Yesterday was not an easy day. It was the one day I had free of the duties of parenting and work...I luxuriated with the thoughts of ways to spend it! I cleaned the fountain, and then looked to see if Anthony's assignment to his basketball team was made.
Then I saw it, the reminder of my colleagues' wife's funeral.
I had planned to go, and totally forgotten.
I rushed out of the home and drove quite far, knowing I would be terribly late, and yet, still show up.
The surgeon who doesn't trust me, and is angry I am always late, was in the very last row. He scowled at me when I smiled and sat in the row in front of him.
Judge not lest you be judged, I thought.
I was the first to walk down the aisle to greet the widower colleague.
When people imitate his manner, in the O.R., out of loving respect, they always say, 'no touchee no touchee!' because he doesn't want anyone touching the patient while they are waking up. They might have largyngospasm.
Well, the funeral director had told us all to leave our handprints on the casket, as a last goodbye (it was closed casket).
I thought it strange but I wasn't sure what to do.
'You don't have to touch it...' he said.
I did, lightly, on the corner, with Reiki.
Ruth has actually told me thank you before, shortly after she passed.
Yesterday she was very honored I came to her funeral. She fell on her knees and prayed great thanks that I came for her, and for her husband. This was in spirit, in her Light Body.
Ruth knows what's up.
I went to see the row where my closest family lie. It's in a mausoleum. Italians don't like the cold ground. There they are next to each other, Dad, blank space for mom, Nannu Filippo, and Nana Angelina. I have other family members elsewhere in the memorial park. But I wanted to just see those ones.
I couldn't cry.
I didn't even freak out over the blank spot--usually I do.
I looked at the dates. Nannu was the first to die, at 77. Daddy was 73, it was almost seven years ago. Nana was just under ninety years old, and passed two years ago.
I realize when two marry, chances are one will bury the other. You just don't know who.
And all of those who care for you--in your youth--will die, and you will at some time bury them.
I read a note that was folded and stuck into a crack for someone else. It was a happy birthday note to a deceased father. It sounded like me--you taught me this and that. This one said she 'made some mistakes' and hoped she was forgiven.
Life is so cruel, and death is even more so.
I folded the note and placed it back.
A man was practicing a speech for his mother's funeral. I wasn't sure if it was for practice or for reals, to just in case, I sat, and I listened. She married twice and baked cakes and was a team mom. It was touching.
Then I was guided to 'find a place to sit' on a bench. I saw one bench under a tree. When I walked to it, there was a sign 'for family only please do not sit'.
How strange is that?
So I sat in front of the chapel and sent the healing to the group.
By the way, this image is famous and was posted on a Reiki news site yesterday:
photo by Reikidoc
I stopped by Shakey's pizza on the way home for some Bunch of Lunch. That's what they call their buffet. I haven't had a MoJo potato in twenty years. I really wanted the good croutons they used to have when I was a kid. But they didn't, they had modern ones. It was a nice lunch nonetheless.
Going Home To India
I slept all afternoon. I also went to sleep again at six thirty p.m., and slept in until seven thirty a.m.
I wanted Ross.
I wanted to be close to him, his energy.
I practiced the 'I am facing you and dimensions don't exist' with my consciousness.
I was able to 'dial it into the frequency' of Ross, and was quite content.
That is, until he wanted to take me here, to our home in India. We were there for ten years. I was there from thirteen (a child bride!) until twenty three.
We had no children, although I miscarried several times, during our stay there. He says he almost lost me to disease more often, and he had to 'use his healing' to get me through. I vaguely saw shadowy memories of him giving me broth and doing other things to heal me.
I didn't want to go.
I was like a donkey with my consciousness, and refused to budge any closer to this place he wanted to show me. There were pillows on the ground --that's how we slept. And it was tiny, only one room.
In it were the happiest times of my life, with him, one year following the next...and I refused to go.
Incredulous, he asked me, 'why?'
Because I might have to leave.
The memory of leaving our home, going back to our native land, and what happened after that was too traumatic for me to even think it!
Ross coaxed me, and worked with me. He also affected my memory, so I wouldn't remember the leaving part.
He wanted me to reexperience the joy.
How he would go out and do his learning, and come home, and share with me what he was taught.
One day he levitated, and taught me how to do it too!
We ate simply, out of bowls with our fingers. I learned to cook and fondly recall all the spices, and making my own curry.
I asked where was the bathroom in those days? It was a simple chamber pot. I was in charge of that too.
As I relaxed, I allowed the joy, the familiarity to enter my consciousness.
He said we always slept in each other's arms. Every night.
This is what he wants me to recall when I think of 'us' in that lifetime.
He also made me promise to eat lunch at Indian buffet today, and to have a glass of champagne.
So? Carla is famous? (he smiles --ed) What about me? (he giggles--ed). You can't take one twin far from the other (he laughs--ed)...
Carla is having an enhancement of her 'resources' (he points to his head--ed).
Carla cannot remember.
Carla cannot remember that which is no longer relevant to her life purpose at this point.
This is why the lack of tears at the gravesite of her ancestors, her immediate family.
This is why she submits to going back in time to our home, and really allowing herself to remember it, with the same joy she felt when she was living with me so many years ago.
Carla is love.
And Love is not synonymous with Pain, although some might get you to believe it while you are incarnate.
There is much happiness for you.
You will have all your 'wits'.
I am at my 'wit's end' over here, with my Twin! (he laughs at his own joke--ed)
But only the memories will remain that are truly significant to you--your love, your friendship, your ties.
So if you are starting to 'forget' the pain, that is all part of the course! It is planned to be this way.
Pain was not meant to be forever.
Only love is.
I want you to have a fun time while you are watching the super bowl (he winks and smiles--ed).
Carla add the Gaia Portal--which explains this in detail--and also go back and add in the you tube to that other post as a p.s.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple