Tales from the End of the Road: Trust

 

I am in the middle of some very huge changes at work. Sometimes when you go through changes you get additional confirmation, kind of like signs to let you know everything is going to be okay.

This one has three signs. I can't believe it. First, one of the people I dreaded to work with at the new position decided to take my old position. The person is fine...but due to their culture they 'push' a little 'more' than in my culture to get what they want. I smile because that person declined outpatient originally saying that they needed 'x' amount of dollars a month to survive. I have seen at best two thirds and usually half of that amount every month. So they are in for a surprise, and I am not saying anything.

The second sign is that my co-Chief Resident from training, who had been running three outpatient facilities, also jumped ship. Now the position will be corporate, he has an MBA, and is going to run a large multi specialty group. The timing is about the same. My sense of 'something is wrong with outpatient surgery' is really validated. Not only are the patients getting sicker and the cases moving faster, but the reimbursements are very low. I see one third of all cases at the facility I work at go without anesthesia, either a nurse does the sedation or a patient has local anesthesia only.  

The last one was a shock! A leader in a local anesthesia group just 'retired' suddenly. This was because of politics with the hospital, and the younger anesthesiologists had a meeting and deliberately excluded the 'older anesthesiologists'. 

Deep deep down, my gut has sensed that I am being moved to be spared something that is coming down the road. I can't put my finger on it. My guess is a closure like when Covid hit and only emergency cases could go. But it is a random guess, I do not know. A sister facility where my Chief Resident friend works is looking for new proposals from anesthesia groups. And the anesthesia 'coup' was at a sister hospital. 

I have to apply for new health insurance. My coverage has been the same for ten years, a Covered California Obamacare plan. But over the last two years, all of my friends I work with in the OR have stopped taking that insurance. The reimbursements are too low. So you might want to check your 'in network' if you are on a similar policy. I am grateful the surgery center and hospital still take it. But for the price it's not so good if you can't go to primary care, your gynecologist, or other specialists. 

How am I feeling?

That is a very, very good question. I've been avoiding feelings. They are not my strong point. I can see clearly with my old outpatient anesthesia group the dysfunction (we were not paid for two months!). I see the passive aggression, the lack of leadership, and denial of responsibility. I was in my masculine for two years and it was really hard on my system. Back at the hospital my hours will be longer, which is a good thing because I do not do much with the extra time when I work outpatient--I just sit and wait for the scheduling we do at four pm for the following day.

How do I feel about Big Things? You know the Life, Death, Forever ones? I see it coming. The secondary confirmation thing needed online is really getting out of hand. Anthony had some trouble with a credit card not working, and in trying to straighten it out, I had to verify myself by phone text secret code like after every screen I went through on their website. There was no phone number to call, no way to get help, and finally a chat box came up. I ended up with that and then also calling the tiny number on the back of the credit card. These 'validations' to me are just one degree removed from that thing in your hand or forehead so you can buy or sell. Food prices are scary. We may not be 'there' yet but I can see it off in the distance.

Does it disturb me? A little, because I love looking at old vintage footage of cities in the 1950's and I feel sad how things have really gotten worse compared to that. The architecture and the clothing was beautiful. I also know that once things get really bad, it means resolution on the other end of that tunnel is even closer. Whether I am alive or not by that resolution, no one can know, but that resolution is right on the tails of the awfulness. And I pray day and night for everything to be over, to resolve, and for life to be beautiful for everyone again.

If you are in the System, I do not fault or blame you. It just IS. And I know there is a lot of training that has gone into the End of Times--you might not even be aware that you carry such training under the edge of your awareness. But for those of you who are in the System, and who have a love and respect for what is Good, and who choose to act on it, wow! You are one of the best of the best and I applaud you for your strength and courage!! Know that I and many are cheering you on in your efforts!

No matter what, if you are experiencing changes or looking to changes or just doing your best to make sense of everything, focus on everything around you, on what is at hand. Take the opportunity to LOVE everyone, and let it be known how you cherish them.  God is with you. There are legions of angels watching and sending protection and love and healing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Enjoy Nature, the sky, the birds, the breezes...be present and know there are gifts being sent to you every day from Heaven.

That is enough for today.

Ross nods in agreement.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Good Ones

Tales from the End of the Road: There You Are

 

I have been praying for clarity regarding my upcoming career switch. It is looking like I must choose one setting over the other. At the surgery center I have learned excellence with my anesthesia care. The bedside manner, the interaction with staff, and the precision and timing of sedation are sharp and focused.

On the downside, there are a lot of politics. The surgeons who are unpleasant do not even say hello to you when you say hello to them when you are reviewing your parts of the chart together at the bedside table.  I shake from stress--either avoiding surgeon anger and outburst, or from time pressure to perform--on most days. Even when I go home at noon like I did yesterday, I am not good for the rest of the day except cooking and watching TV on the couch.

While I have been asking for clarity, a nurse I really like a lot said in the locker room, 'keep being a unicorn!'

I appreciated that. 

Wednesday there was a code blue in a different OR, I had ran in and helped. And my help made a big difference. I was first to arrive and also just fresh from recertification of my ACLS, PALS and BLS. I had spent all Saturday in online classes.

The patient survived to go to the ER.

Yesterday another important thing hit me, sometimes a decision can be sad but it is still the right decision.  I had been wanting to stay where I am part time, and to go when I feel called to go (like the prodigal son). The opportunity is really once in a lifetime, to share an FTE with someone super nice and flexible. 

Where is Spirit in all this?

I am hoping with extra time, by working half time, I can get back to my spiritual time. Lately I rush and I can't even talk to people through my phone because cases are so fast. Maybe it's just the times, too, I don' know.

When I am quiet I see a lot of my trauma coming to the surface. The being afraid of being yelled at while I work is a total reminder of my mother and her unpredictable outbursts of anger. The walking on eggshells. The low self-esteem. 

Sometimes healing is simply acknowledging what is taking place, and removing yourself from the situation. You then forgive and 'forgo' (look up Dr. Ashkan Farhadi's work for more on that one--advanced healing from being harmed).

Do I see anything going on in the world, any indication of movement towards our Awakening? Not really.

Do I sense anything from Spirit? Only to move back to the O.R. and to do a 'glow up' --intensive self-improvement. And I would really miss some of my surgeons who only work at the center not the main OR. Opthalmalogists, a gynecologist, and orthopedic surgeon.

Just for today I won't think about it.

Just for today I will focus on joy.

Is Ross saying anything? No, he is quiet. I can sense that this lesson is helping me to find my voice, and to gain the courage to go for what I want to be happy, and to accept that sometimes we try things, they don't work out, and we need to move on to something else. When I am deep in a lesson, he watches, he doesn't direct or coach me. 

Hopefully this lesson will be done soon.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales From The End of the Road: Upheaval

 

Good morning! 

Oh how it feels good to write!

I don't have much time, and I promise not to be cryptic, because I am watching the clock carefully.

About a week ago I was going to write a post about how, if you are some mega-rich multi-billionaire, and you are building a fortress compound to survive some horrible end-of-the-world situation...it is probably better to place your trust in Divine Creator like the rest of us 'little people'. There is 'this world'. Then there is 'Eternity'. Why invest so heavily in something so temporary and limited like this incarnated life?

That was before my own personal explosion of my life took place.

My dream job had been no nights, no weekends, no holidays and I waited TEN freaking years for my old boss to retire so I could work at the surgery center. I got this job two years ago. I was invited. But since then it has been a soul-crushing experience for me. Not because of the workplace itself. It is because of the responsibility I was given to create a new corporation using Legal Zoom. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But the forms and scrutiny and extra unpaid time demanded of me to fulfill this project was taking so much of my free time I was supposed to have by working outpatient!

Then the 'herding of cats' effect came full force:  my other anesthesiologists in the group. First they didn't trust me. I had to provide copies of every single email I had with all of the billing company and everything else. I had to upload all the documents that the corporation had created. I didn't do the banking that was the treasurer. But instead of a 'group' we got a King and a Prince who were in charge of the money.

They decided some financial moves that put me as a single provider for my family at risk. 

You know how God sends you increasingly stronger messages that you are in the wrong place and it's time to move away? Well my June payout report had misdirected over almost ten thousand dollars! I saw the mistake. I pointed it out. But the King and Prince decided that they wanted to go by the report from the old billing company. It took herculean effort on my part to get partial correction out of an outgoing head of billing. It's still not complete. And the correction I still have to work on for the last seven hundred dollars.

When months ago this hit, and then they were talking about punishment for showing up late and delaying start times, I contacted a colleague at my old work. I had covered for another anesthesiologists' vacation during my own time off in June. I had come home happy. Anthony had seen it. 

And Anthony encouraged me to leave my current situation and move on. I was glad to get understanding, warmth, and kindness from my old work. So I committed. My dream was half at my old work, half at my current.

On giving notice, my current boss became very angry and denied me work there, except as vacation coverage. Already even without a letter of resignation he is hiring someone new.

This work situation keeps causing me pain, again and again, deeper...so I endure. Had I expected it to blow up in my face? No. But deep down I sense God's Divine Protection and I obey and follow how Spirit is moving me from one situation to another. At my old job working half time I made more than I ever did working full time at outpatient. Like the prodigal daughter I am grateful to be welcomed back.

Trust God. Trust the Universe. Trust in Spirit. 

You never know what tomorrow may bring.

Emotionally I am still recovering from the shock, and I am leaning on those close to me for support and comfort.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Messages From The End Of The Road: Act Two

 

When I got started on this serious spiritual path, it was in 2010. 

Fifteen years have passed. 

And at the time, I thought surely something supernatural was going to take place in the very near future. The truly NEAR future. I sensed it was time to prepare both myself and others for this supernatural event.

Here we are.

So today, I am going to share about the End Game. Our own individual End Games that we may have postponed planning for because of our preparation for this anticipated supernatural event we are still waiting to arrive. As humans, we have a lifespan of more or less similar lengths of time. If you had asked me in my sixties I'd be a season ticket holder for baseball and have survived a pandemic I'd have laughed and said 'no way, José!'

What else has changed? Not much. I still go to work every day. I take care of the home and the pets. My son has grown into an adult. The routines, the day we take the trash out, the day we take the cans back off the street, the day I pay the gardener for the month, the counting down to the weekend, and the challenges that come up...I need to renew my ACLS and BLS and PALS in August so I am to be scheduling that. I have plenty to keep me occupied.

It wasn't until the other day in the car on the way to work I got myself into that meditative space where you just observe and don't feel or think...I thought wow! Times sure have changed. I used to have time in my day to relax and meditate on a routine basis. Now I get behind on videos my friends share and I can't watch them for days.

It has beaten me down, life.

Even when Ross asks me, 'if money were no object where would you want to retire and live?' I have no answer. With prices going up the way they have I am in shock. 

This isn't what I planned for myself back before my big spiritual awakening. And it isn't what I had imagined once I did wake up. I find myself somewhere in between...yet I accept that of all possible outcomes, this is where I am meant to be, how I am supposed to learn my lessons, and why I came here in this life in the first place. 

Yesterday my focus was asking God to set all the souls free. You know, the ones who are deeply entrenched in 'the system'. The ones who are expendable and the ones who are hierarchy. Those who are unconsciously swept into the system by media and entertainment. 

I was walking through the baseball stadium, enjoying the people, the color, the adventure, and giving thanks for the freedom for people to assemble and enjoy a baseball game. We are so fortunate and blessed! To be alive, and to get around...to interact with the world around us. 

This life is not forever.

I hope to enjoy my days, and to give thanks for them, supernatural events or not. The chance to love and enjoy the connections with others both in Spirit and here incarnate is a wonderful special gift.

Would it be nice to have a plan and to work towards it? Sure! If you have one go for it! And if your planner isn't working so well, it is okay to change it.

My son stopped by a hot dog fast food place, Der Wienerschnitzel, for a late lunch. I had one corn dog and one chili dog. He had two chili cheese dogs and two corn dogs and a drink. The total for the order was thirty dollars! Hot dogs are the cheapest of the cheap foods available! Yes he upgraded to all beef franks in the meal. He said that it was AI that took his order, and that it automatically upgraded all the hot dogs all at once. He hadn't expected that since he was upgrading one. These definitely are End Times. I remember when you could get two corn dogs, two chili dogs and a drink with fries for less than five dollars. 

Ross says to be positive. Well, I got a hybrid melon from Trader Joe's. It's shaped like cantaloupe, colored like honeydew on the inside, and tastes like lemon! I loved it with my breakfast yesterday. Anthony doesn't care for it. But I really enjoyed it. 

Ross says to keep looking for the new, and for signs of a spiritual awakening, one in others going on around you. And otherwise keep to your plans and make it a point to enjoy every new day you wake up.

Clap! Clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales From The End of the Road: Rebirth

 

I just saw a huge flock of crows fly past my window. They flew from the south to the north, from my left to my right. 

My first thought when I saw them was that they could pick my entire fig tree clean in minutes if they landed on it!

My solar return is coming. I have been wrestling with feelings of not being myself, of feeling 'different' inside, and honestly, wondering a little if maybe a 'walk in' had happened without my being aware of it. Everything in my life has been at a standstill. All these changes at work and the contracts and new corporation that I built I am gradually letting go.  I can't be certain if the changes are a sign of shock over all the cumulative challenges I had faced? Or is it something else?

You know when a baby is born premature, there is a period of 'catch up growth' and then after that no one can tell the difference between the premature one and the one born full term?

I think I caught up.

(More crows are flying...)

The thing about emotional neglect is that what feels 'normal' in your interactions with others, isn't normal at all. It is what felt comfortable because that is how it was when we were growing up at home.  And as a high-masking, high-functioning autistic with most likely ADHD, the chasm to cross to discover my own soul, my own rights, my own needs, my own true happiness was vast. To be clear, the Spirit World made a lot more sense than the Physical one.

When you are removed from traumas and abuse, whether you are seeking it or not, the catch up growth happens. And as of the last huge chunk of time, I gave up trying to grow. I was always seeking knowledge, wanting to take courses, looking for insights...There comes a point where you can no longer intellectualize your personality. You have to embody it, to embrace it, and to discover all of your gifts.

Yesterday, a warm feeling, a glow, turned on like a light switch in my chest. It is the Unconditional Love. Walking the earth there are so many reasons to stomp out that little flame, if it ever flickered beyond infancy. Mine was stomped out for sure. But that warmth and life-sustaining energy feels like having a puppy deep inside your chest. It is happy, and thankful, and doesn't expect much.  I wouldn't call it self-love, because that is a concept I don't really grasp fully. But when I call it my inner puppy, I realize that I can protect it and I will know what behaviors from others to accept and what ones to limit my exposure to because they are toxic to me. Maybe not to someone else, but to me.

I used to have down time and rest a lot, time to meditate. But life changes. I do a lot more chores and work , really fast-paced work in my practice, and the need to rest for rest''s sake supercedes the mystical rest part.

It has been two weeks away from my regular work. I spent a week and a day at my old job. It was wonderful to re-experience the connections with my surgeons and colleagues and staff. I felt younger because I had spent fifteen years in that Operating Room. 

I had one day of scheduled fun. Where I spent a little money and splurged for myself and Anthony.

I had several afternoons of total frustration and shock. If anything could glitch officially it did--and I needed to straighten things out. I did a lot of laundry and chores too. Anthony is home, I enjoy cooking for us. 

If you have not heard of the online survivor, Forrest Lang, and his Angel Blue Book story, if you have been through some life challenges, you might want to follow him. His message and the repetition of his message is to stick around, life gets better, and you grow up your abusers can't hurt you any more. He is honest about the self-harm, the addiction, the aftermath of experiencing childhood abuse. And even better, he helps to take away the shame. He says it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault. You were just a kid. You were innocent. It was the abuser's fault, not yours.  I have really responded well to it. Just seeing his posts popping up on my feed. I don't listen to videos and I haven't read the book. I need the smaller doses. 

I realize I am worthy of love. 

I can see the love when I am a little late coming home and Anthony calls to check on me.

I can see the love in the other baseball fan's eyes when I go to the stadium for every game. Our team loses a lot, it's not easy being a fan. But in my section where I sit people get to know me. 

I saw it in my neighbor's eyes when we ran into each other at the mailbox and I asked her how her skin looks so nice? She has a husband and a son and they don't like to listen to her skincare routine, but I gladly listened to her share.

Even with Ross, I can tell him what is okay and not okay. I can ask for things. We had a rough time of it our last incarnation. I know I am able to work out our incompatibilities and old conflicts now. I am going to speak up when in the past I didn't. 

And with the world at large? I give thanks. There are a lot of changes out there politically. Kind of spiritual-philosophical-metaphysical connected like that movie National Treasure Anthony watched yesterday. I can't control any of it. The only thing I can control is my perception of the things that come my way, and I know giving thanks for things I want to see is a huge part of the solution. Ignoring things I don't want to see is also important--I deny them my energy. Instead I focus on chores and the garden and things at hand. I can't change the world except by sharing and by giving thanks.

Yesterday I was thrilled when I went on YouTube to turn on Aquarius Rising Africa/Soulutions with Chanti, and she had Cathy O'Brien on live! It did my soul good to see her, what a precious being, Cathy! She reaffirms that love is so strong. She is living proof of it. 

Keep walking your path. Take a breather if you have been really working on your healing. It will come. I read somewhere that the traumatized child has a chronically inflamed brain and they are always on the lookout for someone to hurt or betray them. I would imagine that makes a lot of 'wiring' to 'rewire' which is very delicate. I know when Cathy was healing she had to wear a watch and journal a lot because she experienced gaps in time from her MK Ultra upbringing. She healed! It took Mark to help her but she did. 

Give thanks for everything. All that you can. 

I even give thanks for Father Rosetti. I did one of his online sessions he does for free, and I felt a huge difference. We must remember he is not spiritually sensitive, and yet with his training for the priesthood and subsequent calling to be an exorcist he has faced things you can't ignore even if you are not 'sensitive'. He works with people who are 'sensitive' and can see the creatures he is working with. He takes a very strong stand against all things New Age. He takes his role as a guide seriously, and he is not a gambler. he recommends by the book. And you know, I have to agree with him on his assessment that it's the 'wild west' out there in the world of Reiki. I saw an article about a Reiki Master finger a woman as part of healing (she called it like working out at the gym) --his wife knew, the author of the article watched. What the heck?! 

If you are spiritually sensitive, you have your teams. They will call you. You are divinely protected and your mission is secure. You will know it when things happen like doors are opening and it will feel right, very right. When I learned Karuna Reiki it was like the ugly duckling finding the swans at last! I trust in my lineage, I know who my Reiki guides are personally, and I really really love Creator. The way I see it, the energy pathways in most people have gone 'dormant' and the right Reiki activation opens them up. 

I would never talk to Father Rosetti about the white, grey and black popes. That would be cruel. He has his assignment and he is doing incredible work. Probably more important and far-reaching than anything I could ever do. 

I don't want you to feel shame for being Spiritually sensitive, for responding to crystals, and for wanting to use your spiritual gifts. 

Just know it is a jungle out there, lots of people can use spirituality to take advantage of others in so many ways, and dark forces are real not imagined and can pretend they are something beautiful and charming. Be careful. Be cautious. And never for a minute think you incapable of being tricked. Be humble. Be love. And always ask Creator to guide you with clarity and love so you cannot mistake your path!

clap! clap!

Ross would like to say a word but I took all the time for us today.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are always united in faith

Letters From The End of the Road: Know Yourself

 

'Know Thyself'.

There is a world of difference between the title of this blog post, and the topic to be discussed, and the 'other' adage mostly taken from TWDNHOBIAH to 'know thyself'. The second one is all about ego and personal power and the ability to do what you want. 

Today's blog post is about that quiet knowledge you find, not just in living life, not just in your relationships with others, and not about capturing memories with a selfie-stick to post on social media. All of those ways give us some insight, but for those of us who take time to self-reflect, there isn't much guidance needed. That is because for the 'selfie stick' type of knowledge, it is of this world. And if you are completely 'of this world' and not just 'in it', this type of discussion will not appeal to you at all.

Our topic is about that constant, quiet sense that you don't quite feel like you belong here, you can't put your finger on it, and you may or may not have come to terms with your Spiritual Gifts.  Sometimes we assume that everyone else is the same as us, with these psychic abilities. Sometimes since our whole life we have felt these feelings we consider them 'normal' and 'a part of us' and we do not really take time to stop and think about it. 

I am going to give you an example. 

Today as I write it is Wednesday. Although I am recovering from Covid I had two weeks ago, and I have a lingering cough, I started to notice feeling out of sorts. It happened over the weekend after a fantastic day watching my niece perform in her first dance recital. 

I felt unmotivated. I couldn't force myself to do chores. I was sad for no reason. And even things that gave me joy and comfort, like going in the jacuzzi, I didn't want to do. Even when I took a brief rest on the porch swing I woke up to a spider on my leg and freaked out. 

It got so bad that I told a close friend that I have an emotion that is stuck, I don't know what it is, and I just don't feel like myself. I felt like a different person.

Wisely, my friend said to just wait it out. And to share once I made the connection.

Yesterday I got a text from a close neighbor I have known over twenty years. Another close neighbor, older, had a bad colitis and urinary tract infection. She was septic. She went into atrial fibrillation and renal failure. She was on comfort care and it was only a matter of time. Yes, she was taking visitors. But she was unresponsive. 

She had gone into the hospital on Friday.

I was not sure to cancel plans or go to the baseball game like I had intended. I decided to go after work today. 

On the drive to the ballpark yesterday, I went to that place between worlds. 

She was happy to see me. She asked me what was next? I explained that there is a party being prepared for her. And I saw her husband, her dogs and our mutual friends two dogs there. (My last time seeing her was when a friend's dog was being put down. She was saying that she should have passed first, not the dog, she never expected to outlive him. But she had terrible back and hip pains. She could barely walk and when the pain got worse sometimes she had to crawl.)

She asked me how I could be there and I explained politely that I have friends. Angels. 

Ross showed up. She was delighted. He explained to her our relationship. She was very surprised that she had known me all this time...with no clue.

I asked them both why I am invited to this important event? Jan said it was because of my son. He and she shared the same birthday, only seventy years apart. We walked often with the dog friends through the neighborhood, him in his stroller and them with their dogs on their leash. When one golden retriever poked his head into Anthony's stroller and looked at him, the baby was delighted, laughed and exclaimed 'DOG!'. It was his first word.  It was the friendship and the connection over the years as he grew up. Her dog and the neighbor's dog had puppies. It was so wonderful visiting and seeing them in the nursery box with their mom. Her and her late husband would invite people walking by, friends, to the patio for a glass of wine. 

Our mutual friend had stopped drinking on doctor's orders, and because she wanted to reunite with her first dog when she passes. So the wine was just from many years ago, but still happy memories. 

I felt this strong pull in my heart when she said, 'it was your son'.  It was truth. Our souls were deeply connected not just by being neighbors but on a soul level. 

It was time, she was ready, and she walked up to the light, there was me, Ross, Jan, and on her right her husband Keith. There is a place where I have to stop. I could see off into the distance, and I watched them walk into the light. There was a lot of activity and a very big welcoming party.

Today, at around nine am, I got the message from our mutual friend that Jan had passed. 

Then at the ballgame this afternoon, I heard her say, 'no pain'. I am glad she shared it. Medically, I know renal failure is a nice way to go, you just fade out, and she had comfort care.

You can't change who you are.

I have been doing this since 1992.

Twice I have sensed that people were going to die soon. Actually three times. I just knew it was their time. 

Once someone who was dying, told his wife 'I am not sure if God is a woman?' because he saw a vision of a beautiful bright angel--at the same time I was working with him to cross over from five hundred miles away. I was seen.

When my Nana Angelina passed, again there was an opportunity to see who I really am. Ross showed it to her. 

The afterlife is real.

This existence here is something different. I am not sure what.

But I have a foot in each of the worlds. 

Also, I have noticed, whenever people do something genuinely kind to me, out of their heart, in a short time they get pregnant. It even happened recently at work and the person is due in September. 

And ever since I was a kid, I show up in people's dreams. Why I don't know, but they always say it seemed 'real'.

How do I feel about all this? The soul connection means so much. I am honored to do the work crossing over and assisting. It would be nice to be able to talk about it.  When the pull/inability to do anything hits, I never know what is happening until after the fact. I sense that I am 'not really here' and my soul must be paying attention to something somewhere else, and in transition is the only time it happens.  

My mom used to get a horrible feeling of dread. And she knew something was going to happen that she couldn't control. Then a plane would crash or something equally horrific, and she would relax. It was done. She wished she could pinpoint what or where to protect people. All she could do was pray for the best. She would tell us about this from time to time. And she was always correct.

What about you?

What tiny signals are you processing? Small energetic signs that no one else experiences. What is it that makes you 'you'? The real you. The life, death, and forever 'you'? 

Have you noticed it?

How do you feel about it?

You might want to stop and take a moment to give thanks, both to the Spiritual Realms, and to yourself for this connection. 

It is a beautiful thing. And it helps others so much, that you do this task. 

Task.

I remember once a long time ago, Blessed Mother told me, 'your task is to show the dying how close they are to God'. I had forgotten. At the time I was in medical school and I thought it applied to the hospital. Like my medical work. Not being able to see people outside their bodies after they passed, or escort them up to the light...funny how it takes a long time for things to come full circle!

Know yourself.

Have faith that you were made correctly, and for the right reasons, even if you don't have the same gifts I do, you might be a sensitive, or a healer, or an empath...there are lots of things, even teaching. 

Ross

Carla still struggles with who I am and with our relationship. 

Carla can't post a selfie on her instagram for the world to see that she and I belong together. 

And it hurts her, and causes her pain, to be always alone, alone, alone in the physical world.  Even though I am right next to her heart, and even though I always provide and protect, and yes Carla knows it. 

For Carla if she can't touch it with her hands, and hold it, it isn't 'REAL ENOUGH' to her. Carla is scientific, of course it makes sense for her questioning. 

It frustrates her to know end knowing that I am 'here' and she is 'there' and not on the same frequency. And further that she can't go to me and I can't go to her, not exactly. 

Life carries on. 

Carla was not quite ready to make the transition when she was fighting her Covid. With the strong fever that had made her muscles ache and sapped all of her energy, she knew something was seriously wrong and that it was a possibility. It was only two days later she took the test and learned what it was that was making her feel so tired and distressed. 

We each have our 'time'. Time to cross over to from this world into the next. And deep down, each of us realize it. You can trust that when it is right it will happen like it did for Jan, peacefully and with ease. And all of us will be there for you, waiting to welcome you home.

Until that time, try to work as much joy into your days. 

And Carla, wisely so, gave thanks at the baseball game for being able to attend incognito, completely unrecognized for who she is, and just a fan among her friends enjoying the game. 

Sometimes now even I wish I could go and be unrecognized and have a little bit of freedom myself. Like I did in the good old days when I was incarnate. 

Enjoy your time. Wait with confidence that everything is happening for the very absolute best. And give thanks the whole time you are 'processing things' like 'getting to know yourself' as we discussed today, you, me, and Carla

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Cousins who are your cousins who love you to death (he winks)

Letters From The End of the Road: The Illusion of Comfort

 

We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

As physical beings, we are hardwired to seek comfort. Why? Because as mammals, we have time in the womb, where all our needs are met, and also, a long infancy, where again, under optimal conditions, our needs are met.

The term 'Netflix and Chill' is a form of going back to the womb, where, in the relaxation of the warm couch with coziness and food we can relax, let go, and get lost in our favorite movie.

It is hard being a separate being from the mom. Our parents used to provide, and now we must provide for ourselves! It is never easy.  Perhaps one of the driving factors in seeking high-paying careers/activities is to have the security of being able to get those needs met with ease. Food. Shelter. Clothing. Healthcare. You get the picture. 

During surgery, the anesthetized patient is back to fetal vulnerability. The fluids go in through an i.v. instead of an umbilical cord, but the concept is the same, all of the needs are met. For warmth, we place special air blankets connected to hot air pumps. For preventing pressure wounds we position carefully with special padding and devices made for this purpose, for example the 'bean bag' with vacuum to hold the patient in place. 

How often do we stop to think about this unconscious pull to be back in the womb, or at least, back in the safety of our parental home as little ones?

Our society has a parental substitute--with the political system. It is easy to assume that 'they know better than us', and to trust in the decisions that are being made for us. Why? Because we are conditioned by our upbringing to trust authority. It is easier when we trust. It is soothing to feel like someone is taking care of us.

I remember in 2013 when my mom was recovering from a grueling surgery for advanced bladder cancer. It was taking a long time, which was understandable. But I noticed something that was extremely upsetting. Mom was letting the nurses feed her. She was young! Capable! and letting the nurses feed her was definitely going to slow down her getting home from the hospital!

I asked her, 'mom, I know you can feed yourself.'  I had spent hours at the bedside getting her a sip of a drink then setting it down and minutes later getting her more sips. She was never satisfied. She had done that with me and with the nurses, that control, and it puzzled me? 

Her answer was, having the nurses feed her gave her comfort. 

Comfort.

Comfort is something we should give ourselves. And we should take comfort in our ability to care for ourselves, to take good care!

We can have our close loved ones help us out a little when the going gets rough. 

It is kind of like the nasal sprays where you can use them for up to three days to open your breathing passages but after that you are going to get hooked on it!

What are healthy ways of comforting ourselves, so we are not at as much risk of seeking comfort from Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, or from their addictive products, or from letting go of our freedom to think and make decisions for ourselves?

Sunshine! Spirit! Swimming in water if you know how and enjoy that. Exercise and taking care of your health. Comfort foods, even a nice soup with some bread and cheese...oh that sounds delicious.  Even making plans and carrying them out can bring you comfort.

You can even wrap yourself in blankets and set a timer for chilling out on the sofa...with the understanding that you are recreating the comfort of the womb on your own in order to enjoy it on your terms. 

Doing activities you enjoy, or helping others, can also bring you comfort. The healthy kind that lasts. 

Do what you can to keep your own nervous system regulated and calm. That is the most comforting thing of all!

Remember your 'weak spot'. Don't let anyone take advantage of it. And when you need comfort, be sure to find it on your own terms, for limited periods of time, to protect yourself from being taken advantage by others.

If you are a healer, and others seek comfort in you, make sure that the energy exchange is not depleting of your own energy, and if you are truly a healer, healing others will energize you as well.

Ross

We up here in the Spiritual realms are often puzzled as to why life on Earth is so 'painful' according to the Lightworkers we contact.  It has its moments, definitely its ups and downs so to speak. But why on Earth is there pain?

So what if someone betrays you? From our perspective, it says something more about them than it does about you. Just let go and move on.

What we do not take into account is sentiment. Carla spent the morning looking at old photographs, and the ones most meaningful to her were of things which no longer exist--Anthony playing in the fountains as a child in the Bugs Land at Disneyland California Adventure. His climbing on the CALIFORNIA letters out in front that were all candy striped for the holidays. Other people who have passed on. 

What we in the spiritual realms do not understand is nostalgia. This is because we are outside of time. There is no limit to our time, as time does not exist. So, for example, if you are a human and dating someone who is wasting your time, well, that leaves less time available to find a new partner and raise a family. There is a time limit, the biological clock on Earth. The whole concept of death itself is fascinating. From the outside.As we see it people come and go, often through reincarnation as the same individual! Many people have pets who have returned to them in their lifetime and they know it.

Just know that the beauty of the human experience is while incarnate, feelings and connections and even your body are fragile. This is an illusion which is very convincing. But know that back Home, you are always YOURSELF, your loved ones and connections always exist, and nothing can take that away from you. It is forever. Not only that, but a constant source of joy. 

Carla is making pancakes this morning. That is because I request her to do so. She makes a double batch and freezes some of the batter for when Anthony comes home. It is the little tasks such as this which take away from the hunger for comfort which is always pulling psychologically, and brings pleasure and a sense of a task well done. 

Try to fill your time with small goals and be sure to take notice when you achieve them. Even if it is folding the clothes and putting them away after washing them.

I know the times are difficult. There are many things that are outside of your control. In fact, they are 'lessons' in which to challenge you. Be a good sport, be of good cheer, do your best, and know it is only temporary. You will be better when you return back to Home in Spirit. Until then, bring yourself joy and make a mark by helping both yourself and others through these difficult times. 

That is all I have to say. 

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Messages From The End of the Road--Progress

 

It's building up.

The resilience.

While seemingly doing 'nothing', and living every day that's not much different from the rest, clarity is forming. Lots of old ways of being I am stepping out of like an old costume.  An internal sense of justice and what's fair and what isn't is coming online. 

I treat myself much better now than I ever have. I stopped the weird dieting and am listening to my body more. It's been hard undoing a lifetime of putting others before myself, that was sealed in stone by the time I graduated from residency. 

For this I am grateful. 

Look for similar changes in yourself. You might not recognize them at first. The changes are so subtle. Super slow and hard to notice. 

The goal is to be the most vibrant and authentic representation of YOU...and let others deal with it as you are unapologetically YOU who was Created by Divine Creator and have every right to walk to planet at this time!

What are forces helping me in this? Exercise. Having to stay in a budget and really watch the cash flow. Acceptance of What Is. And having patience when so many obligations challenge me. And routine! ahhhh routine, routine, routine...including daily fun with things that make me feel like I am eight years old. Lately it's been watching old episodes of Columbo, 

What are forces hindering? Too much screen time. Finding balance between things I want to do, things I need to do, and things that are required of me. Getting sucked in to ruminating thoughts when people push my buttons. 

When I stop and think about it, the things hindering me are actually more opportunities to grow. They make me think about what I truly want and to alter my course. 

This is a Spiritual war.

A parallel is my war with the neighborhood rats. I spend over fifty dollars a month on professional treatment at the home. But it is barely enough to keep up with the population. And they are SMART! I learned putting two sonic flashing devices under each hood keeps them out of the engine compartment. But now they climb into the space between the liner of the hood and the hood, cutting out the sound and the light. I can hear their fruit pits from the Sago palm rolling around when I open the hood. I had one fall out of a tiny hole too, the pit. So I, and later with Anthony's help, removed every single one of the hundreds of fruits off the Sago palm. They are highly toxic to dogs, it's not good to have them, plus the rats love them. Well now what? The rats ate every single loquat off my loquat tree! I know because I saw the residue (they don't like the skin) and seeds that were left behind. 

And these are just rats!

Can you imagine how clever the darker spirits are who prowl the world unseen?

So give yourself the time and space to grow on your intended path. And sometimes taking a step away from the things , like my stepping away from writing more frequently--will help you find your voice and your strength. Especially if you are keeping up with regular spiritual practice. 

Be strong.

Remember these times, difficult as they might seem, are special in a spiritual significance. Be glad you are here to experience them. And be glad for your brothers and sisters who are awake, for your Teams, and for your Purpose. Follow your heart it will guide you well.

Ross

Carla just had another run-in with her work. She went over eight hours working with no breaks and no food. Her blood sugar got low. She was cranky. And therefore was written up.

This time, Carla, instead of cringing, is witnessing the abuse of the anesthesiologists for what it is. In order to make money, the system runs at the expense of the anesthesiologists' health and composure!

So, realizing this is something her old boss encouraged, and is perpetuated in the system, she realizes that perhaps change may be an appropriate thing to consider. Does she really want to be treated like this? Is the money worth it to her? Already she has made one change to eliminate both late nights/overnights/and weekends. That has come at a price, less income and more politics. Carla is careful not to rock the boat. But new eyes and new self-worth and self-respect are coming into the picture. 

Carla trusts in me and in my ability to guide her.

For you, on your path, I want you to focus on your inner stirrings and glimmers of emotions, and watch for patterns. You are guided in all Divine Ways. And never worry, a few wrong steps and you will be guided ever more strongly back onto your intended path.

That is enough for today.

Clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Messages From the End of the Road: The Benefit of No Guarantees

 

Well, well, well!  This post has been in the making for quite some time now. The first part of the lesson is that we are here on Earth, away from Heaven, where...in Heaven, everything is guaranteed, everyone is honest (telepathy causes this), and everyone follows the same universal rules.  Life on Earth, by comparison, is a huge kick in the back side! On Earth, we are constantly adapting and adjusting and learning and growing. Why? Because guarantees in general do not exist!

If you realize the fragility and beauty of being alive, you take into consideration the wonderful gift of Free Will, you stop and appreciate what good you have. Anything can be taken away in an instant. That is why our friendships, our family connections are precious. Ask anyone who has lost a beloved family member. Ask anyone who has lost their health. Ask anyone who has experienced loss. They will tell you.

Yet, sometimes loss is in fact the gateway to something new. Something better. This is the uncertainty of being incarnate on Earth.

Even now, I cannot do that which I once could in my younger years. And I appreciate those things all the more now that I am still able to do. 

I have changed so much on the inside. This is the first time in my life where I am opening my eyes to see truths that had been in my blind spot. I was searching for love my whole life, when actually, it is present not as a romantic relationship. It is there in the eyes of friends, in the kindness of strangers, in the love of my pets...even in Nature with a gentle breeze and the sunshine.  I had been so hung up on finding a good life partner, and for making up for the mistakes...it wasn't until recently I learned that I have severe attachment injuries, really bad ones, that probably scar me for life, at least, make it near impossible to bond with another in a close personal relationship at home. A child, yes, of course. But a partner? Then after studying much on things like online dating 'Are We Burning the Same Haystack'  I am discovering that there are a lot of very serious unpleasant things happening between couples! Cheating, lying and deception is the norm. Thus, I realize that my being single, is actually the pie in the sky dream of many women who have been in unsatisfactory relationship and who are finally getting out of them!

I know I have the skills now to communicate effectively, and to look out for my own interests anywhere I am. It's been a hard lesson, and a painful one. By the same token, if I had not been injured emotionally, I would be watching television, believing what I am told, and not pursuing a spiritual life. It simply had to be.

Speaking of the Spiritual life, I want to point out one area of the Exorcist ministry  I find somewhat curious. The priests who share are not 'spiritual sensitives'--they can't see dark spirits. They see the physical manifestations such as the dark, hollow eyes of a client. They get scratched, yelled at, spit on, and humiliated by the spiritual entities they are weakening and releasing from the client. But these teams, and the priests work on teams, often have a 'spiritual sensitive' member who can see into the Spirit Realm. 

These sensitives are highly valued members of the team. 

The other day I was at the crystal shop. I said that it isn't often I can talk about the energies I feel from the crystals, the energies I pick up in general, and how even more rare it is for someone to offer me a crystal that helps me feel better in a wounded part of me, my heart center. 

Where do spiritual sensitive people go in this life?

Most keep it quiet. I did not know that psychic gifts run in my family until I was much older, like, in my twenties. Before then it was a little game. Mom didn't have to yell for us girls to come home from playing, she would just think of us and we would come home. Guessing that card someone was looking at. Mom getting a terrible feeling and not knowing what bad thing would happen, then a plane would crash and many lives would be lost somewhere out in the world and that feeling would stop. It wasn't just mom it was relatives going back and younger ones being born...

The church teaches us this is all demonic. 

Yet the spiritual sensitive, without any training, becomes a valuable member of the team. 

Someone wants our spiritual gifts to be quiet. The entire system is set up to discredit intuition. 

But, for those who find training and like-minded people? Well, good for you! I would caution that like so many other things in this life, there are scammers out to take your money just about in every possible way. 

And as we develop the skills, we must take heart to avoid our ego. When the ego drives the magic, things darken. That is a whole big slippery slope that is easy to slide down.

Instead, we ask for forgiveness. From Divine Creator. We ask for guidance and ask for forgiveness for any mistakes we might make, and to be kept as close to the trail of our true path as possible. We are humble. And always looking to improve. 

Each of us has a valuable role in bringing the frequencies of Heaven to Earth. We anchor them. We emit them and nourish those around us, like as a continuous source of Reiki. We apologize and take accountability as necessary if we make a mistake. And we LOVE. We love, we are loving, wise, and gentle. 

Deceivers may deceive. And they will.

And Star Family, who is legitimate, and True, will continue to Light the Path for others to find their way.

clap! clap!

Aloha and mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The kin, your kin, your Star Family

Messages from the End of the Road: Committed to Learning

 

The sky's the limit! 

Sometimes we believe we have everything 'all figured out'.  We are cruising along in our own lane. And it appears that absolutely nothing has changed, that things are still the same. This happens because you are learning important lessons unconsciously. Perhaps feeling feelings you had buried a long time ago? Perhaps building a new framework for your strengths you didn't realize you had in your personality?

I work a lot.

Money is tight.

I do my best to be a good person.

I have had some insights recently that knocked me on my bottom! Like, 'what the heck?' kind of insights. 

Remember Truth hurts sometimes.  There is something about being incarnate where you think if it is in your sphere of influence and you are comfortable with it, then you are fine. That is why the Truth hurts. It is sudden awareness of our misperceptions.

First one--I had focused on my losses when it came to Ross. I have been and continue to live in a world of pain from our past mutual incarnation relationship. He was not there for me. He vanished in a horrible way. He was no protector or provider back in those times (he is now, I give him credit).

It came to me after mass--his greatest triumph also happened to be my greatest loss. And for him, it was a Good Thing. And because I love him, I could at least acknowledge his Triumph and Success and be happy for him to have lived out his Life Plan to the letter. 

This is the first step in releasing my death grip on resentment against Divine Father for his plan, against Ross for going along with that plan, and to realize I played a pivotal role in the success of that plan myself--just at my own sacrifice of my life's hopes and dreams. The plan worked. I must have agreed to it on some level without my remembering I did. 

Is this gaslighting myself? No. Absolutely not. It is holding the space in my relationship with Ross, and with Divine Father, for two simultaneous truths at the same time. Yes, it sucked to be me back then. But it really was Ross' biggest achievement.

How about the second Truth?

Even though I was abandoned in pregnancy, and I have done everything I could to raise a good son, and my heart is happy I got to be a mother, it does not negate the fact that I had a baby out of wedlock. Many women do now. I 'broke the rules'. Here I am upset with that Only Fans woman for her sleeping with one thousand men, and even more upset because my own son is a victim to something along those lines with someone he says, 'is like a famous singer' (polite cough, yeah, right). Yes those are upsetting things against God's rules for a happy life. But just because I am focused on their blatant misperceptions, does not excuse me from my own. I sinned too. 

Do I understand why I sinned? Yes. Attachment trauma in the past. Severe trauma that I had been in denial about, trauma that caused deep psychological damage that makes it near impossible to bond normally to another human being. The reason that those attracted to me had been horribly abused and child protective services had to be called is because they were my mirrors I was not wanting to see.  People like me are raised to accept behaviors a healthier person would identify as 'red flags'. We think it is 'normal' to be mistreated.

Deep down, every sin is just like everything else, a cry for love. Sometimes it is very distorted. But all of us are crying for love down here in this virtual repeat of Sodom and Gomorrah. Yes it will be nice to have God take control and get rid of the insanity. But, be open and honest with yourself about how being in this environment has affected you. Be willing to admit your mistakes. Remember they are a cry for love. And accept the love however it arrives.

Acknowledge and accept your shortcomings. 

This has led me to a whole new way of breakthroughs in my personal life. 

I let go of the anger, and frustration over our new group at work being rejected for our Medi-Cal application. I explained politely that in Legal Zoom the Articles of Incorporation are the one sheet from the state awarding you corporationship. But the Bylaws are the parts that spells out who does what in the corporation. So it was my mistake not to include them in the request for the Articles of Incorporation. I thought they were two separate things.

End result? People helped me to resubmit it and it is in process. 

This was a ten thousand dollar mistake to our group. Because the state required an insurance policy. It cost that much. In August of last year. But now there is a second chance before August  and renewal. Late, but not lost money.

Recently I got a parking ticket when I picked Anthony up for Spring Break. It was for parking in the red zone. What had been a loading zone had been repainted.  I explained that I had just driven through bad traffic for two hours, and we were going to turn and drive back home for another hour an a half. I needed to pee. My son said I would be okay to go up to his apartment. So I ran. And I had the times of the texts, I had my Oura ring showing the activity of me running. I admitted I had made a mistake but I was thinking with my bladder and I am sorry it won't happen again. One hundred dollars is a fortune for me as a single mom. Would they please lower the penalty?

I was shown mercy. It was changed to a warning. 

Again, I made a mistake while ordering beautiful recycled plastic Adirondack chairs for the yard. The order went through funny on Amazon. So I clicked again. I ended up with eight chairs instead of the four! Each box weighs forty five pounds! I can't lift them. Because it was not sold by Amazon technically (their inventory) but through the company on Amazon, I needed to straighten this out. I told them I loved the chairs, just I had too many. The deal was four hundred dollars for the four chairs, but the expense was eight hundred. I needed the refund. Through patience and kindness of others, I was allowed to pay for two chairs to ship and they paid for two, so I paid a total of eighty dollars (taken off my refund) to return the chairs. Also, they helped me get this done before I take Anthony back to school for the Spring Quarter.

The lessons are mistakes happen. God knows it. Other people know it. And we manage them as best as we can. Others can be our mirrors, our teachers, our coaches and our guides. Be thankful for your experiences. Be kind and gentle with yourself when new awareness of Truth hits. Enjoy the day and the freedom we have been given to be spiritual beings having and Earthly experience.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Messages From The End Of The Road: New Insights

 

This week there was a special lecture about a certain famous shroud. I chose to attend. The place was packed. The lecturer was a famous Jesuit priest who also has his own TV show. He works for the diocese and our pastor works with him there and knows him. He is highly acclaimed.

I would like to share some insights from the lecture, as well as the new insight, which, isn't it ironic that someone who apprenticed to work with wood as a contractor was put to his end by being nailed himself to wood?

The long story short is that the carbon 14 dating is off because there was an electromagnetic radiation event that sent out lots of neutrons (uncharged particles) which created the image on the shroud. This image is not from dye or blood, as it only affects the topmost layer of the fibers of the linen.

The shroud itself is fourteen feet long, and it is made of exceptionally expensive, fine woven linen. 

The victim of the crucifixion is five foot ten inches tall.

The crown of thorns was a Syrian crown, not a circle like some show but more of a cap. It is not like a British crown that has parts that meet up over the top. It is a solid, almost beret like hemisphere with a ring  like band at the bottom. Oddly enough I can't find anything that even looks like the image he showed us on the internet. That is a big hmmmm. And this is what the crown was made of syrian christ thorn. They are thick at the base, taper to a point and curve in.

The shroud is a negative image. So what we see is like looking at what the negative in film would make, the positive image. It is anatomically accurate and shows the front and back of the victim. You can see the spine, the spear wound, one hundred twenty six whip wounds (big number but I forget exactly how many), and even that the right shoulder was dislocated.

Apparently when he carried the cross and fell, the heavy wood bounced up and then fell hard on the shoulder. The arm could not work any more, it was paralyzed. That is why someone else had to carry the cross the rest of the way.

The nails went in at the base of the wrist and angled the tip towards the elbow. This goes through the median nerve. On the right he wouldn't feel anything (hopefully) due to the dislocation but on the left it would be terribly painful. 

There are fluids in the shroud that have been tested. Blood type I think was AB positive. They saw high levels of creatine and another thing that according to the priest was indicative of rhabdomyolysis and extreme trauma. Rhabdo is when muscles are crushed and kidney failure is a risk because of the myoglobin from the broken muscles in the bloodstream gumming up the kidney filtering apparatus. We hydrate and acidify the urine. I have taken care of many trauma patients. The only one I recall with rhabdo jumped off a bridge in a suicide attempt. Just to give you an idea of the intensity of the trauma.

It was hard for me as a medically trained person to listen to a priest talk about medical information.  Especially when it came to the water coming out of the chest. He said it was pleural fluid. I know you can get a pneumothorax, a hemothorax, or a pneumohemothorax where the chest fills with blood. Since he had trouble breathing because of the positioning on the cross, if he tried breathing against a closed airway, fluid would rush into the lung tissues, and pink foam would come up and out. If chest trauma had caused the hemothorax, and the blood had clotted, then you would see clear and blood tinged fluid. 

What bothers me is that the tip of the spear went over the fifth rib on the right and touched the heart tip (possible) according to the priest. Then the 'water' came out.

What I think is that this soldier had seen a lot of crucifixions. And that death was imminent with the fluid of whatever kind in the lung. And he knew how to let it out so that the crucifixion could go on for longer. That person had the kind of knowledge of someone in battle or in healthcare who works with trauma has. That is one of the first things a trauma surgeon team does is put in a chest tube. 

I know everything was cruel and deliberate and designed to make the victim suffer. But from the lecture, that is the biggest thing I encountered.

The lecture itself was hypnotic and boring. My Oura ring actually registered sleep for the whole hour, and my neighbor seated next to me, his wife and daughter didn't even come because they thought it would be boring, and even though he always goes to the special Lent lecture, he agreed it was boring too. 

The speaker spoke of technical things, carbon fourteen dating and other tests. Not many photos. And after long discourses of technical matter, would say Bing! Bong! Wrongo! Basic elementary sounds to summarize to the audience what all of his discourse had been. Proving scientific doubters wrong about the most miraculous piece of cloth. 

He was literally preaching to the choir!

I am grateful for the opportunity. I was hoping for something hopeful, something visual, something to prove that which cannot be proven, once and for all. 

Time to go through another day, and start it. Thank you for your interest and for your reading.

Ross is quiet. He smiles briefly, nods and looks down, and holds up his left arm and hand to say, 'I'll talk to you later'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Messages From The End of the Road: Lock and Load

 

I am a fan of summer. Do you know what these are? These are water balloons. Someone is ready for a huge fight! And unlike what has been going on with the spiritual warfare, and unrestricted warfare, and information warfare--which has been going on forever, millennia in fact!--water balloon fights are relatively quick. You run out of the ammunition quickly.

Are you ready?

One of our loved channelers, John Smallman, passed away in October. His daughter Kristie let us know today. That's it. He is gone. No more Saul or Jesus through John messages. It was his time. 

No one knows what tomorrow is going to bring. Even those experts who study the Bible that I follow, well, the algorithm is hiding their posts. And bringing the Bible prophecy in alignment with current events is what they are talking about. 

All I know is that there are some horrible plans out there, and they are not good. This is nothing new, it is in the book of Revelation--things are going to get worse before they improve. There is some agenda thing that is scheduled for 2030. If you have studied those types of sources you could see movements in that general direction. I was talking with a friend in Europe who says that the government wants to 'permanently borrow' the savings of the citizens. That is not good. 

Friday I was stuck doing things on the computer. And one of the things I needed to do was scheduler a technician to come to the house to fix something. A long time ago this company was headquartered a couple miles from my house, and customer service was excellent!

Now I find it is hard to find ways to access a human through 'contact us'. On a different website the electronic form would not submit even though I had clicked all the boxes necessary. Personally, with my old billing company, no one picks up the phone. People respond to email, not voicemail. All this working from home has changed things radically. So here I am, on the phone, with a human, the only person I have spoken to all day, and this man Jerome, let's call him, had the best story!

His daughter is in college, so he works at Taco Bell at night to make it so she does not have to take out loans. And there is something new at his Taco Bell--AI is receiving the orders on the drive through.  He said that some people are okay with it. And others? They just get angry and curse and swear at the speaker!! He said you can't tell who is going to lose their cool by looking at them, but significant numbers just hate the new way to order.

It doesn't surprise me. Other fast foods have their apps and encourage you to order 'ahead'--to get rid of the workers just like the self-check at the grocery store gets rid of the workers too. Some places are cashless. I went to a street fair, and the bar was a pickup truck, especially modified, and that's it there was no cash. I got my first green beer ever and was okay. I also bought some things I didn't really need to help support those who were selling things and renting booths at the event. It helps to support the local economy and the community. 

Another thing that got me upset on Friday is how you need your telephone to get the text so you can log into your bank accounts. It is supposed to be for security. But I always look deeper. How easy it would be to require some implanted device to prove our identity to be able to get into our bank account, or to buy, or to sell! 

I am not the only one thinking along these lines. My church is packed! And last week, on vacation, I went to mass in the morning, at six-thirty a.m. There was about one hundred people there. 

People KNOW.

They sense it in their bones that something funny is going on, and that something isn't right.  I encourage you to really get in touch with your intuition (and discernment). Tell fear to take a hike! But act on your best judgement.  

If church makes you feel better, then go. 

If going on hikes makes you feel better, then hike. 

Be sure to love those around you and let your family know how much you care about them.  Give thanks for everything that goes right in your day, don't worry you won't bore your Creator. Be glad and rejoice for every good thing. And for every not so great thing, look for the silver lining and lean on Spirit to help you make it through.

That is enough for today.

Oh, one more thing!

Here is a story of the daughter of Nathaniel Hawthorne, the author, Rose Hawthorne. She married an abusive man and left him. She became famous for helping those less fortunate, and became a nun. Here is a link story of her life. I really like her story because it wasn't her fault her life wasn't so good in marriage. She really changed and made her life worthwhile. She is on her way to becoming a saint now too.

Ross

I am achy, sore and tired, and I love you. There has been a lot which has been taking my attention as of late. There isn't much to say except you are being guided by the best I have to offer, my loving wife, and her heart is well connected to mine for always. We are close, and therefore since you know us, you are close too.

Remember my love. And to watch the birds and let them bring you joy in these difficult times.

clap! clap! 

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namste,

Peace

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are One

Messages From The End of the Road--Reflections on a Journey Called Life

 

It is a cloudy day. I have the heater on right next to me while I write. Oh! What a journey it has been!

The point is, that we are not encouraged to develop our souls, our spirit, and our knowledge of things metaphysical.  To support this, may I point out the many distractions in forms of entertainment or even struggling to be able to survive and pay the rent...being incarnate has a lot of reasons to overlook the pursuit of the ephemeral and the unseen.

But that is how our life works! Everything, after all, is composed of frequency and vibration, energy. We attract things and experiences to ourselves. 

So, on the one hand, we have a group of beings who are keeping this information and knowledge to themselves, and doing their best to take advantage of those who lack understanding of how everything works. What I have experienced is sort of a long, deep path like the Colorado river here at the horseshoe bend, almost a one hundred eighty degree bend...

I started out deeply fascinated by the metaphysical. I was seven years old and reading Linda Goodman's Sun Signs, my mom's books on numerology, handwriting analysis, palmistry...I couldn't get enough. I felt vaguely familiar with the materials. It was like meeting up with an old friend I had not seen in a long time.

At the same time, I was so drawn to religion! The first time I saw a rosary, I was like five or six, and I stole it from a family friend's dresser when we were visiting! Of all things to steal, right? But I HAD TO HAVE IT and I couldn't explain why. It was not for the beads or the sparkles. I couldn't understand it. We were lapsed from the Church. I made first communion at thirteen and confirmation at fourteen. I went weekly to services ever since. I remember at my grandfather's funeral, actually the rosary service, and I was at the podium guiding the family in their grief, saying the prayers (I did not know how to pray a rosary at that time). I felt energy flowing through me, so strong and powerful! People came up to me and commented afterwards how much my reading meant to them and helped them. 

Once I was in a serious relationship, his mom, who went to Mass daily, gave me a Rosary and I learned how to pray it. Through their family, I met Barbara Matthias, a visionary and locutionary in Santa Maria, California. And that was how I began a personal relationship with Blessed Mother. 

Medical School was daunting! I went to Mass every chance I could! But also, not once but twice, I had the experience of communicating with the recently deceased (not patients). It was just a place I could go. Instinctively, I could talk these souls into taking my hand and I gently walked them over to the Light. I also could go to an old, old house and talk with the owners in Spirit--my favorite conversation was asking the man of the house, in his wood workshop, what was Jesus' favorite toy? It was a wooden carved duck with wheels and a string you could pull. He showed it to me.

I got to a point where I was at the end of my rope. I did not understand why I had these otherworldly experiences, or why I was having them. Then life took me to an education, from psychic development, to Reiki and higher levels, to Divine Peace Healing, Astrology, Mediumship, Healing, and Sicilian/Italian herbal medicine.  I was hungry to learn!

And I was happy. I considered myself a Tribal Catholic.

Then, I read something in 2012. It was Cobra's Red Pill article and I read all of the links. It took a long time, days, but I understood that things are not what they may seem. And I stopped going to church because I did not want to support a facade of good over a deep, dark underbelly of secrets and lies.

It has been like things have been getting harder to hear in Spirit since 2012. I know I used to drink distilled water, and had stopped, perhaps it was my pineal gland getting re-calcified? Was it the trauma of Covid and how it affected our lives? Especially being in the hospital and being made to take care of these patients. I had to take twelve hour shifts just being available to intubate if there was a Code Nineteen overhead page. 

I had lost my bright energy. Yes, my thyroid was half removed. Yes, I had lots of stress being a single mom. I did a lot of learning about myself, my attachment style, my undiagnosed highly functioning ADHD/autism...I learned to open up and share on a personal level, not just here as it had been my only outlet for the longest time, for my heart to just open.

I listened and learned a lot from YouTube like Jessie Czebotar, near death experiences, orthodox Catholics. I struggled with my weight, tore my ACL in Pilates, recovered...I got the job of my dreams (no call! no weekends!) but then increased responsibility (forming a new corporation) and politics really started to get me down.

The only positive is I have learned the Hawaiian language and culture, that has brought me joy! I have adjusted to my son going away to college. 

One thing that stuck with me is Kerth Barker knowing that Christianity is legit. Then Jessie and others have escaped the System through the mercy of our Divine Creator and our Lord Jesus. 

Then I participated in something called a Deliverance session led by an exorcist who is pretty well known online. I felt an incredible lightness in my chest and like all this weight had been lifted off of me!! This was in December 2024.

Then, right after that, the letter from the Homeowner's insurance of cancellation. Then, I had the power washing (expensive), car trouble (expensive) and damage from the power washing to repair (more expenses). This led to the termite tenting (really expensive!). This time I was also having a rat scratching away inside the ceiling over my bathroom and bedroom. Three visits from experts to isolate and stop it were unsuccessful (and expensive!). I also discovered my son was involved in an expensive addiction that he was hiding from me. The next month, more car trouble (expensive!). Oh yes, and a golf ball broke a window, which needed to be fixed (expensive, frustrating). But that has led to more things to need fixing...

Can you tell that someone somewhere did not like my participation in the Deliverance sessions? That someone was majorly pissed, was it not?

Now I have come back to the Church. And my heart is very happy, my energy is good, and I feel complete. What the Church does is say a St. Michael's prayer after every mass, and for this I am thankful! Divine Mother has helped considerably with my son's concerns, there has been improvement.

Both hands need to work together. A good tool for Divine Creator needs to understand both the easy/happy parts of the unseen, as well as have a working knowledge of what deception and activities are hidden in plain sight. It is almost as if I entered one curriculum that has been followed by another. 

I remember a long time ago, I was sick of having my heart broken by men, and I considered joining the convent. For the first time in my life, God said NO. I ended up becoming a mother. I learned about Sister Charlotte. God was protecting me! There was another time God said NO, and I trust again it was for my own benefit and to keep me from harm. 

Am I staying with Reiki?

Yes.

Nobody can appreciate the experiences in Spirit I personally have had. Does the deliverance guy hate Reiki and does it hurt when he says so? Yes. It does. But I also take into consideration where he is coming from, and his Purpose. He could not do what he does if he was having experiences that were any different from the ones he has had, right?

Am I pulling a Doreen Virtue? No. Not on your life.

Am I doing a Lisa Raven Eddy? In my own way, I would say yes. Both of us are processing our experiences with respect to our upbringing. And, like her, I would say there is a group of souls who are not the 'witchy witchy woo woo' healers Jessie Czebotar has described, but are more like the James and Deb who Kerth Barker describes. Super strong Christians who know things through the Holy Spirit and have a working knowledge of both this world and the hereafter. And this type of connection is very sweet. It connects hearts and brings out the best in ourselves and those around us.

We long for the afterlife because deep down everyone knows that is what is truly REAL. And like Hope Johnson says, what we are doing here is 'making everything up!'--here in the third dimension. The greatest purpose is for LOVE. 

The Colorado river started off as snowfall on the Rockies! Then it ended up flowing through canyons, carving them, taking seemingly random turns through a literal desert! Sometimes the water is green, blue, or even red/muddy! But it always keeps flowing, and keeps heading towards its final destination, the sea.

Be like the Colorado River. Always keep moving and learning. Pick yourself up after your mistakes and know that mistakes are totally human. Remember you are both loved and cherished. Of incredible value to all of us here and on the other side of the Veil. Keep being YOU, experience JOY, and make the most of the time you have here with us on Earth, incarnate.

Ross said he couldn't get a word in edgewise and is waiting until next time to speak and share his perspective.He is poking a little fun at me and that is okay. I am used to it!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Messages from the End of the Road: My Painful Discovery

 

My latest life lesson--which spans across multiple incarnations--has taken me a while to absorb and to heal.

It will sound simple when I share it.

Emotions may move massively once a single blockage has been removed.

I have been trained, from early early incarnations, to give complete and total care to my twin, Ross. As his wife in our last incarnation, I not only looked out for his best interests, I cooked, I cleaned, I wove fabric, I sewed all his clothes, I cleaned his body (wives washed their family), I fixed his shoes, I entertained his business partners by serving them dinner in our home, and I went wherever and whenever he needed to go, I was always there by his side.

Ross doesn't need me.

Where he is, I always worry. I worry because I can't personally see to it that he is healthy, rested, fed, and happy. 

But that is a lie.

He is fine, perfectly fine, exactly where he is.

I have no idea who is taking care of him. I highly doubt he is independent in the realm of Spirit because in all our lifetimes on earth together he was counting on me for a whole lot of tasks and helping.  Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't?

Either way, I do not know.

And from our interactions, Ross always answers my questions when I ask if he is eating okay, well rested, and the like. He smiles. And he looks healthy. 

But I am not there.

It breaks me to know I am not needed for him at this time.

And the lesson?

In all my lifetime here, the fact of the matter is, Ross has been taking care of me. From the sidelines, it is not obvious, but if I look for the patterns and the signs it is there.

And the hardest part?

Learning to welcome and accept and trust in his care for me. Learning to receive. Learning to trust in my heart that this is not an exchange of energy that I need to return the favor in some way shape or form. It is a gift. This is my time. Right here. Right now. 

I find it difficult to love someone who is 'invisible' (in the Spirit world). Oh how much I would prefer to make a cup of tea for us, and to enjoy it together and talk! It is hard too when most people here on Earth appear in couples. It hurts not to have someone at my side in that way. But I understand. And thankfully for the Telepathy Tapes, we are learning that distance is nothing, and connection such as this is real.

That is enough for today.

Ross

Can you believe that today Carla wrote what is on her heart in ten minutes? It took three minutes to select and download the picture. 

That is how pressing this lesson is on her at this time.

And it has taken a whole week for her to digest it enough to be able to describe it and share it with you.

In the grand scheme of things, I do not want to go down in the books as a taker, a domestic useless weight, that was a burden to Carla (although she does love caring for those she loves, and her caring is definitely one of her Love Languages--acts of Service).  My counselors and guides up here emphasize that in my relationship with Carla I am going to have to accept personal responsibilities I had assumed had always been there but in fact were deftly and swiftly managed by her. So as I work on this, I struggle, and I reassure myself that in the long run everything is going to be Worth It!

This goes for all of you as well!

So, I encourage you to go out and learn your Hardest Lesson! And to make progress with it, no matter how slow. Because the time is just around the corner where these learning opportunities such as they are currently will be absent. There is another Great Thing that is going to be taking its place.

Shhhhhhh! (he smiles and winks and holds his finger up to his mouth). P.S. I am not Illuminati! (he is cracking up!) I just can't keep a secret, myself. Not for very long. <3

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

Messages From The End of the Road: Consensus

 

I went to mass this morning. It had been a long time, and I had missed it. Reading the things Cobra had released in 2012, and my awakening, had led me to depart from the Church, especially contributing financially to the church.

As the Pope lies ill, I have mixed feelings. I know. I know about what goes on beneath the church, I understand the things Jessie Czebotar shared about what goes on inside the church buildings after hours, all of it is extremely shocking and distasteful.

Even by extension the worst of the worst, the Black Mass, a total inversion of what was left for the followers after his death and resurrection, is a mockery of both the followers and the one who left the church behind for their consolation.

Today I saw with my own eyes that no matter how much darkness uses a facade of goodness to hide behind and do their heinous and unspeakable 'system'--it is the other way around. Yes! No matter how much darkness, no matter how 'strong' it may appear in the world, the power of good will vastly overshadows it. Darkness cannot overcome Holiness/Goodness/Love from Divine Creator. 

It wants to.

And there has been a slow organized, methodical approach to these times by Team Dark. 

What Creator has built is stronger. 

We are fortunate to get to see this in our times. 

Darkness is hidden deep within many organizations. The Church is one example. 

Goodness will prevail.

It has to, energetically. It has the upper hand in every way.

Lately I have been unpacking and cleaning after the tenting of my home for termites. As I work I listen to the Telepathy Tapes podcast. They are remarkable. I have caught up with all of them. I am most grateful to my friend who suggested I listen to them. It is deeply validating for those who are caught somewhere between the realm of Spirit and walking on Earth. Although the podcast is about non-verbal people with severe autism who learn to communicate by spelling, it is applicable to everyone. 

As more and more conspiracies come to light, remember to take it to heart how much stronger is the good will of our brothers and sisters.

If you would like a little 'extra credit' metaphysically, push yourself to extend love and compassion to all, even those who are enemies. If you are like me, and that is difficult then push yourself to be able to pick up that enemy and place them in God's hand and let them go. Loving our enemies is really difficult but is what sets us apart from all other beliefs. Again this is a can, not a must, but it is good to reflect on it from time to time.

It is a beautiful Spring day here. There is more unpacking and organizing to do in the home. I will excuse myself and leave you to enjoy the rest of your day.

With blessings, love and joy,

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins who are calibrated for Peace.