I've been having memories come up from my subconscious since I was twenty-six. Especially with the time I've been more Spiritually focused (learning Reiki and psychic development in 2010) and 'awake' (taking the Red Pill in July 2012), I understand!
I understand that we are complex multidimensional beings of Consciousness, who have the Veil here blocking some of both our memories and our memory of our many spiritual gifts.
I understand that to have feelings come up, to sort through them, to acknowledge them and let them go, is how we further awaken.
For the most part I go along with the process without a complaint, and I share it here, dutifully, as an example to you on how the whole process works. There's the example of, 'if I can do it, you can do, and you definitely are going to feel much better in the long run not to have to carry that heaviness around with you ever again!'
What happened yesterday threw me. And the reason that it threw me is I had no idea, no concept, no inkling, that the buried resentment I had deep in the lowest of deep levels of my Consciousness, was even there in the first place.
It was my unhappiness at having to be in survival mode for most of this life, as well as in an important one with Ross so many years ago.
I could see how in this life, it was designed not only to help me survive a little better, but to be close just enough to having it effect me enough to bring the old resentment up and out.
My father introduced us to 'scarcity' and 'lack' because he was raised by parents in the Great Depression. They lived in Roxbury, the slums of Boston. He had lots of things stolen. At ten he had to earn money to buy his own clothes. His sister had been sent to a convent when the family couldn't afford to feed all four of the kids. And the same happened to his mother, my grandmother Lucille, the baby of five girls and a boy, who was sent to a convent for a short time because her mother had died when she was four of tuberculosis. The father was struggling even though the older sisters were like mothers to all the little ones.
Even though Mark and his parents, who are savers, taught me how to approach money differently from my dad/family of origin, it didn't take away my belief in Lack. And when the marriage had problems, I didn't move out because I couldn't afford to rent my own apartment--I looked in the classified ads--so I suffered the abuse instead.
Before that, my roommate broke up with her boyfriend. He was someone I actually had a crush on before her, long time ago. But if I dated him, then, where would I live? And how? I had to survive and I had to finish my education.
I suffered terrible abuse with Frank, with his yelling at me and my getting into the full fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably, during residency. Even then, when challenged, I would pick the devil I knew over the one I didn't. But our marriage still fell apart. I was able to buy my own home and move out. It wasn't easy being in charge of all the household, the repairs, the upkeep. I didn't do the best job with it but I did what I could.
As a single mom, I've been responsible for everything. Absolutely everything. Even teaching Anthony to drive and also how to drive a stick shift. There it's paid off. He's able to drive us places and it's so nice to just relax and have that one duty shared!
When you work with your guides, and I was yesterday, talking with Divine Father and Ross, answering their questions, it was their QUESTIONS that helped me to see that part of myself I had buried for so long. With Ross, and his lifestyle as well as his demise, that promise of marriage didn't really carry through--I was his 'property' but he neglected my basic needs. And for sure my physical and emotional ones. And spiritual needs too. I actually asked them, since I was the support for Ross during his huge spiritual test--does that mean that I too have to go through some major test? I panicked! Fortunately the answer was 'no'.
Allow yourself to remember. Give yourself time to do absolutely nothing, perhaps to lie on the couch or to sit in the sun, in private. If tears come up, let them flow. And if memories or feelings come up, acknowledge them, and ask your guides to help you. Answer any questions that pop up into your mind.
Let the process take place. You will feel so much better once these very hidden old beliefs are gone. Then you are open to more loving experiences, and positive energy.
The Schumann today has another burst, a big one, not as blast-like as the day before. But it's very good.
And masculine or feminine, remember inside we each have a balance of the two 'polarities'. Just for today, honor the Divine Feminine in yourself and others. If you are breathing, you have Divine Feminine in you, and a person who was predominantly Divine Feminine brought you into the world. Give thanks. For the Divine Feminine has been under vicious attack by dark forces of TWDNHOBIAH for all of time. Yes, it's still here, and Life is still thriving, even with pollution and disease and all of that. Earth is a Feminine planet. Be glad for the Divine Feminine. Do what you can to nurture and protect it and support it. Especially today. For this Gaia thanks you!
Ross
Yesterday was the first day I acknowledged Carla as the mother of my children.
She was caught off guard, literally. She's grown accustomed to us as a couple, who share the same flame of Consciousness, only Carla has her part and I have my own.
When I said those words, 'you are the mother of my children' she did a double-take and checked to see who it was who said it!
Yes, I, as the father of her children, all three of them she has brought to Earth, Sarah and Benjamin in our past life, and Anthony in this one (I am his Spiritual father, not his physical one)...have never mentioned it to her in those words.
I let her know I am both amazed and delighted to be a father and the job she has done/accomplished in raising them--with so very little effort on my part, or help.
Carla didn't know what to say, but her step had a little more bounce in it, and she was happy. I could sense it.
Fathers, be sure to acknowledge the love and support your mother has given to you, as well as the mother of your children to your offspring. It is important. And if they are fur babies all the more so, because it is likely for the woman who has not borne children or who has loved ones who are no longer in this world, is going to feel the separation a little more today on this day of giving thanks to moms in general.
Tell them they are good, that you appreciate it, and you wouldn't want it any other way, right now as it is is perfect.
I thank you.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
