. It's not easy, I don't like the machine, but I've adapted to its use. I don't have the energy to write daily like I once did on this blog. When I can, I do, but you are always in Ross' and my hearts--always always always!
First thing, is this--kindness has an effect on people, which, under the right circumstances, moves them to tears, almost in the same way that being near Heaven and angels has that effect on people. A neighbor is undergoing IVF. The husband was going to be away for a few days. Would I give her the shots? Yes, absolutely, no questions asked. She cried the first day, after I left the house and did the favor for the couple. She couldn't believe a doctor would come to the house and help them. I didn't know she cried. She told me on the last day, when she came to our house because the daughter might have suspected things.
I was like, 'how could I not help?' and 'I'll do anything for a little baby, I love babies so!'
She didn't understand how anyone could help her in her situation, how anyone would even want to help.
I found my heart was moved with compassion on the last day. The lighting was good enough that I could see the many prior injections on the skin, on both sides of her hips/buttocks. My God! Is this what is being done to women now so they can bear children? So much pain and suffering...my heart cried to Creator to help with this situation on women worldwide who have to endure all this...
Another was a patient who refused nurse sedation and wanted 'anesthesia with the propofol like last time' in the GI lab. The nurse and I were uncomfortable because now we were in a position to request cash from the patient for my services, since insurance hadn't included it, and this wasn't the time or the place to collect it. The GI doc talked the woman into trying it with nurse sedation. But I saw my boss and said, 'this is really sad, can we just do it for free because it's so awkward trying to collect the money.' He agreed. We have a system where our pooled money pays units for the service even if the patient is 'self-pay' (usually doesn't pay). When I told the GI doc my boss and I would do this for free, he was deeply moved, and I heard the emotion catch in his voice. He would have taken us up on it, but he'd convinced the patient, and didn't want to waffle...but if she had trouble with the nurse sedation then he would call me in and insurance would cover the services. He was concerned about me being able to collect my fee...
Kindness is important, especially the kind where you are not expecting anything in return.
I've come to accept the inevitable.
Everything in Revelations about the end times, although terrifying, is part of Divine Plan.
For years, ever since I'd heard about it, I'd hoped I would be spared, that there would be some other way, that perhaps God might show mercy...
The carrying out of Divine prophecy IS Divine Mercy. And surely, what is to come will be brighter and more wonderful than anything we can imagine.
I did have a few heart to hearts with Ross though, and he's not talking yet, he's taking it all in.
The first one is the reference to homosexuality in the Bible, 'in the end men will become lovers of men'. There's talk about it in Sodom and Gomorrah. Lots of reference to it all over the books. But right now, it's Pride month here in California. What do I do? Clearly the homosexuals I know, are wonderful, delightful people and my heart leaps with love and joy for these individuals--both gay and lesbians. They are friends, colleagues, excellent souls I deeply care about. Who am I to call anything a sin, since I am a sinner myself?
Right now Ross says to 'put them in God's hands and love them like a brother or a sister' as the right thing to do.
From what I'm understanding of the 'download' he's giving me, these individuals are being used as a 'shield' for political reasons much like the lower members of some organizations like may sons...so to avoid getting into the political and to keep everything on the 'up and up' with individuals. I'm so glad it's okay to love my friends and colleagues for what they are, and not to have to worry about the rest. It's in God's hands.
The other one gave me a sharp double-take this morning when I was spending time with Ross. He grew up as a carpenter, actually, from what I understand, the son of a 'contractor' more than a 'carpenter'. He was good at the work and he knew the skills. But the 'builders'--you know who we are talking about, instead work with stone. They are craftsmen, too, like the 'carpenters'. It is unsettling how close the two professions are, and how they both 'build'. Is someone making fun of the original by choosing the 'copy' with stone builders to further the goals of the very few who use the lower levels as a human shield? I think they both use similar tools, squares and stuff.
Ross says 'only God can build. Men may 'create' things with their hands and with their imagination, even things that 'border on the spiritual'--but only Divine Creator can truly 'create'.' and 'to let it rest'. 'Even if someone is trying to get their digs in, it wouldn't work anyway, because Creator is all-wise and all-loving--way more bigger than that where a dumb joke could bother Creator.' Even from someone who really hates Creator and all that is Divine, the leaders of TWDNHOBIAH.
This photo deeply moved me. I shared it on my FB page. The boy has a name. In the poor section of Brazil, a music teacher was lost to the pervasive crime/violence of the poverty-stricken area and died. His students are playing at the funeral.
So much sorrow, so much reality, so much suffering--all experienced at a very young age.
I asked Ross to please spare us these sufferings.
But what I've come to realize, is that all of these sufferings, help us to grow as souls. We are given limitations, restrictions, and quickly adapt how to overcome them. It is all part of the human experience.
The other day, I was being shown this video here by Zebra Corner, and some other ones by them, about the bank and other things. I was totally cracking up. I realized that all these crazy things we experience in day to day, are character building and we have earned the right to laugh about them. We've earned our stripes. The smokers who say they quit but haven't. The people just trying to get their job done and they are encountering someone who is difficult. The need for people to find something to help them cope, like cigarettes in the first place! It's all so human, so humbling, so completely relatable...we've all been there.
Ross was very happy I could see from this perspective about our school here on Earth.
Everything we are experiencing, truly, is a gift. And while we have our blessings--food, shelter, sleep, etc--remember to give thanks for them.
Remember the one thing, no matter what, that is in our control under any and all circumstances, is our freedom to choose how to react, and to decide to be loving, in any and all situations.
It's why we are here, incarnate.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
