A Pattern

 

Probably the best thing I am useful for is recognizing patterns. 

I don't know why or how but it is. I remember being shown patterns of big, colored wooden beads by the school counselor (she had pulled me out of class for some tests and I wondered why a grown woman was playing with beads with a second-grader during school hours)...she was delighted, thrilled that I could repeat the bead sequences she showed me. They were ridiculously easy to string on the shoelace. 

But even now, when I logged in to my bank account, the code for the secondary confirmation/validation I was surprised at how I barely glanced at the code before it flashed away (the notification on my phone) and I was able to remember and get it right.

Yesterday was my last day at work at the Surgery Center, at least as full-time partner. I walked away from that for many reasons, the scariest of which is how little regard my partners had for the rules about our particular style of corporation with the IRS. But also, for wanting to be treated with more respect than to have them make me prove a simple bookkeeping mistake by our old billing company before I could be distributed my funds I had earned. 

I see a pattern in myself.

But first, a happy one. Yesterday the song 'Name' by the Goo Goo Dolls was playing on the radio in the bird room while I was getting him ready for the day. My bird listens to the oldies station to keep him company while I am at work. And when 'Name' was popular, I was in medical school. But it wasn't much longer that I got the bird (internship). I smiled inside because I'd rescued him long enough for 'my' music to make its way to the oldies station. When I'd first got him, it was sixties and seventies music on the playlist. 

Back to my pattern--I escape.

Yes.

My home life was terrible as a child, growing worse with the politics/persuasion of my one sister who basically 'ruled the roost'. I studied like crazy, got good grades, graduated and escaped to college. 

But when my marriage went bad, I repeated the same pattern, except this time it was for Medical School admission. 

Medical school, residency, and employment has been a total roller coaster. From 'the Match' where you end up going to wherever the computer in the sky tells you to complete your training...a lot of things are outside of your control. I chose to do a cardio thoracic fellowship. And moved away to San Diego to finish it. I came home on Wednesday nights to my second husband. Again, by then the marriage was bad and I chose my education  and job security over his madness, unhappiness, and entitlement to my doctor's wages. 

It was a huge shock to my system to be let go from my position at the University. I had anticipated staying there my whole career. But actually, Divine Creator had better plans. I met wonderful people, I had more access to vacation and travel, and I made way more money. 

The only downside was call. Starting the day and working sometimes twenty-four hours straight, including nights and holidays. I played the long game, I waited ten years for my boss to retire, a spot opened at the surgery center for full-time, and I jumped at the chance! I escaped call! Finally.

What happened there? I was honored to be given the chance to create our corporation (my retiring boss retired his instead of passing it on). It was gnarly working through the red tape of the ''system' to make it happen. And my colleagues had dysfunction. I realized again I was acting like the overachieving daughter in a dysfunctional family...which is my basic pattern.  

When I worked for a colleague back in the Main OR to give him some vacation coverage, my heart realized I missed my old staff I worked with. It was like vacation too, having electronic anesthesia records, well-stocked carts with some of the expensive drugs you need still there at arm's reach, and anesthesia technicians to help with the start and end of the cases. The medical complexity, the slower pace, and ability to eat instead of the rush, rush was like heaven. My son saw it when I came home I was happy. And I realized one colleague was toxic to me, at the surgery center, and the anesthesiologist running the group completely understood my distress and made work available to me so I could escape it.

It was very nice to have a goodbye yesterday. People said kind words. And there were two expensive cakes. One said, Good Luck and Thank You -- Anesthesia Department, the other said Reiki Healing and had a little red heart. I had done an FTE worth of work for no pay in creating the corporation, negotiating contracts, finding a billing company, etc. For the replacement for me they actually offered two percent of the group income to them (but not to me lol) the same as was charged by my old boss. Administrative fee, he called it. 

On the couch, during this overcast Saturday, I rested. It is like a fog has lifted. 

For me, I see the pattern leading to escape was that I didn't understand the skill/process of relationship rupture and repair. I couldn't even understand my own emotions, let alone someone else's. The concept of self-regulation, and co-regulation, was really new. But I see it now.

And I connected to Source. You see, with Outpatient Surgery, the pace is very fast, except when there are gaps in the schedule, and there's not much time to think. Slowing down today was nice. And Spirit asked me what I want now? In my heart of hearts?  We had reviewed my early childhood, getting to my babysitter's before my construction worker grandfather left for work--EARLY in the morning and eating breakfast together. I remember getting out of bed way early, driving over to their house...And grandfather coming home from work at the end of a long day. Those were on good days.

The not-so-good days were in preschool (I dropped out after three weeks) or other babysitter's houses. School was a haven compared to that. It was a haven even after my grandparents because back then I watched too much TV, there wasn't much activity for me. 

We went over every significant other I had, one I almost had, and why it was not meant to be. 

I asked for Ross, I said how much I need him. And what I request for this phase of my life is emotional safety. I have good physical safety now, I've worked hard for it and I am so grateful. I realized that Spiritual safety is a given and again I am highly appreciative for that.  I could see how our emotional bodies are bumping into one another, and misunderstandings crop up. 

That's why there's the photo I chose for this blog post. This is an example of how it was originally meant to be--when you are little there are healthy, safe adults to help raise you. 

What are your patterns? Do you have any? It takes a lot of life to life to begin to see them. And what I was told by Spirit is that once we advance with our lessons, we are able to move forward in life and enjoy it more. 

There is another pattern I noticed. My friend Lisa of Tarot background. She is ever evolving herself. Her latest photo shows LIGHT in her eyes, and her Spirit is strongest I've seen it in a long time. I smiled inwardly. Lisa has a need to understand. She goes through philosophical frameworks like the seasons of the year transform the surface of the Earth. And she talks about it! I am so grateful that she shares. 

For me, I accept. I even accept that some things are not able to be understood, they are felt/experienced, and that is that. I have no drive whatsoever to adjust my belief system. What Is, IS. The Universe and Divine Creator Created it. Both the seen and the unseen. I appreciate that. As a part of it, I let it be. Yes perhaps I grumble in traffic or I think perhaps it would be nice if certain elements were not influencing daily lives of all of us as much as they do...Yet I trust there is a Purpose, one I may or may not understand, at the moment, but perhaps in time I will, and even if I don't, things will work out for the best. That's the final endpoint. 

I have a little trouble with the whole Reiki being demonic thing. We have our senses and our intuition, and I know dark ones want to shut it off completely while amplifying their abilities in the spiritual realms. The 'system' works to separate us from our intuition/inner guidance. 

But Lisa, she takes on the religious--I remember her asking vegan Doreen V. where the pigs are that funds were raised to help? Lisa was ferreting out deceit. As a survivor of religious trauma these things are important to her. 

Today, though, I saw the pattern and I understood--Lisa is accessible. Her thought processes she shares are going to resonate with a lot of other people. And like a spark Lisa lights up the way. Always moving forward. 

Me, it's my grumbles that resonate with people. I tell it like it is. And that helps others to move forward too. 

I like it, our team.

There are others, they know who they are. I am watching and appreciating all they do too. 

Every single one of us is important.

But for now, the patterns are shared enough. It's time for lunch and to get on with the day.

Ross

Carla has been telling you for a while now that I have been quiet. She has been in one of her lessons for a long time, or so it seems to her. The recognitions of the patterns is a little painful, at least the ones she sees in herself.

I would like to add that for Carla, her astrological chart, has her 'happy happy' place through placements of when she is learning. 

There is a common theme in all of her 'escapes' and that is to 'learn', not just to 'learn and to grow' as an individual, but to commit to actual learning of a new skill. 

I would like to add that in addition to her new found 'forming an anesthesia corporation' skills, Carla has taken up the Hawaiian language on DuoLingo, and her streak now is over nine hundred and fifty days. Again these are patterns and it brings great comfort to her to acquire new abilities. She also finally met the challenge of learning how to cook Mexican style pinto beans with the dried beans. It is a life-saving and economically valuable skill. It took several tries to get it right. 

I also would like to share of Carla's courage and dedication on behalf of those in her care. Not the medical care. The family care, which, at one time, included me in our past life.  Carla spent all afternoon looking for her backyard turtle. This was after her triumphant last day at work. Every afternoon she comes home and enjoys spending time in the back yard. But no matter where she looked, there was no turtle. Turtles can get stuck, and need to be freed. For example a turtle who is flipped on its back is in a terrible position! Someone needs to right it or it will die. Five times she circled the yard. There are holes from the squirrels and the gophers. The biggest one is plugged up with a bag of heavy sand. The new one at the roots of a tree, she found a stick and measured the depth, it did not go through very far. She looked over the fence for signs of turtle escapement. 

On one of her rounds, near the rosemary bush, which is five years overgrown--she saw a scoot mark in the dirt that looked like a turtle had made it. But usually, the turtle goes at night to the same place. But late in the day, it hadn't made it. So even though she had lifted the branches of the rosemary bush many times, she looked deeper, and found the turtle wedged deep asleep next to the fence underneath. 

To make sure it could get out, she trimmed the lower branches. It took five trips to the green waste bin and totally filled it. You could always see the turtle and you know it will not happen again. 

All's well that ends well!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Welcoming Change

 

There is something about the human condition that finds comfort in what is known and continues to be experienced. We call it 'tradition'.

But as a school, not much learning can take place when everything remains the same.

Change is in the air! Not just with the autumn leaves and bright colors...Spiritual change is afoot. Why not step back and allow the changes to present themselves to you? People can change. Opportunities can change. Allow yourself the 'wiggle room' knowing you are free to 'take the best and leave the rest'.

If we do not let go of what is in our hands, we will not be able to accept the newer, better things our Divine Creator has in store for us. 

We do not promote going ascetic and giving everything up! But when you get that little 'nudge' go ahead and look into it a little more--that 'nudge' of 'change' might me a 'chance' for something even better and new!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales From The End of the Road: The Descent into Spiritual Darkness

 

Screening patients for the presence of heart disease prior to surgery is a difficult task. The reason is that the onset of cardiac illness is insidious. The patient slowly, gradually changes their activity level without realizing what is happening. The classic question to ask is 'can you climb two flights of stairs without having to stop and catch your breath?'

Lots of people do not have stairs or need to climb them. 

One of the questions I found more helpful is to ask if the patient can carry the groceries from the car to the house unassisted. When people say, 'oh no! I need help for that.' I have found the information I need. And I make adjustments to the anesthesia plan.

When I see, I see with both Spirit eyes, and my regular eyes. 

I've heard things about the largest city in my area. I've seen YouTube videos, documenting homelessness and tent encampments. I've heard of the human waste on sidewalks, the rampant drug use, and the poor shop owners who frantically clean up the mess every morning before opening for business. 

I also have felt a vague avoidance to the area. I chalked it up to 'traffic'. For several years now, I avoid that airport like the plague. If there are any other flights, even not direct, I will purchase them. 

Yesterday I experienced how low the energy is in the area. 

I won't elaborate.

But the navigation in the car took me through some pretty challenged areas. Low income. Struggling. Areas that didn't assimilate. Tent cities. Brazen people crossing the streets wherever and whenever they pleased, with me avoiding making eye contact and hoping they did not come near my car.

I kept hoping it would get better but it never did. 

I remembered how poorly I have been sleeping. I thought about how my patients need me at my best. What was I doing staying up late so far from home?  I was in no shape to socialize--I had been crying all weekend over missing my mom, even so bad that I went to McDonald's to remember her 'home cooking'. 

I called my sisters.

When you hit such a low you lean on family. 

I turned around and went home.

Every sign to my intuition was saying no, not here, not now, no...and I listened. 

My friend Alexandra Meadors, years ago, had gone with Kunda Ra (more later) at his invitation to Los Angeles to do 'spiritual work'. Except it was a trick. Instead of trapping dark spirits a huge portal had opened up and all kinds of awful energies were unleashed to the area. 

Those darknesses have been active, a you can see the fruits they have produced over the years. 

It is so sad.

Watch for the fruit.

The changes are happening around us without our realizing it. 

Stay connected to Source. Do not let others extinguish your Light. 

Know you are making a difference. 

Pray for conversion of the darkness to the ways of Heaven.

Remember back home the streets are paved in gold and have no name. 

Ross

The weekend was productive and somewhat challenging for Carla. The pressure at work is strong, only two weeks to go before returning back to the hospital. Carla is facing her goodbyes to people who have meant so much to her for the last fifteen years. In her heart she knew with Anthony growing up she needed to surround herself every day with people who loved and cared about her and him. And she wanted to continue the back and forth between the hospital and the surgery center. 

That was not to be. So BACK to the longer days, the nights, the call, the weekends, the holidays (but not first call true overnight). 

For half time.

Carla needs a rest.

She wants her mother because life for her is challenging, both personally and financially. And also with her energy. Every time she works out something gets sore and she has to rest. 

But slowly, steadily, things are healing in her heart and soul, and this is reflected with the back yard looking better than it has in ages, with tiny areas of the home becoming more organized and clean, and with maybe even trying to decorate somewhat for the seasons. 

For many years Carla put her life on hold in order to be of service to her family and to her spiritual family...and also, in the hopes of 'some sudden change on Earth for the BETTER'.  She started in 2010 in earnest. 

Only everything around her has been steadily going 'downhill' in a socio-political-spiritual  kind of way in the 'world'.

That kind of patience is hard to find, the hoping for the best. I know. I've been incarnate, and I appreciate the effort. 

Do what you do, with the hopes of living a long life unfettered by 'what is' in the outside world,  and at the same time, with your eyes set on Heaven and the readiness to accept 'sudden changes' in either direction as indication of 'movement' and ultimately 'movement' is a sign of progress in reaching our mutual goal.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

You Can't Tell By Looking

 

This is for extra credit.

If you are living your life to the best of your abilities, and embodying love in every interaction, you are doing fine.

It's time to talk about the double-messages that are encoded in every piece of entertainment there is out there commercially. For every plot in a story, along with it, and overlaying it, is a hidden, or 'occult' message that only those in the System can understand. 

Sometimes just for fun I try to see if I can get the message that is meant to be hidden. I have followed Jessie Czebotar for years. She is one of the plainest looking people you could ever see, no tattoos, not much makeup, someone easy to lose in a crowd. She always has really good posture and control over her emotions/reactions.  By birth and age four, she was selected and trained to run the entire business of what she calls The System.  She had to live with her grandmother--who currently had the position--again, a very simple and hard to pick out woman --and one day she would succeed her. Training was all the time. Even when Jessie went to school, she was taken out of school (the System covers for such things) and sent to more training. By age nine she was ready to do the work, her training was complete. 

But she left.

And if you had to find an actress who looked like her, it would be the girl in Escape to Witch Mountain. Very similar with freckles and petite.

Why do I even bring this up at all?

Last night I finished the second part of a fascinating biography about a certain actor that is on Netflix. He was popular in the 1990's and has been in and out of rehab multiple times. I myself was surprised to learn that he has HIV. It isn't surprising, considering the lifestyle. But it is still sad.

Many times in public in the past he dropped hints, 'I am a warlock'  is the first that comes to mind. 

I don't think he was lying. 

There was even an episode on his TV show where a cute girl lured him into being a human sacrifice, but his mother ended up being the one to do the sacrifice and she untied him from the restraints and yelled at the girls. She outranked them.

In Los Angeles the leader of that portion of The System usually has a little more noticeability. The secret isn't as well-kept. I had heard rumors about a certain comedian who was in that role and he was the one who demanded Travolta do his sacrifice. This guy's roles were with him playing very dumb! I never would have guessed it.  There is a book Jessie recommended, I read it, about a woman who was actually a Bride of Satan and converted to Christianity. The stories from her about the parties in L.A. are eye-opening. The actor who was the subject of the documentary not only was on top of the popularity/hireability/succeess in Hollywood...chances are he had some ties to the system too.

And in the system, you must guard your posture (composure) and keep secrets--which this actor was not. He was doing drugs. Lots of them. All the time. The System will only cover you for so much, to hide your 'sins'.  He was pushing the limits.

Have you ever heard of the pop music term a 'one hit wonder'? There are a lot of them, actually. One song makes it to the top and then you never hear from that band again. 

Why is that so?

Rumors have it that the artist or band was invited to join the System, and they did not agree to the terms, so that was the end of the fame. Off to concerts at shopping malls and summer fairs and that's it.

In the documentary, they marveled at how psychologically, this actor would get success, incredible success, and then throw it all away and self-destruct. 

Maybe there's deeper psychological significance that I am not qualified to identify. But deep in my gut, if you are a good person, and you get something by unfair means, it is going to eat at you. Somehow you are going to react to it. And to me that's another thing, a pattern, pointing to what the self-declarations are true.

Then there is a stretchy truth: when confronted directly, did you have sex with a young actor against his will back in the day? Well, that actor is dead now. And the documentary actor said, 'no, that's a lie'. I tend to believe victims over alleged perpetrators. But again, earlier in the documentary, he admitted to having sex with men, he wouldn't change it, and it was the crack cocaine that brought that urge out in him.  Maybe someone under the influence wouldn't remember or even worse would assume it was consensual. 

To me, the hidden occult message is that your circle will cover you up to a point, then they will not. And the good friend from sports who was 'always there' may have also been in the role of the 'protector' as Jessie had hers in The System. He was a good guy, I liked him. But again these circles have people paired up with protectors. 

You never know.

Sooner or later all of the secrets will come out into the open. But until then, I look for the hidden signs. It helps to pass the time.

You might enjoy this pastime too. 

Ross

Remember this is an entirely optional exercise. And in the end all that is hidden will not only be exposed by Creator, but will always be under the control of what is Divine. As in Heaven, and angels, and very good things. Life is going to get better. You may always trust in this.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales from the End of the Road: Adapt

 

It has been a very strange week. There is a government shutdown here in the United States. At work people were concerned because there is a free Air Show in Huntington Beach this weekend. The military planes will not fly in it. Some other groups, like the Canadian Snowbirds, will perform. 

Then there are the ostriches who are in Canada that are going to be culled. Four hundred of them. I imagine they are worth a lot of money, it is the whole life's work for the ranchers who own them. All because they caught a flu and got over the flu. These aren't even meat ostriches they are research ones I am told. 

Football is well underway, it is week three of the season. 

For me, I had the excitement to see a hawk sleeping overnight in one of our backyard trees. I also was excited to see a praying mantis near the front door. Our apples are ripening on the tree. When I was in the inflatable jacuzzi the minute the sun went down, I saw a rat moving along the bottom of the fence and into a freshly refilled bait box. 

My son is funny he calls evening when all the neighbors walk their dogs 'dog o'clock'. We never officially called it that in the back yard, but our time enjoying the back yard goes away at 'rat o'clock'. The pest control guy said that the numbers have gone up and down over the season and I noticed myself a lot less rat 'evidence' around. I am grateful for that.

At work I am in an evolution of change. It is so strange. I got my dream job--no nights, no holidays, no weekends...but it soured. You need good people to do business with, ones who are on the same wavelength as you. Here, my group was not, and they talked and made decisions behind my back. I was uncomfortable with that. But when the handling of group funds was not on the up and up, due to one delay after another, I had to get out. I had to get into a situation where  there was enough work and enough consistency to keep things going on the home front. Now I am looking at taking call and working holidays and weekends. It's not as bad as it sounds. You are with people you know. And for an empty nester it gives you something to do.

The point of this is two fold:  the Creator wants you on a path of constant growth and change, and this growth and change feels easier if you look deep within and follow your heart. 

I have only two more weeks to go at my current position, and it is feeling better every day. An OB Gyn came up to me and asked, incredulously, 'what are you doing??? it is CRAZY over there at the hospital!'

No.

Doing seven cases in a row at breakneck speed without any time for food is crazy. Treating a patient's blood pressure over 200 in the recovery room while being rushed to take the next case in, who is a 'known difficult intubation' is unsafe. I needed time to talk with the husband (who I have done anesthesia for twice) who didn't want to take his elderly wife home because she was in a lot of pain. I had mentioned to the team she probably was a better candidate for inpatient/hospital surgery instead of outpatient, but the patient had agreed to just get it done today. 

The hours are long in the hospital. But I can eat. And I can do what it safe. With just one phone call a patient can stay overnight for pain control if needed. It is the real thing. Being stressed to almost having chest pain because of the whims of a surgeon who owns part of the surgery center is not worth it. I will miss my friends for sure, and also my afternoons. But I need to keep us going financially and it is not going to happen if I stay put.

A lot of the change is due to Anthony. He saw me come home from the hospital happy this summer when I gave vacation coverage. It had felt like vacation being there. He encouraged me to ask for my old job back. 

Sometimes our loved ones can recognize what we ourselves can't.

It's time to go start my day. Enjoy the season. Remember to do your Reiki and to connect with Source/Creator every day.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales from the End of the Road: Inner Enlightenment

 

Today was a day where things started coming together in my mind. I do a lot of thinking when I am on the road.

I am not sure if I told you, but I follow the Burned Haystack dating method, where a rhetoric professor teaches us how to recognize toxic patterns and to protect ourselves by blocking those who are toxic. Even though this applies to dating specifically, I find it is advantageous in other parts of like such as work.

I got the sneaking feeling that my life situation was simply ahead of its time: single mom, no real support from the father.

I liked to think it was because of my attachment style and my past traumas I had tried so hard to heal. 

It is dawning on me that all of this is deliberate, organized, slowly executed social shifts to lead us to one of the main points of Agenda 2030--elimination of the family unit and children are raised by the government. 

There is a reason that men act the way they do when it comes to women--generations of single moms and exposure to all kinds of vices--make the Peter Pan syndrome a real experience for many people.  I heard of a fifty-seven year old who was just now 'emotionally ready' to find a younger wife and start a family. Fifty seven! That's grandpa age!

On the drive home I looked at myself--with all my education selling myself short and not embodying the Divine Feminine to the best of my ability. I pay it lip service. But one-on-one all the old tapes start playing and I just cave in. 

That is also by design.

So, we females carry the medicine to heal our social woes--the ability to honor our Divine Feminine nature in every single social and work and family interaction that we have. And if our intuition and 'gut' are not standing up, and the old fawning habits kick in--STOP! Reflect. Take a moment to readjust yourself...and move along with honor to your soul. 

There has been a sophisticated assault on the Divine Feminine on a Feminine planet! It continues...so remember to fight 'fire' with 'your own Divine Flame Essence' be it masculine or feminine--let that be your gift to yourself and others...in all things!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

P.S. Ross is saying 'yoo-hoo! Yoo-Hoo! YOO-HOO!!!

That reminds me of when the Dementia hit my grandmother, she couldn't remember who our family was, and to get our attention this sweet polite Italian woman would yell that Yoo-Hoo! to get what she needed.

Tales from the End of the Road: My Mom's Greatest Advice

This is knowledge. 

The same drive for us to learn and explore, is the same longing for 'being like God' by Eve in the Garden of Eden. 

What is the most sophisticated and heavily used weapon of our time?

Chances are you are on it now, and was able to access this, through it. Yes, that's correct. It's social media.

Knowledge and Information is weaponized, sadly, against us. 

I know I took the bait when I was upset over four hundred ostriches' fate in Canada. I got pretty worked up over it.

But you see, as long as I am focused on what is happening to the ostriches THERE, I am technically not present HERE in my sphere of influence in the real world. In cyberspace I am by no means an influencer. But I do what I can to shore up the 'Celestial' end of the battle for our Home and our spiritual family.

It is time to embrace Wisdom. 

When we are working with our minds and hearts in synchrony, we are allowing Wisdom to arrive at it's own pace, at its own time.

Sometimes wisdom comes from making mistakes and learning not to do that again.

So what was my mother's wisdom?

She survived a world war as a child. Her advice:  don't be a hero. Blend in in order to survive. You can survive it. Just don't call attention to yourselves. And, furthermore, what good are you to the cause if you are dead or imprisoned? 
 

Reject the need to argue one side or convince others on the internet. Many are simply bots, not even human, but computer, who do these posts. 

Remember that the more polarized we are with our beliefs, the easier humanity is to control. Divine and Conquer. That one is right up there with 'Problem-Reacton-Solution'. 

Enjoy and nourish your soul through your Spiritual Life. Let your beliefs guide and console you in these difficult times. Even though there had been a marked split in the reaction to the death of a certain speaker CK, be cautious with your online activity. The internet is forever and you do not want to be placed into a 'bin' based on your political posts on social media. 

Lie low.

Everything is being monitored. Not to be paranoid, but to acknowledge the technical ramifications of our actions in these times.

Everything is going to happen for the best. Just always remember to put your thinking cap on, and use it!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Cousins

Tales From the End of the Road: The White Market

 

As the Digital ID plays itself out, I would like to take a moment to share about my newest member of the family, a California Desert Turtle named Lois. Lois belonged with my first friend I ever had, a neighbor growing up down the street, for over thirty years. But now that she is retired, she is having a new house built and relocating to the Hill Country in Texas. 

Apparently turtles like this are against the law outside of the state of California. And, if she needed to take the turtle to the vet, it would be awkward.

So, she thought about it, and thought about who might be a good fit to adopt her baby. She asked, and I joyfully accepted.

Her sister, who lives not far from me, apparently had been watching Lois until the house was built, so Lois never left the area. Both of them came with the heavy modified doghouse, and brought a week's worth of food. 

This is an example of the White Market. 

Unlike the Black Market which has been around since time began, for the detriment of human society, the White Market has gone by many names...donations, charity, sharing, community assistance...and you might not think about it.

The White Market (barter) was around long long before currency.

It's coming back into importance as the times and current events march onward to their eventual conclusion. 

That is enough for today.

Ross

Pray.

Allow yourself to be guided by the Holy Spirit, by your Conscience, by your connection of Soul to the Eternal Source.

That will nourish you as well. In important ways.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Tales from the End of the Road: Never say Never

 

Good morning! It is cloudy here, and overcast. 

Yesterday was a big day, if you are 'on' to the 'numbers game' in the UK. There was the big announcement.  It did not surprise me.

Why? Because something funny was going on when I got my new phone. You know how you transfer your apps to it, and you have to log in? Well, certain apps almost didn't let me without 'proper authentication' (polite cough). Now I have to log in from emails or other devices to prove that I 'am really me'. It was scary to see how fast my years of work online could disappear all for not being able to log in. 

My dear cousin, who has passed, was a stuntman. And he called it FANG--Facebook, Amazon, Netflix and Google--were tied in with the government in making the plots for movies. It wasn't just 'creative' any more, or even 'money motivated' to make a winner. He still loved the action and the work, and he read the Bible every day, but he saw and he knew a lot about the business. 

Facebook was the hardest for me to log in. If I hadn't had it on my computer I would be locked out. Amazon was easy it just transferred right over. Netflix isn't on my phone. And Google? I use it same.

I prayed this morning while I did my Bible study. I was worried about the times and the signs of the times. Even if this ushers in a short time and then we get to the 'good stuff' of 'Heaven', doesn't God know we get PTSD and trauma? I have the best Bible and I actually color in it. Coloring soothes me. And the chapter was Exodus 39. It spells out the outfit and the breast plate of a priest. Moses had to tell the people what God told him about how to make it, and then they made it for Aaron to wear, and Moses approved it. 

The people (if I dare call them that) who are holding the power and running the world still believe in Moses and the Temple. Right now there are priests who are trained in the sacrifices at the altar with the red blemish-free bulls. This goes way back. 

I also realized if Kerth Barker could endure the horrific things he endured with the people (if I dare call them that) who were deep into the 'ways of the (polite cough) light' then I can put one foot in front of me and get through my days with my easier life circumstances. 

Then when I sat down and was looking through the photo choices for this, I realized, we already have an identification as a soul:  our soul frequency, our energy signature! That's frequency and vibration--numbers--too! Energy signature decides where you get to go in Heaven, like a badge here on Earth--you know, how some areas need special clearance? We each have our own unique frequency, and this is what I connect with when I talk to someone who has made the Transition and is On The Other Side. 

I do not think anything can destroy our energy signature.

But the anger at the presence of it, and the special clearance it signifies apparently has angered approximately one third of the angels who once were in Heaven and fell. No wonder why there is a push for a twisted parallel at this time, to restrict and deny innocent others under their domain (humans). 

I might not be able to change anything. But I can sure call them out on it. And I can pray. 

Well what about your love, your inside connection, you may ask? It's quiet. My father was a teacher, I knew that the teacher's edition in the textbooks existed, but my school district and curriculum were completely different. I never got the answers. Not like my friends accused me of. I just learned and understood what was on the test. 

It's the same here. I have loving support and my significant other helps me when I get overwhelm with fear. The rest is all observation and introspection and luck.

Do not be afraid. 

Somehow things are going to work out.

Trust in the plan.

And as Ross says now, 'enjoy the show!'

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Tales From The End of the Road: Truth is More Stretchy to Some People than to Others

 

Remember how smoking tobacco was once considered 'healthy'?  Cigarettes were in movies, in the Sea Rations for the soldiers, people smoked inside their cars, even pregnant mothers enjoyed their cigarettes...

There was a time in France where wine and alcohol were encouraged, to decrease shyness and to help people fit in socially. 

Both are addictive.

And sometimes with addictive substances, after a time where the user has free will to choose, in time, the brain chemistry adapts and the person becomes dependent on it to function. 

I have seen the end stages of disease brought about by these substances in my patients. It's not pretty. It takes lives.

Remember there are big lies, and there are little lies. Consider the possibility that we could be completely surrounded by lies. 

For example, the 'low fat' diets for heart health in the eighties. In reality, these were a recipe for kidney damage. And diabetes. 

The only way to know Truth is in your heart and by being close to Spirit. Spend time alone with your heart connected to Source every day. 

You may be surrounded by a society that lies like a rug (pun intended!)--but as long as you know and follow YOUR TRUTH everything is going to be okay.

Take everything else with a grain of salt. Whether you have studied things that are hidden in plain sight, or not, know there's lots more above and beyond what has been studied that is really messed up too. So just know it's out of our control externally, go along for the ride, enjoy the popcorn as you watch things unfold, and keep centered and focused on your own path.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

P.S. Ross says Nature is a sure way to re-set and enjoy the truth. And also, there's always the cat videos--Carla's favorite is Donnie the Calm Cat Whisperer on Insta and maybe other platforms too. It brings her joy to see him work with all kitties even the 'spicy ones'.

Tales From The End of the Road: The Movie Scene

 

There has been a lot happening recently that has been disturbing. Especially for me, a physician with experience in Trauma at the trauma center.

Have you ever seen the movie, the Kingsmen? It came out oh, around 2015. The hero is a guy named 'Eggsy'. His father had been a Kingsmen and died in service. So another Kingsmen, Galahad, sponsors him to go through the training.

He makes it to the final two.

During training each student is given their choice of a puppy to raise. And in the last test, the dog is in the room with the headmaster and the student. The spy student is given the command to 'shoot the dog'. 

Eggsy can't. He yells back at the headmaster. He is expelled from the secret society of spy warriors. 

The secret in the movie is that there was a blank in the gun. The dog would have lived if he had followed the command.

In training of another kind, the victims are given pets to love. Everything else is chaotic around them. They don't know who to trust or how to respond to these increasingly psychological challenges--and physical ones too. They are victims because this particular training is designed to shatter the mind and make people undetectable trained for their job--even they don't realize it because the mind compartmentalized in order to protect itself. 

At some point, the pet is destroyed in front of them, to further along the training. 

These victims are part of individualized training.

It happens too to large groups of people. Hungry people, stressed out people, afraid people are easier to get to do what is wanted of them. 

Pray.

This is a spiritual battle.

We are fortunate to have access to some of the playbooks of the past for the opponent. That is what is being shared with you today:  the purposeful encouragement of emotional bonding with something that is suddenly taken away. 

The opponent may take advantage and exploit a psychological weakness in humanity. But remember always, Spirit has ways of bringing things around for our side too. 

All is not lost.

This is only a phase, another battle or skirmish, in the all out Spiritual War that is hidden in plain sight.

Ross

I am here to encourage you to feel, to grieve, to process the difficult emotions of the past recent effects. Remember to lean on me and to allow yourself to re-align for your higher purpose.

You've got this.

Keep going.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

A Communication about American Football

 

It's football season again!  

Last night I watched a game that took place in Brazil. It was the Chargers versus the Chiefs. 

Other such games are planned for a total of seven world-wide this football season--in Germany, Ireland, Spain and the UK. American football is poised to become a global sport.

As someone who grew up with a father and uncle always watching football, I knew the basics of the game.  I went to football games on Friday nights at my high school, and on Saturday mornings with my college.  I was neither a fan or foe of the sport. But try as I might, it seemed that I could not understand it.

One day a few years ago, I confessed to my son over dinner that people had been talking football in the OR. I did not know what to say. I felt embarrassed. He calmly said 'mom I can help fix that'. Over time, my training has taken place.  

I write this for the football 'widows' of the world who are aware that this sport has a control/connection to their husband's minds that nothing can break, and it appears that nothing ever will break it.

What you see is real. Your feelings are real. And I am going to help you understand the complex psychological science behind what is taking place.

On the surface, football looks like a game of brawn and strength, and also, quick thinking and agility. Why would grown men want to slam their bodies into one another, right?

What you wouldn't know, is that football strategy is like a living form of chess. You know chess is a battle of wits and there are many, many 'plays' or 'techniques' that go along with the serious player.  Everything happens fast on the playing field. One 'play' might take minutes or seconds. But going into that play is a lot of strategic planning, practice, and memorization. 

To see the strategy, you need to watch the films. There is a something 22 format, two views of each play, no hoopla, no fanfare, just silent film from the fifty yard line and also of the same play from the end zone. Then you can see how the players are arranged, how offense is poised against defense, and the movements of the players and the ball.

From what I understand, there are many coaches who are often former players, who coach players in the roles they once had, and above that are coaches who are like battle field generals who watch and call plays as the game progresses.

Not only is there more to football, in complexity, but also, football supplies men with the reward brain chemical that men are wired to seek: vasopressin. This one is released by men solving problems together. I noticed this while watching the series 'Hard Knocks' just a few weeks ago. Women, you know how wonderful it feels to have an emotional connection with someone? How it makes you feel seen, heard, and understood? That is because women bond through different neurotransmitters like oxytocin.

A poignant example of the 'men live on mars, women live on Venus' dichotomy of our bonding/excitement/attraction was shared to me by a colleague. He noticed it, and handled it skillfully. His wife had an incredible, wonderful story to share with him. His question to her was why she chose to share it during kickoff of the first football game of the season? He said he would be happy to listen to it any other time, so he could appreciate the wonderful sharing. 

She wanted the oxytocin, and was motivated to increase hers. Unfortunately, he was locked in to vasopressin mode, and dopamine, and not as receptive to the oxytocin at that time. There was no way she could grasp the significance of the event taking place without having been through the intensive one on one training I have had with my son. And my son wants to have a career professionally related to sports. I am learning from the best.

Yes, some women are football fans. You see them. Some might understand, like me, the nuances taking place hidden in plain sight, from being raised by or associated with people who taught them how to appreciate the game. Others just may enjoy the tradition and fanfare like I did before my son helped to teach me. It doesn't matter.

What matters is, in your heart of hearts, if you feel abandoned as a football widow it's not your fault. 

Annually men experience a cycle of testosterone, which peaks in October and is lowest in Spring. This sport not only coincides with that cycle, but it has engrained itself into other socially important validation avenues for men in addition to the activating of the male bonding hormone vasopressin.  I am talking about the fantasy football leagues. My son waited his whole life--nineteen years--for a spot in his father's friends fantasy football league. Winners win money from the pot everyone contributes to. Losers in the season, the worst loser, has to wear a diaper to the next draft. This is male bonding on top of the regular game!Your friends, your bets, and your reputation all together! Fantasy football leagues are when you select your own team based on the stats across the league--you can have a quarterback from one team, and a running back from another--they don't have to be together on the same team. And from your roster (they take turns picking who they want, your friends in your league and you) depending on how the players perform, you get points. You are paired with another from your fantasy league each week. One wins the other loses based on points. 

I found this frustrating because before my kid had 'his team' but now when he explodes with happiness or with anger while watching a game, it is often because of how it affects his fantasy team--even when his 'team' team on the television is winning.  

So now you understand.

Our men are living vicariously through those who have athletic talent to fully devote themselves to the game. These players make incredible amounts of money. The teams they play on themselves have billions of dollars of worth just in being able to market merchandise and TV coverage and tickets. Fans align themselves with these teams and when their teams have a winning season they feel good about themselves. There is actual sports history in the making as the teams work their way through the season to the playoffs. Sports history is fascinating. A nice way to learn it is through Peyton Manning's series 'Peyton's Places' on one of the channels. It is a nice show and highlights different important teams and players in a lighthearted way. Peyton once dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit and ran plays Elvis designed himself with local high school students near Graceland. I never knew Elvis was such a big fan!

Doctors with Reiki is all about healing. 

Even though today is not about the typical things I write about, my heart is filled with compassion for these 'football widows' who are hurting and feeling abandoned this time of year. When it clicked while I was watching Hard Knocks, I realized, 'nobody can win', not against the powerful neurochemical reward system of vasopressin that has been activated in our men. Men NEED this validation and bonding to feel empowered and masculine. Our brains as women are different. We have different needs, and yes this time of year takes away some of our oxytocin with our significant others. On the other hand, now that you understand the situation, remember that you have the opportunity to bond through the vasopressin that is being activated. Some women provide food and snacks which is appreciated on one level. Sitting and enjoying the game with your loved ones is another level of appreciation. And asking about the fantasy football league how it's going will give your loved one an opportunity to feel seen, heard, and understood (asking outside of game play of course, during downtime).

It is though knowledge of our differences that brings us closer together.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla 

Ross does not watch football but he keeps track of the games and enjoys the fun.

Tales from the End of the Road: Trust

 

I am in the middle of some very huge changes at work. Sometimes when you go through changes you get additional confirmation, kind of like signs to let you know everything is going to be okay.

This one has three signs. I can't believe it. First, one of the people I dreaded to work with at the new position decided to take my old position. The person is fine...but due to their culture they 'push' a little 'more' than in my culture to get what they want. I smile because that person declined outpatient originally saying that they needed 'x' amount of dollars a month to survive. I have seen at best two thirds and usually half of that amount every month. So they are in for a surprise, and I am not saying anything.

The second sign is that my co-Chief Resident from training, who had been running three outpatient facilities, also jumped ship. Now the position will be corporate, he has an MBA, and is going to run a large multi specialty group. The timing is about the same. My sense of 'something is wrong with outpatient surgery' is really validated. Not only are the patients getting sicker and the cases moving faster, but the reimbursements are very low. I see one third of all cases at the facility I work at go without anesthesia, either a nurse does the sedation or a patient has local anesthesia only.  

The last one was a shock! A leader in a local anesthesia group just 'retired' suddenly. This was because of politics with the hospital, and the younger anesthesiologists had a meeting and deliberately excluded the 'older anesthesiologists'. 

Deep deep down, my gut has sensed that I am being moved to be spared something that is coming down the road. I can't put my finger on it. My guess is a closure like when Covid hit and only emergency cases could go. But it is a random guess, I do not know. A sister facility where my Chief Resident friend works is looking for new proposals from anesthesia groups. And the anesthesia 'coup' was at a sister hospital. 

I have to apply for new health insurance. My coverage has been the same for ten years, a Covered California Obamacare plan. But over the last two years, all of my friends I work with in the OR have stopped taking that insurance. The reimbursements are too low. So you might want to check your 'in network' if you are on a similar policy. I am grateful the surgery center and hospital still take it. But for the price it's not so good if you can't go to primary care, your gynecologist, or other specialists. 

How am I feeling?

That is a very, very good question. I've been avoiding feelings. They are not my strong point. I can see clearly with my old outpatient anesthesia group the dysfunction (we were not paid for two months!). I see the passive aggression, the lack of leadership, and denial of responsibility. I was in my masculine for two years and it was really hard on my system. Back at the hospital my hours will be longer, which is a good thing because I do not do much with the extra time when I work outpatient--I just sit and wait for the scheduling we do at four pm for the following day.

How do I feel about Big Things? You know the Life, Death, Forever ones? I see it coming. The secondary confirmation thing needed online is really getting out of hand. Anthony had some trouble with a credit card not working, and in trying to straighten it out, I had to verify myself by phone text secret code like after every screen I went through on their website. There was no phone number to call, no way to get help, and finally a chat box came up. I ended up with that and then also calling the tiny number on the back of the credit card. These 'validations' to me are just one degree removed from that thing in your hand or forehead so you can buy or sell. Food prices are scary. We may not be 'there' yet but I can see it off in the distance.

Does it disturb me? A little, because I love looking at old vintage footage of cities in the 1950's and I feel sad how things have really gotten worse compared to that. The architecture and the clothing was beautiful. I also know that once things get really bad, it means resolution on the other end of that tunnel is even closer. Whether I am alive or not by that resolution, no one can know, but that resolution is right on the tails of the awfulness. And I pray day and night for everything to be over, to resolve, and for life to be beautiful for everyone again.

If you are in the System, I do not fault or blame you. It just IS. And I know there is a lot of training that has gone into the End of Times--you might not even be aware that you carry such training under the edge of your awareness. But for those of you who are in the System, and who have a love and respect for what is Good, and who choose to act on it, wow! You are one of the best of the best and I applaud you for your strength and courage!! Know that I and many are cheering you on in your efforts!

No matter what, if you are experiencing changes or looking to changes or just doing your best to make sense of everything, focus on everything around you, on what is at hand. Take the opportunity to LOVE everyone, and let it be known how you cherish them.  God is with you. There are legions of angels watching and sending protection and love and healing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Enjoy Nature, the sky, the birds, the breezes...be present and know there are gifts being sent to you every day from Heaven.

That is enough for today.

Ross nods in agreement.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Good Ones

Tales from the End of the Road: There You Are

 

I have been praying for clarity regarding my upcoming career switch. It is looking like I must choose one setting over the other. At the surgery center I have learned excellence with my anesthesia care. The bedside manner, the interaction with staff, and the precision and timing of sedation are sharp and focused.

On the downside, there are a lot of politics. The surgeons who are unpleasant do not even say hello to you when you say hello to them when you are reviewing your parts of the chart together at the bedside table.  I shake from stress--either avoiding surgeon anger and outburst, or from time pressure to perform--on most days. Even when I go home at noon like I did yesterday, I am not good for the rest of the day except cooking and watching TV on the couch.

While I have been asking for clarity, a nurse I really like a lot said in the locker room, 'keep being a unicorn!'

I appreciated that. 

Wednesday there was a code blue in a different OR, I had ran in and helped. And my help made a big difference. I was first to arrive and also just fresh from recertification of my ACLS, PALS and BLS. I had spent all Saturday in online classes.

The patient survived to go to the ER.

Yesterday another important thing hit me, sometimes a decision can be sad but it is still the right decision.  I had been wanting to stay where I am part time, and to go when I feel called to go (like the prodigal son). The opportunity is really once in a lifetime, to share an FTE with someone super nice and flexible. 

Where is Spirit in all this?

I am hoping with extra time, by working half time, I can get back to my spiritual time. Lately I rush and I can't even talk to people through my phone because cases are so fast. Maybe it's just the times, too, I don' know.

When I am quiet I see a lot of my trauma coming to the surface. The being afraid of being yelled at while I work is a total reminder of my mother and her unpredictable outbursts of anger. The walking on eggshells. The low self-esteem. 

Sometimes healing is simply acknowledging what is taking place, and removing yourself from the situation. You then forgive and 'forgo' (look up Dr. Ashkan Farhadi's work for more on that one--advanced healing from being harmed).

Do I see anything going on in the world, any indication of movement towards our Awakening? Not really.

Do I sense anything from Spirit? Only to move back to the O.R. and to do a 'glow up' --intensive self-improvement. And I would really miss some of my surgeons who only work at the center not the main OR. Opthalmalogists, a gynecologist, and orthopedic surgeon.

Just for today I won't think about it.

Just for today I will focus on joy.

Is Ross saying anything? No, he is quiet. I can sense that this lesson is helping me to find my voice, and to gain the courage to go for what I want to be happy, and to accept that sometimes we try things, they don't work out, and we need to move on to something else. When I am deep in a lesson, he watches, he doesn't direct or coach me. 

Hopefully this lesson will be done soon.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales From The End of the Road: Upheaval

 

Good morning! 

Oh how it feels good to write!

I don't have much time, and I promise not to be cryptic, because I am watching the clock carefully.

About a week ago I was going to write a post about how, if you are some mega-rich multi-billionaire, and you are building a fortress compound to survive some horrible end-of-the-world situation...it is probably better to place your trust in Divine Creator like the rest of us 'little people'. There is 'this world'. Then there is 'Eternity'. Why invest so heavily in something so temporary and limited like this incarnated life?

That was before my own personal explosion of my life took place.

My dream job had been no nights, no weekends, no holidays and I waited TEN freaking years for my old boss to retire so I could work at the surgery center. I got this job two years ago. I was invited. But since then it has been a soul-crushing experience for me. Not because of the workplace itself. It is because of the responsibility I was given to create a new corporation using Legal Zoom. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But the forms and scrutiny and extra unpaid time demanded of me to fulfill this project was taking so much of my free time I was supposed to have by working outpatient!

Then the 'herding of cats' effect came full force:  my other anesthesiologists in the group. First they didn't trust me. I had to provide copies of every single email I had with all of the billing company and everything else. I had to upload all the documents that the corporation had created. I didn't do the banking that was the treasurer. But instead of a 'group' we got a King and a Prince who were in charge of the money.

They decided some financial moves that put me as a single provider for my family at risk. 

You know how God sends you increasingly stronger messages that you are in the wrong place and it's time to move away? Well my June payout report had misdirected over almost ten thousand dollars! I saw the mistake. I pointed it out. But the King and Prince decided that they wanted to go by the report from the old billing company. It took herculean effort on my part to get partial correction out of an outgoing head of billing. It's still not complete. And the correction I still have to work on for the last seven hundred dollars.

When months ago this hit, and then they were talking about punishment for showing up late and delaying start times, I contacted a colleague at my old work. I had covered for another anesthesiologists' vacation during my own time off in June. I had come home happy. Anthony had seen it. 

And Anthony encouraged me to leave my current situation and move on. I was glad to get understanding, warmth, and kindness from my old work. So I committed. My dream was half at my old work, half at my current.

On giving notice, my current boss became very angry and denied me work there, except as vacation coverage. Already even without a letter of resignation he is hiring someone new.

This work situation keeps causing me pain, again and again, deeper...so I endure. Had I expected it to blow up in my face? No. But deep down I sense God's Divine Protection and I obey and follow how Spirit is moving me from one situation to another. At my old job working half time I made more than I ever did working full time at outpatient. Like the prodigal daughter I am grateful to be welcomed back.

Trust God. Trust the Universe. Trust in Spirit. 

You never know what tomorrow may bring.

Emotionally I am still recovering from the shock, and I am leaning on those close to me for support and comfort.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Messages From The End Of The Road: Act Two

 

When I got started on this serious spiritual path, it was in 2010. 

Fifteen years have passed. 

And at the time, I thought surely something supernatural was going to take place in the very near future. The truly NEAR future. I sensed it was time to prepare both myself and others for this supernatural event.

Here we are.

So today, I am going to share about the End Game. Our own individual End Games that we may have postponed planning for because of our preparation for this anticipated supernatural event we are still waiting to arrive. As humans, we have a lifespan of more or less similar lengths of time. If you had asked me in my sixties I'd be a season ticket holder for baseball and have survived a pandemic I'd have laughed and said 'no way, José!'

What else has changed? Not much. I still go to work every day. I take care of the home and the pets. My son has grown into an adult. The routines, the day we take the trash out, the day we take the cans back off the street, the day I pay the gardener for the month, the counting down to the weekend, and the challenges that come up...I need to renew my ACLS and BLS and PALS in August so I am to be scheduling that. I have plenty to keep me occupied.

It wasn't until the other day in the car on the way to work I got myself into that meditative space where you just observe and don't feel or think...I thought wow! Times sure have changed. I used to have time in my day to relax and meditate on a routine basis. Now I get behind on videos my friends share and I can't watch them for days.

It has beaten me down, life.

Even when Ross asks me, 'if money were no object where would you want to retire and live?' I have no answer. With prices going up the way they have I am in shock. 

This isn't what I planned for myself back before my big spiritual awakening. And it isn't what I had imagined once I did wake up. I find myself somewhere in between...yet I accept that of all possible outcomes, this is where I am meant to be, how I am supposed to learn my lessons, and why I came here in this life in the first place. 

Yesterday my focus was asking God to set all the souls free. You know, the ones who are deeply entrenched in 'the system'. The ones who are expendable and the ones who are hierarchy. Those who are unconsciously swept into the system by media and entertainment. 

I was walking through the baseball stadium, enjoying the people, the color, the adventure, and giving thanks for the freedom for people to assemble and enjoy a baseball game. We are so fortunate and blessed! To be alive, and to get around...to interact with the world around us. 

This life is not forever.

I hope to enjoy my days, and to give thanks for them, supernatural events or not. The chance to love and enjoy the connections with others both in Spirit and here incarnate is a wonderful special gift.

Would it be nice to have a plan and to work towards it? Sure! If you have one go for it! And if your planner isn't working so well, it is okay to change it.

My son stopped by a hot dog fast food place, Der Wienerschnitzel, for a late lunch. I had one corn dog and one chili dog. He had two chili cheese dogs and two corn dogs and a drink. The total for the order was thirty dollars! Hot dogs are the cheapest of the cheap foods available! Yes he upgraded to all beef franks in the meal. He said that it was AI that took his order, and that it automatically upgraded all the hot dogs all at once. He hadn't expected that since he was upgrading one. These definitely are End Times. I remember when you could get two corn dogs, two chili dogs and a drink with fries for less than five dollars. 

Ross says to be positive. Well, I got a hybrid melon from Trader Joe's. It's shaped like cantaloupe, colored like honeydew on the inside, and tastes like lemon! I loved it with my breakfast yesterday. Anthony doesn't care for it. But I really enjoyed it. 

Ross says to keep looking for the new, and for signs of a spiritual awakening, one in others going on around you. And otherwise keep to your plans and make it a point to enjoy every new day you wake up.

Clap! Clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tales From The End of the Road: Rebirth

 

I just saw a huge flock of crows fly past my window. They flew from the south to the north, from my left to my right. 

My first thought when I saw them was that they could pick my entire fig tree clean in minutes if they landed on it!

My solar return is coming. I have been wrestling with feelings of not being myself, of feeling 'different' inside, and honestly, wondering a little if maybe a 'walk in' had happened without my being aware of it. Everything in my life has been at a standstill. All these changes at work and the contracts and new corporation that I built I am gradually letting go.  I can't be certain if the changes are a sign of shock over all the cumulative challenges I had faced? Or is it something else?

You know when a baby is born premature, there is a period of 'catch up growth' and then after that no one can tell the difference between the premature one and the one born full term?

I think I caught up.

(More crows are flying...)

The thing about emotional neglect is that what feels 'normal' in your interactions with others, isn't normal at all. It is what felt comfortable because that is how it was when we were growing up at home.  And as a high-masking, high-functioning autistic with most likely ADHD, the chasm to cross to discover my own soul, my own rights, my own needs, my own true happiness was vast. To be clear, the Spirit World made a lot more sense than the Physical one.

When you are removed from traumas and abuse, whether you are seeking it or not, the catch up growth happens. And as of the last huge chunk of time, I gave up trying to grow. I was always seeking knowledge, wanting to take courses, looking for insights...There comes a point where you can no longer intellectualize your personality. You have to embody it, to embrace it, and to discover all of your gifts.

Yesterday, a warm feeling, a glow, turned on like a light switch in my chest. It is the Unconditional Love. Walking the earth there are so many reasons to stomp out that little flame, if it ever flickered beyond infancy. Mine was stomped out for sure. But that warmth and life-sustaining energy feels like having a puppy deep inside your chest. It is happy, and thankful, and doesn't expect much.  I wouldn't call it self-love, because that is a concept I don't really grasp fully. But when I call it my inner puppy, I realize that I can protect it and I will know what behaviors from others to accept and what ones to limit my exposure to because they are toxic to me. Maybe not to someone else, but to me.

I used to have down time and rest a lot, time to meditate. But life changes. I do a lot more chores and work , really fast-paced work in my practice, and the need to rest for rest''s sake supercedes the mystical rest part.

It has been two weeks away from my regular work. I spent a week and a day at my old job. It was wonderful to re-experience the connections with my surgeons and colleagues and staff. I felt younger because I had spent fifteen years in that Operating Room. 

I had one day of scheduled fun. Where I spent a little money and splurged for myself and Anthony.

I had several afternoons of total frustration and shock. If anything could glitch officially it did--and I needed to straighten things out. I did a lot of laundry and chores too. Anthony is home, I enjoy cooking for us. 

If you have not heard of the online survivor, Forrest Lang, and his Angel Blue Book story, if you have been through some life challenges, you might want to follow him. His message and the repetition of his message is to stick around, life gets better, and you grow up your abusers can't hurt you any more. He is honest about the self-harm, the addiction, the aftermath of experiencing childhood abuse. And even better, he helps to take away the shame. He says it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault. You were just a kid. You were innocent. It was the abuser's fault, not yours.  I have really responded well to it. Just seeing his posts popping up on my feed. I don't listen to videos and I haven't read the book. I need the smaller doses. 

I realize I am worthy of love. 

I can see the love when I am a little late coming home and Anthony calls to check on me.

I can see the love in the other baseball fan's eyes when I go to the stadium for every game. Our team loses a lot, it's not easy being a fan. But in my section where I sit people get to know me. 

I saw it in my neighbor's eyes when we ran into each other at the mailbox and I asked her how her skin looks so nice? She has a husband and a son and they don't like to listen to her skincare routine, but I gladly listened to her share.

Even with Ross, I can tell him what is okay and not okay. I can ask for things. We had a rough time of it our last incarnation. I know I am able to work out our incompatibilities and old conflicts now. I am going to speak up when in the past I didn't. 

And with the world at large? I give thanks. There are a lot of changes out there politically. Kind of spiritual-philosophical-metaphysical connected like that movie National Treasure Anthony watched yesterday. I can't control any of it. The only thing I can control is my perception of the things that come my way, and I know giving thanks for things I want to see is a huge part of the solution. Ignoring things I don't want to see is also important--I deny them my energy. Instead I focus on chores and the garden and things at hand. I can't change the world except by sharing and by giving thanks.

Yesterday I was thrilled when I went on YouTube to turn on Aquarius Rising Africa/Soulutions with Chanti, and she had Cathy O'Brien on live! It did my soul good to see her, what a precious being, Cathy! She reaffirms that love is so strong. She is living proof of it. 

Keep walking your path. Take a breather if you have been really working on your healing. It will come. I read somewhere that the traumatized child has a chronically inflamed brain and they are always on the lookout for someone to hurt or betray them. I would imagine that makes a lot of 'wiring' to 'rewire' which is very delicate. I know when Cathy was healing she had to wear a watch and journal a lot because she experienced gaps in time from her MK Ultra upbringing. She healed! It took Mark to help her but she did. 

Give thanks for everything. All that you can. 

I even give thanks for Father Rosetti. I did one of his online sessions he does for free, and I felt a huge difference. We must remember he is not spiritually sensitive, and yet with his training for the priesthood and subsequent calling to be an exorcist he has faced things you can't ignore even if you are not 'sensitive'. He works with people who are 'sensitive' and can see the creatures he is working with. He takes a very strong stand against all things New Age. He takes his role as a guide seriously, and he is not a gambler. he recommends by the book. And you know, I have to agree with him on his assessment that it's the 'wild west' out there in the world of Reiki. I saw an article about a Reiki Master finger a woman as part of healing (she called it like working out at the gym) --his wife knew, the author of the article watched. What the heck?! 

If you are spiritually sensitive, you have your teams. They will call you. You are divinely protected and your mission is secure. You will know it when things happen like doors are opening and it will feel right, very right. When I learned Karuna Reiki it was like the ugly duckling finding the swans at last! I trust in my lineage, I know who my Reiki guides are personally, and I really really love Creator. The way I see it, the energy pathways in most people have gone 'dormant' and the right Reiki activation opens them up. 

I would never talk to Father Rosetti about the white, grey and black popes. That would be cruel. He has his assignment and he is doing incredible work. Probably more important and far-reaching than anything I could ever do. 

I don't want you to feel shame for being Spiritually sensitive, for responding to crystals, and for wanting to use your spiritual gifts. 

Just know it is a jungle out there, lots of people can use spirituality to take advantage of others in so many ways, and dark forces are real not imagined and can pretend they are something beautiful and charming. Be careful. Be cautious. And never for a minute think you incapable of being tricked. Be humble. Be love. And always ask Creator to guide you with clarity and love so you cannot mistake your path!

clap! clap!

Ross would like to say a word but I took all the time for us today.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are always united in faith

Letters From The End of the Road: Know Yourself

 

'Know Thyself'.

There is a world of difference between the title of this blog post, and the topic to be discussed, and the 'other' adage mostly taken from TWDNHOBIAH to 'know thyself'. The second one is all about ego and personal power and the ability to do what you want. 

Today's blog post is about that quiet knowledge you find, not just in living life, not just in your relationships with others, and not about capturing memories with a selfie-stick to post on social media. All of those ways give us some insight, but for those of us who take time to self-reflect, there isn't much guidance needed. That is because for the 'selfie stick' type of knowledge, it is of this world. And if you are completely 'of this world' and not just 'in it', this type of discussion will not appeal to you at all.

Our topic is about that constant, quiet sense that you don't quite feel like you belong here, you can't put your finger on it, and you may or may not have come to terms with your Spiritual Gifts.  Sometimes we assume that everyone else is the same as us, with these psychic abilities. Sometimes since our whole life we have felt these feelings we consider them 'normal' and 'a part of us' and we do not really take time to stop and think about it. 

I am going to give you an example. 

Today as I write it is Wednesday. Although I am recovering from Covid I had two weeks ago, and I have a lingering cough, I started to notice feeling out of sorts. It happened over the weekend after a fantastic day watching my niece perform in her first dance recital. 

I felt unmotivated. I couldn't force myself to do chores. I was sad for no reason. And even things that gave me joy and comfort, like going in the jacuzzi, I didn't want to do. Even when I took a brief rest on the porch swing I woke up to a spider on my leg and freaked out. 

It got so bad that I told a close friend that I have an emotion that is stuck, I don't know what it is, and I just don't feel like myself. I felt like a different person.

Wisely, my friend said to just wait it out. And to share once I made the connection.

Yesterday I got a text from a close neighbor I have known over twenty years. Another close neighbor, older, had a bad colitis and urinary tract infection. She was septic. She went into atrial fibrillation and renal failure. She was on comfort care and it was only a matter of time. Yes, she was taking visitors. But she was unresponsive. 

She had gone into the hospital on Friday.

I was not sure to cancel plans or go to the baseball game like I had intended. I decided to go after work today. 

On the drive to the ballpark yesterday, I went to that place between worlds. 

She was happy to see me. She asked me what was next? I explained that there is a party being prepared for her. And I saw her husband, her dogs and our mutual friends two dogs there. (My last time seeing her was when a friend's dog was being put down. She was saying that she should have passed first, not the dog, she never expected to outlive him. But she had terrible back and hip pains. She could barely walk and when the pain got worse sometimes she had to crawl.)

She asked me how I could be there and I explained politely that I have friends. Angels. 

Ross showed up. She was delighted. He explained to her our relationship. She was very surprised that she had known me all this time...with no clue.

I asked them both why I am invited to this important event? Jan said it was because of my son. He and she shared the same birthday, only seventy years apart. We walked often with the dog friends through the neighborhood, him in his stroller and them with their dogs on their leash. When one golden retriever poked his head into Anthony's stroller and looked at him, the baby was delighted, laughed and exclaimed 'DOG!'. It was his first word.  It was the friendship and the connection over the years as he grew up. Her dog and the neighbor's dog had puppies. It was so wonderful visiting and seeing them in the nursery box with their mom. Her and her late husband would invite people walking by, friends, to the patio for a glass of wine. 

Our mutual friend had stopped drinking on doctor's orders, and because she wanted to reunite with her first dog when she passes. So the wine was just from many years ago, but still happy memories. 

I felt this strong pull in my heart when she said, 'it was your son'.  It was truth. Our souls were deeply connected not just by being neighbors but on a soul level. 

It was time, she was ready, and she walked up to the light, there was me, Ross, Jan, and on her right her husband Keith. There is a place where I have to stop. I could see off into the distance, and I watched them walk into the light. There was a lot of activity and a very big welcoming party.

Today, at around nine am, I got the message from our mutual friend that Jan had passed. 

Then at the ballgame this afternoon, I heard her say, 'no pain'. I am glad she shared it. Medically, I know renal failure is a nice way to go, you just fade out, and she had comfort care.

You can't change who you are.

I have been doing this since 1992.

Twice I have sensed that people were going to die soon. Actually three times. I just knew it was their time. 

Once someone who was dying, told his wife 'I am not sure if God is a woman?' because he saw a vision of a beautiful bright angel--at the same time I was working with him to cross over from five hundred miles away. I was seen.

When my Nana Angelina passed, again there was an opportunity to see who I really am. Ross showed it to her. 

The afterlife is real.

This existence here is something different. I am not sure what.

But I have a foot in each of the worlds. 

Also, I have noticed, whenever people do something genuinely kind to me, out of their heart, in a short time they get pregnant. It even happened recently at work and the person is due in September. 

And ever since I was a kid, I show up in people's dreams. Why I don't know, but they always say it seemed 'real'.

How do I feel about all this? The soul connection means so much. I am honored to do the work crossing over and assisting. It would be nice to be able to talk about it.  When the pull/inability to do anything hits, I never know what is happening until after the fact. I sense that I am 'not really here' and my soul must be paying attention to something somewhere else, and in transition is the only time it happens.  

My mom used to get a horrible feeling of dread. And she knew something was going to happen that she couldn't control. Then a plane would crash or something equally horrific, and she would relax. It was done. She wished she could pinpoint what or where to protect people. All she could do was pray for the best. She would tell us about this from time to time. And she was always correct.

What about you?

What tiny signals are you processing? Small energetic signs that no one else experiences. What is it that makes you 'you'? The real you. The life, death, and forever 'you'? 

Have you noticed it?

How do you feel about it?

You might want to stop and take a moment to give thanks, both to the Spiritual Realms, and to yourself for this connection. 

It is a beautiful thing. And it helps others so much, that you do this task. 

Task.

I remember once a long time ago, Blessed Mother told me, 'your task is to show the dying how close they are to God'. I had forgotten. At the time I was in medical school and I thought it applied to the hospital. Like my medical work. Not being able to see people outside their bodies after they passed, or escort them up to the light...funny how it takes a long time for things to come full circle!

Know yourself.

Have faith that you were made correctly, and for the right reasons, even if you don't have the same gifts I do, you might be a sensitive, or a healer, or an empath...there are lots of things, even teaching. 

Ross

Carla still struggles with who I am and with our relationship. 

Carla can't post a selfie on her instagram for the world to see that she and I belong together. 

And it hurts her, and causes her pain, to be always alone, alone, alone in the physical world.  Even though I am right next to her heart, and even though I always provide and protect, and yes Carla knows it. 

For Carla if she can't touch it with her hands, and hold it, it isn't 'REAL ENOUGH' to her. Carla is scientific, of course it makes sense for her questioning. 

It frustrates her to know end knowing that I am 'here' and she is 'there' and not on the same frequency. And further that she can't go to me and I can't go to her, not exactly. 

Life carries on. 

Carla was not quite ready to make the transition when she was fighting her Covid. With the strong fever that had made her muscles ache and sapped all of her energy, she knew something was seriously wrong and that it was a possibility. It was only two days later she took the test and learned what it was that was making her feel so tired and distressed. 

We each have our 'time'. Time to cross over to from this world into the next. And deep down, each of us realize it. You can trust that when it is right it will happen like it did for Jan, peacefully and with ease. And all of us will be there for you, waiting to welcome you home.

Until that time, try to work as much joy into your days. 

And Carla, wisely so, gave thanks at the baseball game for being able to attend incognito, completely unrecognized for who she is, and just a fan among her friends enjoying the game. 

Sometimes now even I wish I could go and be unrecognized and have a little bit of freedom myself. Like I did in the good old days when I was incarnate. 

Enjoy your time. Wait with confidence that everything is happening for the very absolute best. And give thanks the whole time you are 'processing things' like 'getting to know yourself' as we discussed today, you, me, and Carla

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Cousins who are your cousins who love you to death (he winks)