A Walk Up To Heaven; The Last Walk

 

It looks like this, only crystal clear.

I helped someone Home today.

It was Jacqueline D., from France. 

I was a little sad because my birthday gift for her I mailed just last weekend. It will be too late. I got news from her daughter that she is no longer eating and they have started the morphine drip. That was at about one fifteen my time. 

I had tears in my eyes.

Jacqueline was so amazed I would name my son, my baby boy, after their Anthony, who has Pierre-Robin syndrome. She treasured for many years the little angel sun catcher I had given her, and it hung with pride off the lamp right over the dining room table.  She called me HER angel. I've known her since 1996.

At 1745 my time, a little before, perhaps a minute or two, I felt the call. I showed up at her side on the walkway. She was taken aback by my shininess, and I dimmed myself a little so she would realize it's me. On her right arm was her daughter Jeannine who predeceased her in 2018.  Jeannine nodded in acknowledgement to me.

I asked Jacqueline if she was ready?

She looked over her shoulder, went back for a second, and then came forward to us and said she was prepared.

We took a slow, almost processional speed walk up the walkway that looks very much like this, same size, same slant up. 

It's an honor to guide a soul home, especially one I have loved very much in Life.

About halfway up, Ross came to my left and had his arm around me. I was glad to see him. Jacqueline didn't know he was there.

At the top, waiting for us (even though I could see and sense the excitement of the reception party just beyond the top of the walk), was Blessed Mother Mary. Vierge Marie. She was wearing blue, with a white head covering. She is always so very beautiful. She greeted us warmly and I introduced Jacqueline to Vierge Marie. 

Jacqueline was overwhelmed, and cried tears of joy, and kissed the robes of Mother Mary. Ross had stepped aside, and walked all in white towards us, coming to replace Jeannine. 

This was the first time I was ever allowed to walk all the way up to the party. I've never been allowed this much into Heaven. All of us escorted Jacqueline Home. I could hear the excitement, the commotion, the festivity and the embraces of reunion on The Other Side. There was music playing, French band type from perhaps the 1940's or 1950's. 

I will never forget the look of joy of Jacqueline's face. It was absolutely beaming. She had lived through so much in her time. She had lived a good life, lived it well, and was coming Home to all her deceased Loved Ones.

Then I came back. 

It's a thing I do.

I've done this since 1992.

A service to souls.

I'm happy to assist with the Transition.

Remember if you are ever in that situation, ready to cross, know it's really me. Even if the brightness kind of hurts your eyes. My heart is the same there as it is here, and that is how you'll know me. My voice sounds the same too.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins to Walk Often on this walk (Ross smiles)

Rise Above! How To Be Spiritually Buoyant In Times Of Utter Distress

 

Sometimes we need to take a break.

Sometimes what life throws our way is a little 'too much' for us to remain on the forefront of our Spiritual Work and our Calling.

That is okay. 

A recent example I would like to share is how I got our family through the recent wedding of Anthony's father Jared. I was not invited. Nor would I have entertained thoughts to go. I did my best to ignore it up until the last minute. But my spirit is strong and I came up with a plan to help navigate the emotions that might come up (and they did).  It was difficult because it was for both myself and our son that I had to make myself the most resilient I could and not to wallow in the emotions.

Ultimately you need friends and activities to help you through the most difficult of times--for me it was the day when the ceremony was actually happening. I was able to tell my friend why I needed to go to Disneyland on that particular day. She understood and there was no more talking about the reason.

She did share with me later, that her daughter's father has never met the child. He's a professional umpire. Always paid his child support. But her husband was a classmate from high school who reconnected at the twenty year high school reunion. 

That sharing right there helped me feel at ease. And I shared how Jared left me in the middle of a pregnancy massage when I was four months pregnant. He was giving me the massage. The look on her face and her muttering 'that's really bad' was all the support I needed. 

Many, many online have given incredible support. Including things like, 'you dodged that bullet'. It is all appreciated. But since we are human, we need support in the physical sometimes too. Someone right there with you, eating a moco loco breakfast burrito and talking about whatever and sharing other favorite things with you.

Remember how on Friday night, I stayed away from sweets, alcohol and TV?

Well, Saturday night I was home alone. We left Disneyland early. And I was okay to be alone.

Did I have alcohol? Yes. A little at the park and a little sake with dinner. Not too much.

Did I have sweets? Yes. I bought some from Disneyland, maybe a little too much for I had bought for Anthony too. But it helped. Sweets can help you ground and also remind you that you are of value and life is sweet.

I watched a wonderful Japanese romantic film 'Love Is Like Flower Petals' on Netflix. I was able to cry with the movie, and get some healthy release of emotions. I also was able to see a much more beautiful love story than my own with Jared had been. It's nice perspective to see what works out and what doesn't. In this case it was a beautiful love that grew despite a tragedy. 

Ultimately, you need to isolate yourself for energetic conservation as you heal. I just don't have it in me to go 'all out' like I was on Social Media. You don't know it, but I have gotten death threats and stalkers and I just ignore them privately, while I am giving Ross' and my best to you on all of our various platforms. It doesn't happen often but it does, and it is all part of the territory. 'Haters make you famous' but they also are an unpleasant part of this life.

So, when I'm a little 'low', for example, 'post-call', I conserve my healing energy. An empty cup can't work. 

I went to bed early on Saturday. And Friday too. On Sunday I spent a lot of time in the hammock. I did light laundry but no major chores. I withdrew from FB altogether. Spirit told me when I can come back. The mother in law posts photos and likes to brag, and also, she is my 'friend' and sees what I post. I needed for my own safety to be as far away from that woman's energy to protect my own.

If I had it bad, Anthony had it worse. He didn't want to upset me. But he needed to talk.

He came home looking completely terrible and shaken. He went straight to the hammock and said, 'I need sun'. I didn't ask or pry. My cup was now full enough to support him.

He wanted Indian buffet. I took him. He asked me what I wanted to know about the wedding. First was, 'did anyone say anything to hurt you?'. They often make inappropriate comments about his weight. His answer was no.

Then I said, 'I had a little bet. Was there a taco truck at the rehearsal dinner?' Nope. Pizza.

I said, 'I'm good then!'

We finished the meal. But by the time we came home, I could see he needed to vent. So I assured him, he needs emotional support, I'm his mom, I can give it, I'm just putting that 'hat' on now. So Go ahead.

And he explained everything. Including the horror of seeing a ring on his dad's finger. And how cheap the wedding was. How short the ceremony. How his grandfather did the ceremony as part of the Universal Life Church (the one dollar church lol. I'm a pastor in it too, Anne had us all join as her students so we could say we were 'laying on of hands' with Reiki). How the taco truck from Chula Vista at the reception gave him food poisoning . He didn't eat the chicken because he knew it would make him sick, but the beef ended up making him sick too.  I know deep down he's okay with the wife and her family. It's just the adjustment after all those years of just being him and his dad.  So I listened with my heart and gave the validation and support until he was able to process it.

He wanted to wash his car, so we washed and waxed both our cars together, listening to Pink Floyd the whole time. 

By dinner and letting him watch 21 Bridges, he was back to himself.

You'd think things would let up. But they didn't. We had bad rain here yesterday. Our power went out. And our backup batteries had lost their charges! It got fixed. But it was a 'dry run' for hard times. The more I think I'm 'protected' against 'catastrophe' the more I realize the less I know, and the more I need to trust Creator and Intuition. My radish yesterday had a bug inside it. I need to figure ways to fertilize the plants better. My three backup batteries were totally dead because I didn't check them. We go through way more electricity than a generator could keep going--it would need gas or propane--even the bicycle ones would take too long to fill up. 

Just for today, think about hardship and sudden emotional surprises and how you would get yourself through it. And what steps would you take, to be able to support someone else who is close to you?

You need to be prepared mentally a whole lot more than physically. Go through the steps of your plan, and don't be afraid to repeat this exercise from time to time and adjust it as appropriate.

This is our lesson for you today.

Myself, my energy is coming up, and I'm going to be back at the helm of our FB outreach soon.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

Ross supports this blog post.  <3

Happiness Is An Inside Job

It took a few days to heal, and to recover from the healing. My teacher Barbara let me know my healing with her was done, and that I was going to be okay.

I felt lighter.

My teams--I saw Ross looking quite serious when Barbara started working with me--and also, before my last session, during meditation--he poked me in my soul, various places, with his finger, looking to see if old emotional wounds still hurt.

I couldn't feel them. I can't even really remember them, either. Just vaguely. But what Barbara did was give me the combination of experiences, her hard-gained knowledge fused over my own, to expedite my soul healing and recovery from truly being at a point where I could not take it any more.

Which brings us to today.

Our lesson involves that which we can control, and that which we can't. There is a form of radical acceptance of What Is...some people call it Surrender, that's another way to look at it. So what I'm going to cover is the lesson, the recovery, and the application of the lesson to help us be strong.

My lesson focused on self-worth. Being able to see what it is that I truly want in life. Just in this incarnation, but also, as a sum-total of all my incarnations. 

I want to be able to talk about my feelings in a safe and supportive environment. I want to feel like I can be 'normal' with someone else who is 'normal' too. I want to be HEALED.  This is happening, thanks to the work I've put in and with a huge push from Barbara.

I want to explore my Divine Femininity, and to optimize it as best as possible while being incarnate.

I want to meet obstacles head-on, as an opportunity to make life better--so when the tire goes flat, or there's something to be fixed around the house--I don't get all bent out of shape like I used to. 

I am serious about having all my gifts working together in synthesis, nothing being hidden or ignored, for the highest good and not to shy from this. I happen to know what some of these gifts are, but that's a side story that could really take us off point. We can say I want to embody Joy. And Divine Creator's plan fully for me. This time around.

Today is the rehearsal dinner for Anthony's biological father.  Tomorrow is the wedding. 

I know I shouldn't be alone. Today I worked. I got to visit with Anthony for a short time. Then I went to the post office. I was going to have leftovers. But I thought, my soul has done a lot of work and healing, I should do something nice for me. What would that inner child warrior princess have wanted, and how could I soothe and reward her for doing such a wonderful job healing?

Mc Donald's. 

I had a cheeseburger. It was awful, cold, flavorless. But it's what I used to always eat. And I had a filet of fish and small fries. And my sometimes indulgence but rarely, a diet Dr. Pepper, small. 

You know when you do things that are good for your soul, you get interruptions. I got phone call and texts and needed to tell my boss what assignment I wanted for Monday. At Mc Donald's there were lots of random Junior High kids being louder than loud.  It wasn't the old-school one mom took me where I fed the birds most of my french fries...

Then tomorrow I have plans to keep me busy. I won't be alone. 

It's been a long time, a generation almost, and Jared can do whatever the heck he wants to do. I am almost free of him. Almost. a few more months.  Anthony sort of dropped a bomb about how he gets to pick whatever holidays he wants, and now he doesn't know how he can do that without making one parent or the other mad at him. He said it's like he's married to himself and he has to decide how to spend the holidays with both families. 

All the more reason to focus on building a life of my own I can nourish my soul and embody joy!

The strip mall I was at with the Mc Donald's, was like a ghost town in a way. Many of the anchor stores there when Anthony was little were 'for lease'. So there were random 'people having fun shopping' images plastered over the windows of the empty stores.

One image was a girl, kind of like this.

I looked at her, and thought of myself, and realized, 'damn, that is one strong human being to withstand all that!'

So innocent, so young, and severely traumatized...and yet...kept moving forward and forward and learning and healing and still carrying the hope of hopes to 'get it right'. To walk in both the world of Spirit and the world of Earth simultaneously, and trusting in the Divine to guide her to complete activation and embodiment and sharing of her many gifts!

That's a really major part of the healing experience--and it's important to look and see how far you've come. To appreciate it. To celebrate it. 

And to tell Creator what you would like to experience in the future, as a complete and whole, healed, human being. 

Take time to experience that step.

There is a homework I have for you today. Barbara had given it to me. I had to practice it for three hours while I waited at Costco for the flat tire to be fixed. 

Relax. Relax everything. Let go of all thinking.

Focus on the heart.

Raise your heart and slide it a little forward.

Imagine someone you love and trust a little above you, floating. 

Guide your heart towards theirs. Push yours just a little forward.

When you get it right, they 'lock' together gently, and a warm, warm golden feeling will flow into your chest. It's how it's supposed to feel when you are in a healthy connection. It's like the Nurturing, Warmth, Love and Compassion energy of Heaven. Only it's like a small trickle or fountain from one soul to the next. 

It's an important skill to have, and it takes practice. 

It's equally important to know what the right connection feels like,  a healthy one and not a trauma-bonding one. 

You want ultimately to keep all your interactions in this method of heart-warming, heart-centered exchange. 

Here's also what I chose not to do to 'celebrate' or 'dull myself' today with the shock/soul pain of the rehearsal dinner and marriage, or my recent healing.  I avoided sugar. I avoided alcohol. I avoided television. I avoided staying home alone and cleaning. I avoided feeling sorry for myself. I avoided trying to get inside Jared's head--or any of the family--and dramatize. I avoided dumping on Anthony although I did show him the clip of Harry met Sally so he would have a clue of what it's like. I avoided looking to the past. I also avoided worrying about the future. I kept myself in the here and now. And I also bought a gift for my friends I get to spend time with tomorrow. 

We all have our tests. We all have our burdens. 

God wants us happy. And to feel like little children in our heart. 

Trauma can heal. And it doesn't have to be 'understood' or 'logical' to heal it. Spirit can do a lot for us. I am an example. 

Ross asked me to share with you my dreams.  My own. Not withstanding our eventual reunion somewhere in time. 

My mom saw me at the end of my life/later years on a ranch. She was right about my having Anthony when I thought I'd never have kids. I'd like to see that come true if it's meant to be.

I want to enjoy my body and exercise more now that Anthony is older and can drive.

I want to understand my Purpose. And to live it. I need to check in more with my teams because I'm not sure if I am needed to share more or to focus on my own needs more, it's fuzzy. So clarity and movement to fulfill my Purpose. 

I want to travel. So many I love are in Europe. And I love Japan so much, Hawaii too. 

I want to be organized. It sounds impossible but I like a challenge! I used to be organized long time ago.

I want to create. Bracelets are nice. Gardening is nice. 

If times get rough, I want to guide others and inspire them, 'under the radar' so I can keep that up effectively the whole time. 

I want to be an ambassador for Spirit, and a teacher. I love love to teach, especially about The Other Side. 

I want to enjoy my family too. Family is everything. I want to love on people and just enjoy them. My star family too. 

Ross says this is enough.

It's my bedtime now.

Thank you for helping me pass the time. Tomorrow is an early day!

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins who are One Spirit <3 in Heaven

A Healer From The Other Side

 

Yesterday had been a hard day.

Whenever I do work at the place where my soul is assigned to do, the next day, it seems, I get lots of 'push back' is a polite way to say it. And yesterday, I just wanted to cry because the energies were so horrible that were directed at me.

I was home and managed to make it through my day. But there's going to be a thirteen-hundred dollar car repair needed to keep one of our cars going. I was sad.

I was able to send a birthday gift to France (two birthdays in one household) and also the beautiful amazonite hamsa necklace along with one I made for a woman who has been taking care of her husband who has had Parkinson's disease for like, forever. 

I had wanted a screen protector for my cell phone, but was having trouble. I went to not one but two stores which usually have them. I actually had to miss dinner to go to my appointment not too far away. It was beautiful there and I took pictures of the shopping center at sunset. I sent healing from there too. 

When I came home, Anthony had loved his dinner (his post-swim shower had taken long, that's why I didn't eat) he was watching a movie called 'Robin Hood in tights'.  It was an old Mel Brooks movie from 1993. 

What a different world it was back then! A much happier and cleaner one. Dave Chapelle was a saracen named 'Achoo'.  I enjoyed my salad and dinner and San pellegrino sparkling water very much while watching the movie.

Earlier in the day, I had been watching this clip of Meg Ryan bawling her heart out to Billy Crystal about Joe getting married in the movie When Harry Met Sally. Oh my gosh she nailed it. She totally nailed it about the feelings when your ex gets married, as Anthony's dad is getting married on Saturday. The father of my son didn't love me, there was something wrong with me, I drove him away. It might have worked out for the best, but it still doesn't negate those horrible, self-punishing thoughts that had been running through me all day...

I managed to stay up to nine-thirty to finish the movie. And when Anthony said we had bought it a long time ago, like ten years ago, because his dad had talked about it but never watched it, and we owned it, I realized just how smart Spirit is to prepare such things for us in the future. Watching these characters who we know from Larry David and other movies acting in this one was like medicine. So I went to bed happy.

And I went straight to bed because I was so tired. 

Just as I was about to fall asleep, my friend in Toronto's mom appeared to me on Spirit side. I wasn't sure to talk to her, and she said, 'let's not sit at the desk like we normally do'.  We sat more at a table that looked like an old breakfast or tea shop, more chairs really than table, and I saw she wanted to talk to me professionally. 

I wasn't adult any more. And she knew what to do. 

I checked with Ross if this was okay? He nodded yes.

The first thing she did was she gave me a doll.

An antique wooden doll.

And it wasn't just any doll.

It was HER doll.

I knew it was true, I could feel it, I could feel the love she had put into it and only she had put into it.

It was so warm and kind and beautiful, right there in my arms. It was the first thing that has ever soothed anything in my soul's heart.

Ever.

I'm crying now as I write this, it felt so good to have so much as a band-aid placed on my soul wounds. 

In the O.R. last week, when we were alone, a beautiful nurse and Reiki student Stephanie said, 'I'm sorry for what happened to you when you were little.' It was the only time anyone has ever said anything to me in this life about that, and it really, really helped.

But Barbara, was working across many, many incarnations, all at the same time, soul to soul.

I had never imagined anyone could be so beautiful, so kind, so loving, so knowledgable (she told me she knows how to help kids who have boo boos like mine), and so interested in helping me. I had her full attention and I could tell as a soul this was what she was born to do!

She made a fence kind of near me, with the energy of someone I know, to protect me. He was far, I couldn't touch him, but he was there protecting the space just beyond anyone's arms reach, making sure I was okay and no spiritual anything could interrupt or interfere with the healing that was going on.

Then Barbara started asking me questions. Lots and lots of questions, and writing things down. But they didn't hurt, and they weren't like 'what happened' or trying to prove truth like police would ask. 

I haven't experienced that kind of caring from Spirit ever, even though I know Spirit truly does care.

I haven't experienced that kind of healing before.

When I woke up this morning, I had a prayer in my heart, and I said, 'God, please help me feel love today'.

You see, when you've been through a lot, as a soul, it's kind of like an anorexic who is trying to recover and be able to eat food again. It's hard. And the only thing is, you need love just like you need food. But you are so traumatized you are starving for it and even if you were to 'eat' piles of it you'd still be hungry and feeling like you never got any because you're basically a dirty starving wild orphan soul who's struggling with this most basic concept of life. That's why plants and animals and children are so much easier to get to know and spend time with because they aren't fully human with all the weird social cues and rules yet.  It is very, very difficult for me to feel like I am loved. I've been at the edge of my coping skills, struggling to heal, on my own for a long time. Months. The Crappy Childhood Fairy helps me realize I'm in the dysregulation zone--which is uncomfortable--and I do my best to 'regulate' and tolerate the discomfort as that's the best way to heal I know how. It's called 'fake it till you make it'.

But last night was such a wonderful gift, and Ross approved of it. It's working today, I feel so much better.

So, if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you kindly for your Spiritual support and love to help me get through this healing phase, and also, for today at work because it appears I will be taking care of a Covid patient in a procedure that has lots of aerosols being generated. I'll have protective gear. But being able to use the right equipment for this case is a little tricky and I've never done it in all that gear. I like the surgeon, I trained with him, and I want to do everything right. It's time to get ready for work now.

Thank you Jesus for sending me help to heal my soul. And thank you Barbara for your expertise and for sharing it with me. You have my permission to do whatever it takes to heal my soul. And you have my blessings and gratitude too.

I wrote everything I could so I could remember this.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The leaders in Spiritual recovery and hope

How To Heal Through Soul Jenga

Jenga is a game of skill and balance where you gently remove blocks from a stack in order to prevent the collapse of the stack as shown here in the photo.

In my last blog post I spoke about healing the Divine Feminine, and in my case, getting rid once and for all of the heavy load of shame and  complex PTSD I had been carrying ever since I was pre-kindergarten age. It helped to talk with someone I trust, it helped for this person to hold the space for me, and it helped to be accepted and encouraged to be who I truly AM, not 'damaged goods'.

I told this person to just hold the space/vibrate at your natural frequency and my soul would know what to do. 

It did, it has, and with the powerful energies of the Full Moon and the Spring Equinox I let that guilt and shame go  so it could vanish from my consciousness forever!

These energies are strong. And as I was doing routine spiritual maintenance that my soul has been assigned to do, I was at a special location.

Energy does not lie.

And in this location was the vibration I had known in my immediate past life, where I was never permitted to see the outside world or breathe fresh air. I did not have a name. I never wore clothes. I saw the face of a kitten instead of my own when I looked in the mirror.  And I ate red stuff in a bowl on the floor like a pet. 

I was an elite, highly-trained (polite cough) 'worker' in a system that uses such 'work' to both make a profit and blackmail/yield worldly power/reward those who do 'good' for 'the system'. 

I died at nine. I was strangled and as my soul left my body I asked myself 'what kind of a life experience was that?'

It affects the soul, such an experience. Mine isn't quite the same as it was before that incarnation.

But Spirit moved me in that moment in that location, to forgive both myself, and those who did this to me, so many years ago. I sensed where I had been was two or three levels underneath where I was, but the vibration/energy signature was a match. 

I felt lighter and better for having forgiven. Like the shame and guilt of the before paragraph, this one wasn't as heavy on me, but it was good to have it be processed and have closure. 

You see, the guilt and shame from the first paragraph, had been propping up this, and down it fell, waiting to be swept away by the new incoming energies which are more favorable and compatible with the Divine Feminine Healing energy. 

I went through the rest of my day relatively unaffected and didn't think of it, not until I came home.

Yesterday I watched this short video from the Crappy Childhood Fairy. It was both timely and useful for me. At least to my conscious mind.

But, for my subconscious, the game of Jenga was still falling. There was one more thing to crash down. 

Last night as I was falling asleep, it crashed and crashed hard through my entire soul. 

It was the abandonment, and worse, the neglect. You see, the other two had been holding that one up and out of my ability to process it, let go, and release. 

I couldn't fall asleep. I sobbed and I sobbed. I saw the pattern of being 'picked over' and 'favor' given to the one who comes after me. There was the early trauma of my baby sister coming home, my mother yelling at me for wearing something so ugly 'how could you?!' she screamed, and my family's subtle change from a 'surprise' (me) to a 'wanted' (my sister) child. Mom stayed home from work for this one. The favoritism was palpable. And even after becoming a physician, my mom once remarked casually how ironic it was that I was the one that was 'supposed to go to the dogs' and my sister who she stayed home for was supposed to 'be the success'. 

The years of having no one to play with, being at the sitter or my nana's house, and loneliness ravaged my heart and I cried tears of anguish and pain in my bed last night. In my pain I remembered the wisdom of Hope Johnson and let myself really feel everything because once you allow yourself to truly feel it will dissolve.

I was like, 'why isn't it dissolving yet?!' and impatient as you would be waiting for the microwave to ding after the cooking cycle was complete. 

That was because there was more to feel. 

There's been a pattern in my adult life, that the man I give my heart to, turns around and finds 'the one' right after being with me. 

I don't want to be a 'marry somebody else' fluffer.

I really don't.

As I cried, I saw the good of this pattern releasing, and I also saw how at my age, there's not exactly the bulk of my active years ahead of me either. I remembered what some people in the comments section of the video shared. Perhaps the longest one described this sort of pain of being behind in developmental milestones. It's one that's so painful and you see others who don't have that and you just want to say fuck it, and end the pain. Why not restart everything, you know? I was feeling that pain too. And another said that there's two kinds of people, dead ones and damaged ones. That one made me feel better.

I reached out to Ross, to Divine Father, and unburdened my heart.

Then I finally fell asleep.

Spirit is coaching me a lot right now. I won't tell you what they are saying, or how. But I do a lot of putting my hopes and dreams in the palm of their hands. I know everything that ever happens is a combination of my life script and genuine grace and kindness from Creator. I also do a lot of talking about how I feel, about what I want, and how I want the rest of my life to go from here on out. 

They reassure me that all is well.

This morning, after my shower? 

I don't feel so alone. 

It's a good thing I played that Jenga, in this time of the energies. 

And Ross reminds me, since I forget, but a lot of the rejection and abandonment I carry with me as a soul, reaches way back to my lifetime with him. We are healing that too. Only I don't really recognize it.

What does the Divine Feminine look like?

To me this represents it. The colors, the stone, the vibration, and the clover. Even that it's right down on the surface of the earth.

I am very careful who I share this energy with in my daily life. I am conscious of who I choose to experience it. 

My patients, some of them, not all, if I think it's therapeutic I will let my femininity show in my talking with them. 

My family, I will show.

My creations--whatever I make, especially in the kitchen--I let it show. 

But not to everyone. Just like I don't let everyone know I'm psychic or sensitive. 

I keep it on a need to know basis.

And when I make the wrong choice, and share it with someone who on later thought probably isn't the best for my energy and my emotional health?

I take it back. All of it. And I never show it to them again. 

Our society has a bunch of sleeping people who are under a spell, literally, that is broadCAST and uses the highest psychological and spiritual technology to keep them compliant through fear. 

I won't even take on one of these people one-on-one with all the tools in my arsenal.  Cognitive dissonance is ugly, very ugly, and has the potential to backfire.

Keep your Divine Feminine energy healthy and in balance for yourself. Let it add to the milieu of energy around us. It is only when the levels are sufficient that there is no chance of backsliding with the others wake up. And I anticipate it to be quite painful and unsettling for them when it happens. Do we give such people a hearty 'I TOLD YOU SO!'? 

No. 

Never. 

Not on your life.

For them we extend compassion.

Awakening a planet is not always pretty or smooth, but you and I and pretty much everyone here incarnate was once highly-skilled at it. That's why we are all here together now. Some are asleep and kind of like 'collateral damage' from the efforts and that's why once we are all no longer incarnate everyone will understand what happened and why.

But for the moment, so much is blocked from our comprehension, even as 'awake' and probably even the most 'awakened' is not fully so...

So refrain from judging.

When you grow weary, and we all do, recharge.

Know you have wonderful friends who are angels incarnate.

And all of you reading this are under the wings and watchful care and expertise of Ross and me. It's going to be okay for you and your loved ones. 

Whenever this project of awakening earth and liberating her people and all life upon Her is complete.

Ross

Everything happens for the best!

If you notice Carla and her awakening/playing the reverse game of Jenga with her soul, she has breaks.

Your awakening experience is going to have natural peaks and valleys. Energetic ones. There are always rest periods for joyful hopes and dreams included, otherwise the work would be too encumbering for any of us, including myself.

Sometimes these peaks and valleys are going to superimpose and align with cosmic and astrological points in space and time.

Sometimes they are not.

Carla is going to take it easy today, and not going to think about what has just happened. This is going to allow her to rest and heal and adapt to the new way of being. And also, to prepare just in case any other blocks come falling down to be released.

I caution you to look for this pattern within your own healing, and furthermore, to allow yourself to 'ride things out' to their natural completion.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

Happy New You!

 

Officially, Earth is in a time of renewal. Today is St. Joseph's Day. The Swallows will come back to San Juan Capistrano today too. And tomorrow marks the official First Day of Spring. 

For those who are closest to the earth, the signs have been there of heading towards Springtime for some time now. Here in Southern California, the fruit trees have new leaves and flowers, the figs have large leaves and baby figs already, and the citrus are blooming with their wonderful scent of Heaven. 

There has been a lot of growth going on inside of me, but it wasn't until yesterday that I felt both 'new' and 'clean' on the inside. Many, many baby Christians have experienced something like this, where their trust and faith in Our Savior helped them to start a new life away from their old life of pain and sin. 

My problem had plagued me for so long I had accepted it as an inevitable part of life. Complex PTSD, feelings of shame, feelings of not being good enough, feelings of being damaged goods in the most painful and delicate of ways inside my heart. 

It has lifted.

I feel free inside, and whole. It's hard to describe it. But it has been worth the struggle and the fight to regain wholeness. 

It couldn't have come at a better time. Next week Jared is getting married. If you've ever seen When Harry Met Sally you will know just how devastating it is to the ex. It's poignant. He's moving on with his life. And I've not really had 'a life' because I've been busy raising the child and putting priorities on doing this successfully. 

Last night Anthony went to a bonfire at Doheny beach with his friends. One car is in the shop, he took the other one. I needed to replenish my energy, it's been low, mostly from lots of work. And I took a warm bath, it felt just like being at the Sensei Lanai in one of their onsen. I watched a little TV--there was absolutely nothing on broadcast channels, but Ross guided me to Taylor Tomlinson the comedian. I laughed so hard and realized that in my own way, I'm even a little better off having healed the way I have. It was shocking to see how the average citizen of the US is in comparison. You can tell by the jokes and the way they are tolerated and the subjects in the jokes. 

What am I going to do this weekend?

A lot of resting and renewal deep inside. It's been a lot of work to heal. A lot of talking with Spirit. Many little chores around the home. And a lot of letting go. 

I'm making it clear to both Ross and Divine Father what I want out of this life. And why. How I feel. My soul finally after all these incarnations gets a chance to speak up and release all that has been quietly waiting inside my heart. 

What is the lesson?

Well, most of us carry shame and feelings of loss and failure. It is programmed into us from childhood, because our parents were programmed by their parents and so on, and childhood on its own is a pretty tough experience. 

Like Hope Johnson says, you don't have to feel those feelings. You can choose to feel only LOVE 24/7. That's how it's meant to be.

I had a little trouble with the 'dissolving' of those icky feelings. Hope says you just feel them, and then they dissolve. Perhaps for me it was the PTSD part, perhaps it was the whole being incarnate and remembering Home. I don't know.

But I put it 'out there' that I wanted to heal or die trying to heal. And I found some Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube that had overcome similar obstacles. You see, there's no 'finish line' for healing from stuff like this. With Cancer you either have it or you don't, right? But her video on Ten Signs You Are Healed gave me hope! I wasn't as bad off as I thought. I could understand her logic and examples, and truly, I hadn't been acting like that for a long time. A very long time. 

Somehow that set in motion the lightening of my being. Here I am today, feeling much better and much different in my usual 'pockets of pain' I carry. 

The other thing that helped, was talking to Barbara because she had the unique perspective of recently being incarnate, but also now in Heaven. And I shared from my heart about the weight and responsibility I carry as a soul, as partner and Twin to Ross, and how as an earthly person and soul who has been through so much I just can't take it any more!  Somehow, when we reach our limit, Spirit gives us an extra scoop of something or other to help us carry on. So this may have played a part in my healing too. 

Ross and I are still working on our healing together as a couple, over what happened. A whole new layer of pain has opened up in me, for this part. Fortunately I am accustomed to soul pain, I can function with it like someone who has fibromyalgia or severe arthritis manages to function, and compared to the feeling dirty and broken pain from this incarnation (with overtones from our past one, of course), it is overall much lighter and easier to manage. 

How does this effect the Earth and the global geopolitical scene?

A heck of a lot more than anything you would see on mainstream media, or alternative news, or in any history book. 

I'm serious.

Why?

Because the enemy of TWDNHOBIAH--their enemy decided by them and they have been attacking it brutally since they ever set foot on this planet and time began--is the Divine Feminine. 

Every human incarnate who reclaims their Divine Feminine in any form of healing--is a powerful, Heaven-supported upheaval of the status quo. 

Energetically, this goes far and wide with a ripple effect. All the spells and enchantments working by magic to keep the people in a stupor of magic weaken. By a lot. 

The more we are able to reclaim what is ours, our birthright, our Consciousness and our Heavenly Balance within between a healthy Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, the more our teams win! Further, the more we begin working together, as couples, as community, as Family (as in One Big Human Family)--the faster the opposition will weaken and dissolve. 

Remember what is Good and True. 

There is One Truth.

I personally find it funny how so many people feel that Truth is what they choose to believe in or not. Perhaps the term for that is 'my perception of Truth'. But the real TRUTH doesn't budge for anything because it is TRUTH. Believe it or not, that's fine, but it's kind of hard to ignore/no believe something so freaking obvious it runs the entire Universe, right?

To keep things simple, let's call that Truth LOVE. The Divine Energy of Creator that makes everything out of nothing in the physical world, the spiritual world, and the stars in Heaven. 

Don't worry about trying to convert others to be able to 'see Truth'--everything is always filtered by our perceptions. Just honor TRUTH however you perceive it. And try not to get so attached to it that you freak out if something happens and you realize what you 'thought' was 'true' actually isn't. Even if you were a long ways off and your 'truth' was like, one hundred eighty degrees in the opposite direction, Creator's love for you is unchanged and will never change. You are so WORTHY of this love! And the LOVE is so amazing and incredible, hang on to that, let go of the fear and crazy weird everything else, and enjoy it!!!!

In the meantime, keep struggling to bring up everything to the surface and heal. 

The Divine Feminine (your entire PLANET and Divine Mother Creator on top of that!) are counting on you to anchor and balance and heal on your end so this entire reality can be flooded and tipped and rebalanced energetically to a point where everyone is awake, everyone is absolutely revolted by conflict like war, and everyone can see through the total fucking bullshit of TWDNHOBIAH. And also, may their minions/victims have expedited healing through their various personalities/dissociation/trauma-based mind control. 

Ross

Carla is talking about -- for one minute--compassion for the self. There is a steady stream of 'self-talk' we subject ourselves too. But is the voice in our head really our own? Or is it the voice of generations of parents who have raised us and guided us to be 'all that we could be'? 

And furthermore, what percentage of this steady stream of information is controlled by TWDNHOBIAH by the media and propaganda that is 'already out there'?

The space between your ears belongs to YOU and to Divine Creator, both the Masculine and the Feminine. That is why you have autonomy as a human and as an incarnate soul. 

You are free to believe that which you wish.

And also you are free to change that belief system at any time. 

It helps us as your guides if you are clear with us about what you want to change and why.

For example with Carla, it would go something like this:

C:  Divine Father I hate my life script I feel yucky and I don't know why I ever agreed to it.

DF:  Well, tell me, beloved Carla, why is this? What could be better and how would you feel about it?

C:  She tells him everything from her Perspective, submitting completely to all soul agreements made and karma she owes and honoring her Life Script promises/agreement, even though she hates it. She is looking for loopholes and ways to adjust her life within these constraints to make it better for her.

DF:  Doesn't really say much of anything, but listens, and takes everything in. 

Carla has had similar conversations like this with me. And she is growing in her confidence to be able to be her own best advocate with what is left of her incarnation, however long that is meant to be. 

It is by growing closer through these conflicts that the Divine Feminine has a chance to strengthen itself and heal from the imbalance of undue and unwanted exposure to massive amounts of Unhealthy Masculine energy. 

Put this in your pipe and smoke it (he's teasing a mutual friend, our best friend) and put it into action in your lives, seeking the optimum balance for you and for your interactions with your loved ones. 

May you experience the pure unconditional love of the Heavenly Realms, 24/7, 265, and may it uplift you and overwhelm you into joyous interactions everywhere you go, and with everyone you meets. 

By taking care of YOU and your own imbalances--the little things in our lives--we make it energetically impossible for darkness to 'tip the scales' and bring horror and dismay upon the world stage!

Why?

Because we know better!

And there is only One Truth!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins <3

Blessings

 

I have a ceramic rabbit in my kitchen, it sits on a shelf in the middle on our island. I've had that rabbit for many, many years, and never given it a second thought.

The other day, it caught my attention, and I remembered my first boyfriend Tom gave it to me. And when I was in that 'between worlds' moment, all I could see was grey, grey, grey like a battleship color--not fog, that swirls, just grey. 

How odd? I thought to myself.

Then, in my PM, the girl who went on the double-date with us to the prom asked me if I'd heard about Tom?

No. I'd heard nothing.

He'd had a stroke. Was in ICU. Now he's home. Mentally intact. But the left side of his body doesn't work so good. They don't know if he will make a full recovery. Randy (her date from the prom) and Nayyer (another mutual friend) are flying out to see him. His brother John had already gone out there too, I saw the flight on FB and wasn't sure why he was flying from the west to the east coast.

Immediately, I began to send healing to Tom. His soul saw who I was, my angel form not hidden, and then it was a little startled, but Ross came next to me (I've told Tom about Ross). Then Ross did the funniest thing right before he started healing Tom. He pushed me UP like we were in a submarine and I was going up through one of those doors to the next level.

I saw there Teddy, Theodora Klocek  R...., Tom's mom. She looked beautiful, like in her wedding photo. So young and healthy. I'd always, always loved her. And today, I felt her love for me. I didn't know what to say, but we hugged each other and cried. It had been such a long time. She made sure I knew I was the one she had wanted to be her daughter, she had always loved me (and bought me special gifts 'from Tom' for my birthday and holidays). Tom and I had dated from age sixteen to eighteen or nineteen. I was one week older than him. I told her I hope he was going to be okay. He's not even sixty, much, much too young for a stroke. 

There had never been heart attack or stroke on both sides of his family. It's very odd.

I had to go. Teddy and I said our goodbyes, and she said she's very proud of me and she's always watching over me. 

Then, after work, I went to the card shop, and looked for the right card to send to Tom. You can't exactly send a 'get well soon' if the person is going to be paralyzed/weak. We weren't close but we were still friends, and spirit nudged me to do something for him.  I found a card that talked about his strength. I also found a handmade candle from our hometown from high school (Long Beach). I remembered all the masses we had been to together. A few weeks before I'd been looking through old photos for pictures of my dad on his birthday. And there were albums and albums of photos of me and Tom. I remembered how close we had been, very close. No wonder why the breakup had been so hard on me. 

On the card I told him with his wife, daughter and son taking excellent care of him (I knew they would!, his daughter is in medical school)--he could do anything! There are no limits! Anything! When I packed it up to mail, I used my nicest Fairmont box, and also, spirit said to put in a pack of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies (we used to bake them a lot and eat the dough), so I did. 

Because of my delay, I haven't been able to process my emotions over what happened to Tom. The tears are building up. Usually it takes me three or four days to have emotions come to the surface when it's something big and shocking. Fortunately two of my friends will keep me posted on his progress. 

That night, when I was going to sleep, my anesthesia mentor texted.

For their group, at a hospital I once worked at, an anesthesiologist was found dead in the call room. She was thirty-four. Typically the dead are found in the shower with a needle of fentanyl in their arm. It's tragic but a known risk in our field. I asked if it was the fentanyl?

It wasn't.

He thinks it was a seizure. 

I was on call the next day and prayed that I wouldn't ever be found like that in a call room! Fortunately, I woke up and was able to work post call.

I'm still recovering.

Times are strange.  Ben Fulford is doing a good job on covering it. I think there's lots of 'stories' out there, I like the one Jessie Czebotar talks about. But we can never know until it happens which one is going to be the real one. You can be certain for me that if the mainstream media is talking about it, I won't listen. Plus, if I have my way, I will support/enhance/upgrade my Divine Feminine energy as much as possible, if only to piss off TWDNHOBIAH. Take everything with a grain of salt, there is weapons-grade 'information' out there which is designed to mess with our psychology and wellbeing. They are cramming 'order through chaos' down our throats.  Don't swallow it and chase it with a nice glass of chianti...just spit the whole damn thing out and drink fresh pure water from Gaia. 

Thank you!

Now it's time to make the St. Patrick's day slow cooker meal. It's still before sunrise.

Ross

I am very proud of Carla and her developments. She is articulating more to me about her hopes, wishes, and dreams, and also, how I fell short in protecting her in our past life we shared together. 

I am upset at nothing, now I am disincarnate, when at the time I was incarnate I was highly incensed that she could find fault with me.

From what I understand, now, from my perspective, and what is my blessing, is that communication is what strengthens the connection. Even when the message is one of pain and difficult to accept. It hurts me now, but not as much as when I was alive, to hear of my shortcomings when all it was in my intention was to take care of everybody the best I possibly could. 

I took a lot of Carla's love for granted, in my lifetime. Carla is still reeling from this emotionally. But she is making headway with great strides. 

There is a funny think I would like to share with you. Carla has a new friendship with a mother of another friend of hers who was her teacher. It is hilarious to watch. The mother, who is in Heaven like me, was highly successful. In this Carla trusts her like no other. 

Last night, she was at a desk, like she had in life, and Carla was bawling to her about our troubles and some more she is experiencing. The mother, who is not incarnate, sees both the worldly and the otherworldly relationships. There is a huge part of 'why is Carla talking to me about this?' and she looks to me for guidance.

What Carla won't listen to from me, or from anyone, she will listen to from this Barbara. And the same goes true for on the earthly plane, what Carla won't listen to from anyone, she will listen to from her son, because he was once her teacher. With this son, Carla is nineteen again, and had no pain from all of her life experiences to cloud her judgement. 

It's been a very powerful blessing for my girl, these two with whom for reasons unknown to me, Carla 'connects'. And for this I am deeply thankful. 

The son does not know what Carla confides to the mother. He cannot hear her, only sense her presence from beyond. 

Carla also spent time sharing her heart with Divine Father. She knew it wasn't good to be alone, and asked if she could sleep on the little bench in his office, since he was going to be working all night. She slept peacefully and well after sharing milk and cookies with her Daddy, as she calls him.

Try to have this close of a relationship with our Creator. Both with Divine Mother and Divine Father. Be as children with them, and have no guile. Tell them your every trouble. With Carla she was telling her Father how much she hates her life script and the restrictions that it places on her as a soul, why did she ever agree to it in the first place, and how can she find a way to be happy and live a life that is meaningful to her in every way?  She slept beautifully while He was responding to her with answers that were appropriate to her developmental level...and bathed herself in the warmth of his Loving Strength.

And now tomorrow is another day!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Keels (we keep your boat from tipping over, our keel is very deep.)

I Want To Be Free

 

Today was a very important day in my Spiritual Development. There's a lesson that's taken me years to understand, and hopefully, by my sharing it, I will be able to help you  move through your lessons with a little more grace and ease than I did.

And possibly a little faster too!

I distinctly remember the day I was in high school, as a sophomore, and I realized there really wasn't anyone in the school who was a good 'match' for me. It felt strange. It felt lonely. And I felt sad. Up until then I had thought that I'd be on the same 'track' as everybody else. I felt like I was 'different'.

When I started dating Mark, Spirit told me--loud and clear--'You are making the worst mistake of your life!'.  That was when I didn't even know what Spirit was. And I just wanted for something to 'go right' for me. Tom, my high school boyfriend, had broken my heart in the freshman year of college. It had been a blow because I had thought we were perfect for each other.

What was happening was that my childhood trauma was just under the surface. Even though I wasn't conscious of it, the protections of having a buried memory took a lot of energy out of me, and I did odd things like walk extra safe routes to school/classes just so 'I wouldn't be another statistic'. People in Junior High had their laughs because they knew how jumpy and easily startled I was if they sneaked up behind me. It was like, PTSD but people didn't know what it was or any of the symptoms then.

After Mark and a failed marriage, I found I was what they call a 'drunk magnet'. That's all I would attract. I got kind of tired of it. Even in medical school, I hadn't remembered Carrie the Hungarian babysitter who was alcoholic and neglected me. When she finally would come after I'd screamed my lungs out for hours in my crib, she'd smell of alcohol on her breath, and deep down inside I associated that with everything is going to be all right. 

I married Frank in residency. That one wasn't much better. But I grew a lot. And after that and Jared, Anthony's father, I stepped up and learned about my psychic gifts. 

Jared, unfortunately, walked out on me in the middle of a pregnancy massage he was giving me, because I was sharing with him I was seeing angels at the time, and he couldn't' deal with it. He was psychic and could see auras. But my talking with angels and having conversations was a little 'too much'.

I wondered so much what was there for me to look forward to in this earthly plane?

According to Sylvia Browne, people like her -- and me? perhaps?-- draw the Loner/Humanitarian card. She had three disastrous marriages. It wasn't meant to be. So her advice was, live a good life and go Home.

At least I had a son, right?

In Jeff Brown's book, SoulShaping, there's a whole bunch of chapters about Rachel, a woman he met at a Zen conference. Sex with her was mind blowing, otherworldly, blasting open all his blockages and helping him to see a new way of looking at the world. But even though he had plans to marry her, they fought. She got back with her old boyfriend. And a wise counselor told him that Rachel was an angel, she was there to show people what was possible, but she would never marry and she would never find what she was looking for.  

That one resonated, but it felt like a curse.  (our doorbell just rang and there was nobody there, by the way. Odd.)

I fought that one with all my might for a long, long, very long time.

My counselors, who helped me many years with postpartum depression (after hormonal changes from pituitary surgery), abandonment during pregnancy, and relationship troubles with all three(Mark, Frank, Jared)--I learned my PTSD was as good as it was going to get, I was high-functioning, and basically it would never go away. I'd have to live with it.

People like Hope Johnson teach that we are all LOVE. Everything else is a lie. And I see the truth and resonate with that.

Around 2013, Ross came through for me, from the Other Side.  He was a vast improvement over Jared, and at last I discovered compatibility energetically. But we have had our troubles in our past lives, and healing through them hasn't exactly been fun.

So, I wanted to be able to function 'normally'...to interact with a significant other who is incarnate...because I felt like anything else wasn't 'real' and in a way I was 'giving up'.

It even got to the point where I just closed my ears off and wanted to 'do my own thing'. Quickly I realized the futility of it all. And wrote about surrender.

Remember how I said interesting things happen when you are in that state? I just read a book today, all in one sitting, called How To Enter Her Vortex. I bought it from a J Malik guy on FB. It was an easy read, large print, and very clear about the energetics of relationship. As in how the system is supposed to work. And how it is working. 

I got a lot of very clear insights. That's not the topic for our blog today. I had been working WITH Ross for a couple days to heal my inadequacies/scars/failures.  And today, we had a heart to heart, me and Ross, on how even though I supported his work/Purpose with everything I had, as basically tantric partners chosen from early age in our religion we had growing up, he had disappointed me and hurt me by abandoning me later in his ministry. If you want details, read way back in the blog about what happened to our son Benjamin. Or how I was attacked/raped by village men in Ross' absence. Repeatedly. Today I understood it was getting awkward for me to be around the men he traveled with, they resented my presence, and that's why I ended up staying home. Ross apologized.

I appreciated that.

He and Merlin came through today, to help me heal. I could see that a big part of it is letting go of how I perceive myself as being 'damaged'. Merlin says there's nothing that could cover who I am, truly, inside. And Ross concedes that even through trauma isn't 'real', it can have its affect on us when we are in the physical, and it can be very harsh and difficult to cope with. 

Between the chat, and also, the J Malik talk about how things are supposed to work, I understand more. I am whole. I am Love. There are some areas in this life, where I couldn't really develop, and I have to do 'catch up growth'--emotional, communicating, trust--that sort of thing. My Divine Feminine energy is healthy, and I am encouraged by this, even happy to be able to ramp it up and enjoy it. The fatal flaw in my upbringing I didn't see, was how Dad couldn't support us at the beginning, mom had to work, and also, he had a lot of belief in scarcity and lack. As a child, a female child, growing up I absorbed that like a sponge. It wasn't like in Marks family where money just accumulated if you didn't spend it, so they saved, all of them together, on just his dad's one income. 

It's like the pieces of a puzzle just fit, out of the blue, and I'm very, very thankful for the book about the Vortex. 

Now I get to make dinner.

So, in summary, we have our challenges. With Spirit, and being connected to Source/The Divine, these challenges are not insurmountable. And we can petition Spirit for what we want/desire for our soul to grow and heal. 

And as an aside, Anthony out of the blue invited friends over. And out of the blue, they wanted me to make lunch. So I did. I was very happy, so were the boys they were laughing and playing their games. It was very nice.

We are given EXACTLY what we need at any given time. That's why life is such a precious gift. <3

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The teacher and student--just for today <3

Surrender Is Where The Spiritual Mastery Begins

 

Well that was certainly short-lived!

Two days ago I just cried. I gave up. I realized the utter futility of trying to accomplish anything outside of my Soul Contract and also on my 'own'.

You need God's blessings. And then some!

Many Christians/baby Christians talk about the time where God has you 'on your knees'. Indeed, I was. I said, 'God, I GIVE UP!' and I placed all my hopes and dreams squarely into the hands of Creator, Ross, my Guides, and my Angels. 

What is most dear to me, and something I most recently was willing to flaunt in the face of Creator (my 'Independence!') I surrendered as a gift of obedience to All That Is. 

I remember long ago, after years of wanting a baby and being horribly jealous of couples who had them, that I couldn't avoid due to my work on obstetrics, I helped one couple with an epidural. Their quiet joy and humility at the miracle of new life they had brought into the world touched my heart in a way that no other ever had. And I prayed, in all humility, to Creator, and conceded that even though I myself can't have a home and family like I dreamed, there's no reason for me to protest or not join in with this true miracle of this couple. And I was happy, genuinely happy, for them and for my being able in my own way to help welcome this baby to the world. 

It was only a short time after that 'letting go', I ended up pregnant myself.

With my mother, it was the same way. Five a.m. drives to the dialysis center. Mom hated them. Dad wouldn't go, he wanted her to be 'independent'. She would cry all the way there and back. She desperately wanted a transplant. She had been on the list, going through the workup, but was afraid for the pulmonology tests.

One day, she said, she spoke with God, and apologized. She realized that if this was all there was for her, dialysis, she was fortunate to be alive, and she accepted that as her fate. With all humility and honesty she had inside her.

A few weeks later, she found the courage to take that test, and in July, there was a perfect six out of six haplotype match for her that also had a strange antibody nobody else ahead of her on the list had, so she moved up to the top and got the transplant.

So the purpose of this one, isn't my situation, or my mom's.

It's the learning.

It's the gradual acceptance of the inevitable. 

It's accepting with grace and all humility that God gives us what we need, in any given moment, and not what WE had thought what was best for us at the time.

Remember our examples, and be glad and welcome the 'on your knees' moments when you 'give up' completely, and remind yourself to take whatever it is you are focused on, and gently place it in the hands of Divine Creator. Let go of your attachment to it. 

Trust.

Trust in the Process. 

Sometimes we need to take a literal 'walk in the desert' to help sort things out and regain our perspective. I highly, highly recommend it.

Those tears I cried the other day, were long overdue. They were healing tears, showing me how I really felt, from emotions I had buried long, long ago. They were coming up to be acknowledged and released. 

Step away from situations that are 'bread crumbing' you--giving you just barely enough contact and 'good stuff' to keep you engaged but never truly 'happy' and 'content'. Value yourself. Walk with your feet. 

Instead, turn to Creator, and tell them exactly what you want. I am. And I will take great pleasure in nagging and reminding and haranguing my teams, telling them I am not happy at the moment and THIS is what I want, OR, 'something better'. 

That's how the system works.

Am I talking to Ross again?

Yes.

And that's a definite plus. It didn't feel good to be 'stopped up' like that. I knew he was watching and caring. But sometimes we each need to go through our experiences and nobody can take that away from us.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are very much in Like at the moment, although as two souls we share a genuine connection as Twin Flames. Ross reminds us it's not always easy, when you are incarnate, and it is those with whom we have soul ties which are strong who often 'push our buttons' on us.

Preparation

 

Here is incredible news! Schumann resonance frequency

There is only so much we can do at this stage of Ascension. It feels like my 'wave' is almost done, not much is asked of me. However, around 2012 and a few years after, I felt an absolute compulsion that was driven by Spirit to 'write, write, write'. I had to get the information OUT. I just had to. Otherwise that disappointment from Spirit was so hard for me to bear. (at the moment the energies are chaotic and outside influence is very haphazard in mainstream and alternative media. You can't really trust anything...)

I haven't written much lately.

I've been very active online, on my personal FB, helping to prepare others for potential hardships. I try to make it seem fun and light. People respond, but I am totally aware of their cognitive dissonance. The idea that the grocery store could be empty just doesn't 'sink in' to them. Or the possibility that food will be so expensive that as they say in the bible, a loaf of bread could buy a sack of gold.  Self-sufficiency, the ability to have basic cooking skills to make whatever you are preparing taste as good as it can, and being able to save money on dining out and takeout...these are super important for survival! As also is first aid. 

So I focus on work and home. And also on my preparation for when I get Home, and or Ross returns, whichever comes first. 

Ross is real.

I know him and love him as my Twin. I sense him, I feel him. 

And he is giving me an incredible gift. In preparation.

He's so far away, and I've been stuck in 'human mode' of closeness and communication. Around December frankly I just gave up on our talking altogether (except here where I write for him) because I needed that daily, 'how was your day?' kind of interaction. Where Ross is, there aren't exactly 'days'. He doesn't talk much about what he does due to security restrictions too. I try to ask him 'what's your favorite this or that?' and again, something is lost in the translation from human to spirit. I also have a huge chip on my shoulder for being single and having to go through life on Earth with a significant Other in the Higher Realms. 

I know what's in store for me in the Afterlife. My soul will connect in ways that souls here can't. I am incredibly loved and valued in the Higher Realms, and for this I am thankful. 

But while I am here? I'm going to work on my CPTSD with the Crappy Childhood Fairy. This takes tremendous courage, painful growth, and faith. I will open my heart and soul, since that too is my true Nature. Slowly, steadily, and with tremendous stubbornness of will, I will HEAL. Everything. 

Did you know in none of my many, many past lives that I recall, in none of them did I ever make it to a ripe old age as a woman? There was one, a resting life, as a Japanese Zen type of monk. That was happy and I lived a long life. But in that one I was a male. (yes! As souls we get to experience both! Isn't that funny?)

With Ross' help, and God/Divine Mother's blessing, I'm going to write the best 'happily ever after' I can for myself, every day, with Love and Gratitude. Even if it's simply turning into the Southern California character many turn into, as shown my the actress who played Mrs. Roper on Three's Company. Those caftans she wore, oh my gosh, so many neighbors I knew growing up used to wear them! I can't stop laughing. But truly, between us, it's not my 'style'. <3

It's time now to prepare for taking the car to get the tires rotated. And for the rest of my chores for today. I'm 'off' but 'technically available to be called in'.

Can you believe I wrote this in thirteen minutes?

Guess who got the typing award in the ninth grade? LOL Eighty words per minute baby! And faster sometimes!

I'm so grateful to Ross, the real one, not the one people tell you about, and to Michael, Raphael, Merlin and Raziel, to Divine Mother, and Divine Father, and those who so kindly incarnated with us from the times when Ross was incarnate--to help with me and with Ascension. Your work is blazing with Light, and I'm so very thankful for it. 

Sincerely,

Carla

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla