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Thursday, May 5, 2011
On the Edge of Comprehending
At lunch yesterday I sat next to my boss. I am always uncomfortable around him, but my discomfort increased when another doc, who is Chief of Medical Staff, came to talk to my boss about an issue that is controversial: propofol conscious sedation. In my heart of hearts, I wished that this issue would just go away. I am woken up in the middle of the night to 'just give propofol. It will only take a minute.' when I am on my OB shifts.
It isn't right. Not to leave OB. And not to do a pre-op assessment, formulate an anesthesia plan, and oversee the recovery of the patient. I feel like a 'hit and run' and I don't like it. When I say 'no--call the OR person on call', they call me back 'he won't come in.'. It is a nightmare.
It was especially bad. These docs called a non-emergency an emergency, pressured me, and I was tied up for much longer than ten minutes doing their 'conscious sedation.'.
On my way to the car, I ran into my boss, and told him what happened. I had to walk with him all the way to the surgicenter. He asked me to write it up. I didn't know how, not in the current system. But I did spend an hour writing and collecting pertinent documents for my boss. That hour from seven to eight is LONG, especially without coffee! LOL
I am not sure what the purpose was of this. But, aside from giving 'ammunition' to the boss, I made a scared patient happy. The RN in the procedure room was near tears, when she saw me touch the patient, stroke her hair, and wake her up. The patient said, 'I don't know what happened,' and I smiled and said, 'that's because I did my job.' This does not happen in that part of the hospital. And politics aside, I think I was meant for her. Sometimes I get 'sent' by spirit to do certain patient's cases. I never know until afterward.
The 'wake you up epidural'...my bleary eyes took in that the patient was enormous. BMI over 40--super obese. I was like, 'God help me' when I saw her. Family was extra nice...and extra fat.
It was a primip, so I explained everything carefully as I worked. It went in. SCARY went in. Like nothing. All the way to the hub, practically, but placement was perfect, she had no complaints. I got sleep and she delivered uneventfully.
There was a symbol on the base of the patient's neck that had meaning to me. I had been guided to put her hair up in the cap for sterility. I saw the tattoo but did not remark on it. It was a busy one, the kind that is used to cover up another one of someone's name. The patient shared she was 'jumpy' when someone worked on her back for the tattoo. I felt a spirit vibe I did not understand. And when I came round the front to examine her airway after the procedure, I saw that there was a dark spirit in her.
WHAT? A DARK SPIRIT?? What is this, Halloween?
I am dead serious. With my psychic development classes I have learned there are people, who through no fault of their own, harbor these entities. You can see it. In the eyes. There is no light in them. Just dark, sucking vacuum energy.
I don't get it. Morbid obese parturient with spiritual twist and a dark entity that did not give me a hard time. When I can't get an epidural in, there are usually some negative entities in the lower chakras that make needle placement difficult. It 'won't go in'. This was my first dark entity on OB. Very strange.
I wonder when I will figure it out.