Feeling what we feel and acknowledging it is the first step when it comes to healing the deep, inner work that is necessary to lighten our being.
The next step is a willingness to change. How can that be? Well, part of it might be for some people, to accept what is, up to the point of Byron Katie's extreme perspective on 'Turn It Around'. Paraphrased, when you catch yourself in a mental dialogue loop of 'it shouldn't be this way!' Byron Katie embraces the opposite--'it SHOULD be this way!' This helps to take the ego out of the driver's seat.
I write when interesting things happen in my growth and development. And what was interesting was a subtle awareness shift once I was able to let go. I do not like being alone. I have felt alone my entire life. And even with my family of origin, being misunderstood made me feel more alone than ever. My deepest longing when I was four was for a sister, someone like me, someone to understand...
Over time that longing was replaced by wanting a partner. A good one.
The only thing was, I didn't know how. And two divorces and a terrible breakup with a baby daddy later, I understand intellectually how I am a fearful attachment 'attacher'. Disorganized is another name for it.
The shift was when I realized yesterday, that I am going to need a lot of alone time and space to heal from all of my experiences. They have been one right after the other up until the father of our son left me during pregnancy...and the custody raked me over the coals with my heart.
I even experienced something new--anger! Anger at my life circumstances (when it comes to partnership). Anger at God. Anger at Ross. Anger at everything, just spitting angry and upset that these lessons totally SUCK and I wish I had never had to experience them!
Anger is healthy. When one is able to emotionally regulate themselves, anger is a way of telling you an important message. In this case, I have not had my needs met for ages, because I never learned how to request them and walk away from those who are not able to even negotiate them with me!
So, in a short span of time, my perspective has changed from wanting someone to 'make it better'--to just wanting to be alone and have the time and space to heal. I did not fight it. I had been telling myself to accept what is as I navigate being an empty nester. Since day one the nest emptied.
You are going to be surprised at how your perspectives can shift! They can move quite suddenly! And it is all for the highest good.
I learned this weekend of something sad. Our friend John Smallman, of the John Smallman's Blog (Saul) and Jesus through John, has not been in good health. His daughter posted a request for prayers for him
Much has changed over the last fifteen years in the spiritual community. John has been a hard-working, contributing member. His messages have helped me so much.
Remember him.
Just like we remember with love the others--Svali, Kerth Barker, Cathy O'Brien, Tex E Marrs, The Black Child on YouTube, Really Graceful, Kauilapele, Alexandra Meadors, Sheldan Nidle, Marc Gamma, Isabel Henn, Cobra (his Red Pill really was a game changer back in the day), Andy Bojarski, our own circle of soul family, Jennifer Farley, Source Messages, Sark, Anne Reith, Tim Braun...and Linda Dunn who helped immensely and tirelessly with the original Ross and Carla bracelets...as well as Ann Johnson who also helped with many bracelet drives. Dolores Cannon. A Call for Glitter Kittens (you know who). So many sending love daily out and leading the way in ways only they can do.
Such incredible people! I have been lucky to know. And to be guided by them.
We have a lot of common ground behind us. Be sure to spend some time reflecting on the sacrifices and gift of soul from these incredible Light Workers!
Ross
Everything is happening for the best. I want you to remember this! Everything truly IS happening for the best.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
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