When something goes right, it is good to take note and see what you can do to make it happen again any time you wish.
Yesterday was one such beautiful day. A baseball game at a park where there was a view of the Pacific Ocean. Shopping with Ross and Anthony, and Ross had it planned. I was looking for firewood and to use my five dollar off coupon that expires soon. Instead of firewood, we found lovely plants on sale. Strawberries and cabbages and lots of peppermint which rats do not like. We will surround the strawberries with peppermint. I also found much to my surprise, a kaffir lime tree.
We ate lunch at one of our favorite places.
Once home, Anthony watched the football game. I played a little Pokemon Go, and enjoyed a little free time. I went to an open house in the neighborhood. I've been wanting to buy racks for firewood for winter. There was a nice set of them there. I left my number so if the family wants to get rid of it I will buy it from them for less than if I bought it new. Their garden was lovely.
Then I cooked. I made this amaretto cheesecake. I whipped the whipped cream by hand, I whipped the egg whites by hand. It took all day, really, but it was fun to try something new.
Our dinner was hot Italian sausage on the grill, and grilled eggplant, zucchini, and radicchio. We had bread, and burrata salad with tomatoes and basil from the yard. Ross suggested I find a chianti, I found one in the storage area, the kind with the basket woven around the bottle. We had sparkling San Pelligrino water too.
I arranged cyclamen and impatiens and begonia into planters too, for a little color in the yard.
As we waited for the cheesecake to cool, we lit a fire in the chiminea. It was very relaxing and nice. We don't like the road noise, but except for that, it's a wonderful place to relax and call home.
Bedtime was normal time, nine.
I wish all days were like this. Even Anthony commented on how it's a good day.
As I washed the dishes, and I washed many and unloaded the dishwasher, dish rack, and started one more load in the dishwasher, I realized our life now is Ross making up for the times I was starving and afraid after he died. Anthony I've known for long time is his way of making up to me for what happened to our Benjamin. I gave thanks for both, and told him from my heart, 'I accept' and 'we are even now' so our new lives together could begin.
Enjoy the new. Enjoy the day. Enjoy being able to enjoy while you are still incarnate. Enjoy that Spirit loves you, those in Spirit who have made the Transition before you.
Yesterday we went to the local recycling kiosk near our grocery store, and were surprised to learn that it was closed permanently. The two closest ones were in a town about a thirty minute drive away...in kind of a bad part of town.
Last year Anthony had decided for us to keep our CV we pay. Every can, every bottle, the state charges a nickel (five cents for those of you outside the states) so if we return it we can get our money back. We used to do this years ago as a child, collect bottles to bring back in a wagon to the local liquor store, so we could buy candy.
Now it is difficult to get that money back. Somehow it went from something we did as a kid, that worked,, your local liquor store or grocery store would give you back the money the state had them take if you returned the bottles and aluminum cans, to something we have always done but you could only redeem at a local recycling center, and now you have to spend time and gas money to go get your pennies back. A huge car load of recycling, for us, would give about seven dollars.
I can put the recycling into the recycle bin like I always did, lose the money, and have less around to attract rats.
Instead, I am going to research ways to reuse and recycle. And to avoid bringing the packaging into the house in the first place. Our transition to carton milk or glass bottle milk is a start.
Everything is interdependent. China doesn't want our recycle. And we haven't yet developed the technology to burn our trash for energy like in some of the nordic countries.
I'm going to talk a little more about rats for a minute. I was surprised to learn that poisoning them isn't exactly the best option. Many predators, such as owls and rattlesnakes and coyotes, eat the poisoned but not yet dead rodents. Then they die. The poison just works itself up the food chain.
In our neighborhood, they are chopping down all the majestic eucalyptus trees on the side of the freeway for freeway expansion. People who live in homes near this area are experiencing a huge uptick in the rodent infestation. There's no more habitat for the rats or the predators. There is need to protect the home.
Apparently, all of the methods used were up for discussion on a local social media site. There were animal activists who wanted cruelty-free methods. They felt that the box the rat climbs into and gets electrocuted is the most merciful. Most agreed the glue traps were cruel and also caught other things like lizards and birds.
Even the classic snap trap had its pros and cons in the discussions. If there are kids or animals around they can get hurt. It could break a bone. The wisest one would set the traps around the property at night, check them in the morning, and set off each trap to keep the birds and lizards safe.
Even bait was up for discussion. Meat plus peanut butter. Snickers bars. Gristle and bones tied firmly with wire to the trap so the rat would have to tug. One intelligent woman got sick of them gently lifting the sunflower seeds off the trap without tripping it, so she super-glued them onto the trap, and it worked.
Everyone agreed rats go into the engines and chew wires under the hood of cars parked outside, it's serious property damage from the rodents. And ones that go into homes cause serious health risks and property damage to the structure. We had them inside the walls of the old townhome we lived in. All the neighbors had them and the homes were connected so there was no way to exclude everything off. I used to always keep a set trap in their favorite spot under the master bathroom sink. I felt it was better to trap the ones where it was easy than to seal it off and risk more of them chewing holes someplace else. I'll never forget the horror when one day one was scratching around behind a kitchen cupboard trying to get in. I stapled metal mesh over that spot. One also chewed around the downstairs bathroom fan, and I blocked that one with foam.
There's the concern that the food we raise for ourselves attracts them. The grapes, the tomatoes, the fruit trees. The pet food outside attracts them too. The poison makes them thirsty, so they come drink out of swimming pools and fountains. My dad used to sit outside with his gun on summer nights and shoot them off the fence. A friend of mine who lived once in my town did that at his home two freeway exits away, and he got twenty-two in one night, right in his back yard.
This isn't how Gaia wants any creature to live. Everything has a right to a place to live its own life. Animals need habitat. Humans do too. There has to be a balance. One day, the equation will even itself out, and there will be food for all, room for all, and no taking and opportunism like there is today.
Let's take this up one level to the realm of Spirit. Believe it or not, a total war for souls has been going on right under our noses.
Long story short, the strongest vibration wins.
Thoughts are things, and the battlefield is the human mind, which is linked to our ability to co-create with Creator of All That Is.
I watched the new SNL and the rerun of last year's season opener with Kanye. There's a lot of sophisticated stuff going on there under the guise of humor. It's through the appeal of being 'cool' and 'informed'.
Chevy Chase knew back in the day when he was making fun of then president Gerald Ford that his 'reach' was powerful.
Now they have weaponized it. TWDNHOBIAH have put so much into entertainment. When I see the football games Anthony watches, I see how it plays out to the seven-year old level of mental and emotional development that 'rules are good and life is fair'. It helps people believe life is good. You know, the best win. They like to align themselves with that.
I saw a terrible hit against a player, not sure if it's Philadelphia or Green Bay, I think it was Philly. Someone on his own team hit him from the side with the helmet. As a former surgical resident who did two years of trauma rotations, I could see the way the head stretched to the right and snapped back it was causing a serious injury. And the player was motionless on the field. Breathing, talking, My guess is perhaps a C7 or T1, I could be wrong. But he was carted off the field, with players kneeling and everyone clapping. For the viewers, the injured player was being sent to medical care so everything was okay. But for me, and my training, that's surgery, and rehab, and never being able to play again. Maybe never being able to walk or live independently. That's a price that's too high to pay for any sport.
Add to this the sophistication of the spiritual knowledge, a whole other layer. For the energy of the group. For how rituals work, how sacrifice energy works.
It's murky at best and very dark, very very dark to know there are adepts who are working with this kind of energy on a grand scale.
That's why Ross and I have this photo for you. Look at the background. Checkerboard. Black is white and white is black philosophy, if you will. Now look at the stars. No two are totally alike. You can barely see the checkerboard compared to them. They are beautiful, and lovely, and a delight to behold. They are organized together in a regular grid pattern, able to help one another as a team to lift each other up and even increase the total energy of the whole.
These stars are you. They are you, where you are, and your connections with other like-minded souls are effectively obscuring the background. You are doing your job right where you are, and if you like, you can increase your intensity all the more by thinking good thoughts, eating clean foods, getting fresh air and sunshine, doing things you enjoy that don't involve social media/TV/movies/music --you know, getting out in Nature--and helping to make everything around you the best you can. I cleaned a kitchen counter yesterday. It makes a huge difference in the energy of our home to get all that old mail and receipts off it.
Be You. Be the You-est YOU that you can be. Expect for the best. And keep telling yourselves 'this or something better'.
It will be so.
Ross
Anthony is healthy. Carla felt better on Friday when she worked on her call shift. Yesterday they ran errands and I was with them. I had Carla take Anthony out to eat for Mexican food at a proper restaurant, not a taco stand, to celebrate this new phase in both of their lives.
The new work schedule has come out for the months to the end of the year, October, November, and December. Carla is working half time on it--last she heard she was full time, no one said anything to her about the changes--and yet Carla has more O.R. calls than anybody in the department! It's 'all or nothing'.
At first Carla was concerned about her income. But in her heart, this is EXACTLY what she wanted to manifest. A time for her to enjoy her home and family, and for cutting back, to slow down, and to clear the house and set back up her office to continue her healing work with me, as an outreach.
The loan is going through, the refinance, which is going to bring her monthly house payments down to something more sustainable than they actually are.
Carla is wanting to buy chickens to have her own eggs.
At the store while going shopping, Carla was appalled at the prices. At one store, there was bacon going for ten dollars a pound (the going rate is six) and also for mayonnaise, the vegenaise the clean one was going for ten dollars a jar. Carla thought perhaps she could make her own mayonnaise, they hardly ever use it, mostly for making the BLT sandwich, that's it. We are not a big mayonnaise family!
Carla has an eye to both worlds, on earth and in Spirit, but she also has an eye to manage the home. She's done well through two marriages and now life as a single mother, and she knows what to expect. The prices over Anthony's brief lifetime have been creeping up tremendously. Dinner for two once used to be twenty dollars now it's twice that. Including tip, it's a lot of work at the helm to clock in enough time to pay for a breather from her hectic life by not having to cook dinner in the kitchen.
I want you to keep your eyes open like my wife. Look and see what the master manipulators are doing to the common human condition--the rising rents, the price of health care, the traffic, the pollution, the food supply, what happens to the bees--all of it is unsustainable. Think to yourself what you can do to help restore balance both in body, mind and spirit around you. Do not go full force into becoming what is known as a 'doomsday prepper' but try to keep in mind your resources you need both of time and talent--to live a better life, one which is in balance, and ready yourself, take the steps needed to restore balance. Even with little steps.
As an example, the it has been raining the past few days, not a downpour, a sprinkle, but Carla is content. She knows her roof is in top shape, she paid well for it, planning in advance for herself and for her family for when winter, the wet season comes. To boot she has both of her fireplaces ready, all cleaned by the chimney sweep, all she needs is wood.
There is great joy and self-love in such preparation for one's earthly needs. The planning, the ability to think ahead.
And add to this, another level, to the realm of Spirit? The preparation for this brings eternal joy and contentment!
Thank you to the figurative ones who helped set us free.
Thank you for growth and lessons, which is the way of eternal life and life which is incarnate.
Thank you.
Ross and I had our concerns about a certain platform. We felt torn. We have our connections, our star family, our relationships which arose and flourished on this platform. But many a wise one has left the platform altogether. What can we do? What action will serve the highest good?
Every rat has symbolized someone who was taking advantage, the message ever since the first one at my old house is, 'you are free from someone who was taking advantage of you'. That's what rats do, they are opportunistic. Usually it's been like a boyfriend I needed to break up with, something like that. There's a lesson with each one. And perhaps the latest one is that people just can't read what really happens. There's repercussions. Now we are free from fear of that kind of SEN-sore-ship. What's done is done. There was no warning, no letter, no anything. One fell swoop every link to this blog vanished on every connection including instagram. Just like that.
Does it ever make you wonder why in this day and age nothing goes viral. Not like it used to. The only thing that did was a Popeye Chicken Sandwich. That's how much the flow of information is controlled in every way.
California has a rat problem. Angel stadium was once infested with them, and they had to change to clean up every night immediately after the game. It couldn't wait until morning. Because it made the front page of the news. Rats were even running free inside the kitchens!
For us, I've known for a while I wasn't escaping the rat problem of the old house about a mile and a half away. And I know dad taught me the skills to take care of it. Unpleasant as it is, I've accepted my role as a trapper. And I call myself a Shrute because sometimes in life you need to tap into that part of your soul to protect your family. I had bought some time ago many traps. Now instead of just two or three, I've set them all around the perimeter of the house. Every morning I go check them. Our attic when we moved in was full of their old poop and nests and skeletons. It cost over four thousand dollars, three men working all day for two days--to clean up their mess. Even though the workers say it's sealed off for rats up there, I don't want them to look for other places around here to set up house.
It was 'aggressive' I think, the word that was used to describe this blog link--to any of them. On Instagram I couldn't post until I removed the link. How odd. Now we can't post to where we used to post. But it's okay. We are here. And everything happens for a reason. Ross always says that...
Gaia unleashed the energy of change. It's the chaos that comes with a new era. She was tired of the slow and steady progress. Once she found it, she acted upon it, after very deep and close reflection. It's working and it can't be taken back. Gaia's way is one of surprise and natural power, in the earth plane. She is capable of much more than rat and she has been chomping at the bit for a long time. Like a dog with fleas she is longing to shake them off of her. Although it has been contained and constrained she has given a clear signal of GO. Proceed. Wrap this up. Get the show on the road. Don't look back. And in Spirit, well, everything has a reason. Gaia wants to be free. Like, really free, the BIG free, as in, her original blueprints and design unfettered by 'interference' from TWDNHOBIAH.
This or something better.
We want you to keep saying this to yourselves. About everything.
There will be more ways to share and keep close without that old platform. : )))
I have been sick again with a virus. Muscles ache. Feeling super sleepy, even more sleepy than I was in my first trimester in pregnancy. I fell asleep sitting up watching The Office with Anthony and also in between cases in a cardiac chair. (cardiac chairs are like hospitalized recliners).
I took a two hour nap today.
I was going to write a big article about how illness is a gift and a blessing. It helps you see through the Illusion and helps you slow down and focus on what's important. It shows you how much your loved ones care, and how little some people you once thought care, really care...who your true friends are. When I was growing up and sick all the time it got me out of school and into where my career would be, it sparked an interest. If the goal of curing the common cold and the flu happens, then we are virtual slaves, never being able to take time for ourselves to fill up on a little much needed Yin energy. Everything is yang-yang-yang, go-go-go.
But I won't write more than that.
I will write two very important things.
My environment is toxic at work. I know it. I tried to call in sick on Tuesday, I couldn't--the one person available was taken by the on-call person the night before. I came home and cooked dinner. Not sure how I did it. I peeled all the apples, half of our harvest, and made applesauce. Unsweetened. I cooked pork chops and served them with the applesauce, and bread and butter. Simple. I also made apple juice from our harvest too. It was delicious. We have a canister and charger cartridges for making whipped cream at home.It's the same price, except we use organic heavy cream now. And we have less trash metal cans. Anthony made a batch. We topped a little extra applesauce with it, and I put sprinkles like snowflake shape ones on it for dessert. He was delighted, and it was very low sugar.
I got someone to take my backup call today, and told my boss I am sick, I need rest, please take this into consideration when making the schedule. Today I got to leave by noon. I still had to work, but I found my voice.
I wanted Souplantation. I picked up Anthony and we got salad and chicken soup. He is worse. I took a two hour nap. So did he, and he never naps. Ever. Not even when he's a little bit sick. He's really sick. I woke up drenched in sweat. And then I got my strength and took him back to the doctor. It's a virus, he misses the rest of the week but it's not flu. They tested. His asthma needs control.
Tomorrow I work. I asked for the time off, I had a trade negotiated. We have one partner anesthesiologist in China, another it's his week not to work, and I think a third has left to take her boards and she's just 'off the schedule'--no vacation granted, nothing. So everyone moves up a call. My trade has it worse. Her mom is losing her vision after a problem during cataract surgery. Her mom needs a shot of steroids in the eye and she was supposed to take her at one in the afternoon. Now she can't.
I am familiar with the concepts of Alanon. These are the loved ones of alcoholics, and Alanon is the sister support system, a twelve-step program kind of like AA. We are codependents. What I learned is that happiness and having the life you want can happen even if your loved one is actively drinking.
Your happiness does not depend on their illness.
Your limits you decide to set, and your own life you choose to live for yourself--in relationship with the alcoholic or not--decide your own happiness.
On the drive home, I was so sad. I'm a doctor, I can't take care of my sick kid, or my sick me. I have bills to pay. Big ones. Every month. Your head would explode if you knew just how much I have to pay in bills and taxes just to keep us going. I asked Ross for help. And he answered. Not with words, but I sensed how I had given up on a new home, and somehow we stumbled our way here. I'll stumble my way into better working conditions. I remembered how our happiness comes from ourselves, too, and even in a toxic work environment we can live the best life we can, until it's time to go.
At the start of this month, I did a video chat healing session and a reading. I felt so fulfilled, like I was using my gifts to help ease suffering--with Ross and me working like a team. I was so happy and I can't wait to do something like this again. The energy exchange helped. It covered both mine and Anthony's medicines today. It will help us breathe, and decrease our suffering too. It's a win-win.
The other thing Ross said, which was helpful, was basically, 'as long as we are in this situation, let's have fun with it.' (him not incarnate, me incarnate).
I said yes. We might as well. I have no clue how one here one there can be any kind of fun whatsoever...but if anyone can find a way, it's him.
Now I'd like to share something that touched my core, and resonated strongly:
This is where I've lived my life ever since I decided to go to medical school. Sheer survival. Socializing is a luxury. So is free time. I think so many people due to the economy have been pushed to the limit. It's kind of easier to control humanity if they are hungry and tired and sick. We need more Yin. Yin will heal everything. Yin is another name for the Divine Feminine energy. We need balance between the crisp, clean, HEALTHY Divine Masculine energy (there's a lot of toxic hyper aggressive imbalanced male energy out there now. Galactic Masculine energy is the balanced kind) and HEALTHY Divine Feminine energy.
Yesterday I was humiliated in front of my peers. And I also had to call for help in the Operating Room. These were over two separate patients, not one.
When something is gravely wrong in the O.R., when patient life is at risk, we are trained to call for help. Skilled hands. Another anesthesiologist. Clinically, things were not so good, they were fixable, and I was actively working to fix the things. But I don't like to gamble. So I called for help to back me up as plan B if my plan A I was implementing failed. Plan A worked. So my colleague was like 'you can fix this!' and my nurse, bless her, had brought the gurney to the room. When the patient is on their tummy you can't do chest compressions. So you have to flip them after you quickly cover the wound. I was gladly able to let the gurney leave the room. Everything else turned out fine. For me, this usually happens when someone pulls on the peritoneum or another structure that causes the heart rate too slow. It's a reflex.
If you've ever heard of anesthesia being described as long stretches of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer terror, that's what a moment of sheer terror looks like. My training kicks in. But I'm shaking as I'm doing it.
One of those and your nerves are depleted for the rest of the day. Every ounce of cortisol and norepinephrine is used up from your reserves. It will take a day for it to build up.
My humiliation was how a surgeon spoke from the ego when I gave my clinical recommendation that there was going to be a delay for technical reasons, difficult i.v. access. He said, 'I just want to operate, put in a central line'. The only time we put these in awake is in the heart room, and in this case there was a language barrier. We don't put them in in pre-op. And not for prone cases.
The i.v. from the floor infiltrated. The i.v. fluid swelled up the arm instead of going into the vein. The patient looked like Popeye. Fortunately, the PICC line nurse finally arrived. He has an ultrasound machine. He was once my patient. I explained there is risk of blood loss, the arms will be tucked, and I need a really good i.v.
He gave me two. He also offered me an arterial line but I told him I can do it in the O.R. I used the ultrasound for that and I did. I commented on how mean the surgeon was to me, how I couldn't believe it. And when I took the patient, the nurse patted me on the back. He understood.
I explained to the physician assistant, that sometimes it's easy to be careless and bad things can happen. Bad things can happen anyhow, but with some patients, they need a little more care and time for the preparation just in case something can go wrong. I even had the crash cart in the room with the pacing pads connected on the patient because some pacemakers can't handle the electricity used in surgery. Most newer ones are okay. But some old ones are very sensitive (by the way if you have hearing aids, their circuitry is delicate, and it can't handle it. That's why we take them out. Hearing aids are expensive!)
The last blow was when I came home from work, right as I pulled into the driveway, I was called back in to do a case. It would be an hour to turn back. I called my colleague who had just finished a case and was also going home. I offered to drive in but if he was closer could he please start it?
He generously offered to do the whole case.
This was good because after having a blast at homecoming, Anthony was now sick. Sore throat, headache, muscle aches.
It's viral, clearly.
But now with the public school a doctor's note is needed to explain absences.
It took two hours.
It totally ruined my night.
And now I'm sick. I ache everywhere. I asked a colleague to cover for me but she hasn't called me back.
I have a short day, but I have to work and leave Anthony home to care for himself.
My heart was breaking because I have absolutely no control over my schedule. And as a parent, it's even worse because I come home from the stress, I need to relax, and I get even more stress. I wanted to cook and we had to eat out at the restaurant next to the urgent care because it was late.
I wanted to go to sleep all day long, but I had to stay up because Anthony wanted to watch The Office and be with his mom. (that's how I got sick, he gets clingy when he's sick, I do the same thing when it's the flu). I went to bed at ten thirty.
Was I loving to all when the near-tragedy was averted in the Operating Room? Yes.
Was I loving and turning the other cheek to the mean surgeon? Yes. I sensed he just didn't understand the complexity of the patient, and wanted me to not feel limited and to just raise the level of care. I don't think he's ever put in a central line. (I wasn't happy, but I wasn't mean or fighting back)
Was I loving and kind to Anthony? yes
And was I professional and responsible to the charge nurse of the O.R. when I got called in? Yes. I explained the nature of the delay due to traffic I anticipated, and found a closer anesthesiologist to do the case.
Am I tired and worn out?
Yes.
Do I have lots of little forms to fill out for the Swim Team and my refi and stuff? Yes. Do I hate forms like that more than anything? Yes. Have I put it off for some time? Because Anthony needed me for two nights. Yes.
What can you do?
It is what it is.
And I give Reiki to myself for sure.
My pool is less green. I put two magic erasers in and switched them out for another. I also have lots of chlorine in the pool. I'm ready to give up on it.
The fly sticks are working a miracle. The lady on YouTube showed me how to use them. You put a little wine -- I used apple cider vinegar-- in the bottom tray. They are made by Black Flag. No rats came into the traps last night. And I'm doing the best I can with the housework.
I need a wife.
I'd much rather be the wife, though. I love all things pertaining to the home.
Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I signed up for this life.
Sometimes it takes everything I have to get through my day. And I will. I've done this countless times before, going to work sick.
I am resilient.
I have Ross. He's helping but I can barely hear him. Therefore this must be a test. Tomorrow is a long day. I'll see if I can trade calls with someone for tomorrow.
I can't hear Ross. He's just giving me a hug. I can feel him. And he waves bye. He's not smiling but his face is pleasant. He's not mad for sure.
I saw something today I never thought I would experience.
I've been working with my friend Dr. Kelly...she's amazing and wonderful. I've been working very closely with her supporting her in Spirit. She's come a long way. And she's actually very insightful, and in my opinion, intuitive. She has the gift. She's always had it. But just is coming to terms with it.
She's an incredible wife and mother. Her three sons tower over everyone. Her husband is tall, and they take after him in the height department.
I was surprised today to learn she has four dogs.
A long time ago, she amazed me with her courage. She said every day she wakes up, she knows that someone is going to get mad at her that day. She just doesn't know who yet. But she knows. And she keeps on going. I have utmost respect for her, clinically, professionally, and as a friend.
What I didn't see, is how many connections Kelly has to others. How big her sphere of influence is.
Today on her team, there were over sixty people walking. From our work. And from other places she knows, neighbors, other things. We had a lady physician who had just had surgery for recurrence who still had the drains in who sat at our booth while we walked.
And each of those sixty lives, touches countless others.
Ross said it's like the branches of a tree. Even though it may not appear to us we are doing much of anything, we are all plugged into Source, Divine Creator of All That Is, and we are more or less being loving in every situation that arises. Since we are consistently so, we are like the branches closer to the trunk. This energy is going to the next branches, who are supporting the leaves.
It's really beautiful.
What are my thoughts about the walk?
I know many who have experienced breast cancer. It is out of respect for their journey I will keep it to one simple point: do not let this beautiful energy of the walk be only for one day. Sustain it. Keep the love flowing for those who have had the disease, who are fighting it, and who succumb. And their families. Every day ask with your heart for Creator to give us an end to the suffering. For people to be whole. And for joy to be shared as it was meant to be shared. It doesn't have to be this way. It's not like this back Home in Heaven. Let us bring Heaven to earth as quickly as possible so disease, all disease, especially breast cancer, will go away forever.
Thank you.
Today otherwise, was a difficult day.
I did something no mom should have to do.
Yesterday we checked our rat traps outside. We noticed that the carcasses from the Japanese Beetles were taken behind the air conditioner unit outside, and eaten. So we set them. And one was caught by the left front limb. It was trapped, but alive. I could tell because like a horse, it's ears turned to listen to us.
We didn't know what to do. So we left it. And today after Anthony's ball game, we saw it was still alive. Breathing hard. Twitching. Covered with flies.
We didn't want to let it get loose. I put an empty flower pot on the tail, and a rock on the trap so it couldn't crawl away. Anthony kept saying to shoot it it's the only kind thing to do (too many action movies, huh?). He thought to stab it. I thought to drown it. I've heard of setting them on fire but that seemed cruel.
Ross said to kill it.
I remembered I've killed a stray rat that escaped the snake feeding by putting the little carrier cage on it, but I missed and broke its back. I'm sure Ross provided the memory. So I got a shovel. I went to break its neck, but I missed, and broke it's back. It shrieked. That terrified Anthony. It was blood curdling I agree. But I had to finish the job. I got a second shovel and crushed the skull. It stopped moving. It stopped suffering.
The Japanese beetles are all over the tree again. I don't want to spray our crop with pesticides.
The fruit flies are a complete and total infestation in the kitchen from our produce--two crates of apples and lots of tomatoes.
I turned over the compost, and the grubs were the grubs for the Japanese beetles. I fed them to the turtle. She was happy. They were like spaghetti for her.
The pool is green again. The chlorine was gone due to the hot weather. My magic eraser sponge was green. I put two new ones in and a gallon of chlorine.
I'm so tired of the disharmony in Nature where I live. Where are the snakes and the coyotes to keep the rats in check? We have many hawks and owls but clearly not enough. Where are the natural bodies of water that clean themselves? Where is the balance where people can work and play and be creative and visit loved ones?
I want it all back.
But for now? I'm ordering a pizza and making a salad. I've seen enough, done enough. I want to think of the beautiful energy of the walk, with people honoring people they love, and others supporting the walkers with water, music, even Japanese Taiko drumming--a whole team of them. I realized just how much our loved ones who are in Spirit are encouraging us. We must take the good with the bad. And even though I know the algae, the grubs, the Japanese Beetles and the rats are metaphors for the low vibration entities in Spirit and TWDNHOBIAH that plague everything we can imagine and even things we can't imagine--this too shall pass. One way or the other. And I will be so glad no matter what when it is done.
Time to shower.
This is early because I am scheduled to work early and a lot tomorrow.
This is me after six hours sleep. It’s almost noon. Yesterday I was up twenty-three hours straight.
It is what it is. With my specialty, I have to take my turn to be on call. It was a busy night. I did my very best with all of my patients, and everyone did very well after their surgery. I was able to eat, breakfast, mid morning snack (half a burrito, a breakfast burrito brought in by a vendor), lunch (free veggie burger from a corporate event at work), dinner (my lunch I packed, leftover Japanese curry), snack (a ripe peach)...and a tiny piece of blue and white cake to celebrate Surgical Technologist week.
I need to survive. So I work.
I enjoy being a ‘presence’ in the workplace, where I am known as a healer, psychic, medium, physician, and kind soul.
Some highlights were:
Being in the newly remodeled ER, seeing a glass, thick glass ‘windshield’ on a counter by the computer workstation, and asking my friend the ER doc if it was bulletproof? No, it wasn’t but it does block the sound. It’s harder for him to talk to people because of it.
Doing ‘tag team’ Reiki on not one but two patients during surgery with my Reiki 2 student who was circulating RN for those cases. The whole room felt lighter each time.
If I could show you the video I would, but I can’t figure out how to put it in here. Yesterday at the BBQ the hospital administration decided to be ‘healthy’. There were four coolers of drinks, and at the food truck you saw sodas (soda pop) in the window. But the coolers only held bottled water. You could see people looking in each one, to find the soda. Where’s the soda? I did the same thing. You see, it’s a classic meal, burger, fries, cola. It goes together. We had chips instead of fries. And bottled water. Some people walked away with no drink they were so unable to enjoy the burger with water. It was a truly humorous time, and the entire table I was at were OR people. We laughed very much.
This is reversal. Neostigmine. I give it at the end of a case to reverse any residual muscle relaxant (a drug that completely paralyzes the muscle, not the one you take for back pain). I have to give it with anticholinergic —glycopyrrolate— because neostigmine alone can slow the heart.
If you had a magic bottle of ‘revesal’ that could undo anything from your past, any fear that kept you paralyzed, any harsh words spoken that you regret either having said or heard, any dream you let perish, would you use it?
What if that reversal already exists, and it’s in your power to use at any time? And it’s not for sale, it’s not in a bottle?
It’s unconditional love.
Heaven has it by the five gallon bucket!
You have it too.
It is your birthright.
So next time you meditate, draw up the reversal, and perhaps the ‘glyco’To give first with it is a little sense of humor. After all, we are human. And humans are imperfectly perfect, it’s the way we are made.
Ross
The iPad is flashing back and forth again with every keystroke. We are very near the end. What I would like to add is the equivalent of ‘reversal’ for others with whom we interact is Love and Kindness. When you wish to ‘do over’ something terrible that happened in your mutual past, apply generous amounts of love and kindness to the both of you. Open the heart, and let trust in.
There is someone at school who wants to do harm to Anthony. This person has it in them. This person is a woman, a young woman. And was starting to exert their influence.
What will we say?
She is an angel of the highest order. And her parents are tantamount to saints for loving others.
This is true.
And in the end when all is said and done, her actions, will only strengthen Anthony. And the actions of the parents and the girl will only strengthen Carla in her resolve to be loving in all circumstances.
Is it pleasant? No.
Is Carla worried perhaps about tonight’s Homecoming Dance? Somewhat. Anything can happen to our son outside the home. That is what the home is for.
Does Anthony have a problem with his size? Has he been a target for bullying in the past? Yes. Did he threaten suicide for it when he was nine? Yes. Does everyone including the girl and her family remember this? Yes.
Is he especially a target by those who read here and use these words against him and my wife?
Yes.
And to all those who are mentioned, and are in the same league or set of circumstances as those who are mentioned, ultimately you and your actions are going to have to answer to me. And I am not incarnate.
I can be anywhere, any time, to love and protect my family.
I see inside of your heart. I know your deepest secrets without your telling me. And I shall pierce your heart’s thick crusty shell from being incarnate, and offer you my unconditional love which is exceptionally strong, my forgiveness, which is priceless, and let you decide your karma and judgement for yourself in your Life Review.
The medical system is where I have spent the last twenty seven years of my life, and two more as a volunteer preparing to enter the field. It is home to me. I know the culture.
Yesterday was the tipping point. I was talking with a colleague about one of my former teachers. He didn't know her, but she was thrown out at the head of the department of anesthesia at a different hospital. He told us that even though things may seem unfair at our place of work (our boss helped himself to a lineup that paid about ten times more than anyone else's), things that happen at our work are everywhere.
But in our county, things are much much worse than what we have. Anesthesiologists may have to cover two or three different locations in one day, much like a surgeon.
And at the old place, what he'd heard about my teacher, was that you would have to pay her five hundred dollars under the table to be given a good room assignment that paid well. (At our hospital we take turns, and whoever is on call gets to pick the more likely to reimburse well lineup of cases).
Five hundred dollars cash! Under the table? To my old teacher?
No wonder why when she left she wanted me to join her, leave medicine, and work on some get-rich-quick deal with a bunch of Chinese investors!
Everyone has the good and the bad. I knew her. She had two daughters to raise. I used to ask her to cover for me for vacation sometimes, and for many years she would come in to my work to relieve me on my birthday so I could take the day off.
So, for the record, let us just say that things have gotten a little out of hand. It's time to put the spotlight on it.
This is an image of parents having a fight, leading towards divorce, and its effect on the children.
I have been divorced twice, and it was devastating and brutal. I still have dreams about my first husband, and what it would have been like if things had worked out. I had to leave to save my life. He was abusive to me, emotionally and mentally abusive, and it had just started to get physical.
I emerged from that relationship with such low self-esteem I needed therapy to heal from it for a good long time.
And we didn't have any children.
When we are children we are totally dependent on our parents for everything. And when mother and father go their separate ways, our very own survival is in jeopardy, or so it seems! In reality, mom and dad have their plate full with their own issues, but they still love you and want the best for you and are going to do their best to help you. No matter what. Even if it's awkward to be around their ex most will always endure the discomfort willingly for the benefit of you at your special events in life.
We are hard wired to react strongly to disharmony in our systems of support.
I am preparing you for the ugly truths which are coming to the surface, much along the lines of the bribery in the workplace I described earlier.
Know this about yourself.
Medicine--doctors, nurses, pharmacists--play roles in our mind as people who have our best interest at heart, much like our parents. These are the 'caring professions'.
When you start to feel like the baby bear in the photo, know that it's okay, it's only natural for those feelings to come up, and choose not to dwell on the discomfort.
Be glad that we are coming at last to the hidden Truth.
Denial is another coping skill. That's okay. Someone tells you something awful and the natural reaction is to say, 'no way!' or 'are you joking? how can that possibly be true?'
Well, truth is stranger than fiction.
And, remember, our society is set up by people who are in control. Anyone who questions the system of control is going to be labeled crazy, horrible and bad.
The Stockholm effect is when a prisoner identifies with its captors. It's kind of like the imprinting that parents have on children who are dependent on them for survival, shifted over to those who can decide to feed the prisoner or beat them or let them die.
If you were a captor, you would like to push all the buttons to make that happen in your prisoner so they won't try to run away. Humans are vulnerable.
So just watch for this trait, this reaction, when your natural instinct is to say, 'no no no no no!' upon learning these things.
Some things in medicine do not make sense. They are odd and stand out. Let's keep the discussion here as I share some articles that point to disharmony in the medical care system:
https://realfarmacy.com/drug-dementia/. Anticholinergic drugs are linked to dementia. When I saw this article, I sensed that it's the old way to increase dementia. The new way is through absorption of aluminum --through deodorant, cookware, foil, and chemtrails--which then redirects the external beam electromagnetic radiation which actually causes the new form and magnifies the damage in the brain. I kept that one to myself until I saw this--the 'cure'--https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4981900/. We are bombarded with all kinds of frequencies 24/7. It's way more than Wifi. The president almost leaked it out https://www.politico.com/story/2019/09/18/trump-visits-border-wall-construction-1502257. Everyone here knows that as you approach San Diego, there are cameras with facial recognition technology like a grid all over the place. It starts around Camp Pendleton and Oceanside. These monitoring systems can listen to your communications--reading and listening--on your cell phone and home phone and talking in the street.
https://www.idealmedicalcare.org/1103-doctor-suicides-13-reasons-why/ They know. These are the sensitive ones who figure out, basically, like how my mom and I explain life in the Medical field, 'it's not like on TV'. I know a general surgeon whose daughter died early and died by self-inflicted harm in medical school in Hanneman in Pennsylvania. I remember his joy as he took her there, helped her make her desk. It was his only child. Apparently she broke up with a boyfriend or something. This article is well written, and I suggest you take the time to read it, even if you don't read anything else. In summary, the bullying, the human rights violations, and the pressure to be perfect/not get sued, are eating up our best and our brightest in the medical community. She doesn't even talk about the overdoses, the narcotic addictions which are rampant in the anesthesia specialty too. I have been blogging for almost a decade on how my working conditions are brutal. I have to be quiet, still, inside, looking at a screen, for hours on end. My surgeons and nurses may like me. They might not. Being sedentary is a high risk factor for early death and cardiovascular disease. We are created to MOVE. I get told to 'go here to this room' or 'go to that case' with no kindness or politeness at all at times by the nursing staff who runs the board. You know I don't get to eat or sleep. You know some patients are super difficult to care for and my skills are tested to their limits all the time. You know that energetically, there are all kinds of things going on too. It has to change. It will. Once everyone recognizes it.
Ross
Is this the Jerry Springer show?
Not on your life.
We care.
We care about everything and everybody, even to our own deficit. We will stay up late and get up early to get the word out to you about the Awakening, and Ascension, coaching you from within to help you UP and OUT of the third dimension.
Here is a quote from Aaron Porter that will help you to apply that lovingness in any and all conditions, even the horrible one he describes: The point of Satanism is to corrupt the soul. By manhandling innocence, and wresting out what's compassionate, and beautiful and turning it ugly. This is called flipping someone upside down.
God loves them, the lost, just like Saul describes.
Carla, bless her, wants to keep them at arms length and asks for them to get the 'heck' off of Gaia, STAT! She says, 'I prefer to love them from a distance' to her guides in reference to these exceedingly low vibration souls.
So, from up close and personal, or from afar like Carla, do your best to be loving in all situations, even as the truth comes out about the psychopaths who have been running the world.
And above all, love yourself and be kind to yourself. Nobody else has that responsibility as much as you.
We live in a world of balance. Earth's delicate ecosystems work on a balance between predator and prey. There is also scavenger to help reset the balance all the way back to even as the clean up crew.
Balance is a difficult lesson.
I have a friend who is a bariatric surgeon. The entire specialty is one of guiding people who are out of balance--in the physical, because it is the scale that does not lie--back into the healthier weights for patients.
Bariatric surgery is very difficult for the surgeon, from the biomechanics perspective. There is a longer instrument used for the laparoscopic surgery. The abdominal wall is thick. So using the terms of physics, the lever arm of the instrument has to take into consideration the resistance of the thick abdominal wall. It takes muscles and leverage and skill to be able to safely dissect out and prepare the targets (stomach, intestine if doing a bypass) for the modification to be done in the surgery.
My friend doesn't use the robot. But many of the other general surgeons do, for things like hernias and bowel resections and gallbladder surgery. In my friend's opinion, the robot is 'the great equalizer'--it takes out the tremor of the hands, and it also uses the strength of the robot arms to actually do the work. The skills of the people who are using the surgical robot all become better because of the robot sharing the physical part of the work.
The great equalizer.
Hmmmm.
Would it be possible, if, in the world of the mind-body connection, for bedside manner to be the great equalizer in the realm of healing? You know, the practitioner/caregiver with the open heart who is grounded, detached in a healthy way, like a participant-observer, who has a vast array of healing skills?
And a lot of this goes by intuition while it is actually working.
For lack of a better example, I will use myself, to explain how it works:
for the patient with many questions having their first anesthetic late in life, and the family member...I slow down the pace, make lots of eye contact, smile, answer every question as if I had all the time in the world, and remind the patient that everything will go at their pace and they are free to ask questions if any more new ones come up. Allaying fear and anxiety is important. There was an imbalance in the energy enough for physical illness to be present. The patient is here for repair. Without addressing the underlying energetic imbalance, the results are in the physical only but at risk too recur. It's the open heart of the practitioner, working with the mind and skill set, which launches the patient/family energy combination in the right direction.
for the patient who has connections to the entertainment industry...this caregiver here doesn't really go to the movies or watch TV. So I don't recognize or make the connection. The care is the same. For the individual and their family like in the example above. This helps to bring normalcy back into balance in an imbalanced world where people who are entertainers are given special consideration in general due to their being widely known.
For the patient who is in a state of panic, fear, and can't breathe...but too ashamed/afraid to call the call button, help is visible, effective, tangible, from the entire team. Some people slide out of the bed a little if the hip doesn't line up with the bend in the gurney. We flatten the bed and help the patient scoot up to the proper position and then raise the head of the bed. It's a slow slide, and if the gurney has the foot/knee part of the bed up it prevents the slide. The talk and the tone is reassuring and upbeat and caring. The examination shows wheezing in the chest, and medical treatment is given, even if it delays the surgery. First things first. It reminds me a little of the cetaceans. When a dolphin is sick, the others will take turns helping it to go to the surface to breathe. Not being able to breathe is the worst. It takes others to assist. To get back the balance of the lung/heart chakra. Many people with lung problems suffer from fearful memories of traumatic abuse, emotional, physical, mental. Trust is not easy for them. So in these situations, being trustworthy is key to restoring balance.
The sicker the patient (the heavier the burden of physical disease, for example) the more gentle the caregiver needs to be in word, action, thought, and communication. These patients have been in the system a long time. This is not their first rodeo. So you factor in the accumulated interactions--possibly unpleasant--and ask the patient how their experiences have been. What went well, what might have gone better? Then you reassure you will do your absolute best to help make things go well.
For the peer who comes to you seeking your advice and input on a problem, you give it, keeping the patient's needs first and then addressing the larger issue in this context, reassuring the physician that it's a situation best handled together and your presence is there for them.
Everyone is in need of healing. After being alive on Earth for so long, little 'nicks and dings' from normal wear and tear add up.
It's a lot of work, being a healer. There is a lot of imbalance Spirit is going to send your way. That's why it's important to be open to the possibilities that arise in your daily interactions for you to be a healing salve or balm to others, through your facial expressions, your eye contact, your positioning of your arms, legs and body during communication with others, your choice of words and tone, your memory of your past similar experiences...your listening skills...and your heart.
This is what you are being graded on by Spirit as one who is a healer; it's an open-book test, you can always ask for Divine Assistance, and unlike the ones in school Anthony has where you study and cram and take the test and then it's over...our lessons are always coming.
Imbalance is unsustainable. Sometimes sudden events will move it back to balance. Sometimes a little guidance is all that is needed to coax it back towards balance. Sometimes limiting the imbalance and practicing acceptance that things aren't worse is needed.
There are so many ways to heal.
Take a moment to survey yourself, scan your own energy--for each of your bodies--your physical, your mental, your emotional, your subtle, your causal, and your soul/heart. Are they in balance? How does it feel to you? Are there any things you need to do to address them? Words to be spoken, actions to take? Do you need a little nature or exercise and fresh air? Would it be good to spend some quiet time doing something you enjoy, perhaps a hobby? Or is it time to reach out and contact a friend?
Be mindful of your own balance.
This way healing those who are sent to you will help you maintain your balance, and your healing will be more effective. With Reiki, every time you heal others a little bit comes back to heal you <3
Ross
Anthony tried out for the swim team and made it yesterday.
He has a ways to go to get back in shape. When he was smaller he was swimming twice a week and also participating in races on the weekends. He needs to take back what he once had. It will take effort.
His coach once taught his uncle. The coach saw the last name and made the connection. The family resemblance is strong too.
This was plan B for him.
Plan A was to make the freshman baseball team. Plan A didn't work out. Plan A-fallback, the fall baseball league in the community--is already in action and it's working beautifully.
The pre-plan for plan B was mom taking him to the pool and making him get back into the game before the tryouts. One day Carla said, 'Anthony you need to do twenty laps with the kick board (this works the legs and not the arms)' Anthony complained. His legs were sore. Was ten laps good enough if you count the warmup ten laps?
No.
You need to do the twenty or else.
Or else what?
Or. Else. Just do it!
He did.
Then Carla said, 'even though you are tired, I want you to swim two more laps and see how it goes.'
Carla, an experienced swimmer, knew what was to come next. Anthony didn't.
Mom! Oh my gosh I just swam so much FASTER! And it was easy too!
Yes, that's how swimming works. You build muscle memory and through adjustment of technique you are able to aim for increasing your speed, your times.
Dear Readers, sometimes Spirit is going to step you through something you don't want to do with an 'Or. Else.' or equivalent prod with a stick.
Do it.
Just do what you are asked/invited to do by Spirit.
You will notice the growth afterwards. Just like Anthony in the pool. Maintain your trust in us and our ability to see things that from your perspective as incarnate you cannot.
That way we all win. Everyone wins! We all grow and grow in our skills and our heart.
Always take the higher road, the more difficult of the two choices given, and you will inherit success as a byproduct of your willingness to extend effort on yourselves!
I thought about perhaps the title, Now. Or Today. Or The Daily Bread (this is the translation of the French in the title). The French have a somewhat different view of it, in the United States it's perceived as something to keep you from starving. We buy our bread at the store. Not at the bakery. And here everything is 'gluten free' and 'low carb' as trends so even if you eat bread, you don't really talk about it much. It's like drinking cow's milk. It's not in fashion.
In France, the daily bread is an expression of and acceptance of the routines of daily life, and furthermore that this daily routine is special.
In that spirit, I extend that the open heart itself, the willingness to love even if someone can hurt your feelings or betray you, IS the essence of our Spiritual Life. And our willingness to strengthen the intensity of our resolve to be like this constitutes the basic building blocks of Heaven on Earth.
Yesterday was a hard day. Both yesterday and the day before. I did so many errands I didn't even eat lunch. But they were good days. Now I am back at work and need to keep this a little short.
We were not off to a good start yesterday. I wrote too long, and in my reviewing/editing I missed fifteen minutes to wake Anthony up. He wanted to be up at five-thirty, so he could catch up on work. But he wanted to snooze. I came in a five-forty. Then I was supposed to come in at six, but I let it slip until six-fifteen. We ran out the door and he literally ate a bowl of cereal in the car as I drove.
When I came home I was exhausted, I took a one hour nap.
Then I started all the work. I didn't want to go to the DMV. My driver's license I applied for in July still hadn't arrived and my temporary one expired this month on the eighth. I called the DMV. I was on hold for fifteen minutes. And the lady said that the clerk who filled out my application never entered into the computer proof that she tested my eyes. She told me in person that I had good eyes. She might have signed off. But there was no proof. I had to go back in.
After my hair trim, I went. It's a long drive. I stood in line. I asked for the manager like the phone clerk said to do to save time. And when I was in the manager line, the woman who made the mistake asked me if I was there for a driving test? I explained the situation, and what happened, and that she was the one who had done it. I was friendly and polite. She said she would fix it. But there was a piece of paper I needed to prove I had the eye test. I didn't have it. So she tested me again. Both eyes, right eye, left eye, 20/20. No contact lenses. No glasses. So it's fixed. She apologized.
Ross told me to take a different route home to go to the Post Office. I did. Almost got lost but I did.
On the way a text came through from my loan originators for this house. They can beat the offer from the other company. So after the Post Office, their office is very close. And I have a better deal. So I drove to the office which is near the Post Office. We shook hands on it.
The car--in the meantime during all the other things--I learned it's the fuel pump. It's not easy to get to, and the fee won't be cheap, but it's still cheaper than a new car. I gave the approval to proceed. He also said that the computer in the car works fine, and that he was able to read it. That means that the last guy at the smog check place lied and was trying to make double the money off me.
I picked Anthony up from school and dropped him off at home in the middle of all that. Just before picking him up, I'd filled up the gas tank on the way to the hair appointment, and the car wash had been closed. So on the way back I took it through the wash. Cars need to be washed about once a week here. It's part of life.
And I had a French lesson. I've had one every day for three days. I'm signed up for the 'marathon' to boost my fluency UP.
It's also helping with the homesickness I have every day for France. For those I love and visit. And for the countryside and the Loire Valley. Speaking French is good for my soul. I love to learn. Today, sadly, there is no class offered at my level. The class ran from six to seven p.m. It's online. We use Zoom. It's a very nice platform.
The other student and the teacher were interested in what I was going to prepare for dinner. Hamburgers (bison meat, brioche buns), french fries, peach cobbler. There's no translation or equivalent for peach cobbler in French. My teacher was saying, 'peach melba?'. Either way, Anthony thought it was delicious. I did too. It's a little cinnamon, not much sugar, corn starch just a tablespoon, and peaches all heated up. I left it in the pot. Then you make a topping, butter, sugar, flour and once it's like sand all blended you add half a cup of milk. There's a little salt and baking powder in there too. You just drop spoonfuls of it on top, and bake the whole combination in the oven. It's like peach pie filling you make from scratch, topped with a biscuit-like fresh pastry but not a crust.
I kept my heart open with everyone. Every face-to-face, every phone-to-phone. Friendly and polite, always expecting the best, and being supportive and kind.
If I may go so far, this, La Difference, IS truly my Pain Quotidien.
The energies.
And for me, at the level I am at, for this with Ross, space and time do not exist.
They don't really exist for anybody. Shhhh!
I asked Ross to come with me to the office for the loan. He said he would be there. I told him he's the man of the house even though I let Anthony feel like he is most of the time too. I wouldn't be in this house without Ross.
And Ross told me something very, very surprising for me to hear. He said, 'I will support you'.
I was shocked. What?
He explained I've never had a man support me. Not in this life, for sure, not emotionally, and financially, and socially--all the good stuff from one person all at the same time.
He said it will be a pleasant surprise for me.
And a car went by with the license plate Mufasa (The Lion King's dad). I felt empowered! And definitely not alone.
Later, after the meeting, another license plate came by--KIDDYKAT.
((Big smile)) That's me. In a nice way. Not the other way. Just the one who's protected by the big lion.
That made me feel very nice.
Keeping my heart open to Ross is my most difficult challenge. I've been hurt. A lot. But I also am seeing how it's important for me to talk with him about the little things, and to not be afraid to upset him or stress him out. He doesn't need me to protect him or it's not a real relationship for either of us. I can be delicate in how I present the facts and situations to him, but he needs to know, and truly, he can handle it. Our past is behind us, and I must learn to adapt to today, and for all of our eternity ahead of us together.
I was taken in meditation by him and his best friend up onto a stage. I was between them. And there was a huge crowd like at a rock concert, I couldn't see as far as the people went, it just kept going. Thankfully, I didn't have to sing or speak. But when I got there a huge roar went through the crowd, Huge! I was terrified! I wanted to run and I had to be taken off the stage. For me, that sound reminds me of the events leading up to his death. He had the good cheers and one week later the off with his head jeers, all of them sounding the same.
I'm glad I was taken off the stage.
I told them everyone is their own person. They have all the same freedoms and lessons as we do (the three of us together UP at the time). Why do they need to gather and do this in the first place? And why does it have anything to do with me? Can't I just go and do my own thing? Apparently not.
I will dig deep and find my courage. And trust in Ross and his leadership team of his best friend, and their judgement. I know they both understand where I am coming from. They get it. I'm so glad they have my back.
So, in summary, the open heart in my day to day, is EASY.
Ross wants me to share a lesson--Anthony doesn't help much in the kitchen. I worked for over an hour and a half cooking. He sat on the couch. After the meal, which was very good, we agreed on that, I asked him to help clear the table and put something away. And he wasn't looking. Something fell. And a little plastic container broke. I could have said 'don't worry'. But he breaks a lot of things and spills and the like. I asked him, 'why don't you look first?'
At the same time, I went to put the peach cobbler into a bowl. I forgot the entire pan had been in the oven. I grabbed the handle of the pot, burned my hand, and dropped my fine Mikasa soup plate with the gold edge on the rim, my birthday set of four places from years ago, now has only three of that dish. It shattered on the floor.
Ross was making a lesson, we need to always be fair. And he had Anthony apologize to me. And I apologized to Anthony.
Log in the eye, mom. Total log in the eye and speck in Anthony. Ross likes to teach that lesson. And I am apparently due to re-learn it, so I lost a plate and my favorite Japanese plastic bento with lid. A long time ago I said that people are way more important than things. It's true. Now I have my own reminder.
I played this one for Carla when she was at Starbucks this weekend. It made her smile, for she has been preoccupied with protecting her little little green Fuji apples from the large green scarab Japanese Beetle bugs.
She smiled.
Hearing the song made her nostalgic for happier times in her childhood, too. When life was simple. The pace was slower. And she only had to think about her dolls and toys and playing with her friends who lived down the street.
It's also a song that expresses my love for her, in our daily routine across the miles. I'm the last one she speaks to with her conscious mind, before she falls asleep. And I whisper something into her ear right before the moment she wakes up.
When she falls asleep she says Ross I love you, please protect me, and she relaxes into my loving arms and my energy. For her the night is always too short. She could stay in bed for days and just play hookey to skip her latest life lessons. I know for many of you it is the same.
(He shows his muscles like a muscle builder--his arms stretched). It's worth it. You will like the results and be glad you woke up and made the coffee and went through the steps for your daily routine. It is good that there is continuity. And progress in your growth. (he gestures with his hand going up diagonally like on a graph).
Never forget your origins are in Heaven, which is your Home. It is okay for you to miss it.
And just like Carla finds her homesickness for France is lessened by speaking nothing but French for one hour a day in her lessons, find the time to immerse yourself in the energy of what is familiar to you--and in your heart--from your Spiritual Home. Find like-minded souls. Participate in online groups to learn. Spirit in the Sky is an excellent one on Facebook which is managed by Johnlee who many of you may know. For those who like to give, and are in more of a hurry, why not request to join our healing group, Team Doctors With Reiki? It's streamlined so that the needs of the community are the focus and there is opportunity to participate while always keeping the needs front and center in the group. Reading is good. But immersing one's self is one step better, one step closer, to being Home.
