I'm in a time of assimilation and rapid growth ...inside. It's always an 'inside job', isn't it?
Part of it is having frank discussions with Ross daily.
One discussion was, 'what should I focus on in these times where the AC is running the show?' The answer was to basically acknowledge that but not focus on it. Instead, just the same as always, focus on what brings me joy. And pretty much all things which bring us joy are in alignment with out Life Plan. So don't worry, go out there, and create, try, learn!
Another discussion was about people who aren't making changes. For those, Ross says to just make a mental note of how they interact with you as being a sign of where they are in their stage of development, and it's the stage talking, not really them. In a way, detach with love, and honor the path of the other.
My biggest 'aha!' was a craving I've always had. As a result of the abuse and neglect, from my childhood, I am what they call and 'anxious attacher'. I've always felt if I got the attachment 'right', that craving to be loved and held would go away.
WRONG!
It's not my place to seek another to fill that hole in my heart and soul.
It's up to me.
So yesterday, for example, I was kind to myself, ran a short series of errands Ross recommended I take, and just focused on getting myself and my health and energy back to this time zone in preparation for today's call.
This is huge! This 'aha!'. I've suffered from this 'hunger' my whole life, I could never escape it. But yes, just like with the broken bone needed to be 'bent' in the same direction of the 'break', returning to adaptive, 'normal' development would be not having such a hole, and who better to give love and attention to the ache than myself, who is always with me?
That's pretty cool, huh?
So today, I face a grueling schedule, and a surgeon who makes me cry. Yesterday I didn't let myself dwell on it because today wasn't here yet. Today, I'm getting ready in time. Going through all the preparations. I'm letting go of all expectations for today. And it's what I have to do to keep my job. At the moment.
Daily, daily, I relax and talk with Ross about my future. And he has me imagine different scenarios, sort of to try them on for size. I also ask myself with each activity I begin, 'is this creating the kind of life I wish to have for myself?' To be honest there's a lot of 'I don't know's and 'I'm not sure's in this process. But I am centered and grounded, that's good enough for me.
Time to go.
Ross gives a big thumbs up!
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twin Souls
