Love's Blessing

 

Many things are happening at once. Today we will describe trends as we see them going on around us, as well as things that are going on between us in our hearts as we continue to heal and grow on our blessed journey. 

Everyone is doing the best they can.

It is important for you to remember this, as above and beyond all things, Ross and I take great care to not judge anyone who follows us or reads about our work. 

The Spiritual battle is reaching an even greater frequency. It's more out in the open, and less hidden, for those who have 'eyes that see'.  Aside from holding the frequency of Divine Love and being loving to everyone and anyone we meet, 24/7, unless you are on the front lines, there is not a lot one can do. 

Years ago, one of our dear beloved readers, who is an expert on a certain kind of dog, wanted another puppy. A fine quality one to show at dog shows. An award-winning dog. This is what her family does, and excels at. 

She was the first I noticed to follow her intuition, and to ease up a bit on the spiritual ever so slightly, and to resume what brings her great joy.  It resonated with me. I didn't know who or when would follow, or even myself, but I sensed that in oncoming spiritual warfare it makes sense to ease back into a stance of energy that reinforces itself with joyfulness and contentment. 

I find myself doing this somewhat. I write less and live my lessons more. I spend time in my garden. Now that I have a little more free time I seek things I enjoy, such as housework and exercise. I feel better in my skin. I realize this war has been going on for some time, and there's no quick and easy end in sight. 

I'm healing very much, myself. Working on my Mother Wound, as I mentioned before. I'm adapting to my new work environment. Ross and I heal and grow closer by the day. Some of the things I've confided in him are that I liked his blood better when it was inside of him. If you don't understand, it's a long story, and I'm not going to explain it here. I know he had his purpose and he followed it. That's outside my hands and my control. But I can still have love for this dear soul in the way I loved him when he walked the Earth. I cried this morning. Why? I wanted to be able to tend to him as I did in Life. Wash his feet. Trim his facial hair. Enjoy that kind of closeness. He reassured me he is always taking care of me. And when we are in Heaven, I will be able to resume that kind of caring and it won't ever have to end.  A huge breakthrough for us, is that I was able to tell him, and realize from my soul, that even though his job was along the lines of 'saving the world', my job was to take care of him. And even though in many lifetimes he didn't let me do my job, I'm okay with it. Even now. I'm not mad over that any more. 

So lets go on to another who is following her heart. This one the pendulum has swung now twice in the same direction--very fundamentalist Christian--with complete renunciation of everything that is 'occult'. 

Everyone needs to follow their soul purpose, and their heart. There was a, Deliverance, I believe the word is. We congratulate her on this and support her as she is very deeply loved by us both. Everyone has their part to play.

For me, I acknowledge the only way to overcome Darkness, as in organized, ritual-abuse hierarchy of evil, is through Christianity. 

I have seen too, though, deliverance from cocaine addiction from Buddhist Chanting. 

Ross and I, our desire is for as many people as possible to reach Heaven/Nirvana/Divine Bliss. We cherish all from the deeply asleep to the Incarnate Spiritual Masters. We aren't going anywhere. We love it that you have regarded us as 'one of you' or 'one of the many' every time we have walked the earth. Ross calls it the 'salt of the earth' with a big smile. 

I regard tools of Divination somewhat from a historical perspective...they have been around for a long time, they resonate with many, yes it can be a slippery slope into a compulsion and darkness, by the same token it can awaken spirituality in someone who has experienced abuse from the church. It's a tool. 

There's a bible quote on the calendar in one of our rooms, that is I think from Peter, and it says to love deeply because love covers up a multitude of sins. 

It does.

It creates a sense of safety, one of nurturing, warmth, love and compassion, which fosters the development of Trust. 

We are the first to admit it's a crazy battle out there, metaphysically. Many in our group have gone off on their separate ways. Others have remained with us which brings us great joy. There is no judgement, we understand that each must follow their spirit, everyone has Free Will, and that is a beautiful thing in and of itself. 

Love the Earth.

Love everyone around you! In these times of sudden (polite cough) 'soul exits' you never know who is going to 'leave next'.  

Console the bereaved.

Be the angelic ambassador only you could be, right in your shoes, wherever you are.

Dream. It is okay to follow your dreams! 

Rejoice! These are special times. We are lucky to be here to experience them. 

Ross says that is enough for today. He says 'thank you' and 'have a nice weekend' and 'not to bad for writing on Friday the 13th'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

The Life Force With Tenderness

 

Yesterday I did a lot of healing. This is personal, and what most people would choose to keep private.

Since I've been open from the start here, about all of my incarnations and experiences, I will summarize here to the high points.

And remember, what's 'new' and 'connection' for me, might be simply 'old hat' for you, and that's okay. You too will have your area of life to make 'connections'  as you progress with your life lessons.

I'm working on healing my mother wound.

It runs DEEP.

There's really no way to get around it. It will 'flavor' all my relationships until it heals. And I sense now is the time.

Yesterday after the healing I was thinking about the mother wound. Even calling it that wasn't really fair to my mother. She did her best. And in later times she supported me strategically so I could go to school at University, raise a son, and have my career. 

We just didn't understand each other.

My mother wound, is remembering falling asleep in her lap, in the rocking chair, and that glorious feeling of warmth and togetherness. I did this up until age three or four. I still enjoy heartbeats today in my work because I loved to listen to the sound of my mom's heart as I was falling asleep.

I don't know how it happened, but all that warmth and closeness evaporated between me and my mom. 

No longer was she the carefree, happy-go-lucky, PRESENT mom.

And I was alone. Utterly alone. 

My sister was born, mom moved on, probably in her pregnancy because I didn't fit anymore on her lap. Thankfully my father and nana and Uncle and nannu were close to me. Gave me the validation I needed.

But not mom.

I internalized it as rejection, as not good enough, as something wrong with me, something to hide, and to settle for my emotional needs not being met. 

Yesterday, I was alone. Anthony was at Disneyland with his dad's new family. I had a reservation to go but Anthony thought it would be weird if I was even in the same park...

I didn't know what to do with myself.

But I crawled back into bed. Oh so many mornings I had to get up out of my crib to go to a babysitter! Part of the pampering my souls needs is the healing of this wound. Anthony's first two years, my sister's whole lives--they got to sleep in until they were ready or needed to get ready. 

I just crawled into bed and said, 'Ross, I need your, your warmth, your loving acceptance'. His chest glowed warm, and I just basked in it. For a long time. A lot longer than I realized. I just needed to get that feeling back. 

Ross talked with me. In his teaching ways...

About what happened to me when I was little, in this life, the neighbor boys messing with me. What traumatized me greatly. Enough to have PTSD and need therapy.

The boys were curious about the Life Force. And their roles in it, as males. And they chose me to 'practice'.

Everyone, almost everyone alive, gets to experience the Life Force that makes new Life. Not only as being a product of it. But in working with it and co-creating with it.

In the ideal alignment, there is polarity, and the couple who is in love, align with the Life Force completely. On even a quantum level. New life is made. The couple heals their emotional and past life wounds together. They communicate freely. He protects her. She relaxes in this protection.

Ross and I have had our problems in the past with that one. If you read the blog, you'll know. But we have been talking, me talking about those times (especially back in India). Thankfully, now he is not incarnate, Ross is there for me. He's always looking out for me, this I know. It doesn't feel exactly like 'protection' but it is, I know deep down. 

So we are making incredible healing. 

What Ross did yesterday was to reframe my immediate past life, as a kitten, under the context of Life Force. 

In the darkness, the only thing that approximates the joy of Creator--love and gratitude and being in alignment with God's will--is sexual pleasure/peaking. 

So in the dark societies, they take this natural 'high' and seeking of it, to twist it into control. In humans, sexuality is ingrained, a need that can be exploited.

And in that immediate past life, you see, the trained child not only has a pure energy of playful spirit that draws in the sexual interest of those warped in that direction by the darkness (early violation, generational trauma abuse)--it's like a two-sided coin to them!--the value is in filming the warped one fulfilling their urges/needs/fantasies that permits blackmail and control.

Specifically, these urges are not in alignment with Creator, and they separate instead of join. They isolate one in their own perception of pleasure. This reinforces the false sense of separation, and the occult/dark hierarchy of their entire system. 

There's a thousand different levels of this kind of pleasure that's not in alignment--porn, bestiality, you name it somewhere it exists--but the kind that affected me in my past life was as a child kitten. So that's how I was able to view the energies and systems and structures. 

What Ross did for me yesterday, is to make it clear that Life Force, is Life Force. On the one hand, in alignment, in the other, inverted, but my Life Lessons permitted me to get a deeper/first hand experience in it. And such experience is good. Even though it wasn't fun or happy or easy to understand, as a soul I am a better person for it. 

I love it when Ross is a teacher to me.

He makes even the most difficult and painful lessons worthwhile. 

I'm not sure how to tie this all together, as a lesson for all. But for me as a student of my own life lessons, I sense a theme, a unity in the instruction, and an ability to apply it to my daily life. You see, Life Force is everywhere, not just in the bedroom. From taking care of pets, to gardens, to helping the sick...it's all the same Life Force. 

I guess what's reassuring is that even when distorted and manipulated by darkness, Life Force still is Life Force. They wouldn't get anywhere without it.

It's all LOVE. 

Ross

Carla has shown an incredible amount of vulnerability with me the last six months. Carla has always been a good sport and eager to make progress in her lessons. 

For her, the mother wound was a painful one. And much of the groundwork in the healing for her was in experiencing motherhood herself, and that closeness between mother and infant. Carla was learning just as much as baby Anthony that mothers could be present and nourishing with love and compassion...every day!

Carla wants to be able to talk to me when we are Home in Heaven. She just doesn't want to wish for all her pain to vanish and for her scars to magically heal once she 'pops in there' back in our Home Heavenly Realms.

Carla is doing the work now, to make sure she has the skills now, and has shored up her deficits...because Carla wants to make the perfect Bride for me in her heart.

You how powerfully I love her.

There is never anything Carla could say or do that would take my love away. 

But just how Carla wants to get the house in order so when it is her time to pass the mess of what's left will be a lot easier on her son...Carla wants to prepare in order to hit the ground running and be off to the greatest start, based on her human perspective.

I think that is very sweet and kind of her to want to prepare herself for our eventual reunion.

What Carla doesn't know, is just how fast she is going to forget her day to day here in the Illusion, and how even faster she is going to remember her Galactic self...when it is her time....and that is a long ways off from now....

(he smiles and sighs) I just don't know what else to say.

I want you to have hope.

And faith in your good future.

No matter where you are, not only in your life lessons but in your spiritual progress.

Everything works out for the best...

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Old souls

With New Eyes That See

 

Two nights ago we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark after a fun, although, rainy day at Disneyland.

I'd first seen the movie when I was around sixteen. And off and on maybe two or three times since. But this was the first time since I'd learned Reiki, as well as after I've developed my hobby--understanding hidden symbolism of the occult.

I was absolutely shocked by the content of the material presented in the movie from so very long ago, from the detail, as well as for the implications for someone who is 'into' End Times Bible Prophecy. 

It's all there.

The part that first startled me was Indiana Jones is an expert in the occult! 

I'd never heard that before, or understood the full implication. Now I do. He could have been a member of a secret society or an Illuminati! We never really know, to be exact, except that such knowledge requires lots of study, and possibly, initiation of some sort.

Another part was how the German war machine was searching the globe for religious artifacts which hold great occult power. 

That was true. Totally true. The spear that was thrust into Jesus' side at the crucifixion, is another such item--there are many. And the goal to use these 'supernatural weapons' in 'warfare' actually is historically correct. I didn't know that when I was sixteen and saw it for the first time!

Why was the ark hidden in something that looked Egyptian? I don't know, since the ark should have been Hebrew, right? 

But the Temple of Solomon is where it was supposed to be hidden.

The Temple of Solomon!?!?!

They are rebuilding it. 

Trump purchased the property for it. I remember hearing that and going hmmmm even when I wasn't as good on my End Times stuff. 

This is where the A/C is going to sit, and declare himself G-d. 

Don't expect to see End Times stuff on the news  along with news, weather and sports! There's places to look. Bible, old testament, Revelation, book of Jubilees, stuff like that. That it would be so clear in a movie from so long ago startled me. It totally went over my head at the time.

And then, in the final scene, with the Ark and the French guy speaking the old language? He had on the breastplate of a priest--with all the correct stones in it! in the movie!

This is where life and art are one! There's priests for the Solomon Temple already trained how to do the sacrifices and everything. Here! Now! Today! It's been going on for years. We are close enough to the end times that they have teams preparing one another to pick up their duties right where they left off...

I wonder how many other things are 'hidden' in our entertainment and culture, like this? And how much more time will it take for us to be able to understand? 

So many, many things are hidden in plain sight. And for those of us trying to just get through our days, it is understandable we don't 'get it' most of the time. Fortunately, one day we will. And it is a good thing.

Ross

Our purpose in describing this to you is to keep doing the work you are sent to do.

Carla has done hers, dutifully, and now she is able to make the connections and is able to share them with you.

Your life is not hers, her life is not yours!

Do not by any means compare yourself to her on this 'discovery'!!!!!!!

Instead, look to your own path of growth and development. And when you revisit something from your past (in Carla's case it was this movie)--see for yourself how much more you are able to see and hear and understands--compared to back 'when'.

That is our lesson for you today.

You have come a long way. 

Congratulate yourself for this!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Twins

For The Curious and Those Concerned

 

Yesterday during Monday Night Football, a devastating injury took place on the field. The players were crying while watching the medical teams work to bring life back into a young, rising star player. 

Eventually the game was cancelled.

Donations to the player's toy drive, which had set a goal for $2,500, were well over two million dollars by the time I went to bed. It's probably higher this morning.

Let's take this event, and unwrap the layers, to help understand on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level what is happening.

Mom? How can he fall lifeless like that?

I was asked this question. My explanation was 'R on T'  which later Anthony came up with the term, commotio cordis.  The heart has a cycle of electricity, where the signal for the muscle to beat travels through the 'wiring' (Purkinje fibers) in the heart from the 'pacemaker' (sinoatrial nodes). There is a brief, very brief twenty millisecond window of time in this cycle where the wiring, which is living tissue, 'recharges itself' and 'rests'.  A blow to the heart muscle/wiring at that brief moment in time, causes an abnormal heart rhythm called ventricular fibrillation. The heart quivers like a bag of worms. It isn't organized enough to make a beat. Blood flow stops. There's no blood flow to the brain. And the person falls. 

Electricity is used to revive the heart by rebooting the electrical system. That's what an AED is for (Automated External Defibrillator). 

Until the stickers are applied, the blood is oxygenated and kept moving by CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation)...which was being done since the witnessed fall on the field. This blood flow isn't exactly one hundred percent, it's about thirty percent, but it is better than nothing. With no CPR brain cells die. 

Why is it taking so long?

Well, nine minutes is pretty much normal for resuscitation efforts. After ten minutes, with no ROSC (return of spontaneous circulation), most teams consider stopping efforts.

With a young, healthy patient, sometimes teams try for an hour or longer, using full medical, electrical, interventions. If there is something causing the problem that is fixable, like a collapsed lung, then you try and fix it. 

In this case the family was invited to be at the code blue. This is a modern concept, so the family can achieve closure and truly witness that 'everything was being done'. There has to be a team member available for the sole support of the family and to make sure they don't interfere with resuscitation efforts.

Usually, the family is asked whether to continue or to terminate efforts, when the ROSC isn't likely.

Nobody dies on an airplane!

During a medical emergency I got to know the crew in flight. Technically, nobody 'dies' on any flight because a person isn't 'dead' until a physician declares the patient 'dead'. I have been taught this and actually last time I did it was during Covid. I had gone up to an intubation, the patient was pulseless, and we can't intubate someone who doesn't have a pulse on the Covid unit. To save the primary doc time, I checked for pupil response, breath sounds, and heart sounds, which were all absent. 

Because of the sensitivity of others, sometimes people pass away but the professionals don't want to draw attention to it. So, for example, on a plane, a blanket might make the patient appear to be sleeping in their seat. When they aren't. It's eternal sleep. And they are taken off the plane after the other patients. This is to spare the others.

In yesterday's event, it is possible this or something along the lines was done to spare the reactions of an entire stadium full of people.

Without a doubt, the publicity experts and public relations experts for the football league, the teams, and the stadium are putting together a strategy to minimize the panic of the crowds and the public.

Now what?

You aren't 'dead' until you are 'warm and dead'...so if you were freezing to death you would need to be returned to room temperature before any physician could declare you as having died.

In this case the news is it was cardiac arrest, and circulation has been returned (ROSC).

It's not over.

They need to see how functional the brain is. There is a blood flow test we used to use on comatose head trauma patients. If there was no blood flow then they were declared 'brain dead'--no electrical activity. 

For these patients the question is to call the organ donation organization and see if they are a possible organ donor. Then they are kept alive until procurement of the organs is possible and recipients are brought to the hospitals to receive them.

What we do often times now, to help the patient, is to put them in an Arctic Freeze (I forget the actual name of the device). The patient is kept cold through a chilling blanket/blood chiller. The cold after a possible brain injury stops the propagation of the injury and gives the brain a chance to recover. It takes a few days. I would imagine this is what is being done currently in the player's critical state. 

That's why there's no news, no updates. 

Medically the outcome is still being decided.

A  Strong Warrior

I'm giving thanks to this player for helping to awaken so many. The newscasters, the coming together of fans from both teams, the players, everyone has been deeply touched  by what happened. 

Emotions are flowing freely. 

Commercials were stopped.

Everyone agreed that there's no reason to play, it doesn't matter, until they find out if their player is okay or not. 

People confess this is a violent game. And that sacrifices and risk of injury, even career-ending injury to bone or head, is understood by everyone, loss of life is not an appropriate sacrifice for anyone. Especially someone twenty four years old who doesn't even know he could die. 

I have been watching football, lots and lots with my son, who loves it. I am shocked by how the stands are packed full of people who live, eat, breathe, football during these economic hard times. I understand from a control point that 'Bread and Circus' helps the people be easier to control. But there's something in the fans' energy, in their faces, that has been haunting me. They worship football. A violent sport. The creative energy of the masses could be spent advancing their dreams or solving world problems. Heck, even in my house it would be a lot more organized if we were not spending hours on the couch watching the Red Zone...

I have been wondering how to break this spell on the masses here in the United States?

It looks like Spirit took care of it. For now. 

A thought...

I've been frankly, flabbergasted how there's all this footage of soccer football players, the healthiest ones on the planet, dropping dead suddenly during games. 

Don't people see it?

I learned a lot yesterday. 

People are conditioned to see a head injury or an orthopedic injury take place. The player is carted off the field, and either the player or the news from the medical team is that the patient is 'okay'. 

The game moves on. 

This was the first time where the falling down and the resuscitation were witnessed together, seamlessly. As well as the reactions/emotions of the medical people and the teammates. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. It's not 'okay'. That's 'he's okay' signal still hasn't been given. 

The game was cancelled.

News keeps covering it, over and over with the hypnotic news cycle to soothe viewers.

There's a lot of videos out there, even TV shows about funny home videos, that exploit the weakness in humans that laughs at other's falls. When Anthony would watch those shows I'd tell him about the hours of physical therapy and surgery and recovery needed from even one of those falls he was laughing at. 

Hopefully now, one plus one is two in the minds of the masses--dropping like that in the middle of play is not normal, it's a true medical emergency, a life is on the line, and it shouldn't be denied or ignored.

I have a book I bought about Died Suddenly...people, not the awake ones but the everyday ones, need to raise their awareness about this phenomenon taking place outside of this one incident...

Wakey Wakey, eggs and bakey!

This dear player, is an example of a category of souls who are called 'Awakeners'. The last example who comes to mind was the Iranian woman who was brutalized by police and the world is aware of her plight. 

It's no accident this happened when it did.

The souls of both the one who hit him, and himself, were in complete and perfect alignment with the plan and signed up for it before birth. The nights before, during sleep, undoubtedly they were going over the plan together. 

Everyone involved, even the newscasters and commentators, rose to the occasion. People with their spontaneous reactions were actually reflecting TRUTH. 

All is Love.

Love is the only thing that exists...past, present, future...especially in our Home back in Heaven. But here, too. If you just shake the dust off it here a little...

So many now are praying, for this player. For the teams. For the medical teams.

And THAT, friends, is an enormous win for our team!

Here is a video that really warmed my heart. It was sent to me by a friend. Play it often and play it loud! It will make you feel better. It really will. click to hear beautiful African boy sing

Ross

I want you to know that this is just one marker in the chain of events to help awaken everybody up. There are going to be no stragglers. 

What you will find is as more and more of you become awake to what is important in life, the process will gather speed among the masses.

This is what people talk about a 'critical point' or 'tipping point'.

Once the point is reached things can progress very rapidly.

I take great care to divulge there is no TIME and TIME never existed!

Time is an illusion.

So, don't get your panties in a bunch over my lack of giving 'time estimates'. 

I won't go there.

I never will.

I give PEACE.

Peace which is timeless, eternal, and stronger than life itself.

I invite you to engage with this PEACE on a daily basis.

That is enough for today.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple who are very much united in everything

A Quick Meditation for The New Year

 

This morning Ross had me sit for a moment while there was still sunshine. It's been raining.

I sat outside.

First he had me relax, completely, and not to concern myself with anything else.

Then, month by month, he had me look at what will be sure to be happening. And also, he asked me if there's anything I would like to do, during times I anticipate having vacation. 

I saw Anthony turn eighteen, then his Spring Break travel, his graduation, and eventual college placement wherever it is meant to be. I saw myself with new patterns in my day, and new time for interests later in the year. I realized with happiness that both Thanksgiving and Christmas eve are mine this year, with the rotation we have for the co-parenting. Anthony likes to keep things fair between us, so he continues what the court set up for him, even though he's almost an adult. 

I was calm instead of anxious.

I saw myself one year from now, asking myself the same things.

For some people New Year's is a time of renewal and hope.

For others, including myself, my thoughts tend a little towards the somber. For example, an image of my father wearing the 2009 eyeglasses on New Years when in June that would be when he passed...

Many things happen which we can control, and the ones we can't, well, we most certainly can control our reactions to them!

I was grateful for this meditation. I highly recommend it. It's never too late, really, to just imagine the year ahead, month by month...

I learned an important lesson last year. I'm not sure if I was able to mention it or if I just thought I had. 

Everything is love.

It really is.

It's like this set of glasses or goggles that fit on you, and once you get them on you are like a little kid seeing right for the very first time. You're amazed by it. Romantic love, family love, love for coworkers, love for patients, love for pets, love for your garden, patriotism, is all LOVE. Anger, pain, suffering are from needs for love being thwarted in some way, sometimes going way back to our youth...these are cries for love that are greatly distorted. Even heading to the most distorted cruelty and sadism imaginable--these are sick, twisted reactions to a perceived lack of love. You don't need a romantic love to validate you. You are YOU. And when you look, the love shows up in mysterious and delightful ways! Sometimes when your family of origin is lacking, then the warmth and nurturing are made up with friends, yes? This is an example.

But most important today, truly, is the meditation. 

I hope you enjoy experiencing it yourself!

Ross is smiling and nodding.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple

A New Voice?

 

I woke up this morning with a new realization: I needed pampering.

It's true.

I'd be the last to ever think about it. But it's been a long, hard, difficult road...and my spirit is crying out for gentleness, calm, nourishment, and peace.

I think the last of the pandemic has finally hit home for me, after being on the front lines of it. Everything we experienced was something perhaps we had read in history books (lockdowns, mandates) but never imagined possibly happening to us. And the thin line separating the mark of the beast from mandates was haunting to the very core.

I realized after my nightmare--Anthony had a leg missing and then his doctor asked him to donate an arm to someone who didn't have arms. The doctor said he'd get him a replacement arm but it got infected and didn't work...My anguish, my terror, my anger at medicine and that doctor was so real! It made me realize our society is definitely messed up, and it's affecting me on a deeper level than I had thought. 

I am tired.

Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally...my work is one thing, my spiritual work is another. I ran the race as a sprint starting in 2010, and here we are twelve years later, with confirmation of our success such as this Jesus through John.

Michael woke me up too, and he had plans to show me. It looked like a big box or building. I told him I was sleepy and I wasn't sure I could retain the facts. Should I take notes? He said no and offered me a really strong cup of coffee. He had a sip of his coffee too to be polite. I just saw light blue like swimming pool color, with a darker blue border showing the plans for the structure. It was big and Michael was excited. 

Then I realized how much the enemy hated him. And I remembered what happened to Ross. And I confessed I couldn't live without Michael. I started to cry because if this plan meant some battle and there was risk I just couldn't understand why we were in this situation to begin with? Couldn't we get out in some way?

Michael reassured me.

I don't remember any other details or exactly what was said. 

Even with my mother passing, I've been put through the ringer. The estate is set to close. Finally. The powerlessness I felt, especially in how to grieve (I wanted to go curl up on mom's couch one last time, and just take all the house and her energy in. I couldn't. People were there. On that couch. I was never alone in that house again, ever. And I had to ask permission to go. I've had the key forever. Very painful, to the core.)

It's gone now. I can let it go.

And the move, to this house, three almost four years ago...It was hard too. I remembered in my dream last night we went to look at my old house, and there had been homeless people staying there without permission, and the roof was raining/leaking everywhere in that old house. It had been really hard to live there, plumbing leaks and roof leaks and neighbors who stole my parking spot and noise...It was a beautiful home and sometime now Anthony and I reminisce about it. But having to beg the association for repairs was stressful and a burden.

It's been two months now I've switched to outpatient surgery. This is the first time since 1994 I've had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's off. I'm just barely starting to feel human again. I've taken call for twenty-eight years. I'm so glad to be relieved of it. 

Ross says to share about yesterday.

I spent all morning packaging, labeling, and addressing the first half of the bracelet giveaway. When I first started it was very small scale, materials and postage were cheap. A couple dollars at most. I went and stood in a long line, and spent two hours at the post-office mailing them. I had almost fifty items to ship. People in line behind me and the other woman at the other window mailing out charity 'thank you' gifts--she had even more than I had--were angry. One man said, 'this isn't commercial, arrange a pickup!' I was a little afraid. My poor clerk had a postage printer that kept getting stuck and she would have to open it and scrape the sticky gum adhesive off the insides for every package sent. The printer always does that. But she was professional and did it right. I spent around three hundred dollars in postage. It's between five and six dollars for domestic postage, and around fifteen to twenty for International. The hostility directed at me took a toll. I tried my best to counter it, with prayer and faith. I resolved to make multiple small trips and use the kiosk for the other half of the giveaway. 

Ross' point is 'nothing is free'. 

We want you to enjoy the bracelets, and have them bring you joy and good energy. 

We don't even ask you to pay it forward. 

We give them out of love, and joy and gratitude for our community.

Ross says that is enough.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Ross and Carla

The Couple