Happy Father's Day to you! To everyone, from Single Dads to fur Daddies to single moms who do double-duty, married, divorced, separated...congratulations and celebrate! This day is for you.
I'd especially like to thank Ross for guiding and protecting and providing for us. He is a wonderful teacher and healer, always an inspiration.
Today I'd like to talk a little more about the book, Polysecure, about three main points. Let me put some important statements 'out there' first:
Do I want to be polyamorous? NO, not at the moment.
Do I recommend YOU to be polyamorous? NO. Not in any way, it is a very personal decision.
Are most of us polyamorous back Home in the Higher Realms where time does not exist? YES. (even now, if you got rid of time, and you have had marriage and divorce and remarriage, you would be considered 'polyamorous' in a way).
So the subject we are about to discuss is the book. And I read the book because it is excellent healing for people with attachment wounds. It talks about attachment styles, how they came to be (what kind of trauma), and ways to work with them and heal in relationship.
The author is a therapist who specializes in helping those who are in polyamorous relationships, and she ended up becoming one herself. There's a spectrum out there from swinging to being polyamorous and no telling anyone about it. This includes Consensual, agreed-upon 'open marriages' and 'hierarchical' and 'non-hierarchical' polyamory.
What are examples?
Well, in some, there is a married couple who have a home and possibly kids, with the social commitments that go with it. These are called the 'nesting partners'. But each would have dates and committed relationships and sexual experiences outside of the marriage too. Everyone would know about it. And in theory, everyone is happy for one another. And then there is the decision-making. In some, the married couple set rules that affect the others unilaterally. And in others--these groups of consenting adults in relationships that are happening with the same people at the same time--everyone has a say.
They don't live all together. But they do know who is spending time with one another, and when.
Why would anyone want to live like that?
Some people are just that way. Others think it's better, because with one partner not only can all your needs not be met, but also, you can mask a lot of developmental attachment problems due to the structure of the formal relationship.
In other words, in polyamory, what attachment styles you thought were healthy and strong get pushed to the limits! It's hard to trust and go along with this. Why? The attachment process gets accentuated, there can be hiccups, and the individual really needs to work on themselves and loving themselves and celebrating themselves as well as their significant others for the system to work.
By comparison, with a developing human, the baby attaches to the caregivers, usually mom and dad. Or mom and mom or dad and dad, if you will. But then it develops close relationships with grandparents, aunts, cousins, all of whom help the child grow healthy and secure in an ideal family setting.
This is the model the author proposes, however, in the context of healthy, consenting, multiple romantic relationships. And these relationships themselves have their own life cycles, just like monogamous relationships do.
Part of me, as a single mom, feels for the people who are this way, because there really isn't any social 'place' for outsiders like us in a world built for couples. That's why the author wrote the book, to help offer support for people and give guidelines on how to live that life successfully. She has. She had been married, and had a non-binary 'other', but then has stopped being married and she doesn't exactly explain who her paramours are. (She even has names for the people who are in each of the roles in these complex relationships).
Why do I even mention polyamory?
Because this book and what I've read, fills the gap between here and home.
I used to accuse Ross and Michael especially and the others of being 'loose' and 'without morals' and 'dirty' and 'bad' for being that way in Spirit. And yet, I knew I was married to five separate people, mostly in arranged marriages to help me develop some special skill, and also, with Ross because he's my twin.
I knew he wanted me to support him in his relationships, to be 'grown in that way spiritually' but try as I may, even now, I cannot. He has graciously offered to just be with me, and only me, as I heal and grow.
I also know back Home boys can be with boys, and girls can be with girls, with love, but I don't want anything to do with girls when I go on my visits to Home in Spirit. I'm very firm that way too, and I insist upon it. That's me now as Carla. Who knows what I'm like when I'm my Higher Self? I don't know.
Remember, as Divine Mother says, back Home, 'monogamy is a 'can' but not a 'must''.
Everything is meant to be for the Highest Good, for growth, and for mutual delight.
Saul mentions it here, in his latest message.
I've always been one to be outspoken and stir the pot back Home. That's why Ross has always loved me and enjoyed me so. Today, is one step for stirring the pot, not to promote or recommend any behavior--but to get the mind thinking about things one might believe they have already 'all figured out'.
It's fun to broaden one's perspective, is it not?
Ross smiles. He is happy and thanks everyone for their wishes for him for a Happy Father's Day.
He also wants you to know that polyamory back home, just like here, everything is practiced in privacy and there is complete and utter respect for everyone involved. Because it is based in love, and not pain or fear. It's part of our Evolution.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
