As the holidays approach I would like to take a moment to review my journey in healing, and to share it with you. Holidays are bittersweet. Sometimes it is helpful to have another perspective.
I was emotionally neglected growing up. Unfortunately, when the emotions are neglected we grow up with two erroneous beliefs: we need to be something that we aren't in order to get our needs met, and our natural self has something so wrong with it that is why we received such abusive treatment.
For me, growing up, those two concepts went deep into my subconscious. I assumed everyone lived a life where their parents would give them the silent treatment if I disagreed with anything and spoke up. And furthermore it was okay for them to have emotional outbursts but not okay for me to have emotions other than happy, compliant, and curious.
My journey has been through counseling, self-help, working with Spirit, and reading a book (one of many, the most recent is how to deal with being Adult Children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay C Gibson). A lot of it has been unlearning those tendencies to not speak up. And to boost my natural confidence by trusting that I have got my own back.
Many people have been on similar journeys of self-discovery. It takes time to realize what happened, how it hurt, and to heal. Some need to stop contact with a parent or family member. For me, both of my parents are passed on. It has given me time and space to heal.
Imagine your heart and mind like an empty room which you get to decorate! After years of clearing out all the items you no longer want and have been carrying around (the baggage), and after being given time to heal...you have a choice to what goes in there. Especially when it regards people as important in your life as your parents...
Yesterday, the memories came flooding back. The bicycles at Christmas. Maybe not the best food but the gathering of the family together and relatives coming over for the holidays. Mom making two tough decisions that helped my life and Anthony's--the first was helping me through college by paying my rent on my apartment, the second was deciding to give the baby I was carrying as an unmarried woman a good welcome to the world. Mom watched him while I worked, I worked part time, for two years. She was happy and said it was some of the happiest days of her life at my house in our neighborhood. It wasn't easy on me, she kind of lashed out at me at times but for the baby he was having the very best of care and happy.
Don't live with a room full of nightmares and memories of them.
Make your room have what brings you joy. Once the old sad memories are processed, you may set them aside (think of it as you have a storage space rented, yes?) and allow the happier ones to have a place in the room of your soul.
Thank you again for hearing our call!
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
