Well that was certainly short-lived!
Two days ago I just cried. I gave up. I realized the utter futility of trying to accomplish anything outside of my Soul Contract and also on my 'own'.
You need God's blessings. And then some!
Many Christians/baby Christians talk about the time where God has you 'on your knees'. Indeed, I was. I said, 'God, I GIVE UP!' and I placed all my hopes and dreams squarely into the hands of Creator, Ross, my Guides, and my Angels.
What is most dear to me, and something I most recently was willing to flaunt in the face of Creator (my 'Independence!') I surrendered as a gift of obedience to All That Is.
I remember long ago, after years of wanting a baby and being horribly jealous of couples who had them, that I couldn't avoid due to my work on obstetrics, I helped one couple with an epidural. Their quiet joy and humility at the miracle of new life they had brought into the world touched my heart in a way that no other ever had. And I prayed, in all humility, to Creator, and conceded that even though I myself can't have a home and family like I dreamed, there's no reason for me to protest or not join in with this true miracle of this couple. And I was happy, genuinely happy, for them and for my being able in my own way to help welcome this baby to the world.
It was only a short time after that 'letting go', I ended up pregnant myself.
With my mother, it was the same way. Five a.m. drives to the dialysis center. Mom hated them. Dad wouldn't go, he wanted her to be 'independent'. She would cry all the way there and back. She desperately wanted a transplant. She had been on the list, going through the workup, but was afraid for the pulmonology tests.
One day, she said, she spoke with God, and apologized. She realized that if this was all there was for her, dialysis, she was fortunate to be alive, and she accepted that as her fate. With all humility and honesty she had inside her.
A few weeks later, she found the courage to take that test, and in July, there was a perfect six out of six haplotype match for her that also had a strange antibody nobody else ahead of her on the list had, so she moved up to the top and got the transplant.
So the purpose of this one, isn't my situation, or my mom's.
It's the learning.
It's the gradual acceptance of the inevitable.
It's accepting with grace and all humility that God gives us what we need, in any given moment, and not what WE had thought what was best for us at the time.
Remember our examples, and be glad and welcome the 'on your knees' moments when you 'give up' completely, and remind yourself to take whatever it is you are focused on, and gently place it in the hands of Divine Creator. Let go of your attachment to it.
Trust.
Trust in the Process.
Sometimes we need to take a literal 'walk in the desert' to help sort things out and regain our perspective. I highly, highly recommend it.
Those tears I cried the other day, were long overdue. They were healing tears, showing me how I really felt, from emotions I had buried long, long ago. They were coming up to be acknowledged and released.
Step away from situations that are 'bread crumbing' you--giving you just barely enough contact and 'good stuff' to keep you engaged but never truly 'happy' and 'content'. Value yourself. Walk with your feet.
Instead, turn to Creator, and tell them exactly what you want. I am. And I will take great pleasure in nagging and reminding and haranguing my teams, telling them I am not happy at the moment and THIS is what I want, OR, 'something better'.
That's how the system works.
Am I talking to Ross again?
Yes.
And that's a definite plus. It didn't feel good to be 'stopped up' like that. I knew he was watching and caring. But sometimes we each need to go through our experiences and nobody can take that away from us.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple who are very much in Like at the moment, although as two souls we share a genuine connection as Twin Flames. Ross reminds us it's not always easy, when you are incarnate, and it is those with whom we have soul ties which are strong who often 'push our buttons' on us.
