On Femininity

February 14 is Valentine's Day. It is a day of remembering those you love. In particular, it is a day for the women in the relationship to be honored. Did you know a man will spend four times MORE on this holiday than his partner? (I am not sure in same-sex relationships, what will apply, but I am certain there is a trend like this too, between the couple--one is more masculine and the other more feminine.)

Erzulie is the Voodoo 'Saint' that reminds me most of Valentine's Day Celebration. Bright and pink, beautiful in fine clothes, feather boas, and adornments, Erzulie likes to be reminded that she is the best! Her beauty is undeniable. And she will take the time to pamper herself and make certain that her nails are done, her hair is perfect, and her makeup is impeccable with only the best brands.

Erzulie is more easy to honor before motherhood. In my case, that's what GOT me to be a mother!  After that, survival kicks in, and your 'Erzulie-ness' takes a back seat to the task at hand of raising your family. Perhaps some marriages survive because the woman takes a stand and continues to emphasize her Erzulie quality. She 'doesn't let herself go'.

I have a small altar to Erzulie in my room. She keeps me honest about my work and home. I remember to honor myself because I have her on my mind. But to me, for all of her 'pink girly-ness' and 'Victoria's Secret sexuality', the kind of femininity we focus on with Valentine's Day is selling the Feminine a little bit short.

There is another on my altar, or 'Veve' if you will: La Siren. The mermaid. Mermaids have a mystical, magical aura about them. They live in the water, which is very yin. They are the healers and the sirens. They are 'Femininity with a Kick', a raw, earthly power to nurture, to comfort, and to protect. La Siren is the power behind the mother bear who will protect her cub. It is inborn. It is hormonally-driven. It is hard-wired into the species to protect their young, even at personal sacrifice. There is only one Right Action. And I chose it, to sacrifice my own peace-of-mind and well-being for the future happiness of my own young. I wanted to never see their father again, forever, and I could have gotten away with it. But I thought what it would be like to not know your biological father, and I signed up for the every-other-weekend 'life'.

La Siren is a protector, especially for the single mother. I honor her with shells and gifts from the ocean, shiny blues and greens, and I talk to her from my heart with my worries. She understands how difficult it is to raise a head-strong kid all by yourself.

Femininity is a natural vibration to my soul. It is my way of looking at life. It is the acceptance of Life and Death, as they are. It is being a part of helping new mothers give birth without pain, and with safety to both the mother and the infant in everything I do. It is the visiting of the sick and the aged in the family, and making the best of their situation, helping whatever way I can. Today, my grandmother said, in Italian, 'Besonnio de cacarate'. It means 'I have to poop'. I alerted the nurses, who would not have heard or understood, and with their help, got her to the toilet. She didn't have to soil herself. The power to love unconditionally in spite of the s-h-i-t, sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively, is what the Divine Feminine is all about.

Look at Gaia. Look at her. Where is the Erzulie? Perhaps in the glorious flowers, vistas, and animals? But where is La Siren? Just about everywhere you look. There is Life, everything growing in abundance, in perfect balance with death and decay.

If you are masculine, find someone who is feminine, and gently guide them find their La Siren. It may have to take a lot of Erzulie to coax it out of her. But when La Siren feels safe, and warm, she will surprise you with her raw passion and power. And never again will you feel more masculine than in her warmth. Her fire will ignite your 'fire in your belly' like no other. Then the purpose and passion you discover with La Siren will never extinguish its flame. You will own your 'masculine with a kick'.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Healing From Loss

This year Imbolc came to me. Imbolc is the symbolic end of winter. We acknowledge it with candles to light the darkness of the night.

It is also known as St Brigid's Day, and Groundhog Day, February 2.

Here is how Spirit worked with me to produce a deep healing, and increase in awareness, of something I had hidden in my heart.

I have a skill set in anesthesia that is unique. As a cardiac fellowship-trained anesthesiologist, I have the skills to help someone who is one their way to death, come back. This is more than inserting a breathing tube in someone who can't breathe and would die. That is bread and butter anesthesia skill. It is the Cardiac Anesthesiologist who is called to help when a colleague has someone trying to die in the O.R. and they want help with the Code Blue.

Yesterday I saw more blood, gore, and death than I care to admit. All I can say is that during the code I was helping in, I saw Our Lady in the corner of the room. She said that she would come back for this person later, but that this patient would survive the code long enough to make it out of the O.R. There is a big difference between a death in the O.R. and death in ICU, by the people who count those things.  And as the pupils grew fixed and dilated, and the v-fib grew coarse, I was inspired to suggest an amp on Sodium Bicarb. It worked! And patient went to ICU. I checked this morning on the computer. Our Lady was correct.

After my twenty-four hour in-house call at the hospital,  it was my turn to see Nana in the nursing home. She said, 'I am hungry' and there was a tray and a chair next to her. I tried to feed her, but it was not at all like feeding my baby seven years ago.  I couldn't navigate the teeth in the barely opened mouth. I managed juice. Everything is thickened, because she can't swallow right. Then the nurses and nurses aides' came. I asked for instruction on how to help her eat. I watched. I learned. I helped.

Nana asked for the wheelchair. I took her around the entire building. She delighted in the beautiful orchid displays by the front.

There was once a time when taking care of the sick was done in the home, and the dead were washed and dressed by women. I felt the Goddess, in all of the suffering that was being treated by the workers, both men and women, but mostly women, at the nursing home.

When I heard the husband of Nana's roommate, who is incommunicative, praying in Samoan, and saw him bow his head and hold her hand, I saw the fruit of a lifetime lived in Love.

In the meantime, I was texting and calling my sister to help decide placement for mother when she leaves the hospital. It is our request to have them be at the same facility, as there is a rehab section that would be nice for mom.

All of this didn't phase me. I just keep going and going. But when my sister said that Target had a clearance sale on the tall seven day Votive candles I had just run out of, I decided to go. I bought every one they had left. There were fifteen in all. A deal at eighty-three cents each. They had the scent in them, and go for over two dollars at the grocery store.

Sicilian Orange. A label on another candle, a soy one, caught my eye and also stabbed my heart. Nana is from Sicily. Her house had just been sold to pay for her long-term care. Lilac & Honeysuckle. Dad. His favorite scents. For years we tried to get a lilac tree to grow in Southern California. It never worked. Our winters were not cold enough. Instead we grew honeysuckle on both fences that surrounded the back yard. The fragrance of honeysuckle in June is one of my favorite memories from childhood. I would pinch the bottom of the blossom, pull back the stamen, and catch a drop of nectar on the tip. I enjoyed many of these. Gardenia  Lily . Fresh gardenias were always in a bowl in my home I grew up in. Memories flooded my mind of my life with my parents. Beach Paradise. The beach is a huge part of where I grew up. It is always within me. Wildflower Meadow. That is my safe place I go to in my mind, when I was seven and walking on fallen logs with a friend at Sequoia. Life was so exciting and beautiful and fresh then. Bali Sunrise. This one I have yet to understand, but was guided to buy it.  Sweet Spun Sugar. I bought a big one, pink, for Erzulie. We go back, and she has always looked out for me. She keeps me always at my best, and I appreciate that a great deal.

I hadn't realized how important it is to accept death, and loss, and suffering, with something to focus  upon; in my case, it is a series of candles I will enjoy in my home over the next weeks.  I can smile because it happened, and look forward because I took the time to acknowledge where I had been in life.

Keep your eyes open for similar help from Spirit on Healing from Loss in your life too.  Happy Imbolc. And Blessed Be.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc