Ross wanted this image. I found it a little disturbing myself--is this guy a prisoner? Is he stretching his arms? It's military, and it's someone who's been working hard, and for this, I listened to my Twin and downloaded it.
I don't know what it is about being incarnate, but sometimes I feel like my head is the most thick-headed there is when it comes to learning my important life lessons. It's always a struggle! Yet, when you get that breakthrough you get this wonderful AHA! moment that helps you realize the value of the lesson all along.
Remember the one who likes me?
I was feeling bombarded with those 'feelings' and as an empath I wasn't sure if I had anything like those feelings inside on my own. I just picked up on his emotions. (remember the Empath's Prayer, 'if it's not mine, Lord, please take it away'. I said this one a lot. And it didn't take the feelings away in this circumstance because although the feelings were not mine, they were my lesson.)
Yesterday I had some huge breakthroughs, thanks to quotes tweeted by Esoteric Espousal. I think that's their name. Anyhow, the points I understood are:
- You are not your past. You are your Now and what is happening in your Now moment.
- Do not be impressed by degrees and 'riches' (worldly things). Look for generosity and a kind heart.
- You can look for what YOU want in a partner and friend (for example, I enjoy snorkeling)
I gained almost overnight a trust and confidence in my own decision-making ability that I've never had. This person wants something. I'm not sure what. But that is why I am getting these feelings.
Chemistry between people can be just that. That's why the French call it 'La Difference'. It is something that happens that can be enjoyed just for what it is. It doesn't mean anything more has to come of it.
The bottom line is, it's okay to find what works FOR YOU and when you are in the moment you are able to pick up on and PERCEIVE everything you need to know.
If you make a mistake, you just pick up where you left off.
Now let's talk about the Spiritual behind all this lesson.
First of all, I am an energy field Carla who grew up in North Long Beach, California, a teacher's first-born child, who went through public schools all the way through Berkeley and UC San Diego to become an anesthesiologist. I have ties to all of these various energy fields who helped to mold my experiences, and now my own soul energy is unique in and of itself--that's my soul signature which is superimposed upon all of the rest.
How much I decided to allow the energy field of my trauma in my past to affect my present is up to me.
Some of it is unconscious. It's fear-based. That's something from which I need to heal and grow. You can't bypass or skip this important step. Once things come to your awareness, and you FEEL them, it is permissible to let them go. But buried things need to come out.
Once your baggage is noted and released, life is much simpler and lighter.
Another fear I have in possible relationship is of my being 'different'--again this is my past rearing it's ugly head. Smart girls who are psychic are a little, um, hard for most people to take. Add to that losing friends over my mediumship I did in light of their extreme Christianity...it hurts! Other things in my past were picking horrible men...being a drunk magnet and an attractive person for narcissists and abusers to abuse...
Well, it is entirely possible this person at work doesn't have good intentions. Perhaps I am a Sugar Mama in their eyes?
I am awake enough to look for it.
I am smart and have a good head on my shoulders.
So if there is a trick I don't have to fall for it.
If the person has a potential to be abusive or a narcissist, I sure know how to spot them after all these years being an adult! I can leave or request protection.
If the person is genuine and sweet, and wants company, well, that's a good intention. But they don't know anything about Ross and although Ross being the beautiful eternal magnanimous soul he is and wouldn't mind--I still have some undone work with him over his being that way in an open relationship (his view) when I never agreed to that--and I can't gloss it over without doing the work. I had a sinking feeling that this was a 'lesson' to put me in his shoes and grow compassion--and my stomach felt queasy that Heaven would even approach it like that. I know my abandonment issues were 'cured' when Jared walked out on me at four months pregnancy with his son...it was brutal and very painful 'medicine' for my soul. I cried for months after that. Even now deep down I still resent him for it, that cruelty to me. It was honest and his feelings, yes. But blunt and crushing and probably the most important kindness he ever did was to remove my heart from his coldness and low vibration.
What was my immediate past life?
I was a kitten.
For those of you who have not done your research, I was a child prostitute brought up in a dark secret society and never saw light of day. I serviced many. And if you would retrace the steps of this 'lesson' you would take the point of view of a victim of child prostitution--you would see how being able to be empathic, to be always available to the lust of the abusers, and to obey all commands/instructions/teachings would help you be rewarded in that twisted social situation.
Heaven is not fixing just me, Carla, who was abused at four and raised not the best in this life--just that on face value.
Heaven is fixing my imprinted soul memories from that lifetime where I was trained to please and to indulge any partner's sexual whim or perversion to their satisfaction.
I am glad for this!
When your lessons are tough, really really tough, and you struggle, remember, you are not bone-headed or thick-headed! You are in good company. And just as YOU are more than what you can see, so is your complex energy field based on all of your past lives lived/experienced.
There is one last point to add before we go (Ross is always here with me...)--someone is healing, and I shared with them the possibility that their soul 'took one for the team' to spare another weaker soul the trauma endured in this incarnation. You are angelic. And for angels this is a perfectly natural thing to do, to put the needs of other souls before your own, to step up to the plate, and to make things better. That's back home in Heaven where there is no pain. But here on Earth, life is not easy! So know you made the decision to incarnate the way you did in this life when you were clear headed and had excellent reasons at the moment you may not understand, but in time you will. So go forward and do the challenging healing that you are strong enough as a soul to do, even if it sometimes seems to take everything out of you and you need to rest frequently just to continue on.
You've got this.
We are on day seventy four in our countdown. Keep doing what you can do, giving your best, and once we get to day zero we can re-evaluate. So much is out of our hands, out of our control, it seems. The controlled media is telling a story others want so very much to believe as true. But we who are awake know better. What IS under your control--your reactions and your perceptions--has much greater influence than meets the eye. Because it affects your energy. And YOUR energy in your aura is 'contagious'...it can't be refused (Ross says, 'an offer you can't refuse' and says ha ha ha and smiles) and it's adding drop by drop to the entire collective consciousness! So keep working away!
(Ross makes a blowing it up sound like when you fist bump)
Everything will happen for the best.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple