Our souls are strong!
There is no 'emotional/spiritual bypass'.
When it is time for us to heal and grow from misperceptions our consciousness may have carried for thousands of years or longs, it is time to focus on that, and to let everything else we possibly can let go of, slide. For just a bit.
Our dishes I worked on yesterday. The laundry is really backed up. Anthony helped with bringing out the trash cans and putting them back.
I managed to fill the pool on my last two days off. And to take two Pilates classes.
Otherwise is was tears, tears and meditation, holding back the tears, watering the garden while crying, and lots of time resting either in the sun or just taking naps.
Doesn't it sound almost like a newborn's schedule? I smile when I think about that.
Each of us is being born into the Higher dimensions. And here is a quote I like: Everything that happens in your life is always in your favor, and you create it on some higher level of your own consciousness for the purpose of discovering your magnificence. --Dr Sue Morter
So...that being said...
Yesterday I was like, 'Ross? Is there any way you can break my heart again?'
And the image I saw, surprised me and made me giggle.
Raphael and Michael were like, hitting Ross with sticks or leaves, nothing hard, but you could tell Ross was being 'punished' for having broken my heart so bad...
Ross looked sheepish and was smiling.
So I asked again, 'Ross are you SURE that there isn't any way you can break my heart again like the last time?'
And again I was given the vision of Raphael and Michael giving Ross a good 'thrashing' just so I understood that not only is it not possible, they are going to see to it that it never, ever, ever happens that way between us again. It's more than just me and Ross. It's family this time.
And I felt better. I felt my first glimmer of hope in a long time.
You see, I've been practicing 'attachment', the healthy kind, to someone who genuinely cares, and this is the third time I've 'attached' and then 'disconnected' and it's super painful...the Ross wound opening up fresh...as it rises up to be healed. And it's very painful!
If you have ever broken a bone, you might not know what is required of the person who is setting it. I've done it once with an arm bone. You have to bend the broken bone in the direction of the break a little further, to loosen up the bone ends enough to right them into position with one swift motion! You put numbing medicine first into the area of the break (hematoma block) and make sure there's i.v pain medicine on board before you set the bone. But, that's how it's done outside of the operating room.
Inside the operating room, it's pretty much the same only the patient is under anesthesia and there's fluoroscopy and screws and plates and k-wires.
I asked one last time, 'Ross, are you going to break my heart?'
And again I saw the thrashing of Ross by his two brothers, all three of them smiling, making it extra dramatic for me to finally UNDERSTAND the point they were all three trying to get across to me.
Then I said, 'Ross, if you would like, you may try to win my heart this time.' No guarantees. No promises from either one of us. But at least it helps to change the dynamics from something 'arranged' to something a little more relevant to us in modern times.
There had been a huge block between me and Ross for months. I'd been dancing around and dodging and avoiding painful anything. The connection had felt old and stale, and I couldn't open up.
Today, now, we are on the right track, it feels alive, it feels healthy. And I know I've always been in good hands with my guides, even when I was in the pool and sobbing my heart out. I knew I was in a safe place the last two days, and was given space to process these things.
Well, when it rains it pours. I went out to lunch with a friend. It's been very hot. I went afterwards to the grocery store and the strawberry stand. And after that strawberry stand, the car was bouncing dangerously on the way home in a way it never had done, along the back roads to our home.
On one level I knew something was wrong. But I wasn't sure how to verbalize it. I hoped perhaps the 'wait for car to rise' warning would go away after the car cooled down. At six I wanted to go buy gasoline because a new fifty cents a gallon tax is in effect today. I watched carefully, the car 'rose' and I drove normally but about a block away, on a busy highway, it 'deflated' the suspension. The same warning came on. And I was at a left-hand turn signal. But the car never recovered. I pulled over, put on my hazards after the turn which was bumpy. I called Anthony. I didn't know what to do. And he said to get a tow to the shop. I called the shop, and they were nice. Then I used the app for the tow. And I waited. A long time.
The tow man has helped us before. Many a time. He's a graduate of our local high school, he met his wife there, and his three daughters all have gone there. I asked him if he had ever gotten snow cones from this shop and his three daughters each have worked there.
But he's throwing in the towel. Yesterday was his last day. His rent on his two bedroom apartment is going up to $2,600 a month. He doesn't even make $100,000. He said to live comfortably in the area you need $200,000 a year. For the company, his car takes $250 of diesel a day, and for the 'big rigs', over $1000 for diesel a day. He's relocating to Oregon. He can get twice as much square footage on the rental home for $1,600 a month. He has a friend there, and two jobs lined up, one with a moving company and one washing windows. There's more rain there. But he can garden. He's done.
I gave him a forty dollar tip, spirit nudged me, to help him start his new life.
I understand that I need a new car. I've been putting it off. Last car I didn't really 'like', but I bought because little Anthony was like five, and gave me all of his money ($250) to help pay for it because he loved it so much. It's a nice car but it's never been 'me'...I've gotten some bad driving fears in it around snowy mountain roads. But I've overcome some of the other fears. But I felt Spirit nudge. And I know the right car is out there for me.
Today I need to drop Anthony off to his work and pick him up. Over the weekend, a rental car. Or just stay home, which actually I love to do.
I'm praying the whole time for guidance on everything.
Be YOU.
Be unapologetically YOU.
If you are working through 'things', plan little 'breaks' (like my Pilates classes) and just otherwise let the process happen. Your soul has been carrying burdens for too long. Let your lessons guide you. Know even if it's super painful, it's temporary, and it's going to be okay in the end.
We do the best we can. Everyone else is doing the best they can. And all of it is for the highest good.
Ross
I've had Carla on a 'long leash' lately as her guide, but I never completely abandoned her. I was always close, guiding with my energy, for I have a double role as her Twin and her guide. So, Carla didn't feel the connection as close as she did in the past.
It's kind of like when a child is learning to walk. You need to let them make their mistakes and fall and bruise themselves. It is in this way they develop not only the muscles but the confidence to keep making progress.
About the vision, the vision Carla had of me being 'beaten', that was healing on another level Carla didn't appreciate. A lot of her trauma was from witnessing myself actually being brutally beaten and murdered. So, by carefully 'overacting' Michael, Raphael and I were able to accomplish another layer of healing besides making a point Carla describes. There was no blood, no pain, no suffering, and all of it was like a family 'inside joke' with love, lots and lots of abundant love which Carla could both feel and appreciate.
There is going to be a lot of careful 'undoing' of the trauma each of you has witnessed while being incarnate, all in God's own timing which is both beautiful and Divine.
I also want to encourage you to listen to the stories of those around you, in Carla's case, the tow truck driver, and offer substance and support as best as you can in these difficult times. Sometimes being heard by a good listener is therapeutic in and of itself...
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
