My first 'assignment' was to be there for my son. His dream was to have some time with me not 'always being on the computer'. We went on a plane, and left to San Francisco.
My assignment 1A was to recover that which I had lost, my dreams of settling here long-term, since I was twelve, my college years, my health problems (pituitary adenoma--which has been resected and cure reached), and my first marriage to my college sweetheart.
Moffit-Long Hospital, as seen from a tour bus, with a huge 'orb'
The second 'assignment' was with Ross. We cleared the souls that were stuck near/around/below the Golden Gate Bridge. There are more suicides here than any other bridge I know. Why me? Because my maternal great-grandfather came from Italy to help build it. A lot of workers died trying to make it. Mother says he said it was about ten workers a day. So there is a connection to the bridge I have, in my DNA, from him. And so for all of the deaths, accidental or not, any souls that were lingering have been sent to the Light.
The third 'assignment' was here.
A prison cell at Alcatraz is five feet wide, nine feet long, and seven feet tall.
Yesterday it was transformed into a beacon of Light, and all souls who are in the area, and trapped--prisoners, wardens, and the outlying communities--have a welcome home.
The three escapees died in the water, and their souls were taken home.
Together, Ross and I helped each one cross over to the Light.
For some reason, Ross, was especially pleased with our Light work, in fact, more so than any of the work we have done. : )
For the past three days I have experienced increasing pain in my left ankle.
Left ankle? That is root chakra, and receives...someone is sending me a message that they are in threat for their survival....
It hurt!
There was no injury I could recollect. I had gone paddle boarding, but I didn't fall or stretch it. Perhaps it was inflamed because of overuse?
It hurt all day. So much so that I applied a layer of tiger balm to it in the afternoon.
I wore different shoes when I went out to dinner, ones that would be more gentle on the feet.
And before I went to bed? About ten minutes of laser treatment, with the setting on 'inflammation', and then a thick coating of red tiger balm on it.
It hurt so much I could barely hop into bed!
This morning all of the pain I had experienced it GONE. The leg feels a little stiff, but otherwise looks and feels the same as the other one! The Laser (Mandala Sphere laser) WORKS! And I never took a single ibuprofen.
Well, what about the spiritual/energy significance of the ankle?
According to Louise Hay and Mona Lisa Shulz, M.D. , in the book, All Is Well, the ankle represents imbalance in the form of inflexibility and guilt. Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure.
The affirmation to remedy this is, 'I deserve to rejoice in life. I accept all the pleasure life has to offer.'
Yesterday I went out of my way to assist someone on their Journey.
Someone who traveled to Southern California. I was in traffic for over an hour, almost an hour and a half, to reach their hotel. I drove them to my favorite Living Foods/RAW/vegan restaurant. I introduced them to Ito and to Mai and Linh. All of this person's friends from the conference on Longetivity Now were at this restaurant too. She was like, 'Wow! Everyone is here! I can't believe it!'
It was like watching someone find an oasis in the desert, it was so much fun!
It was magical, the healing environment and the food.
(But my ankle still hurt...that's why I used the laser before bedtime.)
Make Someone Happy by Monica Ramey and Beegle Adair
It turns out a friend of mine, a recovery room nurse who had asked me to do the anesthesia for her c-section two years ago, had just had her baby. She didn't like the other hospital she had switched to. Her doctor works at both that one and mine. So for an emergency, she came and my other friend did her anesthesia.
I came to see her and the baby. It was so beautiful to see them as experienced parents this time. And the father offered to let me hold her. I won't say the child's name, because of privacy, but it is beautiful, French, and what I will share is that her middle name is Grace.
As I held the newborn, a special love and glow filled my heart. It was so warm, and nurturing, and filled with compassion for the being who is going to begin a new life!
And Ross 'popped in' to my awareness...
I asked him to bless the child. I could tell he enjoyed being with us in the moment too. He smiled, And gently, he kissed her on the head, and he left.
Yesterday was my 'other birthday'.
On February 6, 1990, I went to USCF and had neurosurgery. I had a micro adenoma of the pituitary. It was a prolactinoma. I experienced galactorrhea and amenorrea. And headaches and visual changes too.
I was scared out of my mind.
I could hear the clippers shaving the heads of the other patients in their 'bays' at the neurosurgery pre-op holding area as I waited for the surgery. Tears silently rolled down my face.
A voice came, and said, 'Is this (my name) with the tears?' in the most cheerful, loving, and kind manner.
It was my anesthesiologist.
Together she and her resident safely brought me through a very long surgery. My face is still numb because of it. Everything moves, you can't tell.
The afternoon after surgery I had nausea so bad from the drainage from my nose down my throat to my stomach, I threw up my own blood. I threw up so much I would soil my gown and get it all over the bucket.
Each time, the nurse would change me into a clean gown, and give me a new bucket.
We must have done this three or four times in a row.
After a while, I looked at her and said, 'Why do you keep changing my gown? I am only going to mess it up again.'
She looked at me and said, 'We can't let you be dirty!' as if it was the most natural thing in the world to clean up thrown up blood and change people's gowns all day when they have so much else to do. She had all the time in the world to help me...
And I prayed.
I prayed, Dear God, when all of this is over, please don't let me have thrown up my own blood in vain.
I prayed with my heart.
Last night, when I saw my friend (who is a CRNA and has serious health challenges) smiling and laughing at the restaurant that is owned by a woman who has had the same operation as me not once or twice but THREE times...and run by a buddhist who hasn't spoken a word in thirteen years--took a vow of silence...I saw the wonder that God can do. It was a miracle. My miracle!
And I am filled with Optimism, Gratitude, and Hope!
That's why I became an anesthesiologist.
So I could be just like her, my anesthesiologist, who was beautiful, kind and loving, capable and confidence, and able to look the horror of being a surgery patient in the face, and be strong enough to safely guide people through it...
And for the first time since 1990? I had my 'birthday', the anniversary of my life-changing surgery*, and never told a soul the whole day long!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Reiki Doc
P.S. One year after the surgery I remembered abuse that had happened when I was four--the buried memory came up. That ended my marriage.
Then in my second marriage, ten years later, my husband developed the same pituitary tumor as me. It is extremely rare for both in a couple to have experienced it. He did a non-surgical approach, because his was wrapped around the carotids. That totally freaked me out. I wanted to run. But I stayed by his side the whole time. It wasn't until things got out of hand between us two years after--money and anger issues on his part--that the marriage dissolved, too.
Mai made her restaurant because all the surgery she had experienced had left her half dead and unable to function. Vegetarian lifestyle healed her symptoms, and gave her a purpose to live. She wanted to share her healing with others, through using food as 'medicine' (along with regular medicine in her case, but a minimum of it). She started Au Lac.
Ito heard of her miracle. And he offered to help. He started as a server. It wasn't until some time later that she learned 'he can cook!'.
And how!
He is the best RAW vegan chef in the world.
So now you know how God works...the day Mai told me she had the same surgery as me, and more, I looked at her beautiful face and went, 'God? Thank you! She is NORMAL and her life only got better after her illness!'
I thank God for her and for Au Lac from my heart, 24/7. <3
Tomorrow I am having robotic laparoscopic surgery for a mass. It is causing pressure and discomfort.
How do I feel about having an operation? Better than I have before, but not so great. Let me explain...
My first time having anesthesia, I was ten. It was oral surgery. I remember being given square blocks of rubber to bite on in the dental chair, my arm being strapped into a metal holder, looking up at a big bottle of clear liquid labeled Sodium Pentothal and a long tube that connected that bottle to my arm. The next thing I remember is hearing the characters on the T.V. show 'Three's Company', slowly coming to and realizing I was not dead. Joy overcame me. Eventually I went home and recovered with my family.
My mouth being what it was, I had oral surgery twice after that. Once for extra teeth, and the other time for wisdom teeth at sixteen. I didn't phase me. I was nervous, but had good experiences and support. What meant the most to me at the time, was that my teeth were given back to me in a little plastic treasure box. I still have those teeth today.
The worst surgery is the one that came next: pituitary adenoma. There was something growing in my brain, giving me headaches. For some reason, that totally freaked me out. I had to go to a big university center. I remember talking with the anesthesiologist in the pre-op clinic about having some signal or code to indicate that I was actually awake. He saw my earnestness, and smiled, and shared that my neurosurgeon had actually worked on HIM, and he was okay.
It was the wait that was unbearable before that surgery. I tried alcohol, shopping, tears, journaling, going on a trip to the snow which I love, but nothing could take away the fear I had for going through this surgery. And afterwards, I was shocked at how I walked IN to the hospital on my own power, but had to be wheeled out after five days in house as an inpatient.
Slowly I learned how this was a gift to let me take some time to adjust my perspective on life. To take walks gently around the neighborhood. I lived in Berkeley at the time. I had two dreams, one to go work at Chez Panisse and become a famous chef. The other was to follow my childhood dream to be a doctor. Here I am with you today--guess what dream won out? Not to say that I don't wish I could have had BOTH dreams come true, but I am genuinely happy with my life and how it turned out.
In a belly dancing class I tore my anterior cruciate ligament. I was a surgical intern at the time. I wore the brace for nine months, often whacking my good leg with the bulky brace by accident in the process. I never figured out if it was better to wear the brace inside or on top of my scrub pants. It was miserable! I got my surgery, knowing I had to have a repair to stop my knee from going out on me when I stepped off a curb or was in the grocery store. And to stop wearing the brace! I recovered well, and got back into ballet, my true love in dance. Getting my life back was one of the profoundest miraculous events, for I had resigned myself to never dancing again. Being let out of that prison truly gave new life to my soul.
Because I brushed like, too often, when I had braces on my teeth, I ended up needing periodontic care as an adult. While I was an anesthesia resident, I had a graft done at the periodontist's office. That was scary, and I tried to do it just on valium alone because they use a cocktail of things to put you to sleep that made me afraid I was not going to breathe. The valium wasn't working. They asked, 'do you want to go all the way out?'. I said yes. Everything went fine. But my husband at the time, was a nurse. We knew the post-op for this would hurt. So he placed an i.v. at home, and dosed me with toradol i.v. I felt NO pain! For that I was working it to my benefit, applying what I knew at work to have a better recovery.
My last operation was cesarean section. I was ready to go home to Jesus by the time I was cut. Labor was awful! I never felt any pain, and healed up nicely.
I also had a root canal one day when I was pre-call as an associate professor. It was hard to schedule it, and those hours before work were the only ones that fit. I took no pain medicine, and worked a full overnight shift on Trauma and OB, supervising residents. It hurt like heck, but to survive we all do what we have to do.
I share my experiences with you, out of a selfish reason: I think doctors who have gone through surgery are better at taking care of their patients. My stomach is so sensitive to anesthesia I have to take toast and tea for three days following an anesthetic. Guess who's patients never throw up after surgery? That's right! I was so miserable that I figured that one out to help MY patients. Who threw up flat on her back in a c-section, wondering if she would aspirate right then and there while giving birth? You got it! Me! So who has the driest suction canister in the OR on L&D? Yes! I figured that one out also. Who is the best with the most anxious, neurotic, controlling patient in the Pre-Op Holding Unit? Good old Reiki Doc, that's who! I was bawling my head off while waiting for neurosurgery when I was twenty-five, in the flimsy gown hearing the other patients getting their hair clipped off in the other pre-op beds next to mine.
So what about this operation ahead? I got to pick my team. My surgeon, anesthesiologist, scrub tech, circulating nurse, and RN-first-assist. That helps to cut down on the fear of it. It is a luxury those of us that work in the OR have. I have to be honest with you--the tech who usually works on the robot is a male. I just couldn't face him knowing he had worked with my--'modesty'--the whole case! I told him why I picked a lady for that, and he understood. And he teases me about it, and it still makes me blush.
I was worried about my 'appearance'. Some people really go to town on their grooming, with landing strips and waxing and all. I spoke with my circulator, because I didn't want to look bad 'down there'. She reassured me that 'no one would care' and that 'in our day no one "landscaped" anything so not to worry'. It helped. As my surgeon says, 'we all look the same under our scrubs'. If you are having surgery, and are worried about how your body will look while you are sleeping, know that it is okay. Our surgery teams have seen just about everything. Unless we are working on a body part specifically, the more 'modest' ones are typically covered while we work in the OR. Even in a c-section we hardly see the breast because the gown is never taken off the patient. It is okay.
I color my hair, so I made sure I covered my roots today, so they would not show. Anesthesia sees the head. And I packed a little bag with what I would wear to the hospital, a couple books, lotion, and my tooth brush. I got a Hello Kitty bag to cheer me up.
My greatest worry is for my son. I am a single parent. Although I co-parent with his father, my son and I are close. He will worry, and want to see me. But they do not let children in the surgical ward at the hospital. It will feel so long until I can hold him in my arms when I get back.
I am thankful for the robotic surgery, and the skills of all my peers. I feel the healing power coming through all of them. I never noticed how talented they were until I realized I would have to be going to them for my care. I am impressed at all of our skills from this perspective.
I have also put myself on the Reiki Healing List and the Divine Peace Healing Lists of my friends. I know I am in Divine Hands, and thankful for this peace of mind and comfort that Light brings.
I will do my best to let you know how things go. In the meantime, if you don't mind, and if it resonates with you, please pray for me in your heart. I am most grateful for your kindness in this respect.
