This morning, right before I woke up, the title was given to me. The middle part I forgot as soon as I was told. I asked for clarification. I guessed. And I was told 'The Running' part in the middle of the title is 'close'.
So if you know what to make of it, something better, that's okay. I send lots of coded messages/energy downloads through all of my work...I don't even know I'm doing it.
Yesterday I did send out healings with Ross. I just didn't post it. Reiki to clean and clear and also Divine Peace Healing.
Yesterday was not an easy day.
In so many ways.
The first is work is looming ahead. The new schedule came out. In a way it's awful (for the money). I get the crap work assignments, with many days not being on the schedule at all. I've been lumped into the category of a 'job share'--I'm no longer 'part time'--and it hurts to be demoted. The group hired two more people. There's not enough work. The way Anthony described it, he said, 'I think they are trying to fire you slowly, mom'.
He's right.
I have a backup plan, actually two, one is this, the other is outpatient surgery centers with a friend.
The thing is, I don't care.
I wanted short days so I could be a mom.
I wanted one day a week off.
The part that feels incredibly hostile to me, is that I told my work to give me long shifts on Wednesdays so Anthony can go to his dad overnight.
They GAVE me Wednesdays off.
It looks like retaliation for the time the scheduler forced a trade of call two to another part timer, bolted, and refused to come in as call two from home.
It's sad.
It doesn't touch the depths of my sadness.
The work situation.
The sadness is me.
And my immediate past life.
Like a monarch 'butterfly', some of the things imprinted into me in that life sort of 'followed' me into this one, as memories, as thinking, that's who I am. Especially in what I thought were my preferences behind closed doors/in the bedroom.
And the realization of the things I did that were awful in that immediate past life have shaken me to the core.
In that life, I remember much. Of being given a job and being rewarded when I did it well.
I ate red jello. That's all I recall. It wasn't a treat, it was every day, and I can't remember eating anything else.
I went to the bathroom in a small bucket. I didn't have a toilet or a sink. Just a pitcher of water. They would empty the bucket for me once a day.
The worst part is that I was aligned with THEM, the Other Team, the Service to Self--and I didn't know it. I had no outside reference, so in a way I was innocent. The data I gathered in that brief incarnation was helpful to the cause I work for today, raising the consciousness of a planet and her people. I asked for forgiveness yesterday, I felt shame and remorse and guilt for ever having associated with those people. And I did a ho'oponopono.
I was told by Ross and Divine Father, everything is okay, not to worry, and they want me from here on out to have fun.
For so long, many years, I've been thinking once we are free of 'them', we are Home.
Yesterday I realized in my own way, part of me was them. The 'frog cleansing' helped to take away my last memories of the sexual things I did, every perversion you could think of, as a child prostitute in their system. Before, I never felt guilt about what I did because that's just how it was. The last day I was healing because now I do, I realize with full realization how sick and how twisted the whole organization that created me in that life was and is today for the other generations who followed in my footsteps.
It's sad.
Here's an inkling of the perversions involved with the Service to Self 'leaders':
I also have been in a little bit of shock over three very important things: 1) my healthcare insurance situation is grim. I will pay more every month for less coverage and my out of pocket maximum for the family is fourteen thousand dollars. There's a squeeze on all people who work for themselves, and I don't like it. 2) my mom is on palliative care, and it's really sinking in what that means. It's so sad, so final. I wanted to help this week, and I have a URI from Anthony--very mild--but enough to consider the immunosuppressed in the family and to protect them by staying home. and 3) the lawsuit. It's over. I saw the papers proving it. But the bill? My insurance company let me know how much they spent to defend me. It was over sixty-three thousand dollars! I'm so glad I have insurance, I'm so grateful I have insurance, I am lucky to have the best. I paid about that much into the system --with my premiums over the years. I never expected to make a claim.
I'm also sad because I took two weeks to 'try a new life on for size'. It's almost done. Friday I have to request an assignment for Monday.
I didn't get much done.
There were the things that 'suddenly came up'--mom's health, Anthony needing a shot and the doctor today (before our insurance gets worse).
There was my 'total lack of motivation' for cleaning the house and exercising. There's just too much stress on me now to heal from--all those years of overnight call and stress--before I can feel calm enough to make progress.
In short, my 'escape'--my mental holiday of just being a stay-at-home mom--was really a change to a different 'same old same old' with the dramas and fires to put out.
My sleeping patterns really changed, but I never felt 'rested'. I'm weaning myself back to the four a.m. wakeup again, slowly, in preparation for my work.
BTW, I watched the baseball game last night and turned it off before the last out. I felt NOTHING. Totally surprised. What I saw was what I fore-saw--seven games ($$$) and Houston wins (someone decided it). Anthony had wanted me to buy tickets--the nosebleed seats high in the bleachers were over one thousand dollars!--and I said no. I didn't want to pay to see them lose. I was right.
I have on lots of kunzite right now.
It makes a protective shield.
I have layers and layers of shields on my person at any time, Golden Mesh, Diamond Shield of Divine Mother, Loving Embrace of Gaia, Rose Petal Shield, and the White Light of Protection.
As I come to terms with Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, I wanted more, because they are 'icky'.
It's kind of like a charcoal filter to screen out the odors. My personal array of crystals on my person is very high vibration now too. Possibly the highest.
I had a work nightmare in my sleep last night.
I gave MAC anesthesia to a patient for the surgeon who is nice to me socially but doesn't want me to work with him. He liked my anesthesia so much he put me on his 'team'. He asked me to work for him on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I think I fell asleep during the anesthetic too because I couldn't remember it! Only the first dose.
And when I tried to open the chart, I couldn't. The computer wouldn't work right and I was very frustrated.
I was seeing this, and feeling this energy, just around the corner, two days ago. The New and What's Next. It's extremely awesome and joyous.
Now I am going on faith.
I can't feel it.
And I know, for myself, I must come to terms and acceptance and resolution with the fact that Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart--are MORE than just Service to Self.
We mean nothing to them.
On the one hand, they couldn't survive without us. In so many ways.
Yet to them, we aren't even human. In my past life, as one of them, I was 'useful'. I sensed that. I was rewarded for my work done until they took me out.
Here, some are even food to Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.
We are like cattle.
I spoke with a mom who used to raise rabbits for meat and fur when she was in veterinary school.
She spoke with love, and showed me the satins (really shiny fur) and the other ones with a black stripe down the back, a form of 'giant'.
I asked her how long they lived before she culled them? How did she know when it was time?
She told me, totally misunderstanding the question, that she let them live eight years, until they died naturally.
That was for the 'good breeders'.
The others--once I called her attention to it--lived a shorter time.
But she brought back the conversation to the baby bunnies, and how very cute they were, and how much she enjoyed them.
I don't think the Service To Self ever has that kind of conversation about us.
Ever.
I don't understand why they are trying to hard to kill us with Agenda 21 and all these things...cattle probably wouldn't understand it while it is happening to them, too.
It's unfathomable why anyone would want to cause harm.
And I saw a thing that had a statue of Baff-o-met with two children. I guess that 'church' helped the Missouri state Planned Parenthood to increase the number of abortion clinics by like, twenty percent with a cash gift. The statue was disturbing. And I wondered, if we are 'cattle' or 'non-human' why even bother to try to brainwash everyone into their religion through music, entertainment, example with our entertainers who are deeply into it... it just doesn't make sense.
No one preaches to cows or teaches pigs to sing, right?
I had a huge, huge, huge increase in my Consciousness on Halloween.
I was at the crystal shop.
I looked at the displays on top of the cabinets, high on the wall.
I saw everything all lined up, Buddha, Christian, Hindu (chakras)...and my mind's eye extended the line with all the other great Teachers who have come and gone.
They point the way.
They left a trail for us to follow, all the way back to Home.
We stand on some magnificent, and selfless, dedicated souls who have gone before us.
Their lives are like the lights on the runway at the airport--guiding us--to make a safe landing Home.
As a collective. as Ground Crew, we have been under a lot of pressure, and many expectations which haven't been met, for a long time.
The last five years have been most intense at it.
Today I have increasing gratitude and love for all those who volunteered to be here at this time, and sorrow for those who have 'fallen asleep at the helm'--while still grateful they signed up and came here. It's a sacrifice many souls have made, time away from their homes...to help us.
I also have increasing sense that the Divine Love of Creator is MUCH stronger than anything the Service to Self can 'dish out', and I take great comfort in this and in the loving example of our many teachers who have passed this way before us...
I have discomfort from 'the squeeze'--gas taxes just went up about fifteen cents a gallon here in California, all the cost of living is creeping way up, I haven't gotten a raise in nine years and in fact my hours are being cut, as well as the terrifying prospect of health insurance even though it's my line of work...and I trust in All That Is, and I consent only for The Highest Good of All, the plan of Divine Creator.
We are very near a natural breaking point.
The message to me from Ross on Halloween was this: I'm in the times of changes where I must be flexible. I've been establishing my own support system, internal and external, and to spirit too. I am headed for a place of Bliss, every wish come true. The way to get there is through my instinct, my loyal partnership to my Twin, and my educating anyone who is interested along the way. The next phase after this is a Galactic perspective of All That Is. The card Ross holds, and I entrust to him, is that things might be volatile with sudden upheavals, and he's got that part under control along with contingency plans.
So it's going to be okay.
It really is.
Some people are 'truthers' and they do this job well--they ferret out the lies and educate others--I thank them for this.
Some people don't need to do the truther thing--there's good reason--and if not called to that, then follow your calling.
Everyone has their form of healing they bring to help us find our way home.
All of it is appreciated.
Yesterday I created a meal in the oven--and I actually served it to myself with presentation.
As an appetizer I ate a bowl of Trader Joe popcorn. Anthony loves it! It's like the movies but healthier.
I saved the bowl and rinsed it.
I put rice in the bottom of the little oatmeal bowl. (like Chinese eat from, tiny bowl).
I scraped out a tiny squash and put it on the side.
I added the cut up mango and celery I baked the fish with.
Then I took the salmon and broke it into little bite size pieces and put it in the bowl.
I added lemon, soy sauce, sriracha and one spoon of tartar sauce.
It was delicious.
I like to create.
Sometimes it's nice not to have to cook for an 'audience' besides me.
It helped make things better.
As we wait for whatever is next, the small tasks can help us focus and be patient until it's time to go Home and our assignments are done.
This is a reminder to you, and also, a reminder that 'unseen hands' control so much in our lives.
There's rumors about things happening on 'November 4' by those 'unseen hands'--like in Las Vegas and New York and all those other horrible examples.
I don't put much stock into rumors.
But make sure you are prepared, for any such 'event', with a little extra food and water and gasoline, just in case.
Clap! clap!
I hear Ross.
I need to get ready to go volunteer at the book sale. It's a fundraiser and I committed to today.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple