When I was little, and things were going very well, I would move my feet up and down like a fast march while I was sitting in the car. My father would ask, 'why are you doing that?' and I would say, 'I've got HAPPY FEET!' (The original Steve Martin skit I referenced with my joking.)
It was always a source of joy to share happiness like that.
Please note that body language specialists find the hardest 'tell' to overcome is the tendency of happy people to move their feet. When something a scheming person is scheming to do, works, they tend to rub their hands and wiggle their feet. Even though the rest of the face is along with the scheme, the hands and feet betray them their true intentions/
Yesterday it rained.
I started writing the blog and Anthony woke up.
I had my celery juice and then made us breakfast. It was a beautiful breakfast of yogurt, strawberries slices, blueberries and honey.
And tea. We had the last of our next to last tin of One Hundred Year Anniversary tea from the Butchart Gardens.
Anthony wanted to watch Scooby Doo. The real one. So I let him buy the DVD set, and also, we started a free trial of Boomerang.
Then we watched Scooby Doo.
It was an old-school Saturday morning. Just like when I was a kid.
Soon it was time to go to the store for our five-dollar passport photos. We are traveling with the school and need to apply for visas.
Unfortunately, it took twenty minutes to wait, and twenty minutes with Anthony in this store is dangerous to my wallet lol! Everything we bought was on sale, and truly needed. We even signed up for Direc-ck-t TV. It's better than the cable one. All we ever watch are baseball games. It's nice to come home from work and watch them. Anthony wants the Sunday Ticket too. It's free.
Sadly, it made me late for my sister's baby shower. I got Anthony home, and I just took off.
I felt shame.
Why did I feel shame?
It all goes back to when Christi came home, mom with the expectations for me to 'look gorgeous' in some way for a four-year-old, and my not meeting her expectations.
I suffer from social anxiety. Yesterday it was pretty bad. And I was going where all of Vanessa's friends are--the socialites--including the second richest person in all of Newport Beach--PLUS mom and Christi (who has mastered how to look good since she was like, two, lol)...
Fortunately, Vanessa told me I could wear warm clothes due to the rain, and not to wear a dress.
So, I went in my hand-me-down jeans from Anthony, my thermal top, and over it, my favorite Willis Tower jacket/shirt layer thing. I had on my frankincense rollerball/lip gloss given to me by someone close. I put my hair in a bun, and just went.
I had to park at the Top of the World practically in Laguna Beach and walk down the hill. I'm glad I was dressed as I was.
The home was beautiful! Of my dreams, really. Ocean view. Canyon view. UP. Super nicely decorated, a baby grand piano in the corner.
My gift was a cute hedgehog stuffed animal with a matching blanket. In pink for my niece. I didn't have time to wrap it or bring a card.
When I was feeling my shame while driving Anthony home, I told him I am a total LOSER and that's why I feel shame. I can't get my act together and meet all these social expectations...
But you know what?
People were kind.
And I saw through the illusions.
I sat next to Grandma Martha (on her husband's side who adopted me), who is warm and caring. I also helped Angela--the step sister of the husband who's just had major brain surgery last year--win the contest where you don't say 'baby'--if you do someone steals all your tiny pink clothespins. I helped my sister help my mom down the front stairs and later, mom back up.
Mom was okay, not great, and had to leave in a hurry. I prayed mom wouldn't have a sudden poop accident in my sister's car. Everything went okay. She had a little lunch at least, and showed up.
While we were eating, I heard water dropping.
Yes, that's right, this beautiful home in Laguna Beach (my dream!) had leaks. And it leaked on a plate fortunately no one was sitting there. I also saw another leak in the bathroom.
So the view comes with a price, tiny roads and hardly any parking. And leaks.
It was on the way home Ross told me he was preparing for me the house of my dreams that I started to cry...the same kind of tears I cried when I was told I would dance again (even though I had torn my ACL)...tears of relief that the suffering was ending.
He had told me he was building my next home--because I told him I didn't want to live anywhere except WITH him. Even if it was a box I would be happier WITH him than waiting for him in a castle.
But yesterday was the day I knew this is going to be true.
I also realized my little townhome complex, has a beauty all its own--harmonious to the eye--instead of the mish mash of architecture seen in Laguna Beach.
I came home and read, and napped, and after dinner, we watched Scooby Doo again.
(Anthony just woke up, I am going to make us breakfast. I'll pick up and write some more in another post. Sorry to keep you waiting. Ross will wait too.)
To be continued...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
https://gaiaportal.wordpress.com/2018/03/11/celebrations-begin-the-light-has-won/
