How are things going?
Much better.
Remember that the Universe gives you exactly what you need, at any given moment. Even if YOU would rather have different.
And, keep in mind that with Ross as my Soul Twin, I have infinite trust in him, and he in me. We are working within a paradigm where he is out of the matrix, and therefore, completely healed, rational, and 'otherworldly'--following the customs of Home. Meanwhile I am inside the matrix, and healing from scars I've carried upon my soul for ages. Everything has been forgiven between us for a long time. But, just like with scars, perhaps, from a burn, there is care and physical therapy needed to keep the patient able to move and function as normally as possible. For me, learning how to interact with others in a healthy way, and heal the attachment dysfunction, is first and foremost...
This past weekend was my medicine.
No Anthony. He took off for his dad's to celebrate Father's day.
No family for me. It was my old wedding anniversary but it's been thirty four YEARS. They are busy enough.
No friends for me. Why? Because friends make you feel better. And when you need to heal, sometimes you need space to 'feel the feelings' and 'allow'.
Surprisingly, Anthony stayed Saturday to help me with two big chores I can't do easily by myself. Cleaning the rabbit and cage isn't easy. I clean the rabbit because the cage is heavy and awkward. Then we feed the snake together. I drop the mice and he handles the snake and the feeding area.
It felt a little awkward going to Disneyland alone. It was the first time, where I wasn't going to meet anyone. I used to do this often when I was in training, long before I had Anthony.
It's a nice place to go when you are alone. I found it a challenge because usually we do whatever Anthony wants to do. This time Ross said to just be present in the moment, and not to think of anything from the past or the future. So I did. I had a nice lunch, a corn dog, because I was hungry at two. Later I bought a special dinner option so I could have a nice place to watch Fantasmic. It's easier to get into rides when it's just you. And waiting in line is no problem. I realized actually people are so much on their phones that there's not a lot of conversation even when you are in line together with others. I saw the Main Street Electrical Parade, and also, Fantasmic. The show was better than before because they made smoother transitions between the parts and the Lion King part and monkeys in glowing costumes on the rafts had newer costumes.
Yesterday I wasn't sure what to do. Do I do chores? Do I do work? Do I go have fun?
Ross told me to lie down. And I did. And as I rested, it came to me what to do, in what order. And I cleaned up a part of the house that's been bugging me for a long time. I only put the bare minimum on the counter once I sealed the stone of the counter. Then I went to the beach for the first time since April 2021. It felt wonderful to go to the beach. I just brought jerky to eat, and water. I didn't have time for a big meal and it was enough. The water felt so good. And there was music others were playing near my towel, and I was happy to hear it. I drove home, and then, cleaned and sealed the other counter. I just put all the crap in a laundry basket. And I can go over that whenever I want. But the bare minimum is ready, and visually it's so soothing and 'zen' now in an area where I go every day.
Anthony came home. I watered the garden. I had cereal for dinner. I slept fine.
Except I had a weird dream.
We were in San Francisco. And I was seeing someone's super tiny apartment/business space. They people there gave me a new keychain for my car, actually, a whole new car. It was an electric station wagon, supposedly really 'nice'. I was surprised and happy they were so kind. But later I realized they'd thrown away my old keychain, my house keys, and all the rest. I was willing to go look in the trash for them. And as they drove us in the 'new car', I realized it wasn't as nice as the old one, and I asked for my old one back. Then I woke up.
It's funny because the dream sort of segues into the final result of the prescription: accountability. It's part of the Divine Feminine we don't talk about much these days. Never, ever in Spiritual circles. Divine Feminine is either raging/destructive, like Kali, or loving/nurturing 'Earth mama'. We forget, and I use the term loosely because I suspect the dismantling of this is systematic and on purpose by TWDNHOBIAH--we forget that women are the ones who raise the young. And like Mother Elephants, we hold the wisdom of our species, the wisdom for survival. For humans, probably just as well as for elephants, our survival depends on not only knowing what and how to do it, but also, how to play a role in our society, as we are not solitary beings living on instinct. It is the Divine Feminine, that makes sure you learn a new task such as brushing your teeth or tying your shoes, and mastering it. You will be held accountable until you learn it right. This kind of standards keeps our society under the control of ourselves. And stealthily, like a thief in the night, the media, television, pop culture, being 'cool' and all these many many 'service to self' branded concepts are picking up where standards and accountability once were.
Even in TWDNHOBIAH circles, it's the Mothers of Darkness who impost the 'posture' and perpetuate their own system. They copy what used to be here, only here in the outside, they've identified and weakened that most important function. Our mothers today are exhausted from working outside the home, from comparing themselves to others, and from having to instill some kind of manners/kindness/hope in our society. The Divine Feminine needs protection from the Divine Masculine, and yet, in relationship, often times the men just go off and do what they want to do, even leaving their partner on a whim. And sadly, the Divine Feminines as a whole aren't acting exactly 'divinely' on their own, either. Men often step in now and do work/roles where the Divine Feminine energy is utilized. That's okay, we each have a balance within ourselves...but look inside, and check on your balance. Is it leaning heavily one way or the other? Is there anything you can do to balance it? Ask Spirit to help. Spirit will always help.
So, we have gone from just being in the moment, to working in partnership with Spirit, to learning about accountability, and taking back our power.
It's been good medicine and timely too.
Ross
I am happy.
I am quite happy and delighted and content that Carla both participates and allows her lessons to take place unhindered...and that she does the work...and her growth is remarkable!
It is by her example that I encourage you to do the same. Take your lessons to heart. Allow yourself to fully immerse in them. And see where their soul guidance takes you!
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
