Reflections

 

This week in the United States we celebrated our holiday we call Thanksgiving. Its origins are from the Pilgrims who were thankful to have survived their first year in the New World.  The First Nations had helped them adapt, for example, teaching them to plant a fish along with a seed for the corn to grow healthy and strong. 

As I sit here, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. 

Gratitude for the way Spirit has protected and provided for us and for our ancestors, including going back to the times of the first Thanksgiving. 

Right now, we are fortunate to have Free Speech, to move freely and travel, and to work where and when we agree to work. There is a Spiritual War going on, and also, in my opinion, I could be wrong, but an 'unrestricted information war' too. It had to have been bad for us to volunteer to be alive here and now in order to help. So, we, for the most part, by going about our lives and being who we are, are helping in ways unseen for the big battles. 

We are incredibly lucky!

Think of those who have been unalived, or imprisoned, for speaking the truth. Think of those who had to escape the country, never to come back, to escape persecution. The list goes on and on, starting with the Christians/clergy in Nigeria, Werner Fullmich (I may have misspelled it), the people with the ostrich farm in Canada, farmers just about everywhere (thank you farmers!), and those nearest and dearest to my heart, the ones who have escaped the 'system'.  These people are examples of courage in the highest degree.

I've had two not so great marriages, and also, a baby daddy situation with a person who I did not marry. We went through the custody and that was hard. I watch on Instagram a person 'That Was Abuse' who was in an abusive relationship for many years, and found a way to leave. She shares so much valuable information. There is another personality/advice person, I won't say the name, but he totally laughs at 'avoidant attachment theory'. He says, don't hate me I'm only the messenger, but, if you figure out you are with an avoidant--smile, finish your dinner, and then get the heck out of there! Because you don't need to have a relationship with 'satan'/'someone incapable of normal relationships'/'someone selfish and will only look after number one'. 

A lot of us are battling Darkness but it's been so long here on Earth in this society/world structure that the Darkness can seem 'normal'.  Our spouses, our coworkers, our loved ones, our neighbors, can be heavily influenced by not the best spiritual influences.  There can be habits, compulsions, addictions, mental health concerns as well as active disease that can be really hard for us to live with. Yet, we go on. We survive. We overcome. And for this incredible blessing, take a moment to be thankful.  

Spirit has our back, whether we are actively aware of it or not. 

Gratitude can also be for the little blessings, the 'glimmers', the joys like our daily routine, a flower that bloomed (my narcissus just blossomed, it blooms in December here and always reminds me of my mother), a special discount at the store, or the freedom to enjoy breakfast for dinner!

Ross

Carla has felt me near/closer to her. I sense her unspoken gratitude in this. Our souls are connected, as are many of us who are on the Other Side and Incarnate. These connections never go away, never cease, never are extinguished. 

They only improve.

And I am thankful for this.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins who are half incarnate and half on the Other Side (he laughs and smiles)

Failure is Success in Progress!

 

I am trying new things with my work.  I said 'no' to a work environment that did not respect me--partly because of my being unable to accept the good with the bad like a neurotypical anesthesiologist.  When my income was denied due to a mix-up, it was war because they made me prove through the people who mixed up that they mixed up. Not just my bank statement and my saying they mixed up. It was a ten-thousand dollar amount. After my doing two years of clerical work forming the corporation and getting contracts for them for free. 

Trust goes both ways.

I found out yesterday, talking with the accountant for the group, that the lost money I had been trying to ring the alarm about for months, totaled to nine thousand dollars. What happened was that checks written by United Health were on a pale green typical check paper. But the BMO lockbox which deposited the checks, the safety feature deeper into the lockbox system, kicked the check out for 'being unreadable'. They took a horrible unreadable photocopy of the check, and sent that in a notice to our group that money was being taken out of the account.  It was never deposited back. 

Overworked, I asked a colleague who was good at talking with that insurance company to approach them. I gave all the copies of the letters. 

He just shrugged it off. He pressed me for the numbers on the checks and the amounts that were not there. He could have looked them up. On the bank statements (where the accountant found them). He just is a new father and has other priorities. 

Going back to the main OR was fantastic! I got a new locker in the newly-opened women's locker room (these are very scarce things if you do anesthesia especially in outpatient). I had two backup calls. And a bonus Wednesday off! 

However this is half-time.

This week I gave to a sister outpatient anesthesia group. I live by the new facility they got the contract for. I had been hoping they had gotten all three open contracts--GI center, under the hospital outpatient, and this freestanding one. Well, I had to go for a meeting on Saturday about blocks. But I could only attend half of it, I had an appointment. The guy was good with blocks but wasted an hour on 'sterile technique' and I'm trained in surgery, I know how to put a sleeve on a probe. 

My first day was awful.  I couldn't have made more mistakes. The anesthesia machine looks like ours with the electronic flowmeters, but they have old-school knobs in a place where I had to have someone point them out to me. This facility, to save time, skips pre-op assessment. There's a corner of the anesthesia record where you check a box that says 'no change from H and P'.  I've never seen that done anywhere in my many many years of providing anesthesia care.  The nurses were rushing me. I couldn't eat. I barely got one glass of water between cases. My blood sugar plummeted by the end of the day. Surgeon was upset, he went behind my back and asked someone else to put in blocks on my two patients. He took money away from me, and also, showed disrespect. One patient had blood pressure drop to forty ('he's moving' they complained and I deepened him). Another had bit the LMA so hard no air could pass, then had Largyngospasm. Desaturated bad but I got them back. 

I was nervous to go back the next day. 

I was supposed to have three cases but I ended up with one because the other two cases moved rooms.

What I realized is this is an orthopedic surgery center. Most orthopedic surgeons do not appreciate medical complexity--especially if it can stop a case from moving forward. That explains the little check box. They want the cases done as fast as possible and to get out of there. 

The new anesthesia group got the contract by promising speed. And they commented that my old outpatient surgery center their 'fast' wasn't really that 'fast' was it?

Some things are not a good fit. And like dating, you just move on. I didn't expect anything.

But then there was an emergency. They needed me in a little strip mall surgery center. They were starting to do spine cases in a place that usually does plastics. I've worked at places like that before. The first time it was plastics and the scrub tech was suturing (outside the scope of practice) and I got a credit card stolen from my wallet. But they paid me at the end of the case. The second time, same group in a different location, and I never got paid. No matter how much I asked. I ended up threatening small claims court, then I got the check. 

It was awkward with the team all of us never having met or worked before together. The neuromonitoring tech was very nice. Even though it was a little scary to be just me there, and no other anesthesiologists, the patients were super nice. And the surgeon made a judgement call that was for patient safety. Would I go back? I don't know. But it was better than the orthopedic place. And from what I hear from my colleagues, they get paid. It's by mail or by Venmo.  Time will tell.

There's this thick, juicy space that is between what you have, and what you are going to have next, that is wonderful. Even failure is good because not everything is meant for us!  Yesterday and today I am home and I LOVE IT!

Bunny got a nice grooming and bath, I enjoy caring for her. I picked the last apples from the tree. I went to a pizza place for their lunch buffet and the place was filled with Junior High students who went there at the end of the day. They were loud and awkward and running around. They had bought pizza and shared. I would never seen kids this age--mine is too old now. So it was a slice of life adventure and a good salad with some slices of pizza. 

It is okay to fail. 

Failure is a part of life.

And when something as important as your happiness and work are 'moving around' it is okay to 'take the best and leave the rest'. These things take time. And keep at it. Don't settle. Life is too short. Oddly enough, my hospital gig looks better and better all the time. Newer machines and nicer colleagues. They are getting along much better now than when I left.

I'm switching gears. I believe there is a slow release of certain knowledge about what goes on behind the illusion of how this world is run. My first friend ever, a conservative in Texas, posted a video from a survivor. Another friend from the block, construed the video as 'oh yes that's Bubba' (in reference to another video where a DJT 'blows' someone with the nickname Bubba'). The first friend said if all you can get from that video is Bubba then that is sad for you.  She posted a meme that said for a huge portion of the population their whole personality--a big part of it--involves hating DJT. 

I took the red pill ages ago. This is nothing new. For me, I just commented one word, frazzz=-llll---odrip.

They won't take the bait I'm sure.

But Roseanne Barr posted a video. She said things are going great and give it a few days. But her head was shaking 'no' the whole time, and she touched her finger to her nose (a clue of lying). I admire her for speaking up the times she has. And I am curious what she is alluding to. I suspect the soft disclosure is what is happening, and it is so soft people do not realize what it actually is. 

I saw a video from the deceased VG, the 'unstoppable' thing she set up after her murder as plan B. It was fascinating too.

So, hopefully in a short time, we will arrive at something that has been planned since the early sixties and seventies by the good guys in the military. 

God speed. And pray for our world to be liberated from the liars.

That is enough for today.

Ross

How bad is bad?

How awful does evil need to get before everyone notices it?

That is a powerful question.

There is a 'king of this world' who is in charge of it. According to the book of Revelation he is going away for a thousand years, will get a 'brief time out' and then go away forever.

Carla saw a video from a woman who claimed that we are in that 'brief time out'--where the Dark One reigns. She asserts in the video that the stuff in Revelation happened a long time ago. 

Which would mean we are closer to full and complete resolution than one might think. 

Carla asked someone she trusts, what do you think about this video?

And the person she trusts, said, 'ask Ross' what he thinks.

(he smiles. What a beautiful smile he has--C)

I am at a loss for words.  

(he strokes his beard as he is thinking deeply)

What is the best possible outcome that could be had with this opportunity?

C: over and done with it forever, and only Heaven's rules forever, everywhere, always

Carla, how did that change?

C:  I understand that Heaven has never lost control, nor will it ever, and that all that conflict is a lie, and that even though there are a bunch of lies, everywhere, and evil everywhere you look--like evil like in the Sodom and Gomorrah levels described evil--it is just a small 'blip' in the grand scheme of things. And even though the 'soft disclosure' and other things are harbingers of what is to come, even that is tiny in comparison to the wonder of Creation. And the wonder of Creation, if we so choose to tap into it, can be with us Here and Now, in our hearts, and nothing can ever take it away or separate us from Source. 

R:  THAT IS THE answer I would give your friend.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who is Happy

On Faith and Trust

 

Things have been 'moving around', and lately I have been seeing the 'bigger picture of things'.

One of the most striking realizations is that everything tends to work out for the best. Once you decide on a course of action, it is like dominos falling against one another, boom! boom! boom! from the Universe.  I haven't had that experience since deciding to go to Medical School and quitting my work in corporate industry. 

Recently, it seems as if I am on the right track.  My energy feels brighter. Especially since mid-August, the life circumstances are improving. Today I finally got paid for my work in August. The work problems that had been weighing me down are slowly coming to improve.

About the 'bigger picture', well, I do not like the magenta pink aurora borealis. I haven't seen them before, only the blue, white and green. So it's strange. Especially that we see them so much further to the south.  I realize the ability to control the weather, and to weaponize it, exists. And the mysteries in the book of Revelation about the sky being on fire and other horrors now have a plausible scientific basis to support them. 

Did you know that a certain Utah based faith fellowship, one member I work with, said that these auroras were a sign of the end times?

Yes! That's extra data points.

I realized that although I do not especially LIKE the way things are heading (under the rule of the Anti you know who)...I can see the much bigger Universe which has checks and balances and control especially outweighs the 'earthly status quo'.  In essence, although I can't control any of it except my reactions, the situation actually is under about as much control as there can be. The forces of good are in alignment and moving forward without hesitation. 

Another thing I 'realized' is that artificial intelligence  and control of information cannot override our connection to Source. Our 'inner knowing'.  The 'false'  sure is trying to be 'sexy' and incorporate itself into our lives! But in response, others are coming up with things like the movement to 'appstaining', a play on the word to abstain or 'go without' to take a break from digital activities for a bit, and to open up to more natural forms of interaction. 

Did I do 'work' on my recent travels? Yes. I had wanted to stay home, actually. Spirit insisted I go. So I went. I am glad I did, because without listening and following guidance I would not have arrived at Resurrection mindset. 

I would say the 'work' I did globally was more of a 'touch up' than a big thing, though. I never know in advance what is to be asked of me. And when it is asked, I double-check just to make sure.

Keep searching for, and continue doing, what brings you joy, peace, calm, and happiness.  Give yourself time to reflect. If you sense a need to 'change course' and 'redirect', by all means do so. And ask for Divine Creator to help! This life experience is an 'open book test'.

Ross

I am extremely happy and pleased with Carla and her development. Did you know she was hungry for dinner two hours ago? Then she wanted to take a shower and head down to dinner.

What happened? 

She understood she needed to write, make herself a new bracelet and then she could shower. 

But what intervened?

Work.

Her old job was jumping out from the emotional grave like an old horror movie! There was an 'incident' with 'overlapping billing times', and she couldn't scan and save the file. Why? Because the computer storage was full. So she had to figure out how to make room, which is not one of her strengths.

Patiently, and without emotion, Carla took care of those things for an hour. Then she wrote. 

It was not even a blip on her radar, she was calm and focused and committed to completing the tasks.

So now, I am going to help her build her bracelet, and THEN she can go along with her day. With what SHE had been planning to do.

Do not take exception to your role in the Higher Realms while you are incarnate. Stay humble. Do what you are sent to do, both in body and soul. Have patience when the going gets rough and you are tangled in the 'mundane earthly things'. Your calm energy and focus provide US up here with what it takes to get the job done with the BIG big picture, the liberation of Gaia and Her People.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Tales From The End of the Road: Reboot

 

So what happens when you Resurrect? Like, the 'post resurrection day number one?'  (I laugh to myself).

For me, I took care of the tasks at hand. Up before dawn in time to make it to the airport. I was happy because my kitty there was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. She saw my luggage, and I got to wish her good luck and say goodbye.  I did the tasks, flew back home, drove back home, remembered to put the anti-rat boxes under the hood, and paused to examine the dead small lizard in the driveway.

I slept. 

And in the morning, the first thing I saw in my mind's eye, before I woke up, was the face of my Kauai kitty, the feral mother to be. 

I am grateful for the connection.

Today in a word, I was discombobulated. It was hard to focus. I took a nap in the morning watching football. 

There's chores to do. I settled for unpacking, going over the mail, picking up my thyroid prescription, and getting Mexican takeout. 

The outside turtle had dug a huge deep pit underneath the peach tree. I filled it in with a shovel and lots of elbow grease. 

If I could give you an image, it's my Hawaii self pixellating away, and my new 'in the moment' self starting to come up on the screen. But instead of a two-dimensional screen, it's all my layers of self, the emotional body, the mental body, the etheric body, the akashic body, the physical body (which has a fever and cough), all of the layers...and it's Mercury Retrograde!

So I let go, and I allow. 

Aside from the rebuilding and letting go, I learned something very important about myself on this trip. I got homesick.  I used to think I wanted a lifestyle of being an invited speaker. I enjoy sharing and reaching out to groups. After over a week, I was ready for home. Hawaii is funny, it opens up for me, but then it's time to go home. On my last night I killed a cockroach in the bathroom. This was a nice resort! But I sensed it was time for me to leave. 

My friend Robin at the conference is seventy. You would never guess. She used to teach when I did my fellowship. Her specialty was outpatient surgery, eye cases, and she had a nice fluid warmer on her seat so she could be warm. She and her husband just retired. She said about social security is that you try to make it to sixty seven to start collecting it, but also, you hope you live to like, eighty four. Because any longer and you run out of money.  She and her husband were there. They are staying later because there's no work to return to. 

At the grocery store where my pharmacy is, I saw a woman hoarding infant formula. She said that hers was contaminated. And recalled. The clerk said she couldn't take more than a certain amount. But she said they were different kinds. She didn't seem like a mom. And I didn't know what she was using to pay for it. But what I did see was she bought only that. And as I exited the store, I saw her walking back in. She did not make eye contact. 

You don't see moms without kids. 

It was very odd. 

Times are strange, and spirit told me I am going to get a new bracelet. So I will listen to spirit now. Figure out what to make. 

And perhaps I will pixellate back even more...after that. 

Ross says to be gentle with yourself, and to be kind. These are difficult times. And he says to you, 'I love you'. Always to remember that.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Resurrection

 

Any moment, while we are alive, we can change. We choose. We select. And we start a new path. These are the ground rules for being human/incarnate.

Unfortunately, for a good many reasons, as humans incarnate we are not huge fans of such changes! Yes, we enjoy the 'rags to riches' story, or the 'lost tons of weight and got in shape' story for inspiration. But how about when it comes to our own lives?

My comfort zone, ever since I was little, as it is part of my nature and disposition as a cancerian moon-child, is to hold on to grudges and to avoid painful experiences.

For months now, years, perhaps, I have been on a path of deep soul cleansing. This is not a 'dark night of the soul' per se. It is quite the opposite. I have been examining my life story one chapter at a time, and deciding what to keep, and what to let go. 

For example, both of my marriages had some pretty terrible memories in Hawaii. So much so, I thought perhaps the island was cursed for me. 

In January/early February of last year, I went to a conference. But this conference happened to be walking distance from the hotel where my second marriage was officially over. The bad memories were so bad that I left a restaurant in tears in front of everyone. I had decided earlier during a luau in Lahaina that the devil I knew was better than the one I didn't, and I wanted the marriage to work. We had a good time there. But I can't explain it how things just totally fell apart. He decided we were through, he slept on the couch and I slept on the bed, and it was a long, quiet flight home. 

So that trip last year, I got up my courage, and walked to that hotel. It was hard. Emotionally. The place looked the same as it did twenty years earlier. But I sat, I reflected, I visited the gift shop and the spa store, and I deliberately made new happy memories. It was a beautiful hotel. 

This conference, was on the island where I had my honeymoon with my first husband. I reflected a lot on this trip, because I spent two nights in the same hotel--it's been rebuilt after a hurricane messed it up. I realized how happy I had been on my honeymoon--my husband had planned it, and he paid for it. It was my first ever trip to Hawaii and everything was exciting and new. I had a bad cold at first. But he was kind, we got along, and I experienced a happiness I had never dreamed possible.

When we came back home I was radiant.

But on this trip, I realized a pattern. I left my unhappy home at first by studying and going away to college. Then I escaped it by getting married. 

So many times in my life I repeated the same pattern over and over. I studied hard and went to medical school to escape the unhappy marriage. By then everything was my fault and the emotional abuse was severe. 

On our second trip to the island, my first husband and I went to attend the marriage of his long time childhood friend. But it was strange. He was marrying a Japanese woman. But for the rehearsal dinner, the groom sat apart with all his old childhood friends. I sat with strangers. My husband and I fought a lot. I clearly had never understood the concept of rupture and repair. That it is a normal skill for relationships. 

It turned out that the groom was dying of AIDS. He was homosexual. I am not sure if the Japanese spouse was true female and friend, or perhaps male presenting as female. Either way, she took very good care of him as he got sicker and sicker, and passed not much longer after the wedding. 

I decided on this trip I was going to marry 'me'--to celebrate how I've taken good care of myself and had a pretty good life on my own. I did a chocolate tour. I went on a nice botanical gardens tour. I spent a lot of time journaling after conference morning sessions. Then around four or five I would go to the water. 

I felt the feelings. 

I forgave myself for what I didn't know.

Ross guided me through some meditations. 

Right now it's still a powerful full moon, they call it the Beaver moon. With full moons we let things go.

Oddly enough, although I used to hate cats (not only am I highly allergic, my parents and later my sister chose cats over me. At least the sister apologized)...there are some feral ones around here. I made friends with a pregnant one on the property. I bought cat food for her, and Churu treats. For the past three nights I have fed her. And daily she got her treats. I didn't react when I touched her, usually I get big red blotchy welts immediately on my skin.  All those months of watching Donnie the Cat Whisperer have helped me to accept cats for what they are, without all my resentment, pain and confusion from the past attached.

In the water today, Ross asked me what the hardest thing about today was? Waking up wasn't easy. Some other things were little bit hard but still not super bad. But then I felt in my heart, to ask God to help me to let go of all my pain from my past. To let it go, all the resentment, the misunderstandings, the baggage...I asked to start each day as new. And to only deal with the matters at hand, based on trusting my eyes and common sense and ability to communicate. 

I am sixty-one years old. Some people might be able to breeze through these lessons, it might not faze them. But for me, with early childhood trauma, with being on the spectrum, and with being gifted...there are a lot of social cues I miss. But holding on to the past like a badge of courage is only hurting me. It's taking away my enjoyment of here and now.

I encourage you to deep clean your soul, no matter now long it takes, and to allow your soul to heal. When you get to the part where each day is a new day, and you are living in the moment, you are reborn.

You resurrect. 

You no longer are a 'zombie' where you feel dead inside and are overwhelmed. You thank yourself for getting you to this point, and you let go of the old which was weighing you down. 

It's a good thing!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The couple