2012 101

Relax.

Sit Back. When you are ready, watch the show. 

And when you are done, tell me what you think?

I'll tell you what I think.

When I was in high school, something dawned on me. I was never going to fit in. There was no match for me, no mate. And I panicked because I did not want to live a life of solitude. I wore fashion, had a boyfriend, and loved my family. But deep down on a soul level, I felt out of my element.

In Reiki training, most people have a very hard time adjusting to the Karuna energy. The vibration is very high. For example, if Reiki 1 is like a light bulb of cosmic energy, Karuna is like a power plant! 

I had no trouble. I felt relief. I was one of the very few who felt like I was coming home.

Although I am not certain, I believe in some way I am like a lightning rod, placed on the earth to bring in these higher energies, change them to frequencies that are more compatible with the public, and ground them into the earth.

2012 marks the end of the Mayan Calendar. Basically what happens in that calendar, is that it maps the normal variation of changes in Mother Earth. She has had pole shifts, and huge rearrangements of the continents, most notably the disappearance of Atlantis and Lemuria.  The islands of Hawaii are all that is left of Lemuria, they once were the mountain tops.

Everybody has their two bits to say about the 'end of the world'. Mostly people who try to sell books. They also sell sensationalism, fear, and dread. It is for that reason I have avoided the topic like the plague in my own learning and study.

Catholicism has a group called 'my chosen Remnant', who listens and pays close attention to Blessed Mother. I have been a part of this group since 1990. Back then, I learned in a small book, that there would be a great war between good and evil. There would be disasters. And three days of darkness. It was important to go inside, not open the door or even look out a window. Dark spirits would sound like family members trying to get in. We were advised to have candles blessed by a priest. That is the only thing that would light. And to line the windows with aluminum foil to block out what was 'out there'. When this was done, everything outside would be Spring. And it would last that way forever.

Right now, forces are underway behind the scenes. I would like to think the death of the leader Kim Jong in North Korea was  an angel showed himself to him on a train! LOL Notice that the air is clearer. It is being scrubbed. And the nuclear weaponry has been dismantled. It won't work. All of this is behind the scenes.

From what I understand, 2011 was a year of ramping up the cosmic energy, or vibration, in bits and starts interspersed with time for rest and assimilation. 2012 is going to be a roller coaster ride, followed by one big change after the other. This is normal, natural and healthy for Mother Earth. She gets to graduate with all of us on her to a higher dimension. I have been told I am in the sixth dimension already.    

She is going to the fifth.

I don't feel any different. Except my heart center is very active, and I sense loving energy through it. It resonates, and in resonating I pick up what is good for me and not. My thoughts are different. I don't have time for negativity and fear. And I am telepathic, both sending and receiving messages with others who do not know I have any hand in what they do. I do not judge their thoughts, just make note of them. But when I have a request, for example, I wanted my son to lay down in the back seat and sleep as I drove him to my mother's  before work. He thought it was his idea. I was just glad it got done! As a mother, I am not too fond of the nagging that is a part of parenting.

As your vibration starts to rise, you may have some clearing symptoms. Old issues coming up. Malaise, cough, cold.  This is the third dimension baggage getting released so that you can hold a higher frequency. If you did not go through this, the new energy would overwhelm you. Give yourself time to assimilate and rest. And also stay in touch with Nature.

As the video explains, the Mayans are the only ones that survived a pole shift on Earth. Use your heart to protect you. Keep it healthy, alive. And keep your vibration up. Think good thoughts, have an open mind, and know what is coming is going to be hundreds of times better than what we have on Earth now.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

RIP Ben Breedlove

In answer to your question, dear Ben, Yes.

I have seen angels, talked with them, and had them save my life.

I know the little white room. I know of other places too. I go there when I am conscious. : )

I have seen the bright white light when my father passed. I was so moved by itI wrote. An entire blog post about it.

And the peace! I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel it whenever I do Divine Peace Healing, which is twice a day. It's warmth wells up in your heart, and overflows!

Unlike you, I am okay coming back because I know I can go visit the peace whenever I want it. And yes, it does make me smile. Just like you.

Ben? Do you know how many people you have helped because of your message on YouTube? Do you know what an ordinary guy's testimony is worth? And that by seeing your favorite rapper, everybody knows they are welcome.

Your heart disease was end stage. The defibrillator/pacemaker was to reorganize your heart muscles to reverse the damage. Your age was about right. Why you were not considered for a transplant I question? But know there were times when I was a volunteer way back before med school, where I would go to comfort the babies with big scars on their chests and lots of tubes that could not sleep. They were angels, all of them, just like you.

"I just wanted to be like everybody else, and I had to learn to accept it that I was not." you wrote. Isn't that what unites us on Earth? Having to do just that.

And the truth of your story is in your smile.

Friends, listen to Ben. It is true. And know if you are interested in feeling that every day, take a Divine Peace Healing class from Margaret Mc Cormick. She has a website, too, www.margaretmccormick.com

Namaste and thank you Ben for your honesty and courage and strength,


Reiki Doc

Recovery from Painful Past I

I saw my heart surgeon today. While I was on the way out from my overnight shift on Labor and Delivery. The Universe has a sense of humor. I had my roller bag with my overnight stuff and pillow rolling loudly away. One of his 'complaints' about me was how I had a roller attache case 'that should have been for the airport'.

I said hello. I saw a grey-haired man in scrubs coming out of the guest men's restroom right by the labor and delivery entrance to the hospital. Energetically, I knew it was someone I knew, but my eyes and memory had trouble saying who was who. It took a while to remember him, which is odd because cardiac anesthesiologists and cardiac surgeons work so closely together.

The reason given for the heart room deciding not to have me in it were: I was mean, I had personality conflict, and I wanted to spend time with my child. 

Yesterday in the Doctors' Dining Room, the heart team ignored me. All the CCU nurses who act like residents in running the show. The cardiologists. Except the one who likes me, the short Jewish guy, who is always kind. The Echo techs have always been kind, too. They knew my skills.

When it came right down to it, I wasn't a man, and only men fit in the OR for cardiac surgery. At least according to Surgeon X, who was standing in the hall in front of me.

Although it had been painful being kicked out of my OR and the cardiac program I began, I was happier out of it. I had taken six weeks' heart call, straight, 24/7 availability for heart cases. I had felt trapped, and upset that my availability did not come with extra compensation for being on call.

What struck me this morning, was that "I do not buy into your insanity'. That is what my heart said to me about the surgeon, who was racing between hospitals seeing patients before a day packed in the OR at another facility. I don't like being at your beck and call. I don't like being pressured and judged. And you know what? I felt fine interacting with him. No hard feelings.

That is a Reiki healing that must have happened to me! How far I have come! And I knew on some level, he felt it. It made him nervous that I didn't care one bit about his entire existence and calling to do hearts.

Today was a changing day!

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Happy New Year to You : )

I saw the Dalai Lama cry today. On YouTube. A Buddhist friend had posted it on Facebook.

He was speaking in Tibetan with English subtitles. He cried when he spoke of his life, and his memories. He said the compassionate heart is armor to protect you through this life, in transition, and also on rebirth. A good Attitude attracts good things.

Today I functioned at my highest capacity as an evolving anesthesiologist. We did five c sections in a row, followed by a morbidly obese no compliant diabetic that needed two epidurals. The last one just delivered. I have been go go go since five a.m. To now, at eleven thirty at night. Compassion was there. Technical accuracy was there. Speed and efficiency. Interpersonal skills.

When a family wants to take my picture with them, I am flattered. I always do a Shaka with my hand and smile behind the mask. Come to think of it, Reiki is a lot like Aloha. It is a way of life that is good to others as well as yourself.

How did I make this path, from struggle and desire to be a doctor, to awkward years in training, to training others, and now doing this? That makes me cry. The grace and blessing after all that fight. I was poor. I lived in a bad neighborhood. I paid my own way. There were divorces and shattered dreams. And through all of this there was hope and beautiful moments...made sweeter by their unexpectedness.

Everything happens for the best. And when you truly believe it, work hard, keep your vibration up, you start to manifest. Things happen. Pop up. Out of the blue that are wonderful! I did not go hungry today. Through all the hustle and stress, I ate. I sat down for lunch with one of my favorite dental surgeons. I did sudoku, late in the day. And for the first time, after months of praying for it, peace at my work (with the embezzler) may be on the horizon.

Paulo Coelho said today, "2012: time to remove shady people from your life."

Isn't that empowering? Does that not give hope? So keep your heart open, like the Dalai Lama advises. And follow Paolo Coelho's recommendation. Look back on your growth and your life experience. Let's let the good times roll in 2012.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Namaste: The Gate to Compassion in OR 8

This post  is  dedicated to my patients.

This is what I experienced while I was working with you today.

These are the things I cannot say to anybody, for I am intuitive. But I know.

1)  Dear Mr. Back Pain Pump:

The "only thing bothering you is pain"? That is what you told me. You wanted it to go away. But when I joked with you and the significant other about your judgement being altered after surgery, to be careful, and 'not to buy anything expensive', the next words flew out of my mouth without my effort, 'unless it is something expensive for you.' as I turned an looked at the loved one in the chair. 

The partner didn't laugh. He looked uncomfortable.

Through Reiki in the OR, I found out that I had hit the nail on the head. Through his pattern of chakra imbalances, I picked up that 'he could not afford love (his partner)'. This self-perpetuating mindset had led to chronic back disease with numbness of the legs and chronic pain. His red chakra was out, and the others were 'backed up' on top of it.  I helped it flow. My patient woke up fine, an hardly needed any pain medicine in recovery room. This is odd. A chronic pain patient getting a special electronic device implanted in the spine to block out pain, who is usually on lots of pain meds. Either the device worked, or the Reiki. I like to think it was a little of both.

2) Dear Mrs. Delerium Tremens:

Your energetic pattern was like a textbook to me, one I loved learning about! Who cares if your laparoscopic whatever went off uneventfully? Your energy was watery, and your red chakra was messed up too. But the orange one was not backed up. It was weak. I picked up that all the chemicals in your system put you in an energetic downward spiral. I felt the energy of addiction like an equation back in the days when I was a Chemical Engineering Student. It goes like this, in steps, but it dawned on me all at once:

Patient is sensitive emotionally.

Patient is hurt.

Patient drinks to comfort self.

Alcohol lowers the vibration.

Negative entities and Dark Entities sneak in to aura, sucking life off patient.

Patient feels 'something is wrong', perhaps, or just wants to 'comfort self' and drink more.

And so the life force ebbs. Multiple diseases follow. Until the balance of the life force is negative, and patient dies (NOT in the OR! Over years of abuse!).

Your words did not ring true in pre-op, either. You knew things, about your work, but your heart was disconnected. You were walking around with a dead heart, without joy and beauty. It that life?

I blasted you good with lots of Reiki. I also cleaned those spirits out. My angels helped protect you. Namaste.

3) Mrs. Total Knee:

DJD is degenerative joint disease. Boy did you have it! I am glad you did not want a spinal. I doubt I could have found my way into your subarachnoid space with a big spinal needle.

You were controlling. And also claustrophobic. I spent some time taking care of you in pre-op, figuring out you and letting you get a good idea about me. I knew your anesthetic course would  be smoother if I 'let you check me out' both intellectually and emotionally.  

Your case surprised me. For someone over seventy, with arthritis so bad you needed a replacement, you sure had limber hips. There is only one way to keep those hips from getting stiff as a senior. I know what you and your boyfriend do. You wanted a new joint so you could have not painful sex! LOL--how human!  Walking without pain was further down the list...

But your metabolizing pain medicines through me for a loop. For a little one on what you said you were taking medication-wise, it did not make much sense. I have never mixed fentanyl, dilaudid AND morphine in a case. But I did for you.

Curious, I read your energy and gave you Reiki. Your surgeon was fast. I don't remember much of what I saw on you, energetically. In my mind you were one great big 'disconnect', and I asked my angels to take care of you more as I truly did not understand what needed to be fixed. It was a pattern that eluded me. I like that. Driving me to learn more.

I ran into your man and your niece in the cafeteria after. I asked about your pain meds. I got different answers, and basically you had weaned off before surgery. And that you were 'a fighter'. Okay. Energetically, I got the same read, like  code or mystery from both of them. Something was going on. One day I will know more about it.

4) Mrs. Failed Back:

We fixed your knee. Your back and retina were severely affected, though, years earlier with lots of surgery for both. I wondered what it was driving you, what led to one thing after another going wrong. You were two years younger than I am.

What was up?

I felt you. Not only did you say, 'Thank you' at induction of anesthesia--a first--your spirit thanked me while I healed. It also said, 'you are going to have a good life.'

I gave Diksha first. For a whole minute, which is a lot of karmic-seed busting healing! Then as I suspected red was out of whack. The others, the yellow, was ochre color, and floppy. I have never seen a floppy chakra before, but in my mind I struck the center, hard, and an eggshell of film cracked, and a beam of pure yellow light lasered out from the center. 

The pattern I picked up was one of total abuse and confusion as a child, and no knowing of how to break the psychic pattern. The heart chakra was intact enough to love a grandchild. But everything else was off. I balanced, cleansed out NE's and DE's, protected and healed the aura. I gave Reiki and Karuna Reiki, and also tapped your third eye. It should be waking up after surgery. 

Once cleared, everything flowed. Slowly, but in the right direction. I broke your tailspin. And I hope your angels and guides will help you find the way back on course.

The day flew by. And what flabbergasted me, was that in all four of my patients, the white Crown chakra was functioning, intact! Blasting full of Source. But the mind would not let them tap into it.

For diabetics, in medical training we learn that they are 'starving in a sea of sugar'. It's true. They run on fatty acids and ketones because the sugar pathway is all awry from lack of insulin.

My patients were 'starving in a sea of Light'. Are you?

Mindfulness is helpful in breaking patterns that are long entrenched. Keeping one's mind on Here and Now stops the 'old records' playing in the mind. The mind creates from what thoughts are going on in it.

For example, I manifested an old traveling nurse coworker who before she left our hospital had given me a beautiful hat about Faith to wear in the OR, the same as hers. She had been gone for three months, and Friday I had wondered about her. I had lost her email in a phone upgrade snafu. Today, there she was, in OR 8 with me. Just for this week! I was delighted to see her again, and also able to comfort her in learning her grandfather she cared for had passed away.

Thoughts are things.

That being said, live in Here and Now. Drop all EXPECTATIONS. There is a difference between and expectation and one in all caps. You know what I mean. Let Life come to you. Learn your Light. And Live it.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

From an OB Doctor on the Mind and Healing

Here is a website blog and a video link you may enjoy.   www.owningpink.com

This woman came to her own 'perfect storm', left medicine, and came back with a new philosophy on healing.

She is appealing to the mind of her listeners with her heart and a message that 'makes sense'.

Her story is good.

We can do one better.

I can diagnose an imbalance without a twenty-page intake questionnaire. I do it in seconds. And I adjust the energetic imbalance, I tip it, toward health, in minutes. And I do not charge a cent. My patients wake up happy, and do not know why.

But I trust they are 'on their way' to greater healing.

'When something goes bad in your life, you either grow, or grow a tumor.' she says. She grew.

But even those with tumors can grow too. They need it most. They need it most. They need it most.

Reiki is not better than what this woman is saying. However, from an energetic point of view, her method counts on conscious redirection to balance based on the the 'inner pilot light'.

The Reiki Doc method is unconscious, and works toward the same end result.

Have a good day and Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Academic Evil?

I wanted to be a surgeon. One to work on the heart. I really loved it, taking care of my patients.

Surgery was hard, though. There wasn't time enough for everything else outside of work.

I got smart. I switched into anesthesia. I took a fellowship in hearts, and chose to return to my place where I did residency. And work part-time.

I had the best of both worlds--Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the University. Tuesday and Thursday in Private Practice doing anesthesia for mostly cosmetic surgery procedures. I made as much on those two days as I did the three at the University.

Then I got pregnant. I came back on Tuesdays and Thursdays before I came back to the University. And it was too much. The pumping for the baby, and missing him so much. I cut back to Thursdays in Private Practice.

Until Academics wanted to take a Dean's Tax off my earnings on the outside. And extra ten percent, on top of billing's seven percent, my contract-holder's ten, and of course the government's cut. I couldn't lie about my private practice work anymore. So I settled.

I settled in for a career in Academics, making less than my peers, but having more time for home and family.  I kept the Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule until I was asked/pressured to change the last day from Friday to Thursday.

I was ready to grow old there. I enjoyed teaching, working with my colleagues, in particular the interventional pulmonologists. I thought I was done with my life purpose.

But I wasn't.

The biggest stress in my life was my heart surgeon that always screamed at me, his partner who yelled less but was more cutting in his remarks, and the senior citizen former chief of surgery at a VERY large midwestern institution who ignored me because I was too 'beneath him in his work'. What this doc didn't know is that behind his back at his former place of work, everyone called him 'Hackin' Jack'. 

There also was the annoyance of production pressure from within the department. Safety was being pushed out the window. A whistleblower spoke up.

The system turned the whistleblower into a scapegoat. A second time, a change in administration resulted in a further lack of leadership and direction. A second whistleblower stepped up, and was chastized and made an example for the department. Because of this, my fellow professors asked for 'change'. People pressed for it. But not me. My intuition said, "I have a bad feeling about this".

In steps Dr. Evil from the East Coast Ivy League. The chair at her old place would not step down out of fear for what she would do to the department. He was an old cardiac anesthesiologist, and I love him for having had the cajones to stand up for that. When she came out to interview, and spoke with the staff, my skin crawled. Yet everyone around thought she was 'the new change' for the better, not for the worse like I feared. 

Our department became a madhouse. Like on Survivor--everyone gunning for position to save themselves. There was scrutiny, changes, taking away of freedoms. Even the menu for the breakfast at weekly conference was 'made healthy'. This Chair has a male sidekick that does not have an MD. This sidekick was one of the cruelest souls I have met in this lifetime. 

As the vibration of the department sank lower and lower, I began to experience great stress. I tried bringing cookies and raising morale any way I could. But the residents didn't remember what I had done for them. And the colleagues turned nasty. I could not find the extra time for academic projects as I was deeply involved in the Quality Assurance for the department. I came in on my days off, just to catch up.

When six doctors were dismissed (our contracts not renewed, and three banished to another facility), in one day, it was a first. Doctors laid off.  My fear and sorrow still carry on towards the institution. I won't spend a penny of my money on care at that place.

But my hatred for her, the cross-eyed one, and her stammering sidekick, is gone.

They served their purpose, this pair. Got me out of an unhealthy situation.

I dug deep at a local church while my son was at preschool and I looked for work. I prayed and I cried and I spoke with the director of the school, but nothing made me feel better. The director's prayers helped me find my first job, one freeway exit down the road.

And a bigger miracle brought me to where I am.

Once free, my soul developed, and found Reiki.

Evil academic falsity saved me from myself. Got me O-U-T of the picture at a place that was incompatible with my vibration..

And it saved a cause. And put passion in it.

Yes. My evil academic leader is famous for calming pediatric patients before surgery. Lots and lots of studies on it. My intuition knew that there was some connection to spirit and the OR. Way back when. With my learning and growth, I have found it:  my goal is to take Spirit back into Medicine. One healing pair of hands and heart at a time. There is no timetable, no schedule, no lecture, no plan. Except to take power away from those that reign in terror and fear upon others (my old work situation), and to empower those who have a duty to help others with the Universal Light Energy and Love itself. It is my joy to write these excerpts of daily life, and also of my development, for those who walk the path.

One day Dr. Evil will look me in the eye and know without a doubt I shine much brighter now because of her. And I will thank her...and sit back and watch the Karmic wheel go for another round! For she made so many suffer...

If ever you encounter evil in your life, remember these three things:

1) Evil might be something good halfway discovered. You need to wait to know for sure if it is good or not in the big picture.

2) Left to its own devices, evil always will destroy itself. It is a non-sustainable vibration. Step back and watch the  show. It might take years, but it will happen.

3) The injustice will be repaid over many lifetimes. People who cause pain to others will experience it themselves until they learn it is not cool to hurt those around you. 

So, stay focused on love and joy. Avoid hatred, jealousy and judging others to keep your vibration up. Let those in your family know you love them, and hug them tight to let them know this every day.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Working on a Big Holiday

Working on Christmas is something I never thought would happen. I must have been in denial. You see, through all of my education, there has always been a Winter Break. It was not until the third year of Med School that the subject of working holidays came up. Back then, depending on your rotation, you could generally skip it or not. After all, you were paying for the education, not getting paid.

I remember giving one holiday up so someone could be with their significant other. I was not sophisticated enough to look for a trade.

First year, internship, there was an assertive colleague who had birthday and anniversary that week. They signed up for it, and too that week between Christmas and New Years off. Alone and bewildered at my predicament, I wore five pagers covering five different services: orthopedics, neurosurgery, plastics, head and neck surgery, and urology. I spent most of the day in tears in the call room. Our call rooms were in a converted wing of a psych hospital. The mirrors were polished stainless steel. I hated being on call that day.

Second year, I had been sick and missed days in December. So? I got to take call for both Christmas AND New Year's Day at the VA. My husband came and spent the days with me. We went to Mass at the chapel, but it was sad.

First year in anesthesia, I don't recall. But second year I was at Children's Hospital on an outside rotation. Very lonely and sad, In a cinder block apartment across from the hospital. I played carols and wrote Christmas Cards. I didn't know people plan extra kid's surgery for the time off. We were busy, quite busy at work.

My last year, I was chief resident. When the Jewish senior resident didn't want to work, I assigned the day to myself. My husband did not stay with me, but I think may have brought dinner for the team. Christmas had become for me, just another day, a sacrifice best ignored.

Later, I think I did okay, with one exception: my father's last Christmas. As a cardiac anesthesiologist, someone had to cover any heart cases from home. I had been smart and signed for that time off at one minute after midnight the year before. My chief heart anesthesia boss always took that week. But with a four year old, no daycare, and single parenting, I needed that time off. Well, the boss asked me, "are you going to be in town?" we'll yes, I was poor (worked part time) and staying with my family. She sneakily made a trip to Pakistan, assigning me heart call! I had switched with a friend, but due to politics this friend almost bailed. I persuaded this friend all mornin and then had to justify everything to another boss that hated the friend but had invited me to dinner with the family Christmas Eve.

I am so glad I fought for that. My friend, who is not Christian, spent "the worst Christmas ever" on a case that took nine hours and ended with a death in the OR.

You see, with shared custody, that was both my first Christmas Day with our son since infancy, and the last one on Earth my father ever had.

Where is the Reiki in all of this? I am at work today. I have had every other night call since last Monday. I slept in my bed at home Tuesday and Saturday nights. I am not fighting it. I see the good in how we comfort each other by bringing outside food to share in and asking each other's holiday stories on the Labor Deck. I trust that even though the cafeteria is closed, I will eat. I had honey baked ham and French baguette and fresh Starbucks coffee for breakfast. I had the free institutionalized tasteless turkey lunch. And I brought leftovers for dinner. In a way, work is a blessing, for a holiday while our son is with dad can be quite painful.

Today I walked in the sun, in deep meditation, for thirty minutes. Instead of the noise and bustle, I went in. through Reiki I feel connected to my loved ones. I know I am eternal, there is more than this. And the clock...as I write this I have fourteen hours to go! : )))l

Spiritual growth is a wonderful investment. It is the one thing you can take with you. What once drove me to tearful existence as an intern, has become food for thought.

Letting go of expectations is a gift. Give it to yourself today. Merry Christmas!!!

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

And the clock

Two Intubations

Last night I was on call again, for Labor ad Delivery. I should have expected it--during the holidays, the regular docs have 'coverage' for their patients. They are not in, and substitute doctors take care of their patients so that they can enjoy time off with their family. Things fall through the cracks. And I end up being called emergently to manage airways and put the breathing tube in.

What struck me, in the morning, that after doing my thing in the ER yesterday (see last post), are the differences between the next two patients.

Patient One:  (I am fixing to intubate, and in the process of doing so)

Patient, annoyed, via telepathy, 'I am TRYING to DIE!!!'

Me, 'What's the point of that?' also via telepathy.

Patient, annoyed further, at having to explain her thinking, 'I was trying to go out with...with courage.' and it flashed into my mind the history of substance abuse, the hospital course superimposed on it, and the medical technology used.

Me, "What's the courage in that?' thinking, all the wasted time and effort and resources if she really wants to check out. 'You either just stay or go.'

Quiet.

Technically, there was a 'snaggle tooth' on the top right, everything else missing, and very anterior airway. With cricoid pressure (someone pushing on the bone over the voice box to help me see) and navigating the tooth, I got the tube in just fine. A 7.5, bigger than I thought, but good for the RT to suction and everything. When you see the color change from yellow to blue on the CO2 device that snaps into the circuit, the position is good, and you are done with it. RT tapes this commercial device in to hold the breathing tube in place.

Patient 2: (I am fixing to intubate, patient is clearly distressed, working to breathe, kind of out of it)

Quiet.

Fear.

Does not want to die.

Has done everything possible, including loss of a part of the liver to cure cancer.

Also anterior.

My intuition helped me the most here. I kept asking--any paralysis? Any renal failure? Any weakness? before I worked. Succinylcholine, the muscle relaxant used to open the cords and make intubation easier, can be fatal for a burn patient or a patient with weakness/paralysis. The patient had been transferred to the unit for less than ten minutes, and the nurses really did not know. I could see by the clinical situation there was not time for me to go looking through the charts. This man needed a tube. NOW.

When I went to hang up my little white coat, I saw a leg brace for foot drop. 'What is this? Why is it here? Is it his?'

It was. 'He had a stroke'.

'Okay then. No sux. I will just use propofol and try to power my way in.'

His sats were not readable. He was clamped down. Pressures were okay, on the blood pressure. But really struggling to breathe. The first look in, he gagged. I waited about thirty seconds more, took a look and was surprised to see great globs of sputum everywhere in the airway. Once the tube went it, blobs started flying up the ETT.

This one wanted help with everything he had. He got it. This morning, when I went back to pick up my little white coat I had forgotten there, his vitals were much better, and the antibiotics and ventilator were just humming away.

Comparing patient one to patient two illustrates Free Will in the medical context. You really do write your own lessons. Medicine is just a part of it to help you get what you want, on a soul level. I can't think of a better way to pay off karma--either as a patient, or working on the holidays all night like me and my friends! LOL

Just know if you have family members and friends that are in the hospital, whether they are 'a fighter' or not, they are there for a reason. And that reason has LOTS to do with a soul script, life lessons, and exit points. Your desire for a certain outcome can only affect so much. Your love, nonetheless, is much needed and appreciated by all you are in contact with. Your loved one. Their caregivers. The hospital is a brutal place. Tread lightly, and take care to show kindness and consideration to all.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Code Blue to the E R

"code blue to the ER! code blue to the ER!" the page rang on the overhead system as I was in the cafeteria.

"ER will get it (the airway)" I thought to myself and came back to the call room.

" Any available cardiologist to the ER! Any available cardiologist to the ER!"

"Hmmmm" ,I thought to myself, starting to feel the guilt. When I heard the first page, Spirit nudged me to go, and I didn't.

"Any available anesthesiologist to the ER! Any available anesthesiologist to the ER!" Aha! I was right. I took my time, hoping the OR guys could take care of it. Technically, the labor deck was empty, so I could help out. As I walked in, I noticed two things. First, the room was the one I was in when I went to the ER about a month ago, with the same ER doc and ER RN That treated me. Second, two anesthesia guys walking back to go to the OR. They needed Propofol, but had other cases. Could I do the case in the ER? Yes.

I got Propofol, ephedrine, phenylephrine, and syringes. I came in, got an assessment from the cardiologist, introduced myself to the patient, did a quick history and physical, saw the vitals were awful, saw the EKG tracing which was worse, shook hands with the daughter that wanted to watch, pre oxygenated, and gently induced.

Forward cardiac output was slow. It took 120mg, and I had expected 40mg to work. Patient lost consciousness. I disconnected oxygen. "all clear? Everybody clear?"

ZAP! The patient jumped on the gurney from the jolt.

He was not breathing well, but the electricity corrected the rhythm. As I supported the airway, I felt a tremendous sense of trust in Spirit and the Angels and Guides that All is Well. I gave Reiki, cleared out negative entities, brought in Light, balanced chakras, and gave Karuna Reiki tm while nobody had a clue I was doing it. I was smiling away. I gave the transition symbol and his blood pressure improved slightly.

The patient awoke, said they were okay, and I left.

The daughter said, "thank you" to me as I left the room. And RT asked to be excused to go.

Being a continuous source of Reiki helps bring peace to an otherwise chaotic situation. The peace I experience is a trust that everything is happening in the Divine Plan at the right time in the right way. The peace, however, is contagious. Through our collective consciousness, we all in that room were energetically connected. I raised the collective energy for the benefit of the patient, ultimately, by affecting everyone involved in the care.

I wonder, who would NOT want to have this capacity on the Health Care Team? Seriously? Who wouldn't?

It just makes sense.

Merry Christmas!

Namaste,

Reiki doc

All is Well

I tell myself that. Again and again and again.

The chaos continues. At my work.

A general surgeon who is an insomniac booked a case for seven p.m. The case got delayed by me, to verify potassium levels. I was there in that room with a bowel case from hell until quarter past midnight.

I could not go home. I could not drive. So I slept on a gurney in the isolation room in the recovery room.

It was miserable. But I had to work today. Thankfully, my mom stayed with my son at my house without a car, which is torture for her. The family dropped them off at my house after vacation.

Today, right before my day started, the one that hired me was fired.

We are three people short. Staffing is miserable. And I am to work harder?

I am a slave to my work.

But also, I sense that Spirit is sending me those that need it most.

I BLASTED the bowel patient. The problem is recurrent (small bowel obstructions and adhesions) because of the negative entities. His orange chakra was so out of whack is spun BACKWARD.

I balanced all the chakras, cleaned out the negative and dark entities (there was a minor and a major), did Reiki and gave Diksha.

At one point I was so sick of the surgery, the surgeon, and the patient keeping me from my home I toned. Right in the OR. The note, but not the word, Om.......Om......Om.....

I am fighting back on this chaos with everything I have got.

The manager at our local taco shop confessed she works six to seven days a week. Like me. Fourteen to sixteen hour days. Sales are slow, and she is salary. So she has to let others go home early and take up the work.

We are slaves, all of us, to the industrial complex.

But not for long! I see and I know things you don't.

One step at a time. Slowly. Everything will be clearer through the coming year 2012.

Namaste,

Have peace,

Reiki Doc

On Christmas and Breaking Free of Commercialism

Last night I wrapped the gifts while my son was on vacation.

It was a lot of work. I stayed up late doing it.

Ever since I became a Reiki Master, my life has been transformed. And how Christmas plays a part in it is very much proof of how much moving forward I have made.

This year, taking the lead of my mother, I agreed to 'no gifts for me'. Only for the kids in the family, and in the case of a childless sister, a big fat gift card to a local fancy shopping place  in the name of her dog 'to shop with mommy'.

It hurt all the years before. I fought it. I bought presents any way. This year, no. Niece, nephew, and son.

For son I shopped and hope to blow him away. Got a deal on an Xbox Kinect. That is from Santa. A cell phone (free! just send rebate.) from me. His phone number actually has his birthdate in it. He will have need of it more as he grows up. A 'bad boys chemistry set' that is from a local animal friend he adores which has morphed into another gift like from Santa. And mom got him a controller for the video gaming system.

For me, I had to buy 'from Santa' for 'Mom'.  I bought a vase for twenty dollars. It is all wrapped nice from the store.

But for work? LOTS of money. I sent chocolate covered strawberries, three boxes of forty-eight, to the OR. I had to say 'from Secret Santa' because doctors are not allowed to give gifts over five dollars a person. But going in with gift cards to each L&D and Post-partum and Neonatal RN with colleagues. Harry and David to colleagues who have done extra favors over the year. The guy who covered for me while I took vacation, etc. 

And neighbors, two, who always remember my son and I forget them.

And teachers. Four of them. Two main and two lesser.

Didn't forget the 'other side of the family', my son's family who is not family to me. Just for grandma and the dogs this year. Skipping the rest. Including Dad, unless he is motivated to buy something. I bought a pendant for me after my son picked it out, to be 'from him to mom'.

What helped is I used my reward points to pay for most of the gift cards and items. I did not want to go into debt. I saved them for a long time.

I am enjoying Christmas without the expectation of getting anything back. 

That's it. I kicked the habit--from my wishing for a grand piano to magically show up in the living room, and naturally being disappointed. To the having to act glad over what I considered to be awful gifts. To keeping score under this Christmas tree if my sister had more than me or not. To lists to Santa, and the like.

I extracted myself from this. And the result? My self-esteem is intact.

I am bigger than Christmas. I am Eternal. I can enjoy the festivities, and share my love and hard work with others who expect 'something' from my relationship to them. But I DO NOT REQUIRE gifts to VALIDATE ME ON THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY.

In Italy, mom's family was poor. They would visit and have sweets and play cards to celebrate Christmas. If she was lucky, she got a walnut and a tangerine. But they were happy.

I enjoy each and every card. I adore sending them. I will have to cut back on it this year, for lack of time. I enjoy cookies. I don't think we will get to make any this year. But I did watch Frosty the Snowman and Elf. We have a tree that is sort-of but not all decorated. It took four days to put what there is on it.

My gift to you, in joy and light, is to love yourselves beyond measure--the way Santa loves you--and be kind to yourself. Face this holiday alone, or in a relationship, with your head high. Stay above the drama and enjoy the stars. It is magical, this Night, above all Nights. It is magical for the things that are unseen, but rather, felt in the heart. I hope your heart is full this Christmas and Kwanzaa, this Solstice and Yule, this Chanukah, this New Year, this day to celebrate what it is to be alive!

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

What I Learned from a One-Eyed Rat

My snake eats rats and mice.

Last night, when I thought I was leaving the hospital for the night, I stopped by a local pet store, and got a rat to bring home for the snake.

It was a one-eyed rat. The right eye was missing.

I got called back to the hospital. (see other post from early today).

Luckily the rat was in a carrier, and I snuck him into the call room to stay warm with me for the night. It was then I realized it was blind. There were granola bars, peanut butter globs, lettuce, apple and water. Yet it did not eat. Or drink. It just sat.

Through the night I heard it make sounds. Squeaks and grunts, as if trying to contact another rat. When I talked back to it, it calmed down. I was very thankful for its company. A call room is not pleasant. At least having something warm with me made my heart smile.

And also knowing that I had snuck in a rat to the hospital!

I meditated on the rat. Should I feed it to the snake to end its suffering? Should I give it to the OR clerk who keeps them for pets? Should I keep it? Here is what I learned:

a rat is pure love and perfection. Why? it is being what it is--rat.

a rat is humble and knows its purpose. this one is okay with this.

feeling sorry for the rat, wanting to love it and care for it told me more about me than about it. It does not waste time feeling sorry for itself.

a rat is in the moment now, and not worried about death. Death is always around the corner for a rat. It does not dwell on it.

I picked up that this one is ready to move on.

I am not.

I went out and bought another.

Snake ate that.

And the one-eyed rat with no name is in a large cage with fresh bedding, rat food, and water. (you always have to keep rat supplies at hand when you own a snake. sometimes they don't eat, and you need to keep the rat comfortable).

Will I feed one-eye to the snake? I don't know. That is for another day. Today we enjoy our presence.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Without Rest

Today I am on OB. Labor and delivery, putting in epidurals and doing c sections.

My day I asked to work was yesterday. I worked that day too. Twenty four hours. I never went home.

Do you know that those work hour restrictions that are for residents in training are not in effect once you graduate?

Right now I am held hostage to The Favor Bank.

Want to go on vacation? Get sick? Need to go home early to see a school activity that is important to your kid?

Ask a favor of a buddy.

For being sick and making a friend work an extra twenty four hours for me (forty eight straight for him) I got to stay late on my only day of the week early, get my kid to be after ten because the babysitter could not get him to do his school project, come in post call on another day to let him go to a meeting about the new group (there is a coup), and split work across two days so he can go do plastic surgery and "optimize his income". But the catch is he booked himself at another hospital that night. So I get to work thirty six hours straight.

Good thing my son is out of town, isn't it?

And the favors aren't enough. He wants another split next week and I said no. There is no school or daycare. He pressured and said he would pay the babysitter if I did it. I just want to stay home. I work Christmas day and am post call Christmas Eve. The whole point of this schedule was to make myself available to be home to spend time with family.

He has threatened me to " make it so you never find work in The Area" , and is trying to take over the group.

Senior partners are trying to cash in on favors at the last minute, asking me to work from ten to two on a Saturday. Or to stay late and do an appy at eight at night.

So you wonder why I am not cheerful when I take care of you late at night? If it wasn't for a slow night I would not be functioning now. Thankfully the section is at eight instead of seven.

Time for breakfast.

Spirit says to follow your heart, and the path to your true hearts' desire then is guided by Spirit and effortless to follow.

I am trying to figure this out.

When I medicate, I get "hang on for one more day. Hang on"

I will.

Like me, your doctor may be sleepy. I set off all the drowsiness monitoring system in the car on the way home from the time share. It blows cold wind in your face, and beeps when you veer lanes.

The Vacation I Don't Get to Take

I don't get vacation for the holidays. I work. Only the highest people in the group get to take it.

School is out. My son did not want to go to vacation daycare. "It's for babies." So, I had set up plans for everyone to watch him for the two weeks between now and New Year.

Much of that group involves family. Mom has booked a Time Share for everyone. I can't go.

I get to drive there, hang out, drop off my son, and head back home, not to see him for for days.

Am I concerned?

I would have been. Even a year ago, I would have been hung up on it. The control. The lack of fairness.

What makes it different now?

I accept What IS.

And I am thankful for him to be happy.

From that place, one begins to see small blessings.

Let us count:

1) I am WAY behind on Christmas. Now I can wrap and hide the gifts BEFORE the Christmas Eve deadline, and Hopefully not have to Stay UP ALL NIGHT.

2) I get a breather from packing lunches and dropping him off at school.

3) I get another breather from worrying about who is going to pick him up after work before the school closes.

4) I know in my heart of hearts, I need downtime very much. And in my mind, I picture myself on vacation, knowing Spirit, in the right time and right place, shall help Make It So.

5) I am open to Growth of Spirit in my Heart during this 'challenge' to my 'status quo'. I LIKE Status Quo. It makes me comfortable. But maybe it is time to 'mix things up' a bit for me, Spiritually. For although I am Reiki Doc, I concentrate on my growth every day. I do.

6) I am looking forward to half a day on vacation. It is better than none. And new sights.

7) Instead of pushing and stressing like I always do before 'getting out of the house', I am taking my time, enjoying the moment. It is one of those few weekend mornings I do not have to get up and go to work.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Addendum: 23:10 p.m.

Today was a blast!

Although it started out slowly, the gentle advice I got while dressing myself and what to wear paid off.

My shoes and sweater and jacket were perfect for a total fun day.

I am not going to go into the details, because what is more important than where or how is what I got to do:

go someplace I have never been

play in the snow and go sledding

hear live Christmas Carolers

make snow angels

eat fresh falling snow

see a snow flurry

have a gourmet dinner at a table very much like in Victoria

Laugh and relax and enjoy beauty and have fun

I also had a Reiki session for and with a neighbor who is in poor health.

And best of all, I see why it is good not to be on vacation with the rest of my family. 

They would have made me have more stress, instead of less.

Let my boy enjoy his cousins. When I left they were playing a board game. But when they all jump on the bed I want to climb the wall! LOL LOL LOL

Early to work tomorrow.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Reiki and Cancer

What is different about this cat? Look very close.

Does it look right?

Or is something a little off?

This is from a local art show, and is a cat painted onto a large river rock stone.

One needs to look beyond the immediate appearance to appreciate its true form, and in a rock's case, it's true strength.

So is the same with patients with cancer.

"Treat everyone around you as if they are going to die tomorrow. Be kind and caring. Open and honest. And loving, as much as you can, for they will leave the earth knowing they are not alone." That is my motto for all of my extremely ill patients, especially the cancer ones. It is instinctive. It is to my core, and it goes a long way back to my first days in medical school to the hospital.

For some reason, I adore taking care of my cancer patients. And over the years, I find that they respond well to me. Add Reiki to this interaction, and it truly, truly allows a transformative experience for both the doctor and the patient.

Here are some steps to take when dealing with your cancer patient in your life:

1) Listen

One of my first cancer patients was a young teen with a lesion on the scalp. The dermatologist found it was cancer. Imaging showed it was from a large mass inside the head coming out. This patient was confused and perplexed by the medical system. 'Do you walk into walls?' the neurosurgeon would ask.  "What kind of stupid question is that?" she relayed to me. She also had a terror of seeing the operating room, and made me promise not to let her know what it looked like inside. At a world famous children's hospital,, they routinely have the older  kids walk unassisted to the OR. They are not knocked out like everybody else. When she wanted to walk to the restroom, I let her. But then I titrated anxiolytic to effect. Because of her seizure medications, it took more. Four times the normal dose! But it worked! And she trusted me so much, I was personally requested for her anesthesia for every case. I am still friends with the family, and even though this dear soul passed, I have her picture in my house in her cheerleader outfit, I enjoyed working with her so much.

2) Admit that you are not perfect

These people have been through the medical system. A lot. Find out what they need and what has worked for them. And GIVE IT! Even though it is not your usual style. The openness and caring that you want to make a special experience for them is the message that you want to send. They truly are your best customer. In several cases, that short time in pre-op is the most normal they will be in their lives again.  These patients will soak up your compassion like a sponge, their families too, and it is right for it to be like this.

3) Be honest and let love flow from your heart

"The doctor's job is trying to amuse the patient until they get better." is an old saying that is mostly true.

These patients are going for a cure or to relieve their symptoms from the cancer that will ultimately kill them. Be real. Be grounded. Be kind. For your kindness goes a long way with them in their battle for their life. Everyone, most everyone they have met and are going to meet will in some way find out about you if you do your best as you do your job for them. It will be like, "I went through this horrible surgery, but the anesthesiologist was so nice and I had no pain or nausea." when they talk about the experience to others.

4) Reiki, Reiki, Reiki...

There are two kinds of Reiki-1) a continuous source of Reiki to others and 2) formal Reiki, or in my case, intentional O.R. Reiki on the not so obvious to others in the O.R.

Set your soul on POSITIVE. Keep it that way. Your cheerfulness is an anchor to others in an otherwise traumatic situation for them. Be a leader. Show them you are comfortable with this procedure and the anesthetic. Reassure them everything will be okay. And in truth, even if the cancer leads to death at some point, you know that you will have balanced their energy patterns as each individual needs, and moreover placed the transition symbol into their aura to permit a safe passage to the end of life and beyond.

5) Follow up

Patients like to see you after. They have something to say. I know that you are busy as an anesthesiologist, and time is short in between cases. But, if you have the time, and do so, your visit to them afterward will bring closure to you both. Let them have their say on how their experience was with the anesthetic. The encouragement and support offered at this time is blessed. Most blessed. Over all.

It is my hope that these words shall encourage you in working with your cancer patients. I had one yesterday who was post-chemotherapy and still had good veins! But a portacath and no hair. I blessed her when I gave Diksha during surgery, and held her head in my hands with my heart. 

"Is it over?" she asked, puzzled, in the recovery room. 

"Yes, it is." I reassured. 

"Wow, those drugs sure worked. The only thing I remember was in the pre-op room talking to you."she said surprised and with good emphasis on the not remembering part.

"That's exactly how it is supposed to be." I smiled, linking my right  pinky finger in hers, verifying with my pinky promise that I did exactly what I said I would do for her.

Happy Aloha Friday and Namaste,

Reiki Doc

The Lie and also the Truth

I saw the movie City Slickers last night with my son. We were eating pizza, drinking root beer, and watching a DVD. In the film, Curly, who is played by Jack Palance, asks Marty (Billy Crystal), 'Do you know what the secret to life is?' Marty didn't know. Curly told him, holding up a finger, 'One. You figure out the one thing that is most important to you. And nothing else matters.'

I am learning that today.

I am also learning that who you are, as a person, is demonstrated just as much by what you don't like, as what you do.

Tonight I went out with friends. We had dinner at a fancy steakhouse. I did not want to go.

I got off from work early and changed my clothes. But before I got to the restaurant, I made a stop at a metaphysical bookstore nearby. I felt connected to Spirit. I found an Environmental Art 2012 Calendar, a daily journal for 2012 which is great because I want to record it, it's supposed to be really great. I also found a small yellow Success candle, to help me in my Reiki career. I got a small om sticker to put inside my locker at work. There were simple heart necklaces on string made by children in Columbia out of coal, so they would not have to work in the coal mines. I bought two as gifts. And, I bought a magnificent piece of black-blue tourmaline that weighs about a pound.

I told the lady at the register I did not want to go to Mastro's. She laughed, she said she has been vegetarian forever and she completely understands.

So I went.

The dark bothers me. I went up to the restroom to touch up my makeup. I came downstairs and went to the bar to meet my friends. My skin crawled. I had nothing to do with those people in the bar, and I did not care to even talk with them. I had to bump through them to find my friends, who were seated at the bar. Not once or twice, but three times, a bartender asked me if I wanted a drink. I said no thank you.
Once the rest of our friends arrived, we sat in the corner at our reserved table.

It was tough. The couple who made the reservations loved this place. I hated it.

The server did everything possible to upsell us. First of all, there were no dollar signs on the menu. Just numbers. The cheapest thing was a salad--that was ten bucks. An eight ounce filet was forty.
I tried to find something on the menu that was not cruelty. When the server spoke about the beef being liquid aged, and seared in a fifteen hundred degree oven, I felt repulsed. I blurted out, 'You could cremate somebody in an oven like that!'. I cook. I know pizza ovens are like, five hundred degrees. And at the medical school laboratories, in the back was a crematorium for the used body parts after gross anatomy.

Then she spoke about wagu beef, that is massaged and fed beer so it is more tender like Kobe beef.
I was horrified.

I kept asking Spirit for guidance--what to do, what to order, how to fit in?

The answer--cosmopolitan, just like two other women in the group. Fish would be terrible, don't call attention to self. Order the smallest steak. Then, to my left, one spoke up. No meat. No fish. No seafood. Don't like it. Only had a half salad and a potato. I got a baked potato too. The bread was good, we could have been happy with that.

The meat came. It was overcooked. I sent it back. I was going to eat it so it wouldn't go to waste, but my friends and the server said, 'be happy'. It came back and I still didn't like it. The interaction with the servers was just not right. The catering, to us, the trying to ply us with alcohol, the trying to talk about specials. There was the wild northwest salmon for sixty three dollars. And the live lobster, three pounds each, at thirty three dollars a pound. Yes, that is one hundred dollars for a lobster boiled alive.

How sad. People are without work. People are cold, homeless, and hungry. And we murder animals and make it an art, or a business, to impress each other. How did it get to be like this? I saw a fifteen HUNDRED dollar glass of liquor. For three hundred seventy five milliliters. Not even a liter.

In the bathroom there was that lady. The one that hands you the towel. I don't want anybody to hand me a towel. I always tip. They look like, poor. Well guess what? Since I got the meat for free, I gave her a ten dollar tip. But I had a twenty. There were only seven wadded up bills in her bowl. Guess what? She whipped out a big wad of cash in her pocket and made change! The illusion. The lie. I have no skills so I hang out in the restroom at fancy places to give you anything you need please give me money.  And the beggar is RICH! And the beggar is rich...

I want to stay home with my son and watch movies. I know I need friends, but I do not enjoy nights like this. My son is more than happy to go to functions at night with his classmates. But for whatever reason, fun like that does not make sense for me. Gambling is boring. Vegas is icky. Steakhouses are nasty. Bars make me want to run.

This is what happens when you develop a high vibration. Denser energy makes you uncomfortable. Like seeks like.

By the way, the woman on my right ordered salmon. They overcooked it something horrible. I was right! Never order the fish at a steakhouse restaurant! LOL

All is growing. If it wasn't for experiences like tonight, I would not have noticed how far I have walked on this trail. Ever ascending! Onward!

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

And