Even though we have been quiet for some time, it was not because of the holidays alone. There was the stomach and respiratory flu going through our home. It's better now.
I want to reinforce the spiritual work I have been doing as of late. There is a lot of resolution of childhood trauma. I have found some excellent resources and am taking full advantage of them.
Another 'layer' has been revisiting the past, actual physical places, for example, the house across town where I used to be required by law to drop off Anthony so he could spend time with his father. I remember the toddler reaching for me and screaming at the top of his lungs from his father's arms as I would drive away. I drove down that street again, this time, with the gentle reminder to myself, that 'it was hard'.
So man things are coming up with clarity.
For example, husband number two not being supportive in my wanting to get a cardiac anesthesia fellowship. Not only was he unsupportive, he wouldn't pay the rent and I had to find a way to work in private practice one day a week to pay for my living expenses. The salary from the fellowship wasn't enough. He had designs on my income. He had skillfully planned everything from how we met to the quick marriage to how he was going to spend my money once I made it! Wow! How didn't I see it coming?
The other thing about him, was when I asked him early on in dating, how he had healed from his abusive father who drank the paycheck and didn't support the family. His mother actually was arrested for stealing bread. All their clothes were from the used clothing place. Life was rough! He said, 'oh I just moved on'...'and told myself I wouldn't be like him.'. That wasn't healing! It wasn't even the Spiritual Bypass. He later, in relationship, took out all that unhealed trauma ON ME!
Again, I should have left but I didn't.
And that was hard.
Yet there are good memories too. When we saw the new house for the first time, after visiting my mom in the hospital. I remember the spot under the stairs where Anthony asked me if we could live here? I said yes, of course! And he sobbed uncontrollably with joy, relief, gratitude. It wasn't easy, I worked myself so hard I came down with pneumonia. But now I look back and with Covid it was better for him here than in that house he was afraid of. And his high school experience was good. Even the seller was raised by a single mom, and his heart opened to Anthony. The seller is still a wonderful family friend, all of his beautiful family, wife, kids, dog...incredible people.
Sometimes we need to reach out to help others, to guide them.
For other times, we need to focus a little more on ourselves. This is in order to release the baggage we may not even know we are carrying.
On this 1-11-24 new moon in Capricorn, allow yourself to let go of the heaviness you have grown accustomed to carrying. Ask Spirit to guide you.
That's another thing, my messages from Spirit are way more quiet. That's because I have to focus on doing the work. They can't do it for me. But when I had a horrible challenge the other day, I asked for spiritual support. Everything went well, exceeding expectations! I even got a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop to celebrate!
Spirit never leaves us. But they also make sure we do our own homework and don't copy the answers without learning in this school called life.
That is enough for today!
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
