Yesterday I did a lot of healing. This is personal, and what most people would choose to keep private.
Since I've been open from the start here, about all of my incarnations and experiences, I will summarize here to the high points.
And remember, what's 'new' and 'connection' for me, might be simply 'old hat' for you, and that's okay. You too will have your area of life to make 'connections' as you progress with your life lessons.
I'm working on healing my mother wound.
It runs DEEP.
There's really no way to get around it. It will 'flavor' all my relationships until it heals. And I sense now is the time.
Yesterday after the healing I was thinking about the mother wound. Even calling it that wasn't really fair to my mother. She did her best. And in later times she supported me strategically so I could go to school at University, raise a son, and have my career.
We just didn't understand each other.
My mother wound, is remembering falling asleep in her lap, in the rocking chair, and that glorious feeling of warmth and togetherness. I did this up until age three or four. I still enjoy heartbeats today in my work because I loved to listen to the sound of my mom's heart as I was falling asleep.
I don't know how it happened, but all that warmth and closeness evaporated between me and my mom.
No longer was she the carefree, happy-go-lucky, PRESENT mom.
And I was alone. Utterly alone.
My sister was born, mom moved on, probably in her pregnancy because I didn't fit anymore on her lap. Thankfully my father and nana and Uncle and nannu were close to me. Gave me the validation I needed.
But not mom.
I internalized it as rejection, as not good enough, as something wrong with me, something to hide, and to settle for my emotional needs not being met.
Yesterday, I was alone. Anthony was at Disneyland with his dad's new family. I had a reservation to go but Anthony thought it would be weird if I was even in the same park...
I didn't know what to do with myself.
But I crawled back into bed. Oh so many mornings I had to get up out of my crib to go to a babysitter! Part of the pampering my souls needs is the healing of this wound. Anthony's first two years, my sister's whole lives--they got to sleep in until they were ready or needed to get ready.
I just crawled into bed and said, 'Ross, I need your, your warmth, your loving acceptance'. His chest glowed warm, and I just basked in it. For a long time. A lot longer than I realized. I just needed to get that feeling back.
Ross talked with me. In his teaching ways...
About what happened to me when I was little, in this life, the neighbor boys messing with me. What traumatized me greatly. Enough to have PTSD and need therapy.
The boys were curious about the Life Force. And their roles in it, as males. And they chose me to 'practice'.
Everyone, almost everyone alive, gets to experience the Life Force that makes new Life. Not only as being a product of it. But in working with it and co-creating with it.
In the ideal alignment, there is polarity, and the couple who is in love, align with the Life Force completely. On even a quantum level. New life is made. The couple heals their emotional and past life wounds together. They communicate freely. He protects her. She relaxes in this protection.
Ross and I have had our problems in the past with that one. If you read the blog, you'll know. But we have been talking, me talking about those times (especially back in India). Thankfully, now he is not incarnate, Ross is there for me. He's always looking out for me, this I know. It doesn't feel exactly like 'protection' but it is, I know deep down.
So we are making incredible healing.
What Ross did yesterday was to reframe my immediate past life, as a kitten, under the context of Life Force.
In the darkness, the only thing that approximates the joy of Creator--love and gratitude and being in alignment with God's will--is sexual pleasure/peaking.
So in the dark societies, they take this natural 'high' and seeking of it, to twist it into control. In humans, sexuality is ingrained, a need that can be exploited.
And in that immediate past life, you see, the trained child not only has a pure energy of playful spirit that draws in the sexual interest of those warped in that direction by the darkness (early violation, generational trauma abuse)--it's like a two-sided coin to them!--the value is in filming the warped one fulfilling their urges/needs/fantasies that permits blackmail and control.
Specifically, these urges are not in alignment with Creator, and they separate instead of join. They isolate one in their own perception of pleasure. This reinforces the false sense of separation, and the occult/dark hierarchy of their entire system.
There's a thousand different levels of this kind of pleasure that's not in alignment--porn, bestiality, you name it somewhere it exists--but the kind that affected me in my past life was as a child kitten. So that's how I was able to view the energies and systems and structures.
What Ross did for me yesterday, is to make it clear that Life Force, is Life Force. On the one hand, in alignment, in the other, inverted, but my Life Lessons permitted me to get a deeper/first hand experience in it. And such experience is good. Even though it wasn't fun or happy or easy to understand, as a soul I am a better person for it.
I love it when Ross is a teacher to me.
He makes even the most difficult and painful lessons worthwhile.
I'm not sure how to tie this all together, as a lesson for all. But for me as a student of my own life lessons, I sense a theme, a unity in the instruction, and an ability to apply it to my daily life. You see, Life Force is everywhere, not just in the bedroom. From taking care of pets, to gardens, to helping the sick...it's all the same Life Force.
I guess what's reassuring is that even when distorted and manipulated by darkness, Life Force still is Life Force. They wouldn't get anywhere without it.
It's all LOVE.
Carla has shown an incredible amount of vulnerability with me the last six months. Carla has always been a good sport and eager to make progress in her lessons.
For her, the mother wound was a painful one. And much of the groundwork in the healing for her was in experiencing motherhood herself, and that closeness between mother and infant. Carla was learning just as much as baby Anthony that mothers could be present and nourishing with love and compassion...every day!
Carla wants to be able to talk to me when we are Home in Heaven. She just doesn't want to wish for all her pain to vanish and for her scars to magically heal once she 'pops in there' back in our Home Heavenly Realms.
Carla is doing the work now, to make sure she has the skills now, and has shored up her deficits...because Carla wants to make the perfect Bride for me in her heart.
You how powerfully I love her.
There is never anything Carla could say or do that would take my love away.
But just how Carla wants to get the house in order so when it is her time to pass the mess of what's left will be a lot easier on her son...Carla wants to prepare in order to hit the ground running and be off to the greatest start, based on her human perspective.
I think that is very sweet and kind of her to want to prepare herself for our eventual reunion.
What Carla doesn't know, is just how fast she is going to forget her day to day here in the Illusion, and how even faster she is going to remember her Galactic self...when it is her time....and that is a long ways off from now....
(he smiles and sighs) I just don't know what else to say.
I want you to have hope.
And faith in your good future.
No matter where you are, not only in your life lessons but in your spiritual progress.
Everything works out for the best...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Old souls