Today I had a late start.
It's funny. Yesterday I thought to go to the gym to swim, but instead Spirit sent me to my old Pilates studio, and the discount store. A little retail therapy did me a world of good.
This morning I had thought to go to the gym before work...then I remembered it's Ash Wednesday. I decided to go to Mass. I haven't been in a very long time.
Our local neighborhood church went through a 'pardon our dust' when Anthony was little. I didn't understand the need to scrap a perfectly functioning 1980's church, for a 'more modern' 2000's one. They had said the old one was too small, but this one here wasn't that much bigger! The old church is now a parking lot. There's a new church, hall, offices...parking with those solar carports.
There had been changes. Instead of saying, 'and also with you' we say 'with your spirit' which I refuse. I'm old school. Gone is the cup at communion. And gone are the shaking of hands for the sign of peace. New is the bottles of sanitizer at every entrance. In the back was the prayer request book, and I put myself in there for my repair and recovery of my knee.
Why did I leave the church?
By 2012 I was a big donator ($100 a week) and I went every week to Mass. Anthony was baptized. We went to Fish Fry's (and he would win the lottery, three hundred dollars as a tot! lol). I'd been going since I was sixteen, actually, thirteen, and even my college roommate and I used to go to mass together.
I remember on my medical school interviews, in Baltimore, pulling into a church, getting on my knees, and saying the most important prayer I've ever said. It was to Blessed Mother. And I said, 'thank you for being good.' I meant it.
When I took the red pill, and learned what goes on under the facade of the church, I could no longer in good conscience participate or donate. No matter what they say, it just all trickles back to THEM. TWDNHOBIAH.
It hurt. A lot.
So today, I was talking with Ross. I was seeing so much perspective. I saw the early church of the apostles. How it took root. How the early Christians nurtured it. Then somehow the Babylonian idol worshippers (to put it mildly) infiltrated it.
I was looking at layers and layers of good and bad, intrigue and deceit. I asked Ross, 'What happened?'
At the same time, I realized that if church is built by God, even if people who run it aren't holy, it still can have a powerful function. I recall back in college a wacky priest threw a bible down on the floor during his sermon and jumped on it, saying 'it was only a book!'. He was impaired, clearly, but the sacraments were still functioning.
Ross said he would explain it to me. But also, I sense that there are things 'built in' to the church that are in a way, 'counter espionage' against the Dark. For example, today, after Mass, we said the prayer to St. Michael. It's a powerful exorcism prayer!
I also realized how everything we think is 'good' or at least, 'structure'--government, education, church, etc--has the infiltration problem.
There's no escaping it.
I wait for Ross' reply.
During the meditation after communion, I saw Divine Father. He was very gentle. And he said that this 'movie' cannot be a Hallmark movie because it's for the boys as well as the girls. There are many out there who LIKE a little chaos and 'action'. He wants it to be a good movie that makes an impact to all.
So he's okay if I hide my eyes (he knows how sick I feel from watching violence).
He also told me that for Lent he wants me not to give anything up. But to buy myself flowers each week. Starting today. And so I went to the local grocery store and found something because for twelve dollars.
I'm glad I'm being listened to. And grateful for the responses, both from today and the ones in the future.
Ross says, 'everything works out for the best'.
Now I'll get ready for work.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
