Tales From The End of the Road: Rebirth

 

I just saw a huge flock of crows fly past my window. They flew from the south to the north, from my left to my right. 

My first thought when I saw them was that they could pick my entire fig tree clean in minutes if they landed on it!

My solar return is coming. I have been wrestling with feelings of not being myself, of feeling 'different' inside, and honestly, wondering a little if maybe a 'walk in' had happened without my being aware of it. Everything in my life has been at a standstill. All these changes at work and the contracts and new corporation that I built I am gradually letting go.  I can't be certain if the changes are a sign of shock over all the cumulative challenges I had faced? Or is it something else?

You know when a baby is born premature, there is a period of 'catch up growth' and then after that no one can tell the difference between the premature one and the one born full term?

I think I caught up.

(More crows are flying...)

The thing about emotional neglect is that what feels 'normal' in your interactions with others, isn't normal at all. It is what felt comfortable because that is how it was when we were growing up at home.  And as a high-masking, high-functioning autistic with most likely ADHD, the chasm to cross to discover my own soul, my own rights, my own needs, my own true happiness was vast. To be clear, the Spirit World made a lot more sense than the Physical one.

When you are removed from traumas and abuse, whether you are seeking it or not, the catch up growth happens. And as of the last huge chunk of time, I gave up trying to grow. I was always seeking knowledge, wanting to take courses, looking for insights...There comes a point where you can no longer intellectualize your personality. You have to embody it, to embrace it, and to discover all of your gifts.

Yesterday, a warm feeling, a glow, turned on like a light switch in my chest. It is the Unconditional Love. Walking the earth there are so many reasons to stomp out that little flame, if it ever flickered beyond infancy. Mine was stomped out for sure. But that warmth and life-sustaining energy feels like having a puppy deep inside your chest. It is happy, and thankful, and doesn't expect much.  I wouldn't call it self-love, because that is a concept I don't really grasp fully. But when I call it my inner puppy, I realize that I can protect it and I will know what behaviors from others to accept and what ones to limit my exposure to because they are toxic to me. Maybe not to someone else, but to me.

I used to have down time and rest a lot, time to meditate. But life changes. I do a lot more chores and work , really fast-paced work in my practice, and the need to rest for rest''s sake supercedes the mystical rest part.

It has been two weeks away from my regular work. I spent a week and a day at my old job. It was wonderful to re-experience the connections with my surgeons and colleagues and staff. I felt younger because I had spent fifteen years in that Operating Room. 

I had one day of scheduled fun. Where I spent a little money and splurged for myself and Anthony.

I had several afternoons of total frustration and shock. If anything could glitch officially it did--and I needed to straighten things out. I did a lot of laundry and chores too. Anthony is home, I enjoy cooking for us. 

If you have not heard of the online survivor, Forrest Lang, and his Angel Blue Book story, if you have been through some life challenges, you might want to follow him. His message and the repetition of his message is to stick around, life gets better, and you grow up your abusers can't hurt you any more. He is honest about the self-harm, the addiction, the aftermath of experiencing childhood abuse. And even better, he helps to take away the shame. He says it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault. You were just a kid. You were innocent. It was the abuser's fault, not yours.  I have really responded well to it. Just seeing his posts popping up on my feed. I don't listen to videos and I haven't read the book. I need the smaller doses. 

I realize I am worthy of love. 

I can see the love when I am a little late coming home and Anthony calls to check on me.

I can see the love in the other baseball fan's eyes when I go to the stadium for every game. Our team loses a lot, it's not easy being a fan. But in my section where I sit people get to know me. 

I saw it in my neighbor's eyes when we ran into each other at the mailbox and I asked her how her skin looks so nice? She has a husband and a son and they don't like to listen to her skincare routine, but I gladly listened to her share.

Even with Ross, I can tell him what is okay and not okay. I can ask for things. We had a rough time of it our last incarnation. I know I am able to work out our incompatibilities and old conflicts now. I am going to speak up when in the past I didn't. 

And with the world at large? I give thanks. There are a lot of changes out there politically. Kind of spiritual-philosophical-metaphysical connected like that movie National Treasure Anthony watched yesterday. I can't control any of it. The only thing I can control is my perception of the things that come my way, and I know giving thanks for things I want to see is a huge part of the solution. Ignoring things I don't want to see is also important--I deny them my energy. Instead I focus on chores and the garden and things at hand. I can't change the world except by sharing and by giving thanks.

Yesterday I was thrilled when I went on YouTube to turn on Aquarius Rising Africa/Soulutions with Chanti, and she had Cathy O'Brien on live! It did my soul good to see her, what a precious being, Cathy! She reaffirms that love is so strong. She is living proof of it. 

Keep walking your path. Take a breather if you have been really working on your healing. It will come. I read somewhere that the traumatized child has a chronically inflamed brain and they are always on the lookout for someone to hurt or betray them. I would imagine that makes a lot of 'wiring' to 'rewire' which is very delicate. I know when Cathy was healing she had to wear a watch and journal a lot because she experienced gaps in time from her MK Ultra upbringing. She healed! It took Mark to help her but she did. 

Give thanks for everything. All that you can. 

I even give thanks for Father Rosetti. I did one of his online sessions he does for free, and I felt a huge difference. We must remember he is not spiritually sensitive, and yet with his training for the priesthood and subsequent calling to be an exorcist he has faced things you can't ignore even if you are not 'sensitive'. He works with people who are 'sensitive' and can see the creatures he is working with. He takes a very strong stand against all things New Age. He takes his role as a guide seriously, and he is not a gambler. he recommends by the book. And you know, I have to agree with him on his assessment that it's the 'wild west' out there in the world of Reiki. I saw an article about a Reiki Master finger a woman as part of healing (she called it like working out at the gym) --his wife knew, the author of the article watched. What the heck?! 

If you are spiritually sensitive, you have your teams. They will call you. You are divinely protected and your mission is secure. You will know it when things happen like doors are opening and it will feel right, very right. When I learned Karuna Reiki it was like the ugly duckling finding the swans at last! I trust in my lineage, I know who my Reiki guides are personally, and I really really love Creator. The way I see it, the energy pathways in most people have gone 'dormant' and the right Reiki activation opens them up. 

I would never talk to Father Rosetti about the white, grey and black popes. That would be cruel. He has his assignment and he is doing incredible work. Probably more important and far-reaching than anything I could ever do. 

I don't want you to feel shame for being Spiritually sensitive, for responding to crystals, and for wanting to use your spiritual gifts. 

Just know it is a jungle out there, lots of people can use spirituality to take advantage of others in so many ways, and dark forces are real not imagined and can pretend they are something beautiful and charming. Be careful. Be cautious. And never for a minute think you incapable of being tricked. Be humble. Be love. And always ask Creator to guide you with clarity and love so you cannot mistake your path!

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Ross would like to say a word but I took all the time for us today.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are always united in faith

Letters From The End of the Road: Know Yourself

 

'Know Thyself'.

There is a world of difference between the title of this blog post, and the topic to be discussed, and the 'other' adage mostly taken from TWDNHOBIAH to 'know thyself'. The second one is all about ego and personal power and the ability to do what you want. 

Today's blog post is about that quiet knowledge you find, not just in living life, not just in your relationships with others, and not about capturing memories with a selfie-stick to post on social media. All of those ways give us some insight, but for those of us who take time to self-reflect, there isn't much guidance needed. That is because for the 'selfie stick' type of knowledge, it is of this world. And if you are completely 'of this world' and not just 'in it', this type of discussion will not appeal to you at all.

Our topic is about that constant, quiet sense that you don't quite feel like you belong here, you can't put your finger on it, and you may or may not have come to terms with your Spiritual Gifts.  Sometimes we assume that everyone else is the same as us, with these psychic abilities. Sometimes since our whole life we have felt these feelings we consider them 'normal' and 'a part of us' and we do not really take time to stop and think about it. 

I am going to give you an example. 

Today as I write it is Wednesday. Although I am recovering from Covid I had two weeks ago, and I have a lingering cough, I started to notice feeling out of sorts. It happened over the weekend after a fantastic day watching my niece perform in her first dance recital. 

I felt unmotivated. I couldn't force myself to do chores. I was sad for no reason. And even things that gave me joy and comfort, like going in the jacuzzi, I didn't want to do. Even when I took a brief rest on the porch swing I woke up to a spider on my leg and freaked out. 

It got so bad that I told a close friend that I have an emotion that is stuck, I don't know what it is, and I just don't feel like myself. I felt like a different person.

Wisely, my friend said to just wait it out. And to share once I made the connection.

Yesterday I got a text from a close neighbor I have known over twenty years. Another close neighbor, older, had a bad colitis and urinary tract infection. She was septic. She went into atrial fibrillation and renal failure. She was on comfort care and it was only a matter of time. Yes, she was taking visitors. But she was unresponsive. 

She had gone into the hospital on Friday.

I was not sure to cancel plans or go to the baseball game like I had intended. I decided to go after work today. 

On the drive to the ballpark yesterday, I went to that place between worlds. 

She was happy to see me. She asked me what was next? I explained that there is a party being prepared for her. And I saw her husband, her dogs and our mutual friends two dogs there. (My last time seeing her was when a friend's dog was being put down. She was saying that she should have passed first, not the dog, she never expected to outlive him. But she had terrible back and hip pains. She could barely walk and when the pain got worse sometimes she had to crawl.)

She asked me how I could be there and I explained politely that I have friends. Angels. 

Ross showed up. She was delighted. He explained to her our relationship. She was very surprised that she had known me all this time...with no clue.

I asked them both why I am invited to this important event? Jan said it was because of my son. He and she shared the same birthday, only seventy years apart. We walked often with the dog friends through the neighborhood, him in his stroller and them with their dogs on their leash. When one golden retriever poked his head into Anthony's stroller and looked at him, the baby was delighted, laughed and exclaimed 'DOG!'. It was his first word.  It was the friendship and the connection over the years as he grew up. Her dog and the neighbor's dog had puppies. It was so wonderful visiting and seeing them in the nursery box with their mom. Her and her late husband would invite people walking by, friends, to the patio for a glass of wine. 

Our mutual friend had stopped drinking on doctor's orders, and because she wanted to reunite with her first dog when she passes. So the wine was just from many years ago, but still happy memories. 

I felt this strong pull in my heart when she said, 'it was your son'.  It was truth. Our souls were deeply connected not just by being neighbors but on a soul level. 

It was time, she was ready, and she walked up to the light, there was me, Ross, Jan, and on her right her husband Keith. There is a place where I have to stop. I could see off into the distance, and I watched them walk into the light. There was a lot of activity and a very big welcoming party.

Today, at around nine am, I got the message from our mutual friend that Jan had passed. 

Then at the ballgame this afternoon, I heard her say, 'no pain'. I am glad she shared it. Medically, I know renal failure is a nice way to go, you just fade out, and she had comfort care.

You can't change who you are.

I have been doing this since 1992.

Twice I have sensed that people were going to die soon. Actually three times. I just knew it was their time. 

Once someone who was dying, told his wife 'I am not sure if God is a woman?' because he saw a vision of a beautiful bright angel--at the same time I was working with him to cross over from five hundred miles away. I was seen.

When my Nana Angelina passed, again there was an opportunity to see who I really am. Ross showed it to her. 

The afterlife is real.

This existence here is something different. I am not sure what.

But I have a foot in each of the worlds. 

Also, I have noticed, whenever people do something genuinely kind to me, out of their heart, in a short time they get pregnant. It even happened recently at work and the person is due in September. 

And ever since I was a kid, I show up in people's dreams. Why I don't know, but they always say it seemed 'real'.

How do I feel about all this? The soul connection means so much. I am honored to do the work crossing over and assisting. It would be nice to be able to talk about it.  When the pull/inability to do anything hits, I never know what is happening until after the fact. I sense that I am 'not really here' and my soul must be paying attention to something somewhere else, and in transition is the only time it happens.  

My mom used to get a horrible feeling of dread. And she knew something was going to happen that she couldn't control. Then a plane would crash or something equally horrific, and she would relax. It was done. She wished she could pinpoint what or where to protect people. All she could do was pray for the best. She would tell us about this from time to time. And she was always correct.

What about you?

What tiny signals are you processing? Small energetic signs that no one else experiences. What is it that makes you 'you'? The real you. The life, death, and forever 'you'? 

Have you noticed it?

How do you feel about it?

You might want to stop and take a moment to give thanks, both to the Spiritual Realms, and to yourself for this connection. 

It is a beautiful thing. And it helps others so much, that you do this task. 

Task.

I remember once a long time ago, Blessed Mother told me, 'your task is to show the dying how close they are to God'. I had forgotten. At the time I was in medical school and I thought it applied to the hospital. Like my medical work. Not being able to see people outside their bodies after they passed, or escort them up to the light...funny how it takes a long time for things to come full circle!

Know yourself.

Have faith that you were made correctly, and for the right reasons, even if you don't have the same gifts I do, you might be a sensitive, or a healer, or an empath...there are lots of things, even teaching. 

Ross

Carla still struggles with who I am and with our relationship. 

Carla can't post a selfie on her instagram for the world to see that she and I belong together. 

And it hurts her, and causes her pain, to be always alone, alone, alone in the physical world.  Even though I am right next to her heart, and even though I always provide and protect, and yes Carla knows it. 

For Carla if she can't touch it with her hands, and hold it, it isn't 'REAL ENOUGH' to her. Carla is scientific, of course it makes sense for her questioning. 

It frustrates her to know end knowing that I am 'here' and she is 'there' and not on the same frequency. And further that she can't go to me and I can't go to her, not exactly. 

Life carries on. 

Carla was not quite ready to make the transition when she was fighting her Covid. With the strong fever that had made her muscles ache and sapped all of her energy, she knew something was seriously wrong and that it was a possibility. It was only two days later she took the test and learned what it was that was making her feel so tired and distressed. 

We each have our 'time'. Time to cross over to from this world into the next. And deep down, each of us realize it. You can trust that when it is right it will happen like it did for Jan, peacefully and with ease. And all of us will be there for you, waiting to welcome you home.

Until that time, try to work as much joy into your days. 

And Carla, wisely so, gave thanks at the baseball game for being able to attend incognito, completely unrecognized for who she is, and just a fan among her friends enjoying the game. 

Sometimes now even I wish I could go and be unrecognized and have a little bit of freedom myself. Like I did in the good old days when I was incarnate. 

Enjoy your time. Wait with confidence that everything is happening for the very absolute best. And give thanks the whole time you are 'processing things' like 'getting to know yourself' as we discussed today, you, me, and Carla

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Cousins who are your cousins who love you to death (he winks)

Letters From The End of the Road: The Illusion of Comfort

 

We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

As physical beings, we are hardwired to seek comfort. Why? Because as mammals, we have time in the womb, where all our needs are met, and also, a long infancy, where again, under optimal conditions, our needs are met.

The term 'Netflix and Chill' is a form of going back to the womb, where, in the relaxation of the warm couch with coziness and food we can relax, let go, and get lost in our favorite movie.

It is hard being a separate being from the mom. Our parents used to provide, and now we must provide for ourselves! It is never easy.  Perhaps one of the driving factors in seeking high-paying careers/activities is to have the security of being able to get those needs met with ease. Food. Shelter. Clothing. Healthcare. You get the picture. 

During surgery, the anesthetized patient is back to fetal vulnerability. The fluids go in through an i.v. instead of an umbilical cord, but the concept is the same, all of the needs are met. For warmth, we place special air blankets connected to hot air pumps. For preventing pressure wounds we position carefully with special padding and devices made for this purpose, for example the 'bean bag' with vacuum to hold the patient in place. 

How often do we stop to think about this unconscious pull to be back in the womb, or at least, back in the safety of our parental home as little ones?

Our society has a parental substitute--with the political system. It is easy to assume that 'they know better than us', and to trust in the decisions that are being made for us. Why? Because we are conditioned by our upbringing to trust authority. It is easier when we trust. It is soothing to feel like someone is taking care of us.

I remember in 2013 when my mom was recovering from a grueling surgery for advanced bladder cancer. It was taking a long time, which was understandable. But I noticed something that was extremely upsetting. Mom was letting the nurses feed her. She was young! Capable! and letting the nurses feed her was definitely going to slow down her getting home from the hospital!

I asked her, 'mom, I know you can feed yourself.'  I had spent hours at the bedside getting her a sip of a drink then setting it down and minutes later getting her more sips. She was never satisfied. She had done that with me and with the nurses, that control, and it puzzled me? 

Her answer was, having the nurses feed her gave her comfort. 

Comfort.

Comfort is something we should give ourselves. And we should take comfort in our ability to care for ourselves, to take good care!

We can have our close loved ones help us out a little when the going gets rough. 

It is kind of like the nasal sprays where you can use them for up to three days to open your breathing passages but after that you are going to get hooked on it!

What are healthy ways of comforting ourselves, so we are not at as much risk of seeking comfort from Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, or from their addictive products, or from letting go of our freedom to think and make decisions for ourselves?

Sunshine! Spirit! Swimming in water if you know how and enjoy that. Exercise and taking care of your health. Comfort foods, even a nice soup with some bread and cheese...oh that sounds delicious.  Even making plans and carrying them out can bring you comfort.

You can even wrap yourself in blankets and set a timer for chilling out on the sofa...with the understanding that you are recreating the comfort of the womb on your own in order to enjoy it on your terms. 

Doing activities you enjoy, or helping others, can also bring you comfort. The healthy kind that lasts. 

Do what you can to keep your own nervous system regulated and calm. That is the most comforting thing of all!

Remember your 'weak spot'. Don't let anyone take advantage of it. And when you need comfort, be sure to find it on your own terms, for limited periods of time, to protect yourself from being taken advantage by others.

If you are a healer, and others seek comfort in you, make sure that the energy exchange is not depleting of your own energy, and if you are truly a healer, healing others will energize you as well.

Ross

We up here in the Spiritual realms are often puzzled as to why life on Earth is so 'painful' according to the Lightworkers we contact.  It has its moments, definitely its ups and downs so to speak. But why on Earth is there pain?

So what if someone betrays you? From our perspective, it says something more about them than it does about you. Just let go and move on.

What we do not take into account is sentiment. Carla spent the morning looking at old photographs, and the ones most meaningful to her were of things which no longer exist--Anthony playing in the fountains as a child in the Bugs Land at Disneyland California Adventure. His climbing on the CALIFORNIA letters out in front that were all candy striped for the holidays. Other people who have passed on. 

What we in the spiritual realms do not understand is nostalgia. This is because we are outside of time. There is no limit to our time, as time does not exist. So, for example, if you are a human and dating someone who is wasting your time, well, that leaves less time available to find a new partner and raise a family. There is a time limit, the biological clock on Earth. The whole concept of death itself is fascinating. From the outside.As we see it people come and go, often through reincarnation as the same individual! Many people have pets who have returned to them in their lifetime and they know it.

Just know that the beauty of the human experience is while incarnate, feelings and connections and even your body are fragile. This is an illusion which is very convincing. But know that back Home, you are always YOURSELF, your loved ones and connections always exist, and nothing can take that away from you. It is forever. Not only that, but a constant source of joy. 

Carla is making pancakes this morning. That is because I request her to do so. She makes a double batch and freezes some of the batter for when Anthony comes home. It is the little tasks such as this which take away from the hunger for comfort which is always pulling psychologically, and brings pleasure and a sense of a task well done. 

Try to fill your time with small goals and be sure to take notice when you achieve them. Even if it is folding the clothes and putting them away after washing them.

I know the times are difficult. There are many things that are outside of your control. In fact, they are 'lessons' in which to challenge you. Be a good sport, be of good cheer, do your best, and know it is only temporary. You will be better when you return back to Home in Spirit. Until then, bring yourself joy and make a mark by helping both yourself and others through these difficult times. 

That is all I have to say. 

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple