Gaia News Brief 16.11.2014

RIP Nana Angelina

The one-year anniversary of my beloved Nana Angelina's transition approaches. I miss her. Even though we were close, and she is not suffering any more, and I am happy she is in Heaven--and I saw her go there!--I am seeking HER this week in my heart.

I looked for the wedding rings of my grandparents mom gave me. They never actually wore them. And they didn't fit. Both my nanu and my nana's were too big for my finger.

Undaunted, I found the gold band Nana gave my mom in 1967, in the original Buffum's box, that my mom gave to me some time ago. It fits beautifully, and helps me to feel close to both mom and nana.

It is on the ring finger of my left hand. It's the only finger that fits. Ross is okay with it.

I hope you are too...


The Moses Violet Chakra Activation Key

This is a really powerful healing tool for our individual spiritual growth and development. Plus, there's a live channeled message from Ross in there too. http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-moses-violet-chakra-activation-key.html

The Lady At The Bar With No Boundaries

I'm sure she thought she came across like this--beautiful and classy, sipping cognac at the bar.

She wasn't.

She was hugging everybody, her face ravaged by years of alcohol, and she was 'having a good time' and 'making sure everybody else was too'. She was loud, and came from the bar to our table, and told my son he was cute and she loved him, much to his dismay.

I focused on the people at the bar. Many ate small appetizers and drank many drinks. They were having a 'Cheers' TV-show type of camaraderie, everyone, sort of a laissez-faire and 'love' among people of 'shared interests'.

I had my glass of cabernet with my meal. So did a young mother of two with her husband enjoying a night out. Somehow I wondered why in my mind, ours was 'okay' and that woman's 'wasn't'?

All of a sudden BOOM! hit my consciousness!

It was like laser-focus of awareness when I looked at the disruptive drunk woman with LOVE --she was doing her best, what she knew how to do, and was at the right place, and the right time, for HER development. And we are One!

I can't point my finger at her, and say, 'she is different from me' as an excuse to shun her. Why? Because she is God's kid, same as me, same as you. I don't know the reasons why she drinks. And I don't have to worry about counting on her--which is difficult when you have an alcoholic in your life. All I had to do was watch her boundaries with my boy because he was uncomfortable. And energetically, I was able to do just that--I saw her turn once she hit my aura (mine is big). She just got another idea, and went and did that. 

I said to myself, 'This is the Divine Feminine in her drunken state. Everyone at the bar has a spark of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine in them, same as everybody else!

Pyrite

I couldn't wait to move out and go to college. I came home summers...but when I got married? I knew they took over my room the minute I moved out for good. But I never in a million years saw what would happen next...

They bought a cat!

My sister, who was always very stormy a relationship with me, had fallen in love with a three-legged cat 'Max' at her boyfriend's apartment that belonged to all of the roommates. They said it could be 'her' cat. Well, one day, it got hit by a car or something.

She was devastated. And she NEEDED (as in I will hurt myself if I don't get it) a CAT.

Dad said, 'Nicki, what are you thinking? Carla is highly allergic! She can't come home!' But my sister did everything in her power, and soon Pyrite lived in the house.

Everybody loved that cat, so much, and they didn't hide it, not one bit, in front of me. My baby sister slept with it and carried it through the house, my other sister who 'owned' it loved on it, my mom absolutely ADORED her new baby. I saw through all that, the lies, the excuses, on how that cat was 'needed' because they ALL wanted it! Except for dad, who apologized to me.

I tried but my allergies are so bad, that even on pills, if I touch one, I get welts, swollen eyes, and my voice changes.

Mom even told friends today, how at age six once I spent the night at my Aunt Edna's, and came home with swollen eyes and my mouth was distorted from the allergic reaction I had. She wondered what they had done to me, how I could have looked as assaulted as I did?

I tried for allergy shots--I couldn't take them. The allergists all said, 'Avoid cats'.

So on Thanksgiving, I would eat on the porch, with my dad. And everyone else was in the house. When I would visit, my husband and I had to stay in a hotel. For bathroom breaks, I would hold my breath and run in quickly.

This went on from 1988 to 2002. For every holiday. And for my knee surgery where I had to spend the night on the couch and have mom help me walk to the toilet too.

Words cannot begin to express the pain and sorrow, of having your family love their cat more than you.

It's complete and total rejection.  When my marriage went bad, where was I to go? Home? I stayed in that relationship and suffered a lot longer knowing there was no place to run. (I studied for medical school to get a new life, and it worked).

Mom apologized to me in front of neighbors when we were all visiting her today (she seems fine, by the way). The look on the neighbor's face validated me like I have never been validated before.

Mom said, 'We had two daughters, it was a tough choice...'

Tonight, after the visit when our two families met, when I was at Island's, sitting next to the sister who had 'got' Pyrite... I had a 'sudden flash' of heart--the pain was worth it to have her alive today, sitting and laughing, talking about our lives, and mom's recent adventure to the ER...

And for the first time since 1988, it was OKAY that they did this to me.

After a while, Christina married--and didn't take 'her' cat. She got 'Giovanni' instead. Her son is just as allergic, if not worse, than I am. Pyrite turned on my baby sister, and hissed and bit her. It devastated her to be rejected by her much loved-cat. My mom and dad tried to give it up--for free- but nobody wants a cat, only kittens. The only way out was the pound to put it down. They didn't want to take that 'rap', and kept it. Ultimately the cat was removed from the home during mom's kidney transplant--because of her immunosuppresion. It took two years for the house to be 'breathable' for me again. I can't tell you what happened to Pyrite, but I know. Dad made me promise not to tell mom anything except 'he died of loneliness' when she was at the hospital. I didn't have anything to do with it, but I know who took care of it, and I am eternally grateful to this person for what they did so I could breathe.


Outside Starbucks

A woman who looked like a homeless psych patient was crying and screaming just outside the door. A worker was talking to her calmly. Her vibe was really difficult for me to interpret with my 'senses'. Anthony said she ran in, headed straight to the bathroom, and locked herself inside it our whole breakfast.

This is the Divine Feminine at its breaking point; no matter what, she and I and all the world, are ONE.

This is an image made by Archangel Courtney, who is an incarnation of Archangel Haniel, to show how we all reflect the fire of Divine Love to one another.



Ross

Carla and I made a significant breakthrough in our relationship as a couple today. I asked her, why do you love me?

Her answers were well thought out, and sincere. I wish I could remember what she said, or how she said it, but what I can tell you is it took her about six freeway exits and a lot of surface streets to get it all out!  I didn't know what to say! But I was very moved by her expression...of love toward me.

Our love grows every day.

So I shall pass on the words, and share with you the images I selected to let you know how I feel about my woman, and where our relationship is at its present state.

Your Twin will find you, if they haven't already.

Remember the earrings, and how hard Carla looked, and that was just for the EAR!

Be sure to RAISE your vibration a little every day. Then you will be like a Homing Beacon to your Love, your Eternal Twin, your Twin Soul, your Twin Flame, just like Carla and me are to one another.




Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Ross and Carla, the Reiki Doc Twins

Deciphering Mom

This is a shower handle. It came with my house. The house was built in the mid 1970's. Hot and cold are controlled by movement of the handle from left to right. Movement of the water from on to off are controlled by movement of the handle from up to down. 

The handle on the shower in the Master Bedroom's bathroom broke shortly after I moved in. I used the little stick inside to control the shower.

One day when my son was about one, my mother called me in tears saying 'it was raining in the kitchen!' The kitchen is below my bedroom. One of the cleaning trainees on the cleaning crew I hired from Monster Maids, unscrewed the shower control from the wall. The smart supervisor turned off the water to the house. So here I was, with a patient on cardiac bypass in the heartroom, trying to coordinate insurance and flood  repair teams to my home. There was no one to relieve me in the O.R. The cardiologist used his smart phone to help me find the number to call the insurance. The surgeon said, nastily, 'can't you take care of this some other time, someplace else?' I assured him this was indeed an emergency that needed my attention, and that I would take care of it ASAP. And that there was NO ONE to relieve me in the O.R.

Mom said, 'this is the worst day of my life!'. She was trying to dry the house, and my son had gone out into the street due to the confusion. Each adult had thought another adult was watching him, as he loved to watch the vacuum cleaner and would follow the team. Everyone was okay. But when I came home I was faced with the emotional wreckage of my mother, who had taken this personally, was devastated, and could not move beyond the tragedy.

My mother was the center of our house. Only her opinion mattered. Having her watch my son opened up a lot of emotional wounds in me. For example, when she was trying to declutter, and bringing all her things to my house, she offered me the clock on the family wall, a huge oversized black pocketwatch with antique white face and black numbers. A wave of terror washed over me when I saw that image of the clock. Instantly I was ten and being yelled at by mom in one of her chemical rages. I don't know what the chemicals were or not: starvation (anorexia), or the guilt that comes from a binge, caffeine, alcohol, diet pills (everybody takes them! she used to go to a sleazy doctors office in a bad part of town to get them and make us girls wait in the car).  All I know is I grew up with two strong impressions of her as her child: no emotional connection, and not sure whether or not to believe what mom said.

Mom is not direct. Due to her Italian heritage, Sicilian in particular, there is a lot of 'unwritten rules' you are supposed to automatically understand. I take after Dad on this part. I was and still am always guessing. And you never know when she is going to bail after promising to help you. Every time I ask her to baby sit, I have another backup ready. 

Since we've been sick, I offered her to have the sitter watch my son during the school holiday today. She relaxed. But then acted normal. And she said, 'see you tomorrow' at the end of the play, and ran out of there like a bat out of hell. She is convinced my bird (I've had nearly twenty years) and my turtle (I've had twenty) are the cause of all our illnesses. But I had heard the same cough in a classmate at school, and my coworkers have all had what I had. 

My mother has caught pneumonia from other children in my family. She ended up in the hospital instead of taking a trip I paid for her to go with Dad to Montreal to help me watch the boy while I took my certification exam for my work. The one I had spent six-months studying full time so I could pass. The one I had failed when I first had taken it in Fellowship.  I was still breastfeeding, and it was a week's separation. It was too long for a two-year old to stay with his father. Plus I didn't want to leave him with a new sitter in Montreal. Dad ended up coming without mom, but got sick. We took him to the emergency room. He had a pneumonia. He left AMA, flew home, and got admitted to the same hospital as mom on a different floor that night.  I caught it. My son caught it.  

She has no concept of catching things from anyone except my son. When I tried to make plans with her--yes or no--do you want sitter to watch your grandson like you said? 

She said, 'It would take  me months to get better if I caught it.'

I asked again " Mom, is that a yes or a no?' 

'Well I will watch him and pray that I don't get sick'

I asked again, "Mom is that a yes or a no?", she wouldn't say. 

I said, "fine, he is going to the sitter!' 

And she says, 'I am so relieved! I was scared I might catch something". 

Do you have one of these people in your life?

If you do, here are some tips:

A) there is something in their life that is more important than You. It may change 'somethings' but there will always be a 'something' that is more important than You.

B) The Universe will send people into your life to Make Up For It. Do not be concerned about their relation to you. One will pop up and help at the right time and place.

C) You can't fix them

D) There can be a lot of damage to repair in you because of them. Just like the flood in my house and the shower knob.

E) You will have a gift of independence you never thought you could have when you move on from them. (The knob, is a Valley knob, and even though the bath supply store, Ace and Home Depot don't carry it, a plumber friend told me Lowe's did. I fixed it. All by myself, and have extras in the home.)

I also deciphered the father of my son at the play last night. At the last minute, as the curtains were going up, breezed in. Was wearing his ski hat and in an unusually good mood. I asked him after the play 'are you leaving tonight?' He said, 'No, tomorrow' and his parents were like, "Where?!?'. It was his weekend with our son. He skipped on it three weeks ago, without telling me why, except I needed to watch our boy. I learned from our son it is to attend a race car driver camp. To learn to race his car. His parents were totally out of the loop. And he just laughed it off. High. Again. On 'herb'.  A total Peter Pan. 

The real reason I do not date or seek relationship is the damage that was done to me by my mother gets played out time and again in my significant others. I do not wish to play the game any more.

Reiki helps me to be functional. And Karuna Reiki helps me to have compassion. Both for myself and for others, including my ex and my mom. But the damage in itself has been done. And my siblings haven't done much better in their relationships as far as long-term emotional connection and happiness. 

Reiki is useful for people who have been through a struggle like me. It gets you grounded and these hiccups don't rock your world like they used to. Even for self-Reiki, you should learn it. It is that helpful.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc