Our Best

 

Ross said it's okay to share.

By 'accident' (in other words, Divine Timing), my former brother-in-law's wife from his second marriage posted a 'memory' on FB from eleven years ago, where my first husband and his wife from his second marriage went with all the kids to spend time with them in their cabin in Northern California.

I was able to look at the FB page of my ex and his wife. They share.

I looked with interest at the photos. How age had affected my ex. 

I knew who she was because she had been like a prom queen and he had dated her before me, and before his girlfriend he had (a math major, who dumped him) before me. 

Photos tell you a lot. The wife I know from my friend my brother-in-law's wife, has a strong personality. She won't even go over to the in-law's house, they are that toxic. (They were then, and they are now). She's a realtor. 

She's 'that kind' of wife who sets the tone for the household, I could see it in the decor. And I could tell that once his parents told him to 'put his foot down' with her, like they did with me, then, it completely backfired on them.

I could see in his smile, by his eyes, that he wasn't really happy, not a happy person, he probably never was with me too, I don't know. But he was a good person making the best and doing everything he could for his family. 

His personality cost him me, the first woman he dated after me (a mutual friend), and even now with his wife he reads all her email. He is that controlling. 

When we were together, we were doing our best. 

And with all the healing I have done, with my anxious attachment, and early life experiences of trauma, I'm much better now than how I was back then. I understand my emotions and how to regulate them.

I was looking for a photo I liked, one a friend had taken last year, and while searching through the photos, I saw two of my ex number two. I had been searching for him last November, why I don't know. 

Actually there is a scam named after him, where people send in money to find a job and have their chance at a position that doesn't exist. I am not sure if it was his scam or just his name sounds good on the scam and someone used it.

But with these, a head shot and a profile, you could see his cruelty and ego much clearer than you could when I was with him. 

Again, if I had been the type of woman who could speak assertively and keep him in line, we probably would have been okay and never gotten to the kinds of fights we had. 

Both of us, like in my first marriage, had unhealed trauma from our youngest ages. 

We had been doing our best, too. 

I could say things about how he wanted his 'investment' in me to 'pay off'--the twenty thousand dollar trip to Italy he had planned on my graduation--which we cancelled because my niece was deathly ill and in ICU. But I won't. That's just his childhood suffering showing up again and his way to 'fix it'.

And a bullet I dodged.

Even with Anthony's father, again, he needed a woman who would make him settle down, get a real job, and work on her unending list of projects to remodel and upgrade their house. His personality found a much stronger one than mine. 

Every time I was with these three men, I thought it was love. And indeed, it 'was' love.  As much as my traumatized self could experience it. 

What I experience with Ross, and my teams, is more soothing and different. It's like remembering something I used to know a long time ago...something better than limerence or attachment like I had misinterpreted for 'love' in my earlier relationships. 

With the security of healthy attachment, you can face your fears and heal. 

I'm so grateful for this. Healing is available for EVERYONE. No matter what you've seen or experienced.

Always.

Good memories, good partnership, and support can rewire the brain and the nervous system. Help arrives in a variety of ways. Be open to it. Even YouTube and Instagram are helpful!

Now I have an early start. I must go.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

How To Tell When Someone Isn't Right For You

 

Ross woke me up and asked me to write this today.

I 'gather' that this applies not only to people we encounter in real life. It also applies to people we meet online, or who tell us the news, or who are 'celebrities' or 'world leaders'. It applies to the whole spectrum of people 'out there'.

It is increasingly difficult to tell if someone has our best interest at heart. Or doesn't. 

We live in a world where deception is not only possible, it is utilized by others to 'look out for number one' and advance themselves in the world. 

STOP is the most important first step.

STOP what you are doing. Realize it is possible that this person might not be good for you. Raise your awareness and let go of the feeling that 'everything is fine'. People who take advantage of you will lull you into that state. Even if everything IS truly 'fine', it's best to stop and double-check on it from time to time.  

Doing this is going to save you a lot of heartache.

Once you STOP, LOOK. Look carefully at everything. Don't try to interpret what you are seeing at first. Just take it all in. Really see this person, their facial expressions, their clothing, their actions, their surroundings. 

A wonderful example of this is the street beggar who goes and drives off in a new car after a long day of begging. This happens in our area. Many people fall for the children and their signs saying how hungry they are...when actually it's a lucrative way to earn money that is untaxed. This isn't always the case with beggars. But it happens enough in our area that people need to be certain before they give.

While you are looking, check for patterns. 'Follow the money' is an excellent pattern to show Truth. 'What's in it for them?' is another. Are there invisible puppet strings on this person? Who might be pulling them? Whose 'team' are they on? 

An example here are compromised church leaders of megachurches who do terrible things in secret and no longer worship Jesus as their lord and savior. 

Remember with the LOOK part, it doesn't have to be perfect. You are not a detective. You aren't trained in that. But you are using your own eyes to see, and have eliminated all outside influence to your process of examining your vision 'data' before you.

Last, LISTEN. Listen to that still, quiet voice within. How does it feel? What is it telling you? Are there any questions that perhaps you might want to have answered? Does everything add up? Or is there something a little off? 

You will know. 

Sometimes you might not want to hear it. You might justify this and give excuses for that. Especially if what you are picking up is uncomfortable. Sometimes people suffer from two common situations in this. The first is that you think if you pick something different from what everyone else believes no one will like you. That's not true. You can keep your mouth closed and never tell a soul what you believe--how will they know? Another is you think you might have to convince everyone to think like you. Again, there is no need. Keep your cards close to your chest, and play the game like everyone else. Nobody likes to be convinced of anything, really, especially if they believe something so strongly they are afraid their world will fall apart if their beliefs aren't 'true'. 

This one never ceases to amuse me. There's a huge TRUTH out there. About the Universe. How it runs. Who runs it. Who's who in the running of it. We are right smack dab in the middle of it. If you STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN enough, it becomes pretty obvious what's up.  Right? But there's people who say, dismissively, 'oh I don't believe in THAT'. As if their beliefs make something True! Isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard? The whole world--spiritual and material--runs on rules that aren't much different from gravity and no one is arguing that gravity doesn't exist. You fall and you get up, right? 

People. 

People are so fascinating sometimes. 

Ross doesn't want me to talk about myself or my lessons.Today's post is all for public service.

Ross reminds me of one thing. Sometimes people in certain roles (like the church leaders) don't always appear compromised, but they are. So, remember to run the STOP LOOK LISTEN on even people you've long held in your heart as a certain way. He says to watch for the fruit that they bear. Only good trees bear consistently good fruit. Anyone or anything who is churning up fear, anxiety, dread, or panic--the energy of Separation as Hope Johnson would call it--consistently--does not have your best interest at heart. Remember this.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

The Next Level of Healing

 

This inner work is really taking off. And paying off!

You know how a part of me is always an independent observer of my lessons and what is happening?

Here's a few examples of how the Universe is sending me stress to see how I can demonstrate change and go 'whoa!' at the results.

I'm ready to wake a patient up.

My OR phone rings. I ignore it. My focus is on the patient first, always. 

The phone rings across the room at the nurses' desk. We ignore it. 

The phone rings again at my workstation. I am annoyed and ignore it.

Instantly they call across the room. This is someone in recovery room or a charge nurse--they are the only ones who know both the numbers. And I've said many times to everyone that if I'm doing something I need to pay one hundred percent attention to my patient, I will call back later. I won't ever pick up the phone.

Well, in the middle of these dueling phone calls, something snapped deep inside. Picking up the handset of my phone, I exclaimed, 'If THEY can be this evil, then I can be that EVIL too!' and I left the handset on the counter of my anesthesia cart with a slam. There's no way anyone can call back on that line. 

My observer part of me was going, 'wow, that was really saucy--but effective!'

The patient woke up safely and fine. 

On Sunday while my son was driving some object hit the windshield, shattering it on the driver's side and cracks going all over the windshield up and down and side to side. 

Long story short, first appointment to replace it was four days away. 

Long story even shorter, insurance said it's okay to drive like that and wouldn't pay for a rental car.

I drove to work and home on Monday. It was horrible, just like Sunday afternoon--me having to tilt my head and guess what I was seeing. 

Monday afternoon, I realized this is unnecessary risk to drive like that. So I called our local rental car place. Now I can be safe until the windshield is completely repaired.

Yes it's expensive. About one hundred dollars a day since I didn't reserve in advance. 

But to be in a wreck or to stress while driving? That's worse. 

Again this is something my independent observer looks at with amazement--I'm valuing myself and acting in my own best-interest. 

That too is something good.

There were two other examples clinically yesterday that I can't share. They were big. And also, this morning, I made sure my boss corrected his mistake in assigning me a full day post call (and being last at the surgery center). As it turned out, I got relief from an emergency case in main OR, showed up for my first case at the surgery center, and learned the patient was drinking a water bottle while coming into the pre-op area. 

Fluids require two hours if they are clear fluids.

Surgeon couldn't wait.

Cancel and reschedule!

Then I was able to get coverage for my other two cases I was on the hook for, so I could rest at home.

There is a whole new layer of 'new' on the inside. Yes it's been challenging and stressful. But there's no way really to see the new growth without the challenges...so i'm glad for it.

Now I am going to rest. I had four hours of sleep. 

It's time to recover!

clap! clap!

aloha and mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Ignition

 

We are in a battle where the last place we are going to see changes announced is when you flip on the TV and watch the news.

The news is controlled. They controllers aren't giving up on their control. 

Speaking of news, I thought of Anne Heche out of the blue the other day. And look--not one but two horrible car accidents and a burn. Now she's out of the picture. She had a film about a controversial subject the controllers don't want people knowing about...so that's not the kind of Ignition I'm talking about.  If you keep your ears perked up you might get a hmmmmm but that's about it.

Also, big news is that now there's no difference between compliant and 'hesitant' people, and natural immunity is completely valid. According to the Sea D Sea...who people who believed all that they said in the beginning are less likely to believe what they have to say now....

This too isn't the kind of Ignition I'm writing about.

We must be in tune to our soul, the delicate balance of our purpose and our life lessons. 

THIS is news that nobody can take away, it is our 'Inner Knowing'.

I come before you as a completely different person on the inside--stronger, calmer, more Purpose--than I was even three weeks ago.

Everything is working. 

My house is clean. I can't say it's organized. But it's clean. This is the first week in three years I was able to clean everything all by myself--bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, and tidying.  Even washing the floors. I need to change the sheets then I'm all caught up. 

And my preference in art is changing a little too. I have two examples. 

The first is my son went to the Sawdust festival with his work, and found an incredible piece of art, reasonably priced. He liked the artist and I liked the art. So I drove there to buy it. Up until then, my 'art' for this house had been framed topographic maps of my Uncle Ben's desert--very simple, meaningful. But once this new art was in the home, in the most visible place, down came one of the maps (I have  like six) and up went the new. It's like it breathed new life into the home.

The second is how when I was vacuuming the cord caused a painting from the old house to fall over, the glass cracked. It was a cheap copy of a Picasso line drawing of Don Quixote. It had meaning in my old house, but here it was just a memory of what I've overcome/my past.  I knew I could have saved the print. But I chose to trust, and threw away all the broken glass and print and frame. I said, 'I can always buy it again'. 

From the world of healthcare, there's another story. I share it so you appreciate how thin our coverage is getting for anesthesia, particularly those who do anesthesia for heart surgery. It's very intense work, early start, long hours, high risk, stressful. Out of our two guys who did it at my hospital, one quit to work outpatient surgery and have a better lifestyle. He left in April. Since April, our other guy who does hearts has been permanently on call. He couldn't take vacation he had planned--two weeks of it with coverage so he could go to his property on the river with his family.  This is just one story.

The other is that in Glendale, an area north of Los Angeles, kind of near Pasadena, there was one guy in the area doing anesthesia for hearts. He's the only one out of several hospitals. And he developed a cardiomyopathy from a virus he caught! His hospital checked him out, did a heart cath, there was no blockage and they sent him home. But my friend said to get a second opinion--the heart function was down from normal (fifty-five to sixty percent ejection fraction) to twenty-five percent ejection fraction. So he went to Cedars-Sinai, and they put him on an intraortic balloon pump to get his ejection fraction up into the forty percent range while he recovered in ICU. And fortunately he made a full recovery. But he had a fifty-fifty chance of dying.  This area has been without capacity to do life-saving heart surgery because of his illness.

Ross and I continue to make progress every day healing my anxious heart. What I've learned is that if we are anxious attachers, we can learn and rewire out nervous system so we don't react the same way. 

The work is paying off and my next thing to learn is assertive communication. I've never been one to be direct face-to-face. I'm studying how aggressive communication is based upon fear response. And how passive communication makes you really unhappy because you just cave in and say yes to unreasonable demands. 

I am DIFFERENT.

I don't panic and check like I used to. 

I trust that the Universe has got my back. 

It's like I'm different on the inside, and now how I communicate and interact with everyone is remarkably BETTER. 

In being born, I was born into this world where everyone was playing a game and I didn't even know it or know the rules and it totally freaked me out. Now, with catch-up growth, I am learning to see what the game is, and how to participate in it not for the purpose of playing it myself (I'm from Home and this game will never seem normal to me)--but for being able to survive and thrive amongst all the players. 

Hope Johnson figured this one out a long time before me. And even though I've taken her words to heart, and her wisdom...it never really made sense for me. That's because my soul development was stunted from my emotional wounds. I'd had a therapist once tell me I'd always be 'broken' but 'could learn how to function'. Fortunately, I'm learning we can adapt and heal in ways I never thought possible, never dreamed, and I'm so grateful for this.

So now, my routine--on a day off--is immediately after breakfast I check in with Ross. For a long time, like, twenty minutes. And he's actively guiding me, asking questions, teaching me, and helping me through this life. It's helping so much. He's not DOING the work. I am. But he's actively helping me find my way, and we discuss my progress much like I'm discussing with you here.

Today I'm really surprised and pleased at how things are turning around for the better. It's not like before where there was something that 'stuck out' in my daily experience and I knew it was a 'lesson' for sharing. Now ALL of the experience from one day to the next is improvement and shareable! It's so much more, and also, more forward than I ever imagined could happen. 

In the context of this, there has always been dedication and service, sending healing out and being a resource to others. This hasn't changed. A mother came through from the Other Side with a message for her daughter, and I shared it. She got goosebumps from it. We do this without a second thought and never for the purpose of advancing ourselves in the material world. We serve, Ross and me. And that's just the way it is. It's always been like this. 

We love you and are proud of your development. These times aren't easy. Especially if you're not actively looking within, and pushing to grow. If you are looking in, you will be amazed at the progress in your soul and your mind and your heart and your personality in these incredibly special times for us all. My level of stress has decreased exponentially because of this growth. Remember there is always hope! And there's always a chance to decide today to do things differently. 

Your guides are always ready to assist!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twin Souls who are Brother and Sister to everyone and everything on this planet! (Ross said that)

Getting Real

 

Lately I have been feeling out of sorts. The energies have been high with the Schumann Resonance, but typically with those I feel better, not worse, as the frequency goes up.

The only thing that has been helping has been spending time in the sunshine and in my pool. I did this on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Yesterday I spent two hours in the water, not thinking, and soothing my energy system by being immersed in the cool water. I also picked up a lot of leaves from the bottom of the pool. And floated.

It's easier to talk to Ross when I'm in the pool. Or the back yard. 

Finally, it came out what's bugging me. Some people I know in the Truth community are really being hit hard by both spiritual adversaries, and people who are maligning them. A pastor is getting a divorce--the wife was on the other side of the conspiracy theory when it came to the up, pokey poke. Courageous people who have come forward are being made to look like liars. And of course, yesterday, there was a huge raid by the FBI. 

I asked Ross about the AC.

What to expect?

How many are going to die? How many are going to suffer? How much are we going to suffer?

Ross was surprised and blurted out, 'haven't you suffered with the C 19?'

Yes, I had. Professionally and personally. 

He said that with the AC it won't be worse than that. That helped me mentally to prepare myself.

But then my deepest worry came out. One I never knew I had, but one I've carried with me deep in my soul for ages and ages!

'Ross can the AC hurt you?'

The answer is NO. A firm NO. 

Ross is in Spirit. The AC can't touch him. He's in the physical. The rules are different in the Spirit world and what happens here on Earth doesn't' apply. Plus, from what I gather, the rules of the Spirit world are eventually coming here too.

THAT made me feel much, much better! The fog lifted. I had been burying the horror, the prospect of anything more happening to my beloved Ross! You know the they did it before and they can do it again kind of thing.

Well, they can't.

So in the meantime, I keep myself busy with work, being a mom, the yard, and the pets. I cook a lot (which I share online) but that creates lots of dishes (which I don't share for obvious reasons). But I plan to enjoy summer for as long as it lasts. 

It's almost time for pumpkin spice again...and I need to wait a whole year again for Summer.

Ross

Talk to your guides. About anything! Just like Carla talks to me. Take every worry off your heart. Talk to me as well.

I am here for you. All of us are here for you.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

All In!

 

Growth is a fascinating concept. Once you commit, there is no turning back. However, it has it's ups and downs. It's time to share with you about our latest twists and turns on my emotional healing...

The last time, I asked Ross if he needed me?

He couldn't really answer, because I was the one who made his food, his clothes, his home...I was always THERE. He carefully showed me how his actions clearly respected me. He needed me in this way.

Then, in another way, he came through with an even stronger message. He showed me his shoes, they were not ugly like simple Birkenstocks, they were regal, with jewels and golden designs, and very well worn. I saw the hem of his garment, it was brilliant white linen and very fine work, ironed to perfection. 

He showed me ancient India, where we once lived. You could see the temple, the cities, our home. In an instant I was with him again, his right hand holding my left, and we were walking down the street as a couple. People were greeting him, so many people knew him. One came and quietly asked him for help. And he conferred with me, and then invited the man to dinner at our house the next night.

The feeling of being home, in our simple, humble, yet loving home, for dinner, just the two of us, was so healing. You could see two round loaves of bread on the table. Simple. Yet satisfying. I knew I had made that bread for us possible...

He gave four special messages I knew were just for me. 

The next day, I felt better, saucy even, and said, 'Ross? You have a chance to win my heart!'

He was blown away by my newfound confidence!

.......................

But as healing goes, confidence like this is only a rest between the lessons.

What I am dealing with now, are my needs. Both then, and now. Back then, I was like property, I was not permitted to have needs, although, clearly, Ross broke my heart a number of ways. For the first time, I was able to express it to him in the safety of our relationship...when he was 'with the guys' it was really hard on me. Yes I traveled with him for years, but the men dismissed my intelligence, and looked down upon me for trying to learn and share in the discoveries and truths. It hurt. It hurt a lot to see Ross taking more of their input to his consideration, ultimately being misled by really evil people. I could see it. He couldn't. It drove a horrible wedge between us. 

I have been spending a lot of time, and will continue, not only talking with Ross about my needs--then and in the foreseeable future--but taking time to learn how to be assertive and speak up for my needs. 

In tears, yesterday, I asked Ross if it's going to be the same old thing again, him spending lots of time with his cronies and doing his own thing, and ignoring me? Ross knows what to say now. He's done his growth, and he's learned, and he was able to explain it gently to me in ways that I understand. He promises we will have time together too, and it will be good for us both. In many ways.

Wounds like this, emotional ones, take time. 

I was explaining to my best friend, that I don't want to die 'broken' emotionally. I want to do everything I can to 'get back' what was originally mine, my birthright to love and be happy and free. That's why I do this work. That's why I study hard and read and do journals and notebooks. I want to be ready. Even if the only purpose is to keep up hope in these difficult times. It's my soul that's driving me. 

That's why I share. If you soul is driving you toward wholeness too.

Now I'm going to enjoy some 'dream time'--outside in the pool and in the sun. 

Here's the Schumann resonance today. It's very white, very high energy, very good.

Ross nods and agrees and gestures me to go outside.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Back To The Lesson--Original

 

I've been working hard still.

It's not enough to just sit back once you've gained a new perspective, or to take breaks. Human life is short and therefore we do better when we go with the life lessons and soak up enough of the 'local atmosphere' on our journey.

I have been dutifully going along with all the things, the curves life has thrown at me, keeping calm and studying the best I can to heal my anxious attachment style. I've grown to learn anxiety is a warning system, it's not an 'end point'. And you can learn to regulate your emotions, so even though the anxiety is basically 'hardwired in', it doesn't have to affect you as much as it did in the past.

Under the expert guidance of Ross and my teams, I'm back at the original place emotionally, where our marriage back in the day began to fall apart. I'm feeling the same feelings, only now, I am able to verbalize them and seek clarification and input from Ross.

Ross?

Do you need me?

I don't feel like you need me now, or that you ever did. 

If our eternity is going to be another round of you being busy and not having time for me, like before, I'm hesitant to want to go forward with it. 

Ross?

What do you have to say?

I challenged him with those exact same words, with those exact same logic phrases, and with the same original pain in my heart, a pain of rejection from the one I love...because of his need to 'save the world' at the expense of his family.

Ross spoke from his heart. I know, because it rang true, and I could feel it resonate in my heart as he said it.

He said he DID need me. 

Then he showed me how to look for it. 

He never in a million years before had said it, not those words, and it had broken my heart.

Instead, this time, he asked the questions--that's how he teaches, even in close interpersonal time with me.

Did you see me going to anyone else for support? Who did I seek out? Where did I come home at the end of the day, or whenever I could?

Like with a magnifying glass, from the realm of Spirit, from that perspective I was able to analyze every little bit of his behavior. He was right! It was consistent with a pattern of someone who truly did care, but didn't know how to express it...in ways I could understand. 

What's different now, is I am learning assertiveness. And how to ask for my needs. In the future, I'll be able to tell him how I am feeling and what would make me feel really close and loved and bonded to him. 

The system works!

Yes, we live in difficult times, and the world might blow up any day now, depending on what they are broadcasting on the latest mainstream news...

Remember if you have the news in one hand, and your lessons in the other, only one of those hands is going to help you any way whatsoever in the Afterlife! So work on them!

A last aside, is to really know our journey here is a short one. Be sure to soak in all of the sights and sounds and feelings. If you are stuck in traffic, well, since you can't do anything about it, why not delight in being able to experience genuine Earth Traffic? And all the emotions that go with it?

If you see a person who believes differently from you--why not rejoice that you get to see a REAL one of those whatever they are you happen to be seeing?

Here in California, we have the surfers, the low riders, the fruit cart people, the trophy wives, you name it...it's quite a mix. You rub elbows with these people. 

Sunday I saw who I think was Dennis Rodman going into a grocery store in Newport Beach. I've met him before once. Shook his hand. 

Especially for those of us who are, um, 'known' on The Other Side, being 'unknown' here is really fun. Like 'Undercover Boss'. 

Enjoy it. 

Time for Pilates!

I was working up until 0300 last night on call. I've been resting all day. Time to regenerate because tomorrow is another long day.

Ross is happy I can feel it, because I am growing in ways that took me a long time to grow. He says if the tree is healthy there is always time for it to correct and to grow up straight.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple