Recently I got an offer to switch hospitals. It's a huge honor. I've been overwhelmed with the decision-making process. I've reached out to successful people I trust to help me weigh the pros and cons of the situation.
Spirit told me not to make the decision alone.
But also, ironically, Spirit has been sending me a very strong message to relax. To even spend the day in bed if I have to. To just BE. To not even think about the decision.
What kind of things have I done? (I scheduled this week to be home)
Yesterday I went to the local mall, an outdoor one, to buy gifts for my niece and my son. It's a beautiful mall. You can tell retail is hurting a little for sales. The prices for everything are way UP. I found a lovely store called Anthropologie and realized I need to up my fashion game. There was a time I was really fashionable. With motherhood, I've switched up to wearing tee shirts from Target and clothes from places like Marshall's and TJ Maxx (deep discount stores) and surprisingly, Costco.
It's not easy to adapt to a changing body as we age. But like my mother, who was fashionable till the end, it's important to try. Very important to try.
What else have I done?
I've tended to my garden. Anthony learned how to set gopher traps, and much to his delight I have let him dig after the gophers all over the yard. We haven't caught any. But his joy is priceless, and his creativity unsurpassed.
My rabbit needed tending. Her usual problem. She was grateful I cleaned her, and I cleaned up her cage too.
I've done laundry and dishes, lots of them, and prepared some very welcome meals for myself and Anthony.
Even a few areas of clutter I have been able to clear. Much to my delight and happiness.
I've learned that the intangibles, a clean house, meals at home, free time to pursue interests, is important. As also is REST. Truth be told, my lungs just aren't the same after Covid. It's like there's a sticky mucus deep inside that I just can't get out. So I've taken naps, in this week. Last week I worked all week straight, including both weekend days. It was a little too soon after Covid.
I tried to stretch out the decision to include how I would feel in five years--on the job one. I realize my anesthesia career is getting towards the end of it's run. After a while we just can't do anesthesia any more. So how do I want it to end?
Yesterday I saw how to compare the data. And also, yesterday, I realized my next-door neighbor's husband who just retired had almost the same commute. It's an hour and a half to get home, if you leave at five p.m. If you leave later it's a little easier. But my neighbor, who is working now full-time, with only a twenty minutes commute, is cooking dinner late and staying up later. She's tired. And both she and her husband are a good eight to ten years ahead of me.
So I must be strong to honor myself. Ross had me wake up at the usual time, this morning, to write. When I had more energy, I would write before work. I'd wake up at four in the morning. We will see how I fare through the day. With my current work, I can sleep in until five-thirty, and leave the house at six-thirty. With a change, I'd leave every day at six. With my days off I've been sleeping in until sunrise.
Ross and I really haven't talked much about honoring and respecting ourselves, and our human needs.
We talk often of the Cause, and how to stay engaged and active in helping with the energies where we are. We acknowledge that we are truly Spiritual beings, who are having a 'human experience'.
Today we talk about the 'vessels', our ability to care for ourselves, and our family. That's right up there with being able to support yourself and your family. If there's no YOU, then, where are you? Right?
A lot of times self-care approaches topics like yoga and diet and all these esoteric things. It doesn't have to be that way. Your home and body are an energetic extension of YOU. And if you want to spend a day in bed (In Italy sleep is considered a necessary luxury), then, if you need to do that, then by all means do it. You are in it for the long haul.
Ross is preparing me to get some of my last wounds in my heart healed. It is so difficult for me to heal things that are deeply embedded from our past life together. Again and again, with my career, with family, with my heart, with every issue, I give them to Ross in total and complete Trust. It's not fun to work through those issues. It's truly, embarrassing, to see my weaknesses 'out there'. I know Ross and my teams can always see them. You probably can too. But for me to be seeing them, and know they are being worked on and healed...at the same time I'm both embarrassed and grateful that Spirit would see to it that these things get 'wrapped up' before going Home again.
Whatever your weak spot is, money, time, relationship, communication, responsibility, sex, substances, gossip--when time comes for Spirit to work with you on it, let it go and place it firmly in the hands of Divine Creator. Talk often with your guides how you view the situation, how you feel powerless to control it. All of us have areas in our life like that. Then, step back and let Spirit 'lead' in this dance called life. What you will receive is what you NEED, which might not necessarily be 'what you WANT'. There's a difference. And what you NEED will nourish you. I have super painful abandonment issues. They are being worked on now. The root of these go to the life before me and Ross, the one of Tabitha and Gamaliel. But it's been a recurrent theme in many of my lives. Telling myself the advice of Hope Johnson sure is like medicine that's helping too. It's all a big game and you are playing it and you are making it up.
She says, 'what decision? There IS no decision!' But when you get the feelings, especially ones of discomfort, you need to experience them, and then allow and move on. You need to be Conscious of your reactions and overcome them (when they are past life or deeply buried things coming up) and then Let It Go. Your reaction needs to be Joyous overall, when you've 'decluttered' enough you'll be in a state of Joy. I watch her and she's good how she talks about her own experiences and interactions. Her honesty is one of her best qualities as a teacher. It truly is.
Ross
Carla manifested it.
The new job.
She went to sleep asking for something better. She couldn't take her current job any more.
The next day, 'BOOM!'--a change, one with more professional respect, and much better pay, was offered to her.
Carla pays attention.
She knows that the teller at the local community savings and loan, who used to work for a Big Bank, was grateful for the new opportunity to work part time and 'have some control over how he spends his time'.
Carla knows DWR would lose a lot if she took the new job, due to the increased hours just to get by.
So today, while she is making her spreadsheets on her decision, in order to communicate with her mentors and ones to help her decide...she is 'kicking it upstairs'...'what to do with her spiritual gifts?'
And this is fair! Totally, totally fair for her to do this.
Obedience is only part of the key to working with Spirit. The other part is being able to Communicate both our needs and our wants--everything!--in a reasonable, intelligent way. Then to step back and look for an answer.
The end result is JOY. And increased awareness of our inherent value, on all 'fronts' of ourselves--at work, at home, and face-to-face with Spirit and spiritual 'like minded others'.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
