When I was contemplating divorce in Medical School, a counselor said, 'There must be a special individual to select when thinking of marrying as a physician. The mate must be able to go to the party alone at the last minute AND have a good time.'
My friends do not see the big picture. They are miserable and so are the families. In one case, I knew both of the couple. He was blindsided, and she was attracted to a witty, sophisticated OB-GYN she worked with. Her complaint was that 'she wanted MORE time. It was like she was already single.' Her husband worked a lot, too much, in fact but did not have a clue about her unhappiness or how to change for it.
I think the cause at stake is the expectation that a medical family IS a normal family. It isn't. One colleague's daughter got upset that her work schedule kept her out of the house for three days. Instead of feeling sorry for the hardworking mother, the husband blamed the wife for making the daughter feel hurt...and encouraged her to move out of the house.
The only expectation is that there are no expectations in relationship. Gender roles are all mixed up these days. Face-to-face time is replaced by texting, computers, and high-tech entertainment systems.
What can be done? Awakening the heart through Reiki. Reiki solidifies relationships. It is easy to move from a heart-centered experience to a mentally-centered one. What's in it for me? Why should I stay? What is the balance sheet of pluses and minuses? Those are all very mental lines of thinking.
Just as the abused domestic partner has to step away from fear and use their head, for survival, partners in marital strife are not going to solve the situation by keeping the status quo.
Byron Katie wrote an excellent book on the topic. Turn it around: go from A to B.
A: I shouldn't leave the home
B: I should leave
Anything that is causing you emotional distress, turn it around. Accept it. Accept reality for what it is.
Then ground yourself, breathe in through the top of your head and out through your heart center. The answer is found by not-thinking. Feel. Feel.
I would very much love to have a domestic partner. I am single. I am okay with it. When it is right for me, I will know how to take steps to make it happen. Until then, enjoy your relationships while you are in them. Learn your lesson through relationship. I love you very much, gentle reader.
Namaste,
Reiki Doc
