Good morning!
It has been a while.
I have been busy doing my inner work.
Here are some of the fruits of this work. It's taken a long time to reach these conclusions. Keep in mind I was always like one hundred five to one hundred thirty pounds for most of my young adult life. Now for the last three to five years I have struggled to get my weight under two hundred pounds. I am strong and healthy, with good endurance, because I work out. Most recently, after all this effort, a vacation brought on weight with a vengeance I have never seen before! It was scary.
Number one: Although it would be nice to be thin, it is possible to use fashion to look your best at whatever weight you are. Making an effort is noticeable by others. And it boosts the confidence too.
Number two: Older people who are in my old 'low weight' range look kind of bony and thin, some of them, when I examine my patients. It is muscle and fitness that affects the look of 'health', not weight alone.
Number three: When you are looking for healing it will arrive. I read this book with interest: Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men...Wow. Now I understand why my first husband who was sweet and kind turned mean once his parents took him aside and told him to 'put his foot down with me'. We were no longer equals at that point. I did not understand what had taken over him. And I could feel the tension between explosive outbursts of anger building over days and weeks. I would trigger the fight on my own terms instead of wait for it to surprise me. Most important is that this is a separate behavior from addiction. It is difficult to cure. There are positive consequences to the abuser for being angry and controlling people. They 'justify' why they do what they do, and never realize how horrible it makes others feel. Long story short, thanks to this book, I understand the techniques that were used against me, I understand why I did the right thing to leave, and I understand what to look for to avoid being around this kind of person. It also helps me understand why a dear friend of mine is seeking divorce after being suicidal and attempting it...the abuse she endured was behind closed doors. Nobody, not even me, realized the extent of her suffering. It took ten months of therapy for five hours a day to help her recover. With this knowledge from the book--which is a difficult read, painful, if you have been abused--but empowering nontheless--we can not condone abusive men in their 'game'. We can identify it as a community and withdraw support to discourage such actions.
Number four: God doesn't want me to quit. I am a simple soul. I never thought I would make it past sixteen, seriously. I was ready to settle down for a quiet life with husband number one. That didn't happen. I was ready to settle down as a doctor...then I discovered Reiki. I was ready to just be a mom and that's it...but now my nest is going to be emptier again. I get this feeling that God isn't through with me yet. There's more to do, more life to be lived, and some very important lessons heading my way.
Number five: Goals are important. But connections are often overlooked. They actually have more long-term influence on our lives. Learn to appreciate the blessings our connections and community have to give to us.
Spiritually, things have been quiet. That's because I have been needing to focus on my lessons at this time.
I will relax and accept and allow what lessons and messages from Spirit arrive next.
Oh!
Ross wants me to share about football. You know I enjoy baseball. Basically the season is over for my team, which is placing last and the second-worst team in all of the sport. But football, well, my son has been teaching me about the game. American football, not soccer. It started because I was embarrassed to be in the OR when the topic being discussed was football and I could not have anything to say. I did not understand the conversation. We have been working on games, the Red Zone, and talk sports almost every day. But just this week, he showed me the Alt 22 tapes. The are the films of the plays, each play of the game, without sound, from two different angles. You can watch them from any game, just like the coaches and players do through the week. I learned the strategy--the shotgun, the pistol, the back-something, the run play, the pass, as well as the defense against it. It is an art, really. A battle art. To design the plays, as well as the defensive plays. I had no idea it was so organized, that there were so many minds working together to create what you see on the field. It is not random, whatsoever. Do I have a favorite team? No. But I appreciate my son helping me learn about the sport.
Ross says to all of us, 'just have a good time' as we go about our days.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
