Work isn't good.
I am most careful to live within my means and keep financial commitments low. In anesthesia, each day you work could be your last. Another group could go to the hospital, sign a contract, and everyone in your group that you know would be out.
My mentor Jonathan taught me well. He smiles and says, 'every day you work, you win!'
My patients are awesome. So are the surgeons, nurses, and surgical technologists.
It's my peers.
Some of them are nice, through and through, and will help you.
Others take care of number one, and cause a great deal of confusion and delay because of their chasing the almighty dollar, which is sad, because medicine is a helping profession. And with this attitude, they are not HELPING the profession to come across well to any of our associates, colleagues, and patients!
It's like digging a hole one step closer to having it be our last day, for all of us.
I literally RAN to and from the ICU to squeeze in an emergency case for a specialist by having permission and taking advantage of a surgeon who is always late...he is a friend, and had to wait for me for ten minutes.
The BEST part of the day was talking with my cardiac surgeon, heart to heart, and really getting to know him during the case.
He feels that cancer is systemic disease, and all this chemo and radiation aren't really doing the patient any good, for the price they pay both in side effect and financial ruin. He said if you have an eight month life expectancy, and you stretch it out to twelve months, that's a fifty percent increase in lifespan...but the quality of it?
He wants to be cremated. And in the coffin he wants to be in scrubs (to be practical). He wants his gloves on him and an extra pair of surgical gloves just in case, in his size.
I think that's adorable.
I shared with him about how the ER doc told me the oncologist YELLED at him hysterically because a patient who was in early stages of the death process was sent upstairs to the ICU to finish--and the oncologist was entitled and upset that there wasn't a chance to be notified for him to get that one last dose of chemo in!
Can you say MONEY?
I also told him about Sacred Crossings Death midwifery, how the funeral is at home, and how there is support from the death midwife to the family throughout the impending death. This is not hospice, it's empowering, and a movement all in its own.
He liked it.
I was on top of my game today. I got in a double lumen tube that wasn't easy, and everything went very well. I had that warm feeling in my heart of a job well done.
I was grateful.
I had to wait and run around and change rooms so much, by the end of the day I was frazzled.
My cell phone turned on my app that does this, all by itself! LOL
It totally helped.
So here I am, blowing out of the hospital at three p.m. I have all the time in the world, you know?
Ross wants me to go check out some new housing developments in my area. Some new construction.
So I went.
This is where I am at with Yogurt Peanuts in his book. It's about three-quarters finished now. He's a lot more reasonable at this point, and he really portrays the courage of the big JC towards the end.
I had to die a thousand deaths to think again about homes. And moving.
I realize all the apartment life I've lived in has caused harm to my soul; I recall the military man who lived next door to me when I was a surgical resident, who used to get drunk and bring men home for loud sex. It was so stressful to me to hear the loud music, and the thumping, and the men's voices moaning really loud.
Where could I go? I was living in subsidized low-income housing because I was an intern...
I've had roommates who were mean. I've cried for no reason, even when I lived alone, because I am so sensitive to the ENERGIES from everyone around me...
But there were some good times too. In San Diego, I loved the Korean children across the hall. And I also enjoyed seeing the wet suits drying on the balcony my apartment faced. I forgot about all the stairs I had to climb...to carry EVERYTHING from the car all the way UP.
So I drove around, looking.
I was aware of the energy in my high heart, interacting with the land. It felt good!
I realize, as an energy worker, I have 'needs' --that have to do with the collective in my area, the sunlight, the wind, nature--much much more than the school systems and how my house actually looks.
I need to be 'replanted' in a different energy 'pot'.
It has nothing to do with my wishes, or my dreams, or even my lessons.
It just IS.
Ross coached me through it.
He said, 'where are you NOW, in this moment, Now?'
To be honest, that is where I live. In this moment.
I noticed a lot of the houses sure stop looking 'now' in ten years or so. They looked awful.
I also noticed how the homes are more and more 'on top of each other', which energetically for me is disastrous.
He had me watch my high heart as I drove home the long way. I had trouble because the land and the energies started to mix with the memories of Anthony. His whole life flashed before my eyes--driving him to his dad's for visits, the gym, the place we swim on Fourth of July and watch fireworks, our restaurants...
I went to the store Ross as had told me to do. I have only one assignment besides the grocery store from Ross, one that has to do with the home--to email copies of the inspection to two people, key people. I asked him, bluntly, 'well, Ross, besides my house falling apart is there any good reason for me to move?' and I HEARD myself saying that, and was embarrassed at how human I am to think it!
So in the car, in the parking lot at the grocery store, I prayed to Creator.
I let go.
I acknowledged I don't know what I am doing, I am lost. And even though my name is on the deed and I pay taxes, the home I live in ISN'T really 'mine'--it's from Creator. Everything else is Illusion. I asked for clear direction, and for guidance, day by day.
For Grace and Ease.
My local store, is a chain. It's not a reason to stay, as comfortable as I am with it. And sure enough, both the Jamba Juice and the Panda Express are now removed--two things that made life pleasant for us.
It's getting harder to find some of my favorite foods too.
The neighborhood is changing.
And right when I came into the store, whose face was on the realtor ad? The lady who bought my next door neighbor's house and did all the changes!
I have her realtor's license number now too. It was on the fine print in the ad poster.
I don't want to sure anybody. But at least I know her name, all of it, and it was 'shown' to me too.
I will humbly thank Creator for being my parent, each day, and ask for one more day, in my home, where my little one was born eleven year ago, and brought so much joy to my life. No matter where we are, it is OUR home.
I realize this California living is pretty much the same no matter where your house is located, and whether it is an apartment or a house with a yard, it's still the weather, the freeways, the the strip malls near your house that 'make' your life...and friends and family too.
He wants you to know how ridiculous it is, for I, a single mother, to be placed HERE, of all locations! In a family-oriented community.
He nods as I say to him, 'I think I was sent here to balance the energies'...and 'I think my mission here is done'.
I recalled how my first house, where I grew up, I still miss the closet that was built in, with the two drawers under it. The sweet peas and the windows in my room to let the fragrance in. And the yard that was so big.
But when we moved when I was fourteen, I made new friends. My room was better for me, and for studying. And I found my first boyfriend too.
I recall moving to Berkeley, and again, to San Diego, and starting a new life each time.
Sometimes that is good for you.
So I have to share the most humbling part...where I live is so good, with so many reminders of my grandparents, and with nature, and neighbors, I cried and acknowledged how God made it so perfect, and chose it just right, for me. And I asked, incredulously, how could God ever do the same thing for me again?! Lightning doesn't strike twice, you know? How could it?
And at the same time, I could hear myself, as an independent observer, and I realized how this fear is completely unfounded.
God can and will take care of me, for the highest good, in the next phase of my life, with Grace and Ease...for all of my needs, including the energy ones.
It sure would be nice to have a shorter commute.
It sure would be nice not to have to worry about paying my Association and having to fight them tooth and nail to get anything done.
It would be nice to have a house I know is geologically stable.
I want an older house, a fixer upper, I can design as I want, with room for a garden...I don't want someone else's 'updates' because they look like hotels to me. I'd like a place that's a good energy fit. The beach area where I could have chickens would be nice too.
The last thing? After reading apartment reviews on YELP--you can't pick your neighbors. And when it's intolerable, the things they do, you just have to move someplace else.
Homes are temporary within the Illusion. My True Home is right where Yogurt Peanuts said--in that formless place of meditation where you 'go'.
No wonder why He is a Saint, and I am not. LOL. (If you know me personally you will understand the inside joke...)
One Last Thing To Harp On:
This article made my day. It dovetails in with all that Yogurt Peanuts writes about. How Creator loves all of the family, even those who choose darkness. Through Karma, they will find their way, eventually.
This video also makes me feel better about what I saw on Sunday too. I think the best part of this video, is how he says there's a whole 'left hand turn' to Hinduism, as well as the 'proper' one...I set forth that the symbols are eternal, such as the flower of life--and depending on the intention of how it is used, it can be for the left hand turn, or the 'right' one. Incidentally, I am getting email 'blasts' from a group linked to Cobra, which calls itself the Sisterhood of the Rose. I was really surprised to hear about the Brotherhood of the Rose--in the video--is explained to be another name for Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart. I have broken all ties with that group for over two years now; I was mistaken about it. Once I found out, away I went, along with a lot of other good people.
Everyone can heal from this.
I know of three possibly five (if my intuition is right) people who are heavily influenced and from families who are officially Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart. One had multiple personalities, was a nurse I respected who confided this to me--as well as how her father would get her and her sister pregnant and then ritual the baby when she had it. She had counseling and was involved in the ministry. She totally healed from Ritual Abuse and wants to help others. I just pulled up her file in Psychology Today--she doesn't once mention her past, however, she does state she is trained in EMDR, a form of trauma treatment. The other two are surgeons I have worked with closely. One has the phone number to the office 6666! I just pick it up.
I do my best to be loving, patient, nurturing, and solid in my vibration whenever I am with or think of these people.
It's their only hope.
I'm so glad Ross did what he did, and how he did it to set people free. He has my respect, gratitude, and admiration. I'm so glad to be in the vibration of Now, and close to him.
That's my Carla!
Always pushing the edge of her present understanding.
I told her when she walked into her kitchen from the garage, that she is the most humble person I know...
Do you know where we live? Up here?
In a palace.
I kid you not, a total Cinderella fairy tale kind of existence, by the looks from the outside, but it is home to us, Carla and me, and also our family.
That she would give thanks for one more day in her townhouse, and humbly OBEY the will of Creator when it comes to her only thing she has worked her whole life to get, and to lay it in his hands and not look back, is a form of Renunciation which is in the alternate path to Spiritual Awakening (holds the finger up--ed) that is, OBEDIENCE.
Both poverty and obedience are ways to experience Source directly, for each 'clears away' the 'veil' of things that are 'in the way'...Yogananda Paramahansa (Carla's Yogurt Peanuts is her nickname for him) to 'realization of the self'.
This is a DIFFERENT kind of 'self-knowledge' than is promoted by Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart. This, which I show you, is the only one that exists, that is truly eternal, for all time.
Carla's obedience, both to me and to Divine Father who she spoke to today, and also in her heart to Divine Mother--is from a place of adoration and loving acceptance of her place in 'the grand scheme of things'--Carla is always wanting to 'help' and 'heal others' as well as paying very close attention to healing herself so she can be a true healer too.
All of this (waves arms around his head) comes at a price: the Truth.
It means knowing one plus one makes 'four' in a profound sense, a spiritual one, that has nothing to do with 'reality as you know it'. (he points his finger to the wooden table, and taps it three times--ed)
(now he points up and looks up-ed) for REALITY as I know it is a wonderful thing.
That is why I was sent. For YOU to have the opportunity to experience it.
And you shall!
(clap clap!--ed) Now Carla go and get some dinner! It is eight o'clock and you are not me yet! You have need to eat! (he smiles and chuckles at his own joke--ed)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Jubilants