Today I got put through my paces in the Lesson Department.
Work, fortunately, was pleasant, and routine. I was able to take a short walk around the grounds in the sunshine this afternoon too.
Ross wanted me to take a new way home. To look at the houses.
I didn't want to. I fought it with my whole soul. Stoic, I forced myself to 'just take a look'.
I was whimpering the whole time.
I drove through two neighborhoods adjacent to mine.
Ross was closely guiding me, and offering support.
There is something deep, deep, DEEP in my soul, that resists.
'Happy Househunting' doesn't work when it's YOU who are haunted by all of your lifetimes here and there.
Deep down, I realize that humans are meant to be nomadic. And when people are nomadic, everyone has a view...just like when you are camping, it is 'people in Nature' and not the other way around, 'nature' in landscaping.
When I finally came home, I started sobbing. I was on my knees by the sink in my bathroom, head resting on my arms, and letting it all out. I kept asking St. Germain to help me transmute, transmute all these emotions!
Ross kept asking me, 'why? why are you so upset?'
It's because the house is the only thing I ever did RIGHT.
My marriages failed. My baby daddy left me.
But I worked hard, saved my money, and bought this damn house!
Ross was startled at my candor. He understood.
He told me to go to Farrell's for dinner. It's a notoriously happy place, with very high vibration, and I went there often for birthday parties when I was a kid. (I was supposed to cook turkey casserole...).
I drove to pick up Anthony, and I saw the director of the school, and the admin for the elementary school, concerned and talking with a parent, who looked like a grandfather perhaps, or an older father. This Friday is the boy's last day at school. And The director was saying the boy is having trouble because 'his whole world keeps changing every few months'--she suggested a different caregiver, and perhaps, even more important, outside counseling for the child.
I realized there is something very human about wanting things to stay a certain way, for stability, for structure; it is important to the mental functioning.
Anthony was delighted for the dinner plans. Ross had one request--we share a club sandwich dinner, and 'not go too crazy' on the ice cream. He sent a penny, heads up, as I got out of the car, and a license plate on the car next to us where the penny was, that said, 'I'm loving being a wife and mother'.
It helped. It helped very much to be there. Then we walked the area afterwards, for thirty minutes, to keep our sugars down...
When I came home, I had a 'nudge' to look up Okenite.
It is a good one. Especially for times like these.
In my anguish, I was able to realize that there are some very sound reasons to move. And Anthony, bless his heart, shared for the first time that once he had a nightmare four years ago, where we were going to move, and he sat in the rocking chair downstairs and just cried and cried. This home and the neighborhood are all we've known...
I trust Ross even though it hurts.
I trust on the money. It terrifies me. But I trust.
I did my research and learned to buy a home on a hill one has to be careful! I discovered online old geological reports. Stories of homes being unstable. And how to tell if one has a bad foundation--see if a tennis ball will roll on it's own when placed on the floor.
I don't know why my soul is having such hard time of this.
Chances are, there are attacks and direct attacks on me, from Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.
These emotions blocked my chance to mail out two bracelets. I was a wreck.
I also know, however, perhaps if these 'weak spots' in my soul are holding me back, I trust my Teams to detonate them, and free me up for complete Ascension. (I am Fully Conscious, but still Here).
Love is stronger than fear.
My soul is very, very strong.
It's been tested more than possibly any other soul who has ever been incarnate, in our last incarnation together as husband and wife, Ross had a memorable end. I won't say more...but I who loved him watched it.
Ross wants to give me something better than what I have. I will let him.
I don't even know where to begin to ask...how to wish, how to dream, besides dreaming of being with him, and being OUT of the matrix.
In my whimpering, I asked him, 'please, in the new house, will you make it to suit your taste too, so it will truly be OUR house? As a family?'
He was very deeply moved at my faith and trust and love for him, in my wanting, if he could not be present with me, to be present as much as he can...
The Boat People
I work with many former Vietnamese Refugees who came to the united states on tiny boats. And today's surgeon, a Vietnamese doc I know and love and trust. I'd let him work on me in an instant. He is excellent, and is the hardest working surgeon I know.
I shared something a little embarrassing, but I wanted to know, so I asked.
My friend the surgeon Nam had his sponsor family in Nebraska. They treated him like a slave, and made him sleep in the barn where it got very cold. He was malnourished, and always hungry. He eventually ran away from the mistreatment, and went on to become a famous surgeon. Has this happened to others like him, who came here?
Sadly, the answer is 'yes', Tam said. He is a personal friend of Nam, and he said what Nam said is true and has happened to others.
Tam's first sponsor was in Syracuse, New York. It was a nice home, with three kids his age. They lived and worked on a golf course. There was light work to do, but the same for all the boys. And he got to learn to golf a little too.
But his first hamburger? Tam will ALWAYS remember it. 'There was this huge lump of meat right in the middle, and the bun...back home, we Vietnamese are practically vegetarians! We have this little bowl with rice, and vegetables, and just a little meat on top!' (he was gesturing).
He had a lot of trouble adjusting to the cold in Syracuse. And he said, what he couldn't understand, was that in the snow, the dad would take all the boys out for ice cream! Tam was like, 'Isn't it cold enough as it is?'
He found on the first hamburger, he didn't like mustard. But he liked ketchup. He still likes ketchup.
He is doing well. He even is cleaning his room a little. He's actually quite good at it. We got rid of six big brown grocery bags full of books today.
I asked him to be open to guidance from Spirit, and to also be honest with me, about the move. He said he would be. He's doing okay with it, not happy to have to leave this house, but he understands.
He misses our neighbor's too.
There are a lot of barnacles to scrape off the hull of Carla's soul--her 'old boat'. I understand boats enough to say, for tonight, Carla is on 'dry dock', and all of the angels and guides will be helping her.
I don't want you to read anything more into her sharing, than 'the energies are very intense and chaotic' at the moment, and Carla is as honest as they come, about what she is going through with it.
This is the Carla who felt BETTER after Karuna Reiki than she ever had in her life, and never had a cleanse! (he laughs!--ed)
Carla is truthful so you will see in her yourself, and your process.
The bones of the house are good--the new one, that is being prepared for her.
Carla will like it.
In our past, together in all of our lives, especially the last one, Carla had to uproot abruptly and flee with us together to save our lives. I was controversial, and not always welcome. We had many times where if we hadn't have left we would have been run out of town on a plank!
It is because the teachings I had, and Carla shared but wisely kept her mouth shut and chose to 'share by doing'--kindness, healing, compassion...--it was because of my teachings I met my own demise.
All of it is Illusion, and Carla is fully aware of it, in her heart of hearts. But having been immersed for so long, and had experiences that were not pleasant...Carla is having to scrape scrape scrape, energetically, the bottom of her vessel, her 'ship'.
That's why I guided her to Okenite. It will help. You don't need to buy museum grade. Even looking at it online will help. Okenite Okenite Okenite.
It's time for Carla to get her rest.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla